Sagamite:

So you can get to know someon better and the love them but there may be someone out there if you got to know better, you would love more?

I don't live on probabilities, or what if's. I take what I have and run with it. I always think I make good decisions. All the analyzing is done before making a decision not afterwards.

Maybe you should try that, Sagamite.

Sagamite:

So there must be nothing fundamentally wrong to want to leave when that happiness ends (even if temporarily), subsides or a better one can be found with someone else?

Since if is built on a foundation of selfishness, one should be free to be selfish?

There is nothing FUNDAMENTALLY wrong with WANTING to leave if you aren't happy. How can you make your partner and your relationship happy if you aren't happy? (rhetorical question ) Apart from that, committment is a FREE choice and so is a relationship. You're not a slave nor a prisoner, you are free to get out of it WHENEVER you want to. I consider it a better chocie to leave than to pretend or even take it out on your partner that you are NOT happy. Your partner has the right to seek happiness, release him / her if you think you can't contribute anything to his / her happiness.

A person is not only free to be selfish, a person is more or less selfish by nature.

However, romantic love is not the only form of love.

stillwater:

I don't live on probabilities, or what if's. I take what I have and run with it. I always think I make good decisions. All the analyzing is done before making a decision not afterwards.

Maybe you should try that, Sagamite.

I am still analysing.

So you have a potential to end up with someone that is not your optimal? Not your soul mate, just (at best) fantastic enough for you?

carefreewannabe:

There is nothing FUNDAMENTALLY wrong with WANTING to leave if you aren't happy. How can you make your partner and your relationship happy if you aren't happy? (rhetorical question ) Apart from that, committment is a FREE choice and so is a relationship. You're not a slave nor a prisoner, you are free to get out of it WHENEVER you want to. I consider it a better chocie to leave than to pretend or even take it out on your partner that you are NOT happy. Your partner has the right to seek happiness, release him / her if you think you can't contribute anything to his / her happiness.

A person is not only free to be selfish, a person is more or less selfish by nature.

However, romantic love is not the only form of love.

I never said if you aren't happy. I said if you can get better happiness somewhere else.

You might still be happy but you can be happier or is already happier with someone else.

So there must be nothing fundamentally wrong to want to leave when that happiness ends (even if temporarily), subsides or a better one can be found with someone else?

Since if is built on a foundation of selfishness, one should be free to be selfish?

Omolola1:

Depending on the kind of love he feels for that person

What are the kinds of loves you have in mind?

jennykadry: People fall out of love for reasons best known to them. Debrief fell out of love with her ex.

There is a soul mate. when someone respects you and respects the love you have for them, they tend to hang around for decades

Choice as in choose to fall in love ni? I don't think we choose people we fall in love with, it just happens and I know we sometimes try to fight it but no matter how hard we try, it still stays put

But having seen things around me, I often ask myself if people know the difference between love and infatuation.

What is a soul mate then?

Sagamite:

I never said if you aren't happy. I said if you can get better happiness somewhere else.

You might still be happy but you can be happier or is already happier with someone else.

So there must be nothing fundamentally wrong to want to leave when that happiness ends (even if temporarily), subsides or a better one can be found with someone else?

Since if is built on a foundation of selfishness, one should be free to be selfish?

Well, that's different indeed.
If you feel like leaving, do it. Leaving someone who wants to be with you, is always a selfish act, for one reason or another. I don't think it's fundamentally wrong, no matter the reason. It's your choice and people should be free to choose who they want to be with. Whether they make a wise choice or not is a different question.

It's a superfluous question IF one should be free to be selfish BECAUSE human beings ARE selfish. Forbidding it wouldn't make a change.

Now, let me ask you: Do you think that there is a different form of love between a man and a woman? An altruistic form of love? Love that gives and never claims?

Sagamite:

I am still analysing.

So you have a potential to end up with someone that is not your optimal? Not your soul mate, just (at best) fantastic enough for you?

No, I don't have such a potential to end up with mediocrity. As I said a lot of thought is put into it, a lot of scales are balanced and weighed, and the wheat is removed from the chaff, before I put a stamp on the decision. This drastically reduces the likelihood of aligning with below par elements. He automatically becomes my most prized possession after choosing him.

@soulmate

It is complicated but I will try.

Someone with whom you feel a strong connection. A connection so strong that you haven't experienced ever with someone else prior.

Someone that understands you even more than you understand yourself. A soulmate is that one person that loves your "wrong" even more than he loves your "right". Someone that understands your weakness and accepts it for what it is-weakness. Someone who when he is not around you, you experience this feeling of loneliness and it hurts so bad. That one person you hold and touch and It still feels like you are miles apart and all you wanna do is melt into that persons soul cos that is the only way you will feel so close

That one person you meet that answers all you questions of love. That one person you meet that makes you stop searching.

Ps I'm mobile

stillwater:

No, I don't have such a potential to end up with mediocrity. As I said a lot of thought is put into it, a lot of scales are balanced and weighed, and the wheat is removed from the chaff, before I put a stamp on the decision. This drastically reduces the likelihood of aligning with below par elements. He automatically becomes my most prized possession after choosing him.

Well, that implies that you fall in love based on making rational calculations.

carefreewannabe:
Now, let me ask you: Do you think that there is a different form of love between a man and a woman? An altruistic form of love? Love that gives and never claims?

No, I don't think so.

I think the feeling of love is genderless in its living form.

The willingness and the trigger that brings it to life are gender specific though.

stillwater:

No, I don't have such a potential to end up with mediocrity. As I said a lot of thought is put into it, a lot of scales are balanced and weighed, and the wheat is removed from the chaff, before I put a stamp on the decision. This drastically reduces the likelihood of aligning with below par elements. He automatically becomes my most prized possession after choosing him.

I never said mediocre, I said fantastic.

But someone might be a better fit than him that you just happen never to have met in time and at the right time.

So you end up with Mr Fantastic rather than Mr Optimal.

Sagamite:

No, I don't think so.

I think the feeling of love is genderless in its living form.

The willingness and the trigger that brings it to life are gender specific though.

What is romantic love to you?
How do you define it?

jennykadry: @soulmate

It is complicated but I will try.

Someone with whom you feel a strong connection. A connection so strong that you haven't experienced ever with someone else prior.

Someone that understands you even more than you understand yourself. A soulmate is that one person that loves your "wrong" even more than he loves your "right". Someone that understands your weakness and accepts it for what it is-weakness. Someone who when he is not around you, you experience this feeling of loneliness and it hurts so bad.

That one person you meet that answers all you questions of love. That one person you meet that makes you stop searching.

Ps I'm mobile

No 1, that could be multiple people so are we saying soul mates can be more than one?

No 2, what if your soul mate that can do all that, despite doing all that, have someone from their past who they love more than you?

carefreewannabe:

What is romantic love to you?
How do you define it?

When I opened the thread, I planned to refrain giving my own opinions, I want to hear a wide variety of people's opinions on the topic.

Sagamite:

I never said mediocre, I said fantastic.

But someone might be a better fit than him that you just happen never to have met in time and at the right time.

So you end up with Mr Fantastic rather than Mr Optimal.

Now I see why you no wan get hitched. Your olojukokoro won't gree you.
What I have now is Mr Fantastic and Optimallllllllll!!!

stillwater:

Now I see why you no wan get hitched. Your olojukokoro won't gree you.
What I have now is Mr Fantastic and Optimallllllllll!!!

You never know. You can't say that. You are yet to meet Sagamite.

Sagamite:

When I opened the thread, I planned to refrain giving my own opinions, I want to hear a wide variety of people's opinions on the topic.

I guess, I have to live with it

What a pity, I hoped you would inspire me.

Sagamite:

You never know. You can't say that. You are yet to meet Sagamite.

I like you more when you'Re less arrogant

carefreewannabe:

I like you more when you'Re less arrogant

I like me more when I am super arrogant.

I have only met one soulmate and not two of them and I am speaking or myself.

Like I said. You feel a connection with this person that HAS NEVER BEEN FELT BEFORE.

I ALSO SAID that one can only be in love with one person at a time.

Saga, you asked wht a soul mate is, and I have told you it is that one person that "knocks" you out like never before and that goes both ways - male and female. So loving someone else from the past should be a diff question entirely as a soulmate focuses on the other person and the other person alone.

A man or woman that loves someone who isn't their present partner is not a soul mate

Sagamite:

I like me more when I am super arrogant.

That's the most important thing as you're selfish

Still wondering what this arrogance is meant to compensate for

You know that kind of crush and butterflies we have in high school / Uni ? Yeah ....kinda like forever one cos Love never fades , it can be tested tho.... You just want the person more and when the feeling is mutual ? end of story ....it conquers everything.

jennykadry: I have only met one soulmate and not two of them and I am speaking or myself.

Like I said. You feel a connection with this person that HAS NEVER BEEN FELT BEFORE.

I ALSO SAID that one can only be in love with one person at a time.

Saga, you asked wht a soul mate is, and I have told you it is that one person that "knocks" you out like never before and that goes both ways - male and female. So loving someone else from the past should be a diff question entirely as a soulmate focuses on the other person and the other person alone

So, I can only conclude, that a lot of people would never meet their soul mates and virtually all marriages are not amongst soul mates?

jidegirl12: You know that kind of crush and butterflies we have in high school / Uni ? Yeah ....kinda like forever one cos Love never fades , it can be tested tho.... You just want the person more and when the feeling is mutual ? end of story ....it conquers everything.

Hmm. Good point!

But reality is that such crush and butterflies are usually only felt in high school and by love-virgins. So as we grow, we become love-ashawos.

Hence, basically, you are saying it is rare to love as we accelerate away from pubescence?

Sagamite:

So, I can only conclude, that a lot of people would never meet their soul mates and virtually all marriages are not amongst soul mates?

When you are Married to someone that still loves their ex or loves someone else, then you are not married to "the one".

I also edited and added a line in the post your quoted

Abeg I dey go sleep joo. Agbaya like me enjoying "one direction's" new album at this time of the night here.

Sagamite:

Hmm. Good point!

But reality is that such crush and butterflies are usually only felt in high school and by love-virgins. So as we grow, we become love-ashawos.

Hence, basically, you are saying it is rare to love as we accelerate away from pubescence?

I'll be back with my response as I'm working now.

Omolola1:

Before anything I am not married! The comment am about to make is based purely on what av noticed around me!

Love is a strong emotional feeling between two people. .we feel love everyday, we share love everyday! BUT love is not sustainable in marriage and in a relationship!
Most of the people that gets divorce this days or break up their relationships didn't separate for lack of love, they did because they just could not live with each other.

If you ask someone divorced today on reasons he or she separated, answers would be "I love him but he's a beast! "I love her but she nags a lot" this isn't because they don't love each other, its because they can't live together, no understanding and there is no patience.

Love alone is not enough in a relationship!

Seconded

jennykadry:

When you are Married to someone that still loves their ex or loves someone else, then you are not married to "the one".

I also edited and added a line in the post your quoted

Virtually all marriages I see are like that though. Even the successful one.

When ladies are far from their youthful years, they end up having some ex or past interest they always wish was "the one".

Someone like stillwater will always wonder "What if I ever met Sagamite. Would I not have been happier with his Alpha Male, chauvinistic and sexist arsse while I slave away in the kitchen".

Sagamite:

Virtually all marriages I see are like that though. Even the successful one.

When ladies are far from their youthful years, they end up having some ex or past interest they always wish was "the one".

Someone like stillwater will always wonder "What if I ever met Sagamite. Would I not have been happier with his Alpha Male, chauvinistic and sexist arsse while I slave away in the kitchen".

Not true!