I need sensible contributions please, no trolls.

I met a man recently who likes me a lot, maybe even love sef. He’s really serious and he wants to marry me but I’m not really feeling the whole thing for a few reasons.

He’s probably a dream come true for some women, rich, caring, generous and there is a possibility of him becoming a king in some years (which I'm not really a fan of, royal families, royal issues). But my issue is that he has a wife already but they don’t have kids (the issue is from the wife) and he wants to marry me as second wife because he does not want to continue waiting after 10 years of marriage. And I know he would give me the world if I have kids with him.

My main problem is attraction, it is not there. He has a small stature and I’m naturally drawn to tall guys. I’m taller than he is and I just can’t get over that.
I know I would enjoy the relationship but I feel like I’m always going to be feeling like I settled. Please note, I’m a single mother of 2 in my early 30s and I’m not doing bad financially too. He’s been begging to be intimate and I’ve been responding with a firm No. I’m not interested in starting what I cannot finish. I know if I give in, I would grow to love him because he's actually a nice person but....

I told him No firmly last night that it can't work between us but this man has been relentless, I’m just wondering if I'm not making a mistake...

No insults please, sensible inputs. Thanks

See ur face
'''
No insults pls'''
In her prime she will be ranting i can't be a second wife 'this 'that:
madam u know tomorrow?
i know u have made up ur mind since the first day he met u'' u are just here for some opinion.

Abeg face your children please, what are you looking for again since you're doing well financially?

Whyzaid:
Abeg face your children please, what are you looking for again since you're doing well financially?

I've been on my own since I was 27, so I'm supposed to live the rest of my life alone When I didn't kill anybody

Even second hand you get choice
This life na wa o.

TheUnsure:


I've been on my own since I was 27, so I'm supposed to live the rest of my life alone. When I didn't kill anybody

Just considering your safety, what if the wife gets to know about your affair with her husband and tries to terminate your life untimely. Regardless follow your mind my sister and prepare your mind for the consequences

Whyzaid:
Just considering your safety, what if the wife gets to know about your affair with her husband and tries to terminate your life untimely. Regardless follow your mind my sister and prepare your mind for the consequences

You are partially right. The wife is aware her husband is taking a second wife, they agreed to it because she medically can't have kids. But we know how these things work, no woman wants to see her husband take a second wife. So as with many polygamous homes you have to be watching your back...another con.

Exmilitant:
Even second hand you get choice
This life na wa o.

You saw the sensible contributions part and you still went ahead, your second hand mum didnt try at all.

TheUnsure:


You saw the sensible contributions part and you still went ahead, your second hand mum didnt try at all.

Second hand woman. second hand cloth. second hand woman. second hand wey men don use finish dump.

e pain you

OP, I read your question and understand your dilemma. Almost nobody here can give you accurate counsel but here are a few conversations and resources that should hopefully help you arrive at a decision you will be comfortable with for years to come.


1. What do you need to start a family?
Most times young women are fixated about certain attributes in men that serve no purpose in a marriage. Can you eat his physical attractiveness? What if he's a hunk and he has an accident, would you leave? This video shows young women addressing what a Nigerian woman really needs to start a family


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl43qph3dWQ



2. Is there a shortage of eligible husbands?

There are a lot of men who can date you. But how many of them are qualified to be husbands, or of the marrying kind? There are yardsticks for assessing if a man is a marrying kind. In the video below, young women like yourself had to tell themselves hard truths about their chances finding suitable men. Like someone said, pen1s is abundant, but husbands are scarce. Pay attention to what the single mother in this story said after she was told the truth about the man she was dating.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DNoFXD4Bjo




3. How to make the tricky love decisions

This conversation focuses on capitalising on available suitors. Whoever is wooing you now won't always be available. Opportunities of a lifetime have to be used within the lifetime of the opportunity. While the participants are obviously younger than you, I'm certain that you'll benefit greatly from the conversations that they are having.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ2ulJMb_pk


4. Regretting the men who get away

Are you certain that you won't regret losing this man? You need to be certain that a better offer comes along. In this conversation, there are women just like you who share their experiences of turning away suitors because of a variety of reasons. One had huge regrets, the other (just like you) was undecided. Pay attention to the girl wearing the pink tee-shirt. Her story appears closest to what you have narrated.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz8ZVqReCJ0


I'm certain one of these stories should be helpful in decision making.


Thank me later .

UPDATE:

I came back to read this after it hit front page and realised some comments made it seem like I'm encouraging you to marry him. That's far from the truth. Nobody here can give accurate-enough counsel to make a huge life-changing decision like getting married. But OP, if you've decided to go along with him, you need to be sure he isn't too good to be true. . Again, while this video below doesn't apply much, I think it contains a few cautionary tales- tings you should be skeptical about in his story.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU3zIpAEQ64

Ultimately, the decision to take is yours. I wish you all the best.

Ideamonster

Find somebody else, na. What is hard there?

TheUnsure:
I need sensible contributions please, no trolls.

I met a man recently who likes me a lot, maybe even love sef. He’s really serious and he wants to marry me but I’m not really feeling the whole thing for a few reasons.

He’s probably a dream come true for some women, rich, caring, generous and there is a possibility of him becoming a king in some years (which I'm not really a fan of, royal families, royal issues). But my issue is that he has a wife already but they don’t have kids (the issue is from the wife) and he wants to marry me as second wife because he does not want to continue waiting after 10 years of marriage. And I know he would give me the world if I have kids with him.

My main problem is attraction, it is not there. He has a small stature and I’m naturally drawn to tall guys. I’m taller than he is and I just can’t get over that.
I know I would enjoy the relationship but I feel like I’m always going to be feeling like I settled. Please note, I’m a single mother of 2 in my early 30s and I’m not doing bad financially too. He’s been begging to be intimate and I’ve been responding with a firm No. I’m not interested in starting what I cannot finish. I know if I give in, I would grow to love him because he's actually a nice person but....

I told him No firmly last night that it can't work between us but this man has been relentless, I’m just wondering if I'm not making a mistake...

No insults please, sensible inputs. Thanks

<smile>
I am not that sure you wouldn't marry him.
However, having succinctly read your write-up, <least twice>.....
In my own interest as demanded to contribute; here's my contribution, marry him.

Side note; Both of you aren't that different. Perhaps, that relationship is gonna pay you most for some obvious reasons......


✌️

meobizy:
Find somebody else, na. What is hard there?

If what I read was true as written, ....it may not seems to be hard, but it is....

Some info. here should be decoded somehow.... listening from what wasn't said from what was said...

O deep....

And to put more confusion as per the topic!

Physical attribute is indeed important.

It counts but I'll never give physical attributes a big deal when taking life decisions, my happiness matters alot to me. I'll not advise you to accept him going by all you wrote but I hope you don't regret it later in life. Again is his wife aware he's considering taking a second wife? Are you guys Muslims?

MICVOCT:


<smile>
I am not that sure you wouldn't marry him.
However, having succinctly read your write-up, <least twice>.....
In my own interest as demanded to contribute; here's my contribution, marry him.

Side note; Both of you aren't that different. Perhaps, that relationship is gonna pay you most for some obvious reasons......


✌️

Lol, i dont think so. The package is juicy (promise of landed property and a lot more) but the main subject...physical attraction is very important for me. I love money and the good life but genuinely wanting my partner is also a big deal for me.

IconicR:
It counts but I'll never give physical attributes a big deal when taking life decisions, my happiness matters alot to me. I'll not advise you to accept him going by all you wrote but I hope you don't regret it later in life. Again is his wife aware he's considering taking a second wife? Are you guys Muslims?

They are Muslims, I'm not.

TheUnsure:


Lol, the package is juicy (promise of landed property and a lot more but the main subject...physical attraction is very important for me.

Due to your sense of reasoning and humor added to your quote, which shows you're positive and willing to digest heavy food....
Here's my personal advise in a simple form and I must be blunt and sincere without been too sharp....

Marry him!

My point still remain; YOU AREN'T THAT DIFFERENT TO EACH OTHER!

You aren't!

You want him abi you don't want him? Hmmm marriage is not something you gamble around o. You have to be very very sure you can spend the rest of your life with him. Forget all those sweet mouth and cajoling. Are you sure he is not after you because he has seen that you're reproductive and that's what he is after not really love.

How can he be pressuring to be intimate with him? Is that all he wants from you? I can bet you that he loves his wife so much for him to have waited for 10yrs without kids from her couple with the fact that she's the one with the problem.

And you're even of different religion in this Nigeria. Ungwanu kontinue

Yes, expecially in showbiz and sport.

Basketball players are tall, weight lifters are strong and muscular.

Yes sure it counts

Omo, hmmn, going for a widower or single man is better. You aren't a baby making machine.

Thank God you know what you're getting into
Just be true to yourself if you can face the challenges which will surely come.
And moreover what happened to the father (s) of your kids?
The answer determines if you're suitable for polygamy.

I believe so

H

Yes and no. This is why https://www.nairaland.com/7783954/wow-why-said-tinubu-make

sometimes, that attraction / chemistry grows with time. it's not always there at the beginning.

Love the fact you're financially responsible enough to be honest with yourself. Some Men are only Nice at the initial stage, and since you're already a singleMum of 2, you don't want to have Kids from multiple men unnecessarily.

Maybe, you open up to him, let him know you want you guys to take things slow (which He might not want), and that intimacy for now is a NO for you.

If he agrees, then give things a chance.

issue is when men are after Kids for whatever reason, even the devil would appear as a god.

Meanwhile, this thing called attraction isn't all that's involved because with time, it would fade.

TheUnsure:


I've been on my own since I was 27, so I'm supposed to live the rest of my life alone When I didn't kill anybody

how did you end up as a single mother of 2