I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2,5years and even till now am not sure if he is the one. He seems very sure about me but sometimes i feel like the real reason apart from the fact that i love him, that i am still with him is he is such a nice guy and am afraid that i may not find a guy like him again.

We have different backgrounds(grew up abroad while he has never left the country, different thoughts( am more "westernized and he is kinda local ). Sometimes i feel we are too incompatible like i am the type of woman who believes in a relationship, all should be equal. i don't want a man that thinks it is just a women's place to be in the kitchen just like i don't think it's only a man's job to pay bills or buy everything just because it is a "man's" job.

When i get married i have no problems with sharing cost's equally our bills etc just like when we both come home from work. The least he can do is help out perhaps with dishes etc not expecting him to cook but if he did it once in a while to surprise me then i would not mind . But my bf is more of a women's place is this and a man's place is that. Another potential problem which i just realised could be a problem is am going to be earning way more than him.

I am currently doing my articles towards chartered accountancy and he is currently working in real estate business he got a new job. I am afraid that i may become the boss of the house because if am paying bills and he is not even willing to help me with some of the things at home, i think there will be a problem.

Another issue is we are currently in different countries, we have been having a long distance relationship and i see him during holidays. Now am not sure if i want to relocate and give up everything because i can have more opportunities here then there especially for a man am not sure of.

I don't think he is willing to relocate because all his friends are there and family and job wise he may not get a job here. He seems indecisive about his future as he wants to go back and study and i don't know am very confused. Sometimes i find him childish and not mature enough even though he is 2 years older then me.

Should i hang in there or call it quits?

Ok. The issue here is not your different background.....rather both of you are very uncompromising. Have a heart to heart chat with him, both of you should find a common ground.........if you can't compromise in a relationship.....I'm sorry you are wasting your time.

vivian chinaza: Ok. The issue here is not your different background.....rather both of you are very uncompromising. Have a heart to heart chat with him, both of you should find a common ground.........if you can't compromise in a relationship.....I'm sorry you are wasting your time.

Thank you for the response. Yes you are very right. We have had many talks and infact i have compromised so much. Truth is my bf is not the type of guy i usually go for but i gave it a try because he was such a nice guy etc. I plan to talk to him face to face when i go and see him for the holidays and if we are still not on par then i guess it may be best to break up. Its really is hard because we do love each other but i believe it is not just about love but other things example compatibility as that is someone i will be with for the rest of my life so we need to be on same level

2.5 years is a lot of time for you to have made up your mind about the relationship.

You are the captain of ur ship...make up ur mind already!

Your future happiness is too important for you to trivialise it on a public forum.

**My 2 cents**

Miss_3v3:

Thank you for the response. Yes you are very right. We have had many talks and infact i have compromised so much. Truth is my bf is not the type of guy i usually go for but i gave it a try because he was such a nice guy etc. I plan to talk to him face to face when i go and see him for the holidays and if we are still not on par then i guess it may be best to break up. Its really is hard because we do love each other but i believe it is not just about love but other things example compatibility as that is someone i will be with for the rest of my life so we need to be on same level

Just take it easy when you guys talk, talk to him with love, don't give him ultimatums ok?

Good luck.

There is only one thing to do right now. Have a talk with him. That conversation will decided what you should do next

mob82: 2.5 years is a lot of time for you to have made up your mind about the relationship.

You are the captain of ur ship...make up ur mind already!

Your future happiness is too important for you to trivialise it on a public forum.

**My 2 cents**

the problem is we have not spent alot of time together as we are in a long distance relationship so it is not as easy to make a decision and don't want to make the wrong one. I am not trivialising it but rather just wanted some objective views as i really am confused and hopefully can see if it is just me that is the problem or i have valid concerns. But thanks for your input

Ask yourself this.Are you both being realistic? Will it work? Is there a future here?
Love calls for lots of sacrifice,but not all sacrifice is wise, esp if you haven't said I do.Open your minds and lay facts on the table, cz the things we ignore (dreams,goals)will not go away, but will transform into blame and finger pointing when you disagree in marriage.
You can never satisfy your partner, if you are not fully satisfied yourself.You will become a burden instead.
So my advice is go ahead and pursue your individual goals first.Let love find you doing that and in due time a direction will emerge.
Something tells me it's heading nowhere cz you labelled him as childish.

The fact is, same background or not, challenges will always come. That's not an issue and I think you are being egocentric. if he is ambitious, I'm sure he will travel out one day. Even, dstv and social medias have all made it unnecessary to travel and see what's happening around u. You can see everything all over the world in your room.
What I think is wrong with you is that you have many offers from guys which you probably think they are nice too. (I won't be surprised if u cheating doh). And you might be making comparison between ur guy and those guys. You are only trying to give urself an excuse to break up and fill relieved. What should The Prince of England say, who got married to Kate, from a non royal family? If you truly love him, you won't be saying all this sh*ts

You two haven't talked about it.
Or u haven't seriously talked about it.
u probably haven't been sincere with him, u've been carrying the burden about 'westernization' alone.
þalk about it.... Nobody should waste anybody's time!

De best tin to do is to go To God in prayer nd de reason why u r confused is because u av choosed to trust in human intelligence.remember any relationship dat was nt planted ny God must crumble.

Miss_3v3: I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2,5years and even till now am not sure if he is the one. He seems very sure about me but sometimes i feel like the real reason apart from the fact that i love him, that i am still with him is he is such a nice guy and am afraid that i may not find a guy like him again.

We have different backgrounds(grew up abroad while he has never left the country, different thoughts( am more "westernized and he is kinda local ). Sometimes i feel we are too incompatible like i am the type of woman who believes in a relationship, all should be equal. i don't want a man that thinks it is just a women's place to be in the kitchen just like i don't think it's only a man's job to pay bills or buy everything just because it is a "man's" job.

When i get married i have no problems with sharing cost's equally our bills etc just like when we both come home from work. The least he can do is help out perhaps with dishes etc not expecting him to cook but if he did it once in a while to surprise me then i would not mind . But my bf is more of a women's place is this and a man's place is that. Another potential problem which i just realised could be a problem is am going to be earning way more than him.

I am currently doing my articles towards chartered accountancy and he is currently working in real estate business he got a new job. I am afraid that i may become the boss of the house because if am paying bills and he is not even willing to help me with some of the things at home, i think there will be a problem.

Another issue is we are currently in different countries, we have been having a long distance relationship and i see him during holidays. Now am not sure if i want to relocate and give up everything because i can have more opportunities here then there especially for a man am not sure of.

I don't think he is willing to relocate because all his friends are there and family and job wise he may not get a job here. He seems indecisive about his future as he wants to go back and study and i don't know am very confused. Sometimes i find him childish and not mature enough even though he is 2 years older then me.

Should i hang in there or call it quits?

If you want to marry by december tell me. If your income is bigger than mine, i will relocate. If mine is bigger, pls relocate. Agreed

Agreeded, Agreeded eded...

98% of us comes from different backgrounds even if we live in the same country, towbn, and village. No two people think alike and in fact it is all about compatibility.

My sister and I do not share the same mentality and WE BOTH GREW UP WITH THE SAME PARENTS!!

You can have a successful relationship with someone opposite of you...BUT MAKE SURE COMPATIBILITY IN ALL AREAS are in place!

You guys aren't compatible.

Rubbish. If you don't want him.......pls let him go

is man a product of his environment or is his environment a product of his activities?

to ans ur question, YES!

GBAMMM!

Mrs.Chima:
98% of us comes from different backgrounds even if we live in the same country, towbn, and village. No two people think alike and in fact it is all about compatibility.

My sister and I do not share the same mentality and WE BOTH GREW UP WITH THE SAME PARENTS!!

You can have a successful relationship with someone opposite of you...BUT MAKE SURE COMPATIBILITY IN ALL AREAS are in place!

You guys aren't compatible.

Shut the f*ck up!!! Nobody is compatible. Compromise and make-up makes a relationship. Can you tell me you are compatible with ur mom? Even doh she gave birth to you etc? No relationship is perfect. If Eve was perfect with Adam, she wouldn't have listened to the serpent. But Adam didn't blame her, but instead, they compromised. And doh, Eve was Adam's rib. So forget compatibility!!! Marriage is not about compatibility, its about compromise

solidbroda: Shut the f*ck up!!! Nobody is compatible. Compromise and make-up makes a relationship. Can you tell me you are compatible with ur mom? Even doh she gave birth to you etc? No relationship is perfect. If Eve was perfect with Adam, she wouldn't have listened to the serpent. But Adam didn't blame her, but instead, they compromised. And doh, Eve was Adam's rib. So forget compatibility!!! Marriage is not about compatibility, its about compromise

I struck a nerve huh?

What did he/she do to you suga? Let me fix some tea and crumpets.

Miss_3v3: I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2,5years and even till now am not sure if he is the one. He seems very sure about me but sometimes i feel like the real reason apart from the fact that i love him, that i am still with him is he is such a nice guy and am afraid that i may not find a guy like him again.

We have different backgrounds(grew up abroad while he has never left the country, different thoughts( am more "westernized and he is kinda local ). Sometimes i feel we are too incompatible like i am the type of woman who believes in a relationship, all should be equal. i don't want a man that thinks it is just a women's place to be in the kitchen just like i don't think it's only a man's job to pay bills or buy everything just because it is a "man's" job.

When i get married i have no problems with sharing cost's equally our bills etc just like when we both come home from work. The least he can do is help out perhaps with dishes etc not expecting him to cook but if he did it once in a while to surprise me then i would not mind . But my bf is more of a women's place is this and a man's place is that. Another potential problem which i just realised could be a problem is am going to be earning way more than him.

I am currently doing my articles towards chartered accountancy and he is currently working in real estate business he got a new job. I am afraid that i may become the boss of the house because if am paying bills and he is not even willing to help me with some of the things at home, i think there will be a problem.

Another issue is we are currently in different countries, we have been having a long distance relationship and i see him during holidays. Now am not sure if i want to relocate and give up everything because i can have more opportunities here then there especially for a man am not sure of.

I don't think he is willing to relocate because all his friends are there and family and job wise he may not get a job here. He seems indecisive about his future as he wants to go back and study and i don't know am very confused. Sometimes i find him childish and not mature enough even though he is 2 years older then me.

Should i hang in there or call it quits?

He never even marry u and you start complaining about paying all the bills and rubbish like eg your earning more than him,can you tell me that nigeria finance minister dont take directive frm the housband?the real issue he is that you are too greedy and self center ,and you dont want to relocate to any other place 4 any reason,the poor guy has no issues with you,you are the one that has refuse to look at the flip side of life,you even downgrade him by saying you dont thnk he can get a job where you are;where do u live,in the garden of eden or in hell,pls let the poor guy know ur selfish mind b4 u will break hiz heart,go and find someone of ur status
There are girls here in nigeria that are richer than you who are looking 4 the type of man ur downgrading,pls if you love the guy you can rehabilitate him the way you want if u love him as you claim

Its appears ur mind is made up on wat 2 do but u just looking 4 a reason 2 justify your decision but if u guys really love each other, u"ll talk & come 2 a compromise & wif time u can brush him up 2 ur taste...more over this distant relationship tin sef!!!

He's a great guy. Yeah
Hurt it will, but you might need to let go of this guy

The reason is simply that you both don't seem to share similar or complimentary goals
That is one of the resons u might be finding it hard to commit to him

Stylishly ask him to share a vivid picture of both of you in 2, 5, 10 or 30 years time
and see if you can relate with the picture he shares

Miss_3v3:

Thank you for the response. Yes you are very right. We have had many talks and infact i have compromised so much. Truth is my bf is not the type of guy i usually go for but i gave it a try because he was such a nice guy etc. I plan to talk to him face to face when i go and see him for the holidays and if we are still not on par then i guess it may be best to break up. Its really is hard because we do love each other but i believe it is not just about love but other things example compatibility as that is someone i will be with for the rest of my life so we need to be on same level

Listen to urself,"it is nt just about love but other thngs like compatibility as that is someone i will be with for the rest of my life"is the guy cripple,does he have any deformity;if no then you have a personal problem to deal with.

Following from my earlier post (2 posts up there)

An example is this:
i enjoy jetting around, and I'm building a career/business that enables me do this
I therefore pick my seriuos dates carefully, and always try to find out their life's goal

I expect that my partner no matter the country she lives in
would live in a city where there is an airport close by

My partner would be confident, corteous and intelligent enough to relate to folks from diverse backgrounds

My partner would not be the type that cannot do without a man for a short period
either sexually, emotionally, financially etc
My partners actions or inactions should not be capable of seriously detering my from my goals

I think this is the way it should be. Correct me if I am wrong

In nutshell, u don't want him anymore, in relationship, if u and ur guy are not compatable or u don't understand each other, it is better to cut off the relationship, than married and divioce.
I must frankly tell u, if both of u married, there ill be problem, because u don't love him, u only like him, because love is unconditional.
My advise for u is to quite d relationship.

OP,

https://www.nairaland.com/23185/what-wrong-dating-marrying-african

it won't be bad if u had posted your claim on that thread or read the comments there to get your answers instead of flooding the whole site with similar topics. Mtcheew!

I see conflict of interests
In fact, it's complicated.

solidbroda: The fact is, same background or not, challenges will always come. That's not an issue and I think you are being egocentric. if he is ambitious, I'm sure he will travel out one day. Even, dstv and social medias have all made it unnecessary to travel and see what's happening around u. You can see everything all over the world in your room.
What I think is wrong with you is that you have many offers from guys which you probably think they are nice too. (I won't be surprised if u cheating doh). And you might be making comparison between ur guy and those guys. You are only trying to give urself an excuse to break up and fill relieved. What should The Prince of England say, who got married to Kate, from a non royal family? If you truly love him, you won't be saying all this sh*ts

GBAAAAAAM! I love you bro,that iz a raw truth

solidbroda:
Shut the f*ck up!!! Nobody is compatible. Compromise and make-up makes a relationship. Can you tell me you are compatible with ur mom? Even doh she gave birth to you etc? No relationship is perfect. If Eve was perfect with Adam, she wouldn't have listened to the serpent. But Adam didn't blame her, but instead, they compromised. And doh, Eve was Adam's rib. So forget compatibility!!! Marriage is not about compatibility, its about compromise

Broda! U made a gud point but u dnt ve 2 b insulting abt it afterall its a public forum where individuals has equal right in airing his/her view...easy abeg...

esere826: He's a great guy. Yeah
Hurt it will, but you might need to let go of this guy

The reason is simply that you both don't seem to share similar or complimentary goals
That is one of the resons u might be finding it hard to commit to him

Stylishly ask him to share a vivid picture of both of you in 2, 5, 10 or 30 years time
and see if you can relate with the picture he shares

Like the way Michele Obama asked Obama 30 years ago, and Obama told her he was gonna be president abi? Mind you, relationship is different from Marriage. If you think you are compatible with a person in a relationship, you guys are only lying to urselves! That's why many marriages come crashing down because people pretend in relationships a lot only to show their real colors when they get married to there partners. Reason, they have not learnt to compromise, but only pretense

You've already called it quits, do u want us t justify it f u?? Na wa f people..

solidbroda: Like the way Michele Obama asked Obama 30 years ago, and Obama told her he was gonna be president abi? Ode! Mind you, relationship is different from Marriage. If you think you are compatible with a person in a relationship, you guys are only lying to urselves! That's why many marriages come crashing down because people pretend in relationships a lot only to show their real colors when they get married to there partners. Reason, they have not learnt to compromise, but only pretense

Dude, from ur statement
ur apparently one of those planning to go no where (except by sheer luck and prayers)
I dont think you've read Obama's books have you?

There are some things one compromise on......food, hairdo, who go cook, little things etc
But not on your goal and ambitions
(Your goals and ambitions are who u are)
You build your steps, friends and partners around it
even when u are playing around in Nairaland, you plug it to your goals

Jeez, I can't even begin to explain to u.
ur soooooo far of my radar

esere826:

Dude, from ur statement
ur apparently one of those planning to go no where (except by luck and prayers)
I dont think you've read Obama's books have you?

There are some things one compromise on......food, hairdo, little things etc
But not on your goal and ambitions
You build your steps, friends and partners around it
even when u are playing around in Nairaland, you plug it to your goals

Jeez, I can't even begin to explain to u.
ur soooooo far of my radar

yea, far from it bro. I don't wanna be on your Village radar. Not now, and won't be anytime soon

@OP

Do urself a big favour
When folks advice you on Naraland, and it gets u thinking
simply check their profiles pages on NL to weigh their level of intelligence or stewpidity

Then u know the best companies to keep



***
*But that rat infested fella 'solid whatever' should not have used that word 'ode'*
*Well let him pass, do not go down that pit*