^^^ Exactly the scenario I'm trying to paint

Several people are quoting bible about a man should provide for his house. What you don't understand is that the women those days are usually even co labourers on their husbands farm. They work or so. The bible talked about the cattle of Abraham and the cattle of lot. It never mentioned that of Sarah . Did you ask why? Simply because what belongs to Sarah is part of Abrahams property.


God help make you marry a woman who has a laid back approach to finance and she's of CEO status. You will sweat your behind to keep your status while she uses her money for jewelleries and vacation around the globe

100% agree with Nashville!

spyder880, I have to say that the example of the lazy man offering up his daughter etc because of money is a very poor one. There will always be lazy men and no one is trying to defend them here. A good number of men whose wives contribute financially are in no way like your cobbler example.

A better example is that of Barrack Obama who has openly confessed that for a while it was his wife, Michelle, that was carrying the family financially. Eventually, he had successful books, was a successful senator, you know the rest of the story.

For those that are suggesting that such men aren't "real men", if the most powerful man in the world was not a real man then God help the rest of us.

There's actually a very sexist message from those who don't believe a woman should contribute financially to her family. It leads to a much wider question of whether they believe that women should be as educated as a men, have equal access to careers like men, or earn as much as men.

Nowadays when women have the same chance with men, when in the US among blacks there are more women in Colleges than men.

If you are for women sitting at home doing nothing then why waste money on them to get an education. I know girls who have up to $200,000 student loans getting a Medical degree so you would tell someone who spent about 10 yrs getting a degree, incurring $200k debt to sit down at home in the kitchen and babysitting all day? So the message we should be giving our daughters is that "since you were born a woman, you have a meal ticket between your thighs and someone would pick your bills for life". Definitely that isn't my dream for my daughters.

With the example given earlier so we can assume Barack Obama who wife was earning more than him wasn't a real man since she was the one earning money, Or Bill Clinton isnt a real man since his wife is a top attorney.

I guess Dora Akunyilis husband, Okonjos husband and others are not real men because they allowed their wives to work?

So what would it benefit the society if great talents like Akunyili, Okonjo, Alele Williams, Bolanle Awe should in the ideal world be restricted to sitting at home cooking and rearing children.

Most of the time, the children are in school from 7am to 4pm so what would the wife be doing in those period? watching Africa Magic, gossiping or what?

I know some children who in school were ashamed to tell their colleagues that their mom was a housewife when others were saying their moms are Doctors, Pharmacist, lawyers, Engineers. They would even refuse to tell about their PTA meetings so that their mom wont come to their school

Claus: 100% agree with Nashville!

A better example is that of Barrack Obama who has openly confessed that for a while it was his wife, Michelle, that was carrying the family financially. Eventually, he had successful books, was a successful senator, you know the rest of the story.

I bet Obama was making himself useful in the home. Not sitting back like a couch potato waiting for Madam to come back from work to cook and wash plates for him like a typical pot-bellied Naija man.

stillwater:

I bet Obama was making himself useful in the home.

I'm sure he was and I agree. Please see an extract from one of my earlier posts on this topic:

Claus:
The flipside of this is that men also need to adapt and become more domestic than they used to be. In addition, the Nigerian legal system needs to step up in sharing family assets more equitably in the unfortunate event of death/divorce, otherwise many women will be tempted to hold back their money.

stillwater:

Not sitting back like a couch potato waiting for Madam to come back from work to cook and wash plates for him like a typical pot-bellied Naija man.

I'm not a big fan of people being stereotyped in the style of the "typical..Naija man", but I'm beginning to understand the psychology behind why both sexes in Naija like to put the other down.

SewaG.R.I.T.S:
Just because a woman doesn't work outside the home doesn't mean that she is dead economically. Also, it doesn't mean she is a doormat, or could become a doormat subject to abuse. Abuse is not correlated strictly to a woman not working out of the home. A better indicator on whether a woman will be able to provide in the event of death of her husband or divorcing is education. As a stay at home mom (sahm) she should try to get advanced degrees if possible or some sort of skill training/certifications at the least. Most of my friends are sahms, very educated, and have loving husbands that value their wives work within the home, which, by the way is priceless, but since we live in a society that places value mainly on the things that generate income, you can Google these numbers: a sahm puts in 97 hours per week and would make $113,000 a year with duties combining those of a CEO, nurse, teacher, janitor, chef, chauffeur, psychologist, and mediator just to name a few.

All degrees are good :-)

But all education and no work experience makes for frustration.

If a woman has a degree - or some talent in something, anything - she ought to work at it. It's tough, but it's not impossible to combine this with taking charge of the home and the children. Without the relevant experience, anyone's earnign power is diminished, and any woman unsure of her future and that of her children at any time ought to work.

.

Nimshi:

All degrees are good :-)

But all education and no work experience makes for frustration.

If a woman has a degree - or some talent in something, anything - she ought to work at it. It's tough, but it's not impossible to combine this with taking charge of the home and the children. Without the relevant experience, anyone's earnign power is diminished, and any woman unsure of her future and that of her children at any time ought to work.

.

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

JallowBah:

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

As a married man,i cool the meal every weekend to give my wife time to relax

Nashville:

I tell you the truth, there is no law anywhere that says only the man should spend money for the family. The family is one indivisible unit and each situation is different. I will give you two examples.

My brother for a long time used to be the sole provider for his family. He had a great job while his wife was not working, however, he always longed to start his own business. When his wife finally got a stable job, he decided to leave his job and start a business. The first two years of starting the business was very tough. They had to rely on his savings and the salary his wife was earning for the family upkeep. Now, the business is so successful that the wife has also resigned her job and joined the business. My question to you is this. Would you say my brother was lazy for the 2-3 years they had to partly rely on his wife's salary for family upkeep? I'm sure you will say so. The only reason he could start his business was because his wife was not working and they now had some back up.

Another example. My best friend is an AGM in a bank while his wife is a very senior manager in Accenture (a top consulting firm). His wife has an MBA from one of the top schools in the US and they both earn about =N=20 million each. So, you want him to tell his wife that her money is only for make-up abi or that her money is not needed. How do they now pay for three children going to Corona or maintain their townhouse in Lekki or their three cars or vacation abroad. You think the money the man earns is enough for all that?

Bros, I don't know whether you think every woman is a village girl you can just order to stay at home while you give her change. My own wife finished with a second class upper in Law from Unilag. Go ask any Akokite how difficult that is. So you want me to tell her to sit at home abi. I have two young daughters myself and I spend alot of money paying for school their fees. When they start dating and some dude tells them he doesn't want them to work, I will make sure they don't marry such people. What rubbish. Please quit this achaic mentality!

Muah muah , thanks for being realistic! I think Spider is living his dream. If you truly want to live a good life, your wife needs to contribute to the expenses, call it support or any term that consoles you.

You Have to contribute as a partner in a marriage full stop and stop waiting for a man!

ifeness:

As a married man,i cool the meal every weekend to give my wife time to relax

Is she working just as much as you during the week?

And you only help out two days, with only the cooking..? What do you expect here, applause?

JallowBah:

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

What's with this raising the kids BULLSHIT. You're talking as if the woman takes the Children somewhere and then "RAISES" then in secrecy as a duty trusted to her. The ideal family home is such that even if the two parents come back from work around 5pm. All things being equal the children spend time with their parents. My papa helped me with assignments with occasional knocks to follow. We the children have been taking care of the home since we could move from ALL FOURS to walking on two legs. As far as I can remember, immediately your head shoots a little above the sink, you start doing dishes, my sisters were already spinning amala from around 7 years of age with the assistance of househelp. I

I don't get the picture of the WIFE people are trying to paint
- A woman that works in isolation with babies 24/7 who would never grow up?

Typically for a very very long while my mum doesn't even bother so much with the kitchen or housework because we the children take care of EVERYTHING. So what excuse would she give for "If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt."
C'mon cut me some slacks

WhyAWhy:

What's with this raising the kids BULLSHIT. You're talking as if the woman takes the Children somewhere and then "RAISES" then in secrecy as a duty trusted to her. The ideal family home is such that even if the two parents come back from work around 5pm. All things being equal the children spend time with their parents. My papa helped me with assignments with occasional knocks to follow. We the children have been taking care of the home since we could move from ALL FOURS to walking on two legs. As far as I can remember, immediately your head shoots a little above the sink, you start doing dishes, my sisters were already spinning amala from around 7 years of age with the assistance of househelp. I

I don't get the picture of the WIFE people are trying to paint
- A woman that works in isolation with babies 24/7 who would never grow up?

C'mon cut me some slacks

Many men, not only african men, want to come home, sit down, get their food on their table, not clean, not cook, not help with cleaning/feeding the kids, putting the kids to bed, cleaning the floor, the bathroom, the clothes, the kitchen, the fridge, the hall, the bedroom, fix the clothes, etc, etc, etc. Many men expect their wife to do it all, because the man is paying all the bills..
So, when both are working, eerything around the house, needs to be equal. IMO.

And I was also raised like that, to help around the house. Still, my so-called father-figure would sit on his a*s, and not help me and my mother with anything, even though she was working just as much as him, and paying half the bills. And that is NOT right.

Added:

If the kids go to school 7hours every day, the father works 8hours, and the mother is home the whole day..of course, she should take about 80% of it all. The one who is at home most, takes most of the home-duties as well. Goes without saying.

Its about equality. Even if the kids do 70%, the working mother should not alone take the rest 30%. You still dont see my point here?

After a while When the kids are grown they take over almost all the work at home. Cooking cleaning even going to market

So the woman would only continue to do housework if the children refuse to grow.

While I was growing up, Homework with kids was my dad. Weeding the surrounding was always championed by my dad and the boys. Cooking was by my sisters supervised by my mom. Cleaning inside was shared by all the kids, we had someone who swept the living room, someone swept outside, someone swept the rooms while someone washed plates and we rotated it weekly

Nashville:

I tell you the truth, there is no law anywhere that says only the man should spend money for the family. The family is one indivisible unit and each situation is different. I will give you two examples.

My brother for a long time used to be the sole provider for his family. He had a great job while his wife was not working, however, he always longed to start his own business. When his wife finally got a stable job, he decided to leave his job and start a business. The first two years of starting the business was very tough. They had to rely on his savings and the salary his wife was earning for the family upkeep. Now, the business is so successful that the wife has also resigned her job and joined the business. My question to you is this. Would you say my brother was lazy for the 2-3 years they had to partly rely on his wife's salary for family upkeep? I'm sure you will say so. The only reason he could start his business was because his wife was not working and they now had some back up.

Another example. My best friend is an AGM in a bank while his wife is a very senior manager in Accenture (a top consulting firm). His wife has an MBA from one of the top schools in the US and they both earn about =N=20 million each. So, you want him to tell his wife that her money is only for make-up abi or that her money is not needed. How do they now pay for three children going to Corona or maintain their townhouse in Lekki or their three cars or vacation abroad. You think the money the man earns is enough for all that?

Bros, I don't know whether you think every woman is a village girl you can just order to stay at home while you give her change. My own wife finished with a second class upper in Law from Unilag. Go ask any Akokite how difficult that is. So you want me to tell her to sit at home abi. I have two young daughters myself and I spend alot of money paying for school their fees. When they start dating and some dude tells them he doesn't want them to work, I will make sure they don't marry such people. What rubbish. Please quit this achaic mentality!

There is no need for that type of law, my point is that the man should see the woman contributing financially as only OBLIGATORY and not COMPULSORY.

Now lets look at the two scenarios you painted above, in the first one, what happened there was a plan initiated by the man and supported by the wife, which is very normal in its execution because the wife UNDERSTANDS. He can not be called lazy or said to be taking advantage of the wife's income for two years because there was a PLAN, and start-ups usually go through rough weather before it will stabilize gradually. BUT, do you know that many men has gone through same transmission and set up their business without the financial anchor of the wife for 2 years?
I am a living example.

In the second story, there is still no special issues there. The man and his wife works, both are educated and maintains their style of life in an amicable manner. THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT BROUGHT US TO THIS POINT IN THE ARGUMENT. Both are happy and that puts them in another class of satisfied couples who have no concern with what the OP was complaining about. The OP wants the wife to contribute as she makes demands from him for her family upkeep.

Unfortunately, your fine write up tended to end on an insulting note as the words 'village girl' and 'archaic mentality' was not supposed to come up on intelligent discourse like this.

I believe people should live their lives as it pleases them, most times we expect far too much from life as to make ourselves very uncomfortable trying to chase earthly pleasures. Making money and enjoying life is cool, but not at the expense of our happiness. Finally, I still stand by my points that the man should dictate the pace financially and not expect the wife to pay some bills, except she feels comfortable to do so, in which case there should not be complaints from her.

jidegirl12:

Muah muah , thanks for being realistic! I think Spider is living his dream. If you truly want to live a good life, your wife needs to contribute to the expenses, call it support or any term that consoles you.

You Have to contribute as a partner in a marriage full stop and stop waiting for a man!

that's why I read a post about a man asking married woman what his wife buys with $350 (N40k) for a month! He even quotes the kind of soup the woman cooks!

How much money does Mrs. Dangote or Mrs. Otedola contribute to the good life the men are living, do you know?

JallowBah:

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

You are quite right, if both works, then the man must work as hard as the woman at home.

dayokanu: Nowadays when women have the same chance with men, when in the US among blacks there are more women in Colleges than men.

If you are for women sitting at home doing nothing then why waste money on them to get an education. I know girls who have up to $200,000 student loans getting a Medical degree so you would tell someone who spent about 10 yrs getting a degree, incurring $200k debt to sit down at home in the kitchen and babysitting all day? So the message we should be giving our daughters is that "since you were born a woman, you have a meal ticket between your thighs and someone would pick your bills for life". Definitely that isn't my dream for my daughters.

With the example given earlier so we can assume Barack Obama who wife was earning more than him wasn't a real man since she was the one earning money, Or Bill Clinton isnt a real man since his wife is a top attorney.

I guess Dora Akunyilis husband, Okonjos husband and others are not real men because they allowed their wives to work?

So what would it benefit the society if great talents like Akunyili, Okonjo, Alele Williams, Bolanle Awe should in the ideal world be restricted to sitting at home cooking and rearing children.

Most of the time, the children are in school from 7am to 4pm so what would the wife be doing in those period? watching Africa Magic, gossiping or what?

I know some children who in school were ashamed to tell their colleagues that their mom was a housewife when others were saying their moms are Doctors, Pharmacist, lawyers, Engineers. They would even refuse to tell about their PTA meetings so that their mom wont come to their school

My man, you are getting it all mixed up. Those families that feel comfortable with the idea of a working woman should work and there should not be any complaints about it from either party. I have not heard the husband of Okonjo-Iweala complaining that the wife spends hours on world bank board meetings and does not cook dinner for him? Ditto Obama and Clinton.

Your children are in school from 7am till 4pm because most families are now begging the school system for teachers to lock up the kids in school for longer hours so the mothers can finish up their office or shop work before picking them up! Was it this way the time we went to our own school?

Whether my mum is a President, housewife or menial labourer cannot remove any respect I have for her.

spyder880:

There is no need for that type of law, my point is that the man should see the woman contributing financially as only OBLIGATORY and not COMPULSORY.

Now lets look at the two scenarios you painted above, in the first one, what happened there was a plan initiated by the man and supported by the wife, which is very normal in its execution because the wife UNDERSTANDS. He can not be called lazy or said to be taking advantage of the wife's income for two years because there was a PLAN, and start-ups usually go through rough weather before it will stabilize gradually. BUT, do you know that many men has gone through same transmission and set up their business without the financial anchor of the wife for 2 years?
I am a living example.

In the second story, there is still no special issues there. The man and his wife works, both are educated and maintains their style of life in an amicable manner. THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT BROUGHT US TO THIS POINT IN THE ARGUMENT. Both are happy and that puts them in another class of satisfied couples who have no concern with what the OP was complaining about. The OP wants the wife to contribute as she makes demands from him for her family upkeep.

Unfortunately, your fine write up tended to end on an insulting note as the words 'village girl' and 'archaic mentality' was not supposed to come up on intelligent discourse like this.

I believe people should live their lives as it pleases them, most times we expect far too much from life as to make ourselves very uncomfortable trying to chase earthly pleasures. Making money and enjoying life is cool, but not at the expense of our happiness. Finally, I still stand by my points that the man should dictate the pace financially and not expect the wife to pay some bills, except she feels comfortable to do so, in which case there should not be complaints from her.

I will comment on the bolded. You are absolutely right when you say people should live their lives the way it pleases them. If a man feels his wife earns a good salary and should contribute to the upkeep of the home then that is fine. I objected to your earlier post because you suggest such men are not "real men". There is nothing wrong if it pleases both parties and the wife is able to assist. No need making anybody feel they are not "real men".

On the other point, I said the thinking is archaic and I will explain. If you follow global trends, most countries are forcing companies to increase the representation of women on their boards, in government institutions etc. In fact, the law in the UK is that by 2014, one third of all directors in every public company must be women. For the EU, the rule is that by 2015, 40% of all board directors in any public company must be women. The US and Canada will follow suit shortly. But in Nigeria, we still find people thinking a woman's place is in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and scrubing as you mentioned in an earlier post. Or better still, the little change she makes from whatever she does can be used to buy make up.

As I told you previously, I have two daughters that I believe will reach the height of their own professions. They are not inferior to anyone in anyway and I am hoping they go to Harvard. I am still waiting for the dude that will suggest they should be housewives.

hmmm, i have spent abt 2hours reading this thread, so many answers suits me(infact i felt like shaking hands wit sum guys response) and some didnt realy go down wel.

First of all I APPRECIATE EVERYONE FOR TAKING THEIR TIME TO DROP THEIR EXPERIENCES. MANY THANKS.. YOur comments has given me a sense of direction to appoarch this matter.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PROVIDING FORHER NEEDS 100% . Although i earn more than she earns and i dnt ask her how she spends her money,infact she tels me all abt her earnings.

Regards my wife, we love each other very well and she's ready to listen to my own point. she said "she's only tryin to erase d western world mentality i have abt mariage wer couple share financial responsibilities. she also said it speak less of a man to do that! although she agreed she cant watch me doing d spendings alone, bt it shouldnt be mandatory"
she made an illustration. if she agree to d idea,it wil make me loose my respect as d husband and d marriage wil b a "business transaction" where we share percentage 80% to 20%. (my head bowed down,i smiled). I think she makes sense, innit?

My Own, Although,I have lived in the UK sum couple of yrs and i have been to marriage seminars n counsellings in the UK b4 coming back to naija to settledown. I DNT ASK HER FOR MONEY, i asked her wot she tinks if husband n wife share financial reponsibilities BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMIC SITUATION. .
BUT MY PEOPLE, IS IT A BAD IDEA Or I've got d wrong mentality ni (hard sayin)

spyder880:

How much money does Mrs. Dangote or Mrs. Otedola contribute to the good life the men are living, do you know?

And how many % of men has money as Mr Dangote and Mr Otedola,

And you're quoting me like you don't know what's the financial situation in Nigeria

and now you're trying to change your words about by saying people should now ''live their lives as it pleases them '' after your first post took a shot at men that's assisted financially by their hardworking wives as Lazy and that they won't earn no respect from their wives if they collect from them.( support = collect)

Your mouth too much joor, I've seen and met people like you all the time, holier than thou comparing the situation to Dangote and Otedola!! I mean who talks like that here?!

Sorry o Mr Arisekola,

I don't get why this is an issue though...I mean why would anyone be opposed to more money?

Call me a money grabber or whatever they call people who don't like to think and rethink to make sure they have enough before spending...I don't care but I think from a purely mathematical angle it just makes more sense for both husband and wife to have an income.

If husband makes a million and wife makes two...that's three million as opposed to the just one million from the man (which would still be radically reduced when bills are paid off) . How is this not a good thing?

Me I am confused oh.

JallowBah:

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

You'd kick a hard working Nigerian man out?

Because he doesn't help you with emptying the dishwasher/ change diapers/ cook....,

Sorry to ask you but are you a Nigerian?? ( not an insult but just curious)

jidegirl12:

And how many % of men has money as Mr Dangote and Mr Otedola,

And you're quoting me like you don't know what's the financial situation in Nigeria

and now you're trying to change your words about by saying people should now ''live their lives as it pleases them '' after your first post took a shot at men that's assisted financially by their hardworking wives as Lazy and that they won't earn no respect from their wives if they collect from them.( support = collect)

Your mouth too much joor, I've seen and met people like you all the time, holier than thou comparing the situation to Dangote and Otedola!! I mean who talks like that here?!

Sorry o Mr Arisekola,

You are starting to take this personal, relax, this is only an online exchange where hot emotions should be forgotten at home. Have a nice weekend.

Jidegirl raised a valid question How many people are like Otedola and Dangote?

Its like saying because Bill Gates uses a gold toothbrush or a diamond couch he should now be the standard for everyone.

If Husband makes 1m and wife has potential to make 500k, Why would you want to limit the household income to only what the husband can make? Instead of the whole family enjoying the bigger pool.

I am very proud of the family I come from My mom worked up till July of this year and thats whom I hope all my daughters take after in hard work.

The time we went to School, We leave house at 7am and get back home around 3pm. What would a woman be doing at home between 7am and 3pm a period of 8hours?

After the children are over 7yrs they take over responsibility gradually in the house hold.

So in case any thing happens to the man the sole breadwinner of the house in case of Job loss, accident or inability to work what happens to the kids?

What would the family survive on? I know several families that the man lost the job in this banking Tsunami in Nigeria or the Global recession. Its Idealistic to say "God forbid, it would never happen to me" or a "Real man: should have planned for job loss. Thats Bull.

@dayo, abeg don't waste your time with that bros, na mouth full ground,

he said I'm taking it personal when somebody brought a serious situation here to ask for people's advice and what the reality is, and he started telling people how to wait 10 years to build house before they get married so they can provide shelter for their wife? or is this a gag section

jidegirl12:

You'd kick a hard working Nigerian man out?

Because he doesn't help you with emptying the dishwasher/ change diapers/ cook....,

Sorry to ask you but are you a Nigerian?? ( not an insult but just curious)

If my GAMBIAN man did not help around the house, then we would never been married. These kind of things tend to pop up long before you put a ring on a persons finger, so yes, I would kick him out.

My husband was making less money than me for a period of time, which means I was working 8hours 5-6 days a week, and he was home with the baby in the daytime, while working now and then. I payed about 80% of everything.
He took care of about 70% of everything around the house, because, as he said; "you pay the bills, you go to work to take care of us, that is the least I could do". And THAT is a real mans attitude.

Later on, he payed 50, I payed 50. We split up the cooking and the cleaning about 50/50, but we still had some things that only I did, and some that only he did.

If we were both paying 50/50, and he expected me to take care of the house more than him...yes, there would be a big problem.

i'm so delighted having read the last few responses, there is hope after all, even in nigeria, the first few responses got me seething and wondering are people just this selfish and self centred and yet want to be in marriage, do they understand marriage itself is about companionship, carry each other, why is it convinient for people to just want to use their fellow people, how does a woman feel when a man takes two shifts, and other businesses in order to meet ends in the house while the woman a grown up graduate works and says "you 've got no right to ask me to contribute, it is not compulsory", and you wonder the kind of stress that kills such men when they are into their 50s-60s. my views about this topic is summarized below

To the poster that described the current generation of men as lazy, i think the opposite is the case here, all my life having grown up within women who are semi-literate, that read only to college/secondary school, having watched them from shop owners at balogun, and other markets, distributors for manufacturing companies like nasco, uac, wamco etc having watched how these women have built their homes along with their husbands, how at some point they had to fend for themselves and the family, how some even set-up business for their husbands, how many men took loans from such wives to build themselves today and didnt even repay all the loans, how my mum would leave home 5.30am in the morning to get to her shop at yaba, how sometimes my dad can help drop her to a closer bus-stop and sometimes he's even sleeping till 6.30am cos of tiredness of the previous day work, while her wife is already at yaba by 6.30 till they got a bus through their joint contribution, how all through all this she's calling our house help to make sure food is ready for us before she gets home, how she then spends time with us till she goes to bed to wake up for the same routine for almost 2-3 yrs before she got her bus, yet she never saw her husband as lazy not even one arguement about laziness nad finaces, how she contributed loads to what business her husband has achieved today, even millions of unpaid loans yet she takes the little reward he gives her and appreciates it and he does reward her, how she paid for UK masters degree for two children while my dad only paid the third one when he became bouyant, i once told him, with the way you struggled with your finances before you could stand , if you married in this generation you would be dead already not because the ladies now are lazy but their entitlement mentality had eroded them of any natural thinking sense.

i recently had a discussion with a friend of mine whose wife told him she wants their son to go corona, this is a 2 yr boy just starting school and the following month she moved close to him again and asked they are due a second child with the first already 2ys not facturing in that her husband take home is 170k monthly and with corona plans and second child she said she felt he was relaxed and need to either seek better package or start looking for another job somewhere else, if semi-literates women of the 80s and 90s believed in building homes very well and assisting financially, what has happened to the well studied and well achieving women of this generation

i once had a friend who told me her dad never asked for once what the moms salary was and she worked part-time, he was wealthy and provided for the home, but guess what what she didnt tell me then which i obviously knew was the man now bless him has been down with stroke for 6-7 yrs, he;s just 62 and her mom just above 50s now works so tirelessly now she comes in 9-10pm every evening, why did he take the man sickness for her to take the initiative.

i happened to mediate in an isuue regarding my friend here in the UK and his wife regarding finances, i sat down and listened to him and actually felt from his views, he came in to study and had a girlfriend at home for 2ys, when the waiting was becoming unbearable it resulted into insults, curses, time waster blah blah, he did the needful, told me he spent over a million, brought her to UK, got a bigger accomodation, she got pregnant and gave birth, of course he was happy doing all that, not complaining, the boy is 10 months now, he did all this through 2 jobs, macdonalds and a cleaning job, this is a project management graduate, the wife statrted a nursing cert, got a papers and got a job, he said he decided to observe her and see what she would do, he would come back from night shift, drop her at work and sit with the boy at home, after 4 months he said he noticed she was spending on clothings and shoes, sending money to her parents and siblings, not once did she ask if shoulc assist with feeding or any other thing, after 4 months he got annoyed, seized her debit card where she gets wages and send i dont care what anyone will say, you are self centred and from today i would mange whatever comes into this acct, while i know he took it too far, i understood where he was coming from.

in summary, the average salary in naija is between 150-250k, all expenses like schools, medicals, transport are not free, if any woman married to man within this band feels it is not compulsory for her to assist financially and only when she feels she need to that is when she should do and feels she would loose respect for such man and to her he is lazy, not good enough, why bother get married, why not wait till adenuga, dangote, otedola, shobanjos of this world come your way,to those that talked about 10yrs, 20yrs plan, there are 180 million pple in that country, a man would have what he feels is necessary to start a family, a good income not what would run the family forever, no wonder armed robbers are looking for preys, yahoo-boys gathering all the millions they need, civil servants and coperate guys forging and increasing deals, politicians milking the people of the money needed for the populace these are the "REAL MEN", in a country where the middle class hardly exists, a woman does not feel it compulsory to assist financially, and you wonder why we are country of rogues. i'm out

jidegirl12: @kay God bless your family, good foundation you've got there and it's instilled in you to do the same .

I work my A**s off (psych Nurse ) and still run 2 businesses here(franchisee) to make ends meet and my hubby does equally ( not the same field tho) and that doesn't make him less of a man after all we wanted the best private schools in our region, good vaca every year,and nice things for us and our kids.

He doesn't have to tell me to bring it, I give it cos its my duty as a member of the family. And trust me you can't talk to that man anyhow despite all my accomplishments, nah ! I don't even like to go there with him at all, I always take my chill pill cos I can't win( lol).

With all the above, you still continue to strive cos you don't want the businesses to fail so all hands on deck.

@jallow(hope I'm correct sorry), I know where you're coming from but hey I can't judge you , different strokes for different folks , if that rule rocks your boat , kudos to you sister .

I think you might have not understood me correct..

I want my husband to work, and I want to work as well. We have to, because the country we live in is expensive, so to survive good ( and by good I mean not having to turn every penny.. ), we both have to work.
And when both of us work outside the house, the house-chores is for both of us to do.

kpolli: Is ur wife igbo? if she is, that explains it. . . . They are brought up with that mentality. . . A man provides 100%

Please do not generalise. I am Igbo and such nonsense is not taught. Infact Igbo women are very industrious.

Kayyy: i'm so delighted having read the last few responses, there is hope after all, even in nigeria, the first few responses got me seething and wondering are people just this selfish and self centred and yet want to be in marriage, do they understand marriage itself is about companionship, carry each other, why is it convinient for people to just want to use their fellow people, how does a woman feel when a man takes two shifts, and other businesses in order to meet ends in the house while the woman a grown up graduate works and says "you 've got no right to ask me to contribute, it is not compulsory", and you wonder the kind of stress that kills such men when they are into their 50s-60s. my views about this topic is summarized below

To the poster that described the current generation of men as lazy, i think the opposite is the case here, all my life having grown up within women who are semi-literate, that read only to college/secondary school, having watched them from shop owners at balogun, and other markets, distributors for manufacturing companies like nasco, uac, wamco etc having watched how these women have built their homes along with their husbands, how at some point they had to fend for themselves and the family, how some even set-up business for their husbands, how many men took loans from such wives to build themselves today and didnt even repay all the loans, how my mum would leave home 5.30am in the morning to get to her shop at yaba, how sometimes my dad can help drop her to a closer bus-stop and sometimes he's even sleeping till 6.30am cos of tiredness of the previous day work, while her wife is already at yaba by 6.30 till they got a bus through their joint contribution, how all through all this she's calling our house help to make sure food is ready for us before she gets home, how she then spends time with us till she goes to bed to wake up for the same routine for almost 2-3 yrs before she got her bus, yet she never saw her husband as lazy not even one arguement about laziness nad finaces, how she contributed loads to what business her husband has achieved today, even millions of unpaid loans yet she takes the little reward he gives her and appreciates it and he does reward her, how she paid for UK masters degree for two children while my dad only paid the third one when he became bouyant, i once told him, with the way you struggled with your finances before you could stand , if you married in this generation you would be dead already not because the ladies now are lazy but their entitlement mentality had eroded them of any natural thinking sense.

i recently had a discussion with a friend of mine whose wife told him she wants their son to go corona, this is a 2 yr boy just starting school and the following month she moved close to him again and asked they are due a second child with the first already 2ys not facturing in that her husband take home is 170k monthly and with corona plans and second child she said she felt he was relaxed and need to either seek better package or start looking for another job somewhere else, if semi-literates women of the 80s and 90s believed in building homes very well and assisting financially, what has happened to the well studied and well achieving women of this generation

i once had a friend who told me her dad never asked for once what the moms salary was and she worked part-time, he was wealthy and provided for the home, but guess what what she didnt tell me then which i obviously knew was the man now bless him has been down with stroke for 6-7 yrs, he;s just 62 and her mom just above 50s now works so tirelessly now she comes in 9-10pm every evening, why did he take the man sickness for her to take the initiative.

[b]i happened to mediate in an isuue regarding my friend here in the UK and his wife regarding finances, i sat down and listened to him and actually felt from his views, he came in to study and had a girlfriend at home for 2ys, when the waiting was becoming unbearable it resulted into insults, curses, time waster blah blah, he did the needful, told me he spent over a million, brought her to UK, got a bigger accomodation, she got pregnant and gave birth, of course he was happy doing all that, not complaining, the boy is 10 months now, he did all this through 2 jobs, macdonalds and a cleaning job, this is a project management graduate, the wife statrted a nursing cert, got a papers and got a job, he said he decided to observe her and see what she would do, he would come back from night shift, drop her at work and sit with the boy at home, after 4 months he said he noticed she was spending on clothings and shoes, sending money to her parents and siblings, not once did she ask if shoulc assist with feeding or any other thing, after 4 months he got annoyed, seized her debit card where she gets wages and send i dont care what anyone will say, you are self centred and from today i would mange whatever comes into this acct, while i know he took it too far, i understood where he was coming from.[/b]

in summary, the average salary in naija is between 150-250k, all expenses like schools, medicals, transport are not free, if any woman married to man within this band feels it is not compulsory for her to assist financially and only when she feels she need to that is when she should do and feels she would loose respect for such man and to her he is lazy, not good enough, why bother get married, why not wait till adenuga, dangote, otedola, shobanjos of this world come your way,to those that talked about 10yrs, 20yrs plan, there are 180 million pple in that country, a man would have what he feels is necessary to start a family, a good income not what would run the family forever, no wonder armed robbers are looking for preys, yahoo-boys gathering all the millions they need, civil servants and coperate guys forging and increasing deals, politicians milking the people of the money needed for the populace these are the "REAL MEN", in a country where the middle class hardly exists, a woman does not feel it compulsory to assist financially, and you wonder why we are country of rogues. i'm out

I wish there was a "love" button for this. Young women these days are lazy ass bitches wanting to do brazillian hair, and fix nails everyday not willing to contribute to this. It is down right disgusting. Well done to them sha, they shd marry and think the marriage will last.

JallowBah:

I think you might have not understood me correct..

I want my husband to work, and I want to work as well. We have to, because the country we live in is expensive, so to survive good ( and by good I mean not having to turn every penny.. ), we both have to work.
And when both of us work outside the house, the house-chores is for both of us to do.

@Jallow, I do understand you and your concept of your family, and I respect you for that.

What I meant by your rule is '' if he didn't help with the house chores, I'll kick him out'' and if its working for you, Kudos( I really don't want to cross my boundary when it comes to how people run their family so please let's stop the back and forth thing ) take care