salt 1: There are many things the poster didn't tell us. Has he told the wife how much he earns? Many men hide this info and expect the woman to understand. Your hoarding this info from her can make her suspect that you are paid so highly and you want to collect the peanuts she is earning to add to yours.
Has the poster been involved in adultery to the wife's knowledge? Such suspicions can make a woman so insecure and vulnerable in her marriage that she begins to use her money to plan for eventualities. Esp as they don't seem to be of the same tribe. Reassure your wife that she is the only woman in your life.
The poster can also change his perception of the wife's attitude. If he can see the wife's spending on herself (and their children if they have any) as relieving him of what he would have still been spending on her, then he won't be so bitter. If she uses her money to buy herself clothes, make her hair, make calls and occasionally surprise you with gifts, she is still saving you those expenses which you would have absorbed 100%. Many husbands regard their wife's earning as pocket money and leave them to spend it at their discretion.
More importantly, ask God to enlarge your coast.The big inflows are not found in a wife's purse!
I am married so I know

This is one point..Thank you!

@ poster ..On another note, from your post i gathered that your wife did not say NEVER, she only said it was not mandatory, the issue here is the noise you are making about it. If i were you, dont plan too much with her money in mind. If you reach a tight corner ask her nicely, dont insist. If she gives fine, if she dosent fine. People are from differen backgrounds. I know women who have been recieving for years , they itch to give back to the family. Give do what you are supposed to do, she would do her own quota with time.

Like a previous poster said maybe she wld start when you work yourself to stroke or you are sacked from work

@modele2, sorry, d noise has to be made loud!
Though my wife accepted she wont sitdown and watch me do all d spending, that she wil suport wit her earnings BUT I SHOULDNT MAKE IT MANDATORY! fine,

my concern is dat, wot if there's a need in the house/project and she DOESNT FEEL like contributing though she have d money bt not willing dat moment to respond?
so its all my problem? or bcoz marriage is abt "one man gang"?

^^ Why are you so worried about your wife's earnings?

I'm up for women helping out in the home, but your stance portrays you as a person who sees women as beasts of burden once they get married.

Has it crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU??!!

^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma?

You mean once a woman gets married she stops all form of financial responsibilities?

Before she was married, she was paying her own rent, taking care of stuff, she decided to have a family then why cant the responsibilities continue? at least that was why she got an education or training in the first place

Or when you dont trust your husband, you stop all responsibilities to even your own children, pay your own fair share of the rent of where you live, food you eat, clothes you wear and the life you currently live

spyder880: Pardon my dissenting voice but I think a responsible man should look at the marriage with an eye of total responsibility for ALL financial expenses in the house, very hard but possible, while the wife takes care of every other thing that does not involve bringing in money. The responsible man should note that this is his God assigned obligation and should not shy away from it.

He also has a responsibility to respect his wife and kids, care for them and provide ALL succor for their upkeep. Buy the clothes, the surprise gifts, the eat outs and any other thing necessary for the family happiness.
He should build a house for them, even if its a manual intensive mud hut that he can afford to build, or rent a house and pay the bills. He should pay the school fees of all kids and even train the wife in school if she has educational deficiencies. (if he cannot, he should have as few kids as he can cater for)

The man should feed his children and wife, cmon, what respect will I have if I cannot ensure my wife and children are well fed and happy? I will work till I drop just to make them happy, if the worse comes to worse, even barrow pushing is not excluded from what I will do to make sure I live up to my manly obligations which I stated for myself in my teens.
The man should ensure security, plan ahead for everyone and make sure he is a role model for which the wife and children are proud of.

If you think the marriage is about the man alone, you are wrong. The woman has very heavy burdens placed on them by nature, so should not be bothered with making money for the husband. Pregnancy, child care, house care, etc. The woman should be strong and active to make the house work perfectly, providing a clean surrounding in the home.
She should clean, wash, scrub and arrange all items in the house. She should cook, store, preserve and act as accountant general of the home, spending domestic budgets with utmost wisdom, arranging all purchases of food and other household items while the husband will have more time to make the money.

All the points I mentioned for the woman notwithstanding, she should provide one vital ingredient in the home, PEACE. A ready smile, a listening ear and a pillar of support for the husband. Make sure he longs to return home everyday, make sure you prepare and launch him out to go out next day for his business/work with a smile on his face, recharge his emotional battery, give him the confidence he needs to believe in himself continually.

I cannot bear the thought of my wife working under someone else, who in this world can shout on my wife or make her work harder than I will want for her, for how much sef? How about those her soft smooth hands getting hurt while she is trying to make money, how much sef? I swore to care for her, why should she care for me.

Sometimes the men are lazy, (not all men) and I have seen cases where men marry for the money which the wife can make. Men should start from their teen years to prepare for marriage, save enough because this is one expensive venture that will last forever. Build your house even before you marry, make plans for a happy home as long as 10 years before marriage. Marry a wife to treasure, not to work for you.

An exception to this is where the women has itchy fingers to work, well, she can work but make sure it is not for the money, just for the fun of getting up and going to work to mix with others as she is not in prison.

oh my God! What a man! All ds oda "men" should clear d road! A real man is talking!

So if the maths don't add up then i ain'tba real man. Na real wa
So what should she be spending her money on supposing we both earn roughly the same or either party earns slightly more?
What do i know, i could have sworn marriage is meant to be a partnership

JallowBah:

If the woman and the husband works, they should BOTH combine it with taking care of the home and kids.

If my husband expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning and raising of the kids after working 8hours, then he could sit his a*s down after 8hours and just watch me work until bedtime, AND expect me to give him a little some-some..I would kick him out, no doubt.

And you'll certainly find an easy replacement, eh? I'd accept your 'kick him out' statement as mild joke.

Of course, the man ought to offer his support; he ought to play his part. But here's the hint of the post you responded to: there're traditional tasks for the woman in the home; all things given, the woman ought to take responsibility for these things; taking responsibility does not always necessarily mean she would have to execute them; but it means that she takes the 'blame' when they're not. My position is that it is important for the woman to financially contribute to the running of the home, and that this means she ought to have income independent of the man. The rest fo the details can be sorted. That means the woman ought to reject any arrangement that would rob her of the means of earning independent income.
.

dayokanu: ^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma?

You mean once a woman gets married she stops all form of financial responsibilities?

Before she was married, she was paying her own rent, taking care of stuff, she decided to have a family then why cant the responsibilities continue? at least that was why she got an education or training in the first place

Or when you dont trust your husband, you stop all responsibilities to even your own children, pay your own fair share of the rent of where you live, food you eat, clothes you wear and the life you currently live

Exactly.

Nimshi:

And you'll certainly find an easy replacement, eh? I'd accept your 'kick him out' statement as mild joke.

Of course, the man ought to offer his support; he ought to play his part. But here's the hint of the post you responded to: there're traditional tasks for the woman in the home; all things given, the woman ought to take responsibility for these things; taking responsibility does not always necessarily mean she would have to execute them; but it means that she takes the 'blame' when they're not. My position is that it is important for the woman to financially contribute to the running of the home, and that this means she ought to have income independent of the man. The rest fo the details can be sorted. That means the woman ought to reject any arrangement that would rob her of the means of earning independent income.
.

If your read what I said, I actually said that these kind of issues tend to pop up before marriage, which means I would have kicked him out even before we got married. Long time before.
Luckily, my husband was raised traditionally, with the woman taking care of everything in the house and the field, picking water 10km from the house, etc.
He said he dont want his wife to have the burden of everything on her. He cooks, he cleans, he put the baby to sleep. He do laundry, he hangs up the laundry, and do everything WITH me.
And I am damn lucky to have a man like that.

jay bee: So if the maths don't add up then i ain'tba real man. Na real wa
So what should she be spending her money on supposing we both earn roughly the same or either party earns slightly more?
What do i know, i could have sworn marriage is meant to be a partnership

You should both contribute to the household, both financially, and physically.

adorable29: oh my God! What a man! All ds oda "men" should clear d road! A real man is talking!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I can't stop laughing. Everybody now has their own definition of a real man!

So a real man is the one who believes the wife's role is to "clean, wash, scrub and arrange all items in the house" amongst other DOMESTIC things. This deserves another round of laughter..hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

So Bill Clinton, Dennis Thatcher, Barrack Obama, Ikemba Iweala etc are/were not real men. Abeg, add me to this list of "unreal" men!

dayokanu: ^^ What do you mean by Beast of burden ma?

You mean once a woman gets married she stops all form of financial responsibilities?

Before she was married, she was paying her own rent, taking care of stuff, she decided to have a family then why cant the responsibilities continue? at least that was why she got an education or training in the first place

Or when you dont trust your husband, you stop all responsibilities to even your own children, pay your own fair share of the rent of where you live, food you eat, clothes you wear and the life you currently live

I'll tell you what I mean, going by this guy's latest post:

sunky-show:
@modele2, sorry, d noise has to be made loud!
Though my wife accepted she wont sitdown and watch me do all d spending, that she wil suport wit her earnings BUT I SHOULDNT MAKE IT MANDATORY! fine,

my concern is dat, wot if there's a need in the house/project and she DOESNT FEEL like contributing though she have d money bt not willing dat moment to respond?
so its all my problem? or bcoz marriage is abt "one man gang"?

Point 1: His wife has conceded that she'll support him where she can but he musn't make it a do or die affair. Get it? She's NOT ADVERSE TO HELPING!

Point 2: And this is why the more I read this guy's posts, the more I seem to dislike him. He's keen to make sure she contributes or rather hands over everything she's got to him for HIS "projects". Sounds like this guy wants to buy some piece of land and probably build a house on it or something.

Now Dayo, you tell me this, hand on heart...HOW MANY NIGERIAN MEN BUILD HOUSES WITH THEIR WIFE'S NAME ON THE TITLE DEEDS??

This point kind of counteracts your point about the woman stopping all financial responsibilities to her kids. This guy didn't ask her about paying the kiddies school fees! He's hounding her to contribute to HIS projects, by fire-by-force.

A woman who is working shouldn't have any problem supporting her husband. U should make your wife know you can't shoulder all the responsibilities and will need a little help from her. However,you shouldn't make it look it's compulsory but rather,contributing to building a better future.. Women should quit thinking that,their money is just for themselves alone.

^^^ Does she even need to be told. You're presenting it like she came to spend the weekend. This is family and it's not one person's project!

@Efemena,
sorry, i think u are off d point from ur last comment, using d "do or die" issue here.
she's a wife I sponsored financially in every of her needs. no doubt!
The reason why i threw d question out to evry1 is abt wot she(wife) referred to as "if i feel like/voluntary" in her opinion.
I believe marriage is all about partnership where couples admits to face any challenges/situation TOGETHER, Giving eachother a sense of some level of commitment, i mean(we into any situation together in evry aspect). Using such statement like "if i feel like" doesnt show togetherness. dnt knw if u get me?

For your info Efemena, i'm nt runing after building a house nw bcoz i already have(Glory be to God) and as i have said earlier i dnt ask her for any kobo perhaps she tells me abt her earning without me asking her. THAT'S THE TRUTH!

Hey, u said u r begining to dislike me because i asked a question? aint i entitled to my opinion? and i believe everyone has learn one or two things on this thread. mayb u r taking it personal here
Many Thanks to Everyone,
Cheers

^^^
Excellent response to round up with!

sunky-show:
@Efemena,
sorry, i think u are off d point from ur last comment, using d "do or die" issue here.
she's a wife I sponsored financially in every of her needs. no doubt!
The reason why i threw d question out to evry1 is abt wot she(wife) referred to as "if i feel like/voluntary" in her opinion.
I believe marriage is all about partnership where couples admits to face any challenges/situation TOGETHER, Giving eachother a sense of some level of commitment, i mean(we into any situation together in evry aspect). Using such statement like "if i feel like" doesnt show togetherness. dnt knw if u get me?

For your info Efemena, i'm nt runing after building a house nw bcoz i already have(Glory be to God) and as i have said earlier i dnt ask her for any kobo perhaps she tells me abt her earning without me asking her. THAT'S THE TRUTH!

Hey, u said u r begining to dislike me because i asked a question? aint i entitled to my opinion? and i believe everyone has learn one or two things on this thread. mayb u r taking it personal here
Many Thanks to Everyone,
Cheers

Nope, I don't take anything on an anonymous, faceless forum personal.

It's interesting you mention the words "partnership" and "togetherness" in your post. So tell me this (truthfully), is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of the house you built? Or is it just in your name?

Efemena_xy: I'll tell you what I mean, going by this guy's latest post:

Point 1: His wife has conceded that she'll support him where she can but he musn't make it a do or die affair. Get it? She's NOT ADVERSE TO HELPING!

Point 2: And this is why the more I read this guy's posts, the more I seem to dislike him. He's keen to make sure she contributes or rather hands over everything she's got to him for HIS "projects". Sounds like this guy wants to buy some piece of land and probably build a house on it or something.

Now Dayo, you tell me this, hand on heart...HOW MANY NIGERIAN MEN BUILD HOUSES WITH THEIR WIFE'S NAME ON THE TITLE DEEDS??

This point kind of counteracts your point about the woman stopping all financial responsibilities to her kids. This guy didn't ask her about paying the kiddies school fees! He's hounding her to contribute to HIS projects, by fire-by-force.

In most cases where Families come to interfere after a mans death is when he doesnt have children or worst case Son.

But even that is in the minority nowadays..

That HIS Project, When completed, would the man live there alone?

If the man completes "HIS" house as you put it, Would the woman live there? WOuld her children live there? Wouldnt she be paying rent if she was alone?

What are the types of responsibilities a woman should decline in a family she calls hers which include her own husnband and children whenever she doesnt "Trust" her husband?

Maybe they should continue living in a rented house and not bother getting a property because she doesnt Trust the husband. I think the wife can demand her name be included on the deed of the house if she isnt sure but From what I have seen several women post on here and their definition of a "REAL MAN" I know the wife is probably from the school of thought where she thinks all responsibilities fall on the man.

So if the man has money for only Rice but she has money she can add to put meat on it, She should rather keep her money and eat rice without meat because she doesnt trust the husband. If the Husband can only pay for Mushin Comminity School but with the wifes addtion the kids can attent Queens College, She should keep her money and send the kids to Mushin Area College.

^^ I tire oh I thought by getting married, what one hand can't conveniently carry alone can be done with two hands working together

@ Dayo,

i dont know if you are married. In case you are and this your arguement is working for you, then Goodluck. However if you are not, i suggest you mellow down, change your mindset, pray to God to bless your handiwork so as to take up your God's given responsiblity irrespective of how much your wife is making. In such a way you can live a happy and contented life. I said all these because i have noticed anytime the issue of money is mentioned between couple, you are quick and eager to blame women on why is obligatory they must contribute in their household. (take note, it is good to contribute, but please dont force it) This is an advise.

^^

Should it be obligatory for the husband to also contribute to the upkeep of the family?

I believe in equality in marriage So anyone that believes that must

If you are for equality in benefits, you should be for equality in responsibility

@Efemena,
fyi, i already have a house b4 we started courtship. howeva, am very much interested in her career n future plans. WE TRUST OURSELVES 100% IN EVERY ASPECT.
Pls try understand my point here. AM TRYING TO KNOCK OUT D "MENTALITY" of " IF I FEEL LIKE/VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION" in her statement. In my Opinion, such statement shouldnt b mentioned in marriage at all .Thats y i said i BELIEVE marriage is all about "partnership & Togetherness",
]
@Dayo said:
If you are for equality in benefits, you should be for equality in responsibility.

My Own take, D husband shoud do more in d financial responsibilities and d wife should erase d "if i like " mentality.


Thanks

^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you.

Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property??

A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you.

Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property??

A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

@Efe if I may ask with all due respect; what has that got to do with you if the wife's name is on the deed or not?

you've already made your point that its not compulsory (do or die) for a woman to drop money and men should not mandate it

and that's the main point of this thread,

let me tell you if any of my brothers wife sit down at home or even work without any contribution to my brothers success I'm assuring you her name will not be on that deed, it's just common sense, he's a human being too with other responsibilities before he met her, he has a goal in life besides having a family too like she does !

what a man can do a woman can do better so why the shallow mentality that the man should do it all?

I don't care whatever you call it support or help she must help especially if she wants to live right and not be waiting for a man's salary before she can go grocery shopping or for the kids and use her own money for herself only.

But if the guy is a yahoo yahoo, thief or fraud of course she can sit her arse at home and do nothing and watch movie all day, I'm talking about hard working men with real jobs/ businesses.

Now, If there's a thread about women are second class citizen because they do nothing , all women will carry gun and start to yap again.

I can't believe what I'm reading here! once again ; is this a Gag section??

Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you.

Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property??

A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

Efe, He said he already had the house before getting married to her. So basically she has zero contribution to building the house.

Now tell me why her name should be on the deeds?

Let me make this clear; When a man expects that his wife MUST contribute finacially before he accomplishes things at home, then there is problem and when a woman expects that a man MUST assist in chores at home, then there is equally a problem. Peace out!

Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you.

Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property??

A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

A simple "yes" or "no" would not suffice since there was a need to clarify the circumstances behind the purchase i.e. he bought it as a single guy. If there is/was a loan attached to the property, perhaps the poster can also give you a yes/no answer about whether his wife's name is included in the loan.

Also, are you saying that if a couple do not retrospectively change the ownership of any tangible assets they had while they were single, then the concept of togetherness and partnership do not apply to them? NA WA O!

This is really clutching at straws. The valid points that the poster made have been completely ignored. The new angle is now about the house he bought while he was single.

Another question you could ask is how much the poster is supporting his wife through her Master's degree. But hey, the answer to that question may not sit too well with your argument.

jidegirl12:

@Efe if I may ask with all due respect; what has that got to do with you if the wife's name is on the deed or not?

you've already made your point that its not compulsory (do or die) for a woman to drop money and men should not mandate it

and that's the main point of this thread,

let me tell you if any of my brothers wife sit down at home or even work without any contribution to my brothers success I'm assuring you her name will not be on that deed, it's just common sense, he's a human being too with other responsibilities before he met her, he has a goal in life besides having a family too like she does !

what a man can do a woman can do better so why the shallow mentality that the man should do it all?

I don't care whatever you call it support or help she must help especially if she wants to live right and not be waiting for a man's salary before she can go grocery shopping or for the kids and use her own money for herself only.

But if the guy is a yahoo yahoo, thief or fraud of course she can sit her arse at home and do nothing and watch movie all day, I'm talking about hard working men with real jobs/ businesses.

Now, If there's a thread about women are second class citizen because they do nothing , all women will carry gun and start to yap again.

I can't believe what I'm reading here! once again ; is this a Gag section??

And I can't believe you've taken all this time and effort to respond to a post that wasn't directed to you.

"With all due respect", my post was directed to @Poster. Not you.

Claus:

A simple "yes" or "no" would not suffice since there was a need to clarify the circumstances behind the purchase i.e. he bought it as a single guy. If there is/was a loan attached to the property, perhaps the poster can also give you a yes/no answer about whether his wife's name is included in the loan.

Also, are you saying that if a couple do not retrospectively change the ownership of any tangible assets they had while they were single, then the concept of togetherness and partnership do not apply to them? NA WA O!

This is really clutching at straws. The valid points that the poster made have been completely ignored. The new angle is now about the house he bought while he was single.

Another question you could ask is how much the poster is supporting his wife through her Master's degree. But hey, the answer to that question may not sit too well with your argument.

Again, this question wasn't directed at you either.

You're intelligent enough to see where I'm heading at with my line of questioning.

I want the @poster to come here, speak up for himself and define his concept of "togetherness", "partnership" and "trust" in marriage.

If he does "trust" her so much like he declares, then what stops him from amending the title deeds to include the "love of his life". Does that not contradict the concept of sharing? What's wrong with including her name in it? Is she not the mother of his kids?

Unless of course, you're indirectly telling us here that he doesn't trust her enough to extend ownership of what belongs to "him" to become "theirs"??

The word HYPOCRITE is being totally redefined on this thread!

Yes, a simple "yes" or "no" should suffice.

Efemena_xy:

Again, this question wasn't directed at you either.

You're intelligent enough to see where I'm heading at with my line of questioning.

I want the @poster to come here, speak up for himself and define his concept of "togetherness", "partnership" and "trust" in marriage.

If he does "trust" her so much like he declares, then what stops him from amending the title deeds to include the "love of his life". Does that not contradict the concept of sharing? What's wrong with including her name in it? Is she not the mother of his kids?

Unless of course, you're indirectly telling us here that he doesn't trust her enough to extend ownership of what belongs to "him" to become "theirs"??

The word HYPOCRITE is being totally redefined on this thread!

Yes, a simple "yes" or "no" should suffice.

It's an open forum. People respond to whatever they want to. A simple "yes" or "no" will not suffice and is certainly not fair where someone has the chance to explain their own point while the other is just supposed to answer yes/no to closed questions!

The word hypocrite is being redefined on this thread to mean what exactly?

If trust is your defining word, then who makes the request for someone to go back and change title deeds. Is it the person that trusts, or the one suffering from a lack of trust.

One of your first posts insinuates that his wife doesn't trust him. It's now gone full circle to insinuate that HE doesn't trust her.

I'm out with my responses, but curiousity will make me keep coming back to read where you land on this carousel.

Claus:

It's an open forum. People respond to whatever they want to. A simple "yes" or "no" will not suffice and is certainly not fair where someone has the chance to explain their own point while the other is just supposed to answer yes/no to closed questions!

The word hypocrite is being redefined on this thread to mean what exactly?

If trust is your defining word, then who makes the request for someone to go back and change title deeds. Is it the person that trusts, or the one suffering from a lack of trust.

One of your first posts insinuates that his wife doesn't trust him. It's now gone full circle to insinuate that HE doesn't trust her.

I'm out with my responses, but curiousity will make me keep coming back to read where you land on this carousel.

Seconded.

@Efemena, NO.
so pls answer my question