I’m 23 years old and my fiancé is 27 years. We met in the UK. He’s Yoruba and I’m Ibo. We have been dating for a while until he proposed. We decided to come back to Nigeria to get acquainted with our families. Ever since he introduced me to his family, they have been very hostile towards me, they are angry because I’m Ibo. They don’t approve of our union. My fiancé has been trying to talk to them to convince them that I am not a bad person. My family has nothing against him, but they are not happy about their attitude towards me, my fiancé has been very supportive and he recently told me that his family may never accept our union, and it’s best we get married with or without his family’s approval. My family do not agree with this decision because they feel if his family does not get along with me even before marriage then it would be a problem in the future since a woman does not only get married to her husband but also gets married to his family, they advised me to stay away from him . His cousin called me to tell me his family already found a Yoruba girl for him to marry and if I don’t want to end up being one of two wives I should just stay away from him. I told my fiance and he said its just one of their plot to separate us.
Seriously I thought Nigeria has passed that level of tribalism, what has being ibo or Yoruba got to do with how you feel for your fellow Nigerian. How can people judge me based on my tribe without even getting to know me .
I love my fiance very much and I don’t want to loose him. I m confused right now, what is the right thing to do, go ahead and marry him or take my family’s advice to stay away from him. Please, I need your advice

Lets do some arithmetic.

Go ahead and marry him(your family will be against you,his family is already against you,you stand the chance of sharing your husband with another lady since I doubt he will disobey his own family),if my assumption is correct you have all to lose if you go ahead with him.

Marriage is far more than those butterflies you feel that you call love,love is smart enough to let go when it looks like things wont work out.

Marriage is all about happiness and I can tell you with all certainity and total assurance(100% certainity,which means this is what will happen)that you will never be happy and you will eventualy settle for a divorce(infact you will request for a divorce,mark my word).

Divorce is predictable,so it's pointless going into a marriage that wont work.

Dont allow anyone decieve you that you are getting married to you husband and not his family(you should understand his family wields a lot of power on him)


In closing,stupidity is seeing the obvious(that this marriage will fail) but choosing to believe the lies(that we both love each other and it will work out)


She that has ears let her hear what K2039 is saying.


I told you

It all depends on you pathner. How committed is he to his family? Is he the type that runs to them at every little thing? Cos if he is, he is less likely to disobey them but if he is the independent type, go along with him

k2039, Mynd_44. Thanks for the comments, I appreciate it

Dont be under any illusions, family plays a major role in marriage. As both of you met in the UK I am assuming you will be living there. This should give you some space if you do go ahead and marry. Maybe with time they might come to appreciate you for who you are once you have been married awhile. They might not however and this could be very complicated. Who do you turn to if things go wrong?

Really think deep about this. Also, unlike k2039 i believe love conquers all. If there is love these issues may still be reolved with time. You have to be wise about this however.

Someone once talked about 'Loopholes in a marriage'
OP, i do not wish evil upon u, but what if you both go ahead with the marriage, and maybe after 2/3 kids, something happens to ur husband? *God Forbid rite?
U betta make a choice now, cos when anything happens, u'll have nowhere to go.
Make him understand that its not your fault.... It's his family's. And u don't have d strength to move on.
No matter how strongly he stands by u today, he'll definitely heed to his family's words tomorrow.
What if no kids in the first two years? U just can't tell, d evil dey might do to make u seem useless.





Just walk away!

Let's hear it for Tribalism! Still destroying people's lives since time eternity!

OP, is your man strong? If he is, stand by him. But if he isn't, if he listens to people a lot, have a rethink. I've seen couples like you where they both regretted the marriage after, and I can testify one of my sisters lost her fiance because of tribe and religion (yoruba muslim). Ironically, she ended up marrying a yoruba guy and they're doing well and successful. It is upto you and God. It's madness, yoruba people have the highest divorce rate, and I know a lot of yoruba girls running to wed ibo guys for their peace of mind. My cousin left his yoruba gf to wed a pretty girl from my village, as per his Mama's wishes. 4 yrs later, when they got divorced, he told his mum to either accept his yoruba gf or forget him as a son. 20yrs later, that marriage is still alive and kicking, 3 sons, home in Banana Island. My mum broke up my sis and her igbo bf, screaming he was a golddigger n igbo. She married a wealthy yoruba boy who grew up not quite realising what the word "Responsibility" means and her igbo ex moved on, to become a big boy in the Banking industry.

You and he decide how strong you both can be. Staying beside him is a risk, and you need God to confirm this decision, so you never regret it.

See, what his family is doing is making an Irrational Decision. When you are making an irrational decision, you're not seeing clearly and your logic is blinded. So matter the outcome, it shall NEVER favour you. Quote me anywhere on this. Someone taught me this principle and when I looked at my life and those around me, every irrational "I must do this, I must not do this, I must have this" decision I made, I fully regretted. My friend broke up with the perfect girl because she was a non-catholic yoruba girl. He spent the next one year suffering at the hands of different chicks and his business didn't improve, he stagnated. Karma is God law of Balance, you cannot escape it. I would support his family if they had concrete reasons to hate you. But don't tell him what to do, just tell him to make a choice and be ready to stand by it forever, as it is you that will suffer more. In the Old Testament, the Lord told Cain not to marry the women around him not because of their tribe, but because they worshipped another god. Yet you'll see nigerians using that bible part to justify tribalism.

welcome to Nigeria baby. if ur your man cannot look u in the eye and tell what he really wants (what he will do) and how soon he is going to make a decision then pls move on.
if he is ready to leave his family and run away with u, will he always take the heat in the next five years or ten? remember, u will always b the ibo girl who used juju to take their son from them. but will he stand for u till the end? will he wake up one day and blame u for his problems in lyf?
u see life is tough and complicated, its a constant battle in which nobody ever wins. but some cases need you to b a little bit selfish. if u think u are strong enuf to take the bull buy the horn make a decision that pleases u most and not really him.