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Mr. Akpors - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Mr Akpors Is Interviewed After Munich Vs Barca Match TODAY / -mr Akpors- & -the Robbers- / Mama Akpors And The Two Lawyer. Who Is Wise? (2) (3) (4)

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Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:22pm On Dec 22, 2012
Dad-which of us do u love more? papa or mama..
Akpors- both
Dad- if i go to America n mama go to Paris.where wil u go?
Akpors- Paris
Dad- that mins u lyk mama..
Akpors- i lyk paris
Dad-ok if i go to Paris n mama go to America,wher wil u go?
Akpors- America
Dad- y?
Akpors- coz i went to paris wit mum d other time.

14 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:22pm On Dec 22, 2012
A married couple went to the
hospital to have their baby
delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor
said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a
portion of the mothers pain to
the baby's father. He asked if
they we're willing to try it out,
they both very much in favor of
it.

The doctor set the pain transfer
to 10% for starters, explaining
that even 10% was probably
more pain the father had never
exprienced before. However, as
the labor progressed, the
husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and "kick it up
notch".

The doctor then adjusted the
machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the
husband's blood pressure aand
was amazed at how well he was
doing at this point, they decided
to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel
quite well.
Since the pain transfer was
obviously helping out the wife
considerably, the husband
encouraged the doctor to
transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy
baby boy with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were
ecstatic.

When they got home,
their gate man (akpors) was dead with pain.

15 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:24pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors stayed close to the cemetery so used that to outwit okada riders and taxi drivers. He would simply alight at the cemetery junction, fill his nostrils with cotton and speak nasally.

This scared every driver and rider and wouldn't wait to ask him for money but run for dear life. Akpors did this for years and successfully outwitted every driver thinking he was a ghost.

One cool evening, Akpors boarded this okada and as usual alighted at the cemetery junction. "MONEY" the angry looking okada man asked.
Akpors was at his best, stufferd cotton wool into his nostrils and spoke nasally; "I dont have money!" The okada man wouldn't take any of that, and kept insisting.

This frustrated Akpors, who later said; "Ok, ok, follow me into the cemetery. .. to my room and I will pay you"

The okada man agreed and followed him till they got to one grave. Akpors in his attempts to frighten the okada man knocked on the grave and screamed;"Uche!, Uche!, Uche!, abeg give me N800 make I pay this stubborn okada man" All of a sudden, a very big hand holding N1000 appeared through the grave accompanied with a voice saying; "Take, this one na ma last card. . ."

Two pieces of shoes (both right leg) believed to belong to Akpors and the Okada man were found on the scene as at the time gathering this report.

We learnt Akpors ran home with fresh shit all over his pants.... he's yet to recover form the shock.

15 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:25pm On Dec 22, 2012
A man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an
opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he
discovered the zoo had a very unusual
position that they wanted to fill. Apparently
their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to
dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla
for a few days.
He was to just sit, eat, and
sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a
secret, and no one would be the wiser,
thanks to a very fine gorilla suit.

The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man
decided to do it. He tried on the suit and
sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position
at the back of the cage and pretended to
sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises.

The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around,
they would clap and cheer and throw him
peanuts. And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and
swung from one side of the cage to the
other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts. "Wow! This is great," he thought.

He swung higher and the crowd grew
bigger. He continued to swing on the vine,
getting higher and higher and then all Last,
all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up
and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door. He panicked.

There was a huge lion not twenty feet away,
and it looked very hungry. So the man in the
gorilla suit started jumping up and down,
screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me
out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a manin a gorilla suit!
HELP!"
The lion quickly
pounced on the man, held him down and
said, AKPORS NO FEAR, NA ME
CHIJIOKE "be quiet! You're going to make
both of us loose our job

47 Likes 1 Share

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:26pm On Dec 22, 2012
TEACHER: Why did u bring a rope to the Exam hall?..
AKPORS: My dad told me to SKIP the questions I don't know”
Musa: Akpors why are you trying to swallow a Clock?
Akpors: My Teacher said I should watch my mouth.
TEACHER: if I give u 4 balls of puff-puff in ur hand, and I collect all of dem back from u, wat will b left in ur hand?
AKPORS: Na oil naa
PAPA AKPORS : U know, our Son got his brain from me..
MAMA AKPORS : I think he did ,I still got mine with me
TEACHER: If I have 6 bottles in one hand & 5 in the other, what do I have?..
AKPORS: A drinking problem
That was how Akpos pressed the breast of a female journalist that had the badge "PRESS" on her chest!
Akpors:I am dreaming to be rich...just like my father..
Musa:"Is ur father rich?".
Akpors: No, he's dreaming too
TEACHER: Akpors, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
AKPORS: A teacher

10 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:27pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors, Tito and John decided to go to China for vacation.

Since they were new to the place they had to stay in a hotel. And their room was on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at midnight the elevators were shut down. The next day, these guys rented a car and explored the city.

They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel past midnight.
The elevators were shut down. There was noother way to get to their room but to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor.

John said'''for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then Tito could say wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from akpors.''

So, John started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they reached the 20th floor.

Tito started saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor.

Now it was time for sad stories.

So, Akpors started: ‘My first sad story is that I left the key for the room in the car'

Ιƒ Na you be the friend,wetin you go do?

14 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:27pm On Dec 22, 2012
Ekaite: Akpors honey.. Why did u fix our
wedding
on december 29th.
Akpors: dats is bc we will not spend much
money,
at least 80% of d people we knw will not come
since they wil be in d village.
Ekaitte: hmmm honey u will never change, dats a
good idea.
Akpors: yes darling and also we will have enough
left overs after
wedding..(FOOD)
Ekaite: dats y i agree to marry u Akpors
darling...u think
smart.
Akpors: oooohh ekaite
my banana, i love u too
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:29pm On Dec 22, 2012
Girl: If we get married, stop smoking.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: Drinking too.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: N going to the night club too.
Akpors:- Yes.
Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo
boyz
Akpors: Okay!
Girl:- What else can u leave??
Akpors:- The idea of marrying You

4 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:32pm On Dec 22, 2012
A man does not want her daughter to marry Akpors.
Akpors decide to write letter to hs girlfriend (Chi chci), he handed it to her in the presence of her father since he knows the father of the girl will also read it;
He wrote

LETTER OF HATE
(1) The great love, that I have for you.
(2) Is gone and I found my dislike for you.
(3) Grows everyday, when I see you.
(4) I do not even like your face.
(5) The one thing that I want to do is to
(6) Look at other girls, I never wanted to
(7) Marry you, our last conversation
(cool Was very boring and has not
(9) Made me look forward to see you again
(10) You think only of yourself
(11) If we were married, I know that I would find
(12) Life very difficult and I wouldn't have known
(13) Pleasure in living with you, I have a heart
(14) To give, but it is not something that
(15) I want to give you, no one is more
(16) Foolish and selfish than you and you are not
(17) Able to care for me and help me
(18) I sincerely want you to understand that
(19) I speak the truth. You will do me a favour
(20) If you think this is the end. Do not try
(21) To reply this. Your letters are full of
(22) Things that do not interest me. You haveno
(23) True love for me goodbye. Believe me
(24) I do not care for you, please do not think that
(25) I still love you and I am your boyfriend
(Read the odd numbers)

8 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:32pm On Dec 22, 2012
MAMA AKPORS: Akpors, why did you fail your Test?..

AKPORS: The boy seating next to me did not come today

4 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:33pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors a graduate of Accounting ,wrote a letter to his GF Ekaitte
Love letter from an Accountant

In the Journal of my heart,
I have written a Journal Entry,
Debiting my love & crediting my affection,
Now partners, I write this Narration.
Your beauty is the Capital of our
business,
And your eyes are Stock In Trade,
Now let us enter into a Transaction,
Without providing Depreciation.
Your first love I have already indicated
On the Ledger Folio column,
Any way, our relations are based on
Double Entry System.
Our love is Real & Tangible proposals,
Which can be realized,
Interest on the same,
Can be capitalized.
Partner, you are like a Contra Entry,
You are on my Debit Side & Credit Side,
Both at the same time,
And so my partner now ,let us Rectify,
All our errors & total the Trial Balance,
Of our affairs & emotions,
Without maintaining any Suspense Account.
And any difference in the Trial Balance,
And In the Balance Sheet of our life.
Our children will be Assets & Liabilities,
If they are boys, shall we call them Sundry
Debtors?
If they are girls, shall we call them Sundry
Creditors?
But if we have a boy & a girl,
Our Balance Sheet will Tally automatically,
A balance Sheet
And the Auditor will certify thus,

"THE ACCOUNT SHOWS A TRUE & FAIR VIEW OF
LOVELY BUSINESS CONDUCTED DURING AkPORS and EKAITTE 's life Account
Your dying Accountant in love,
AKPORS

4 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:34pm On Dec 22, 2012
At a Wedding in a Church, the
Pastor said to the
Congregation; Is there any Man
or Woman here who knows
any thing that will make this
wedding not to go on? You may say it now or forever
remain silent. Akpors quickly stood up at
the back and started walking
towards the altar. The Bride
fainted, the Groom ran out of
the church. The Pastor gave Akpos
microphone to say what he
wantsto say. Akpors said; Pastor, please
show me the way to the
toilet, I want to shit.

6 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:35pm On Dec 22, 2012
Father-In-Law : Akpos,
U’re coming to seek my
daughter’s hand in
marriage
and u’re chewing
gum.That’s
a sign of disrespect!
Akpos : Sir, I only chew
gum
when I drink or smoke.
Father-In-Law : You mean
u
drink & smoke and u’re
here
to seek my daughter’s
hand
in marriage?
Akpos : Sir I only drink &
smoke
when i go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club
too?
Akpos : I’m sorry sir, I
started
clubbing when i came out
of
prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also
been in prison before? Oh
my
God!
Akpos: Sorry sir, I went to
jail
when I killed somebody.
Father-In-Law : What!!!
U’re a
killer
Akpos: Sir, It happened out
of
anger. It was a certain
man
that didn’t allow me to
marry
his daughter so i killed
him.
Father-In-Law : U are
highly
welcome my son. U are
on
the right track. U’re
absolutely the right man
for
my daughter.

10 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:38pm On Dec 22, 2012
HMM... OLD MEN AND THEIR OLD TRICKS

Barrister Akpors who's gone to the village for Xmas celebration went hunting in a nearby village.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As Barrister Akpors climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing.
He responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

Arrogant Akpors said,
"I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country, and, if you don't let me get that duck,I'll sue you and take everything!"

The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we do things here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

Barrister Akpors asked,
"What is the three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied,
"Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

Barrister Akpors quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer.

He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly walked up to him.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy workboot into Akpor's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly wiped Akpors' nose off his face.

Barrister Akpors was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

He eventually summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,

"Okay, you old farmer, now it's my turn."

The farmer smiled and said,
"Now, I give up. You can have the duck."

NOTE: No matter how well educated you are, RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!

12 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:40pm On Dec 22, 2012
Apkors: mom, do angels fly ?
Mum: EHm... Yes.. They do but why do you ask?

Apkors: yesterday, dad called our house girl an angel...
Apkos: will she fly?

Mum: Yes! She will fly back to her village tomorrow morning.

7 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:40pm On Dec 22, 2012
An Oyinbo kid(white boy) came with his dad to warri as tourists, D oyinbo boy decided to show off 2 akpors and his friends, so d following argument went btw them...Oyibo Boi; I got Mc Donald,
Akpors: i get Mr Biggs,
I got Mtv ,
we get Stv,
I got Muhammad Ali
we get Bash Ali,
I got Elvis Presley
we get Fela Anikulapokuti,
I get T. pain,
we got T.maya.
I get T.I,
we get M.I.
I got 2-pac,
we got 2-face.
I got Beyonce,
we get Genevieve.
I got Lil wayne,
We got Terry G.
I got Timberland,
We get DON JAZZY!
I got wiz khalifa,
we get wiz kid.
I got Hollywood,
we get nollywood
I got Silicon valley,
we get Computer village ­.
I got Las Vegas,
we get Lasgidi.
I got Miami Beach,
we get Lekki Beach.
I got Al Paccino,
we get Peter Edochie.
I got Pirate of d Caribbean,
we get Pirate of Aba.
I got beauty and the beast
we get Bianca and Ojukwu,
I got Mr Bean,
we get Mr Ibu,
I got American Lotto,
we get Baba Ijebu.
We fear Al Qaeda,
we fear Boko Haram
abi akpors dey lieeeeee??

16 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:43pm On Dec 22, 2012
An Oyinbo kid(white boy) came with his dad to warri as tourists, D oyinbo boy decided to show off 2 akpors and his friends, so d following argument went btw them...Oyibo Boi; I got Mc Donald,
Akpors: i get Mr Biggs,
I got Mtv ,
we get Stv,
I got Muhammad Ali
we get Bash Ali,
I got Elvis Presley
we get Fela Anikulapokuti,
I get T. pain,
we got T.maya.
I get T.I,
we get M.I.
I got 2-pac,
we got 2-face.
I got Beyonce,
we get Genevieve.
I got Lil wayne,
We got Terry G.
I got Timberland,
We get DON JAZZY!
I got wiz khalifa,
we get wiz kid.
I got Hollywood,
we get nollywood
I got Silicon valley,
we get Computer village ­.
I got Las Vegas,
we get Lasgidi.
I got Miami Beach,
we get Lekki Beach.
I got Al Paccino,
we get Peter Edochie.
I got Pirate of d Caribbean,
we get Pirate of Aba.
I got beauty and the beast
we get Bianca and Ojukwu,
I got Mr Bean,
we get Mr Ibu,
I got American Lotto,
we get Baba Ijebu.
We fear Al Qaeda,
we fear Boko Haram
abi akpors dey lieeeeee??

2 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:44pm On Dec 22, 2012
BUSTED!!!

Akpors - after his first time of leaving the village to the city went searching for a job and finally, he came to a big company to make inquires in respect of the advertisement which was being placed outside.

Akpors being so eager didn’t read the advertisement properly.
He just dashed into the company and began to ask for the MD.
Little did he know that a job of such magnitude requires someone who has been to different parts of the world.

On getting there, the MD decided to have a little interview with him.

MD: Hello young man, what can I do for you?
AKPORS: Good morning sir, I am Akpors Apororo and I came concerning the advertisement placed outside your company.

MD: I see. I hope you know that this job requires someone who’s been to various parts of the world?
AKPORS (of course desperate): Yes sir, I know that.

MD: Good. So tell me, have you been to Germany?
AKPORS: Yes sir, I lived there for 7 years.

MD: Wow... that’s good. How about the UK, have you been there before?
AKPORS: Yes Sir, I also lived there for 5 years.

MD: Interesting, how about the United States?
AKPORS: I’ve been there also Sir, and I lived there for 6 years.

MD: Hmmm. Then you must know much about geography.
AKPORS: Yes sir I’ve also been to geography before, and I lived there for 6 years

6 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:45pm On Dec 22, 2012
Teacher: class write a composition about ur self

AKPORS wrote:
My name is Akpors Principle,

i am 18 yrs old and still
in d secondary school
bc of some reasons best
known to me and
d school management.
My girlfriend is Ekaite
who normally seat at d
back seat, although
she did not come to
school today because of
some reasons best known to her, bt i will find
out after school.

My parents ar 4feet
tall and dat has affected
my height and
perfomance. But still
am still popular and
am known everywere i go just like MTN

I like watching movies
like PIRATES, NURSES TOUCH, BASIC
INSTINCT,KARMA
SUTRA and other
movies like dis because
of some things inside.
But u will not understand

I like sleeping on d
floor because my fathers
armpit smells alot .

I usually sleep by 12pm
everynite because of
facebook, 2go and
others...i hav become
so popular their dat
people now ansa my name Akpors
on
fb and create
pages too
with my name

AKPORS. they even give me
series of aligations
and people belive them bc i usually do things like
dat bt not all.
...
am looking forward to
marry any
of these people
Alicia keys, Britney
spears, Niki minage
bt she is under consideration bc of her looks.

i like my self so much
bc i dont play with
my future.

From
AKPORS PRINCIPLE
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:51pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors: Papa, how was i born?.
Papa akpors:Akpors my son, today you ask better question. Well, your Mother and i got together at yahoo. We set up a date via email and met in a cybercafe. Your Mother agreed to download data from my pen drive. So i put it in your Mother's USB port and just when i was about to transfer we realised that none of us had installed an ANTIVIRUS or FIREWALL. It was too late to hit Cancel and nine months later a Pop Up Window appeared and we had you

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:52pm On Dec 22, 2012
After blocking Apkors from sending friends request to
ekaette..he wrote a letter to fb...
AM NOT JOKING

Dear Facebook,
its with great pleasure that i write to you. Firstly allow me to
express my sincere thanks to you for allowing me to be on you and
indeed for giving me thousands of cyber friends. Further thanks for
allowing me to keep in touch
with my loved ones.But i have a few observations to make,
1. When a man updates
their status they'll get 2 likes and 3 comments from their former
classmates and 0
friend requests..but if the same status is updated by a lady, they get
170 likes,350
comments and 470 friend requests...
why are you tolerating
Gender Discrimination?

2. People who dont even have license in real life have cars on fb...
why do you allow black
mailing?

3. People who are kept and not working in real life are CEOs on
fb...why do you allow scams?

4. Everyone writes prayers on fb but in real life they never have time
to kneel down and pray...why dont you remind them that you
are not God?

5. Everyone on fb likes to see a status pronouncing blessings on them
but they never bless others in real
life...cant you stop that
selfishness?

6. If facebook is about
meeting and making
new friends,why do you block me when i try doing so? Must i know everyone?

Please look into these
issues, before i foget, we need dislike button to dislike some nonsense status.
yours concerned addict
Apkors....

4 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:52pm On Dec 22, 2012
pastor Akpors was caught by his
church members in a bar drinking
a bottle of chilled star *beer*.
So,
the members asked:
Member: Haabaa! Pastor Akpors you
should be drinking malt, fanta or
coke not star that is a beer. Your
not doing τђε word you preach o.

Pastor Akpors: shatttap jooo, where was
malt, fanta and coke when STAR
led the 3 wise men to Jesus?

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:57pm On Dec 22, 2012
Teacher: Our topic for today is
question tag..

Example1: You have a bag,haven't
you?
Example2: He can't come, can he?

Now Who can make a sentence
using question tag?

Chidi: we go chop yam today
chopn't we?
Teacher: what?? This is terrible!

Who can correct that sentence??
Akpors: aunty no mind dat
yam head!

we go chop yam today, yamn't
it??

6 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:00pm On Dec 22, 2012
A Teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this Question:
Michael if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom??

Michael:"Just a minute, I have to go pee.."
Teacher: That would be rude & impolite.. How about you Sam??

Sam said:"I really need to go to the Toilet, i'm sorry.."
Teacher: That's better but still not nice to say the word Toilet..

Oh you Akpors ?? Can you use your brain??
Akpors said:"Darling, May i please be excused for a moment?? I've got to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom i hope to introduce to you after dinner."

"TEACHER FAINTED!!!"

5 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:00pm On Dec 22, 2012
I Akpos am inviting u to my church's azonto gaga nite.take a bike goin to ile-ijo,when u get to kukere bus stop,frist of all ask d okada man 2 go down low to avoid etighi nd nt to break ur waist for all I want is ur waist

2 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:03pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors just got a job as a porter in
a five star hotel in Abuja.
The manager told him:

"...in here we give every customer
personalized services and you
have to be very observant so you
know how to address their every
need even before they ask"

Before the manager could finish, a
couple walked through the hotel
entrance and the manager quickly
approached them, nicely took
their baggage and said,

"Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is our
delight to have you in our hotel.
Please come this way to the
reception"
... and he led them to the
reception.

After the couple had been taken
care of, Akpos asked the manager,
"Has the couple been visiting this
hotel before?"
"No" came the reply from the
manager.
"So how come you knew their
name?" asked Akpos.
"That is why I told you to be very
observant. All I had to do was
quickly look at the label on their
baggage while I'm taking it from
them and see the name on the
tag".

"Oh, here comes another couple.
Why don't you give it a try?"
"Ok" said Akpos and he hurriedly
approached the couple, helped
them with their luggage and said,
"Welcome Mr & Mrs SUPERIOR
HAND MADE LEATHER! We are
delighted to have you in our
hotel..."

The manager fainted!

8 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:04pm On Dec 22, 2012
AKPORS LOVE LETTER TO EKAETTE LAST NIGHT

Dear Sugar,
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why this miraculous thing happened is because honey I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl .
Darling please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medular- oblangata also stops functioning. Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand. That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon. I think I have to pen-off here because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerization. ­ Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:04pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpors: I'm Hungary,
Mum: why don't you Czech the fridge.
Akpors: ok i'm Russian to the kitchen.
Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.
Akpors: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!
Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.
Akpors: I know, I guess i'll just have a can of Chile
Mum: Denmark your name on the can.
Akpors: Kenya do it for me?
Mum: Ok, I'm Ghana do it.
Akpors: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today
Mum: it Tokyo long enough.
Akpors: yeah Israelly hard sometimes!

8 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:05pm On Dec 22, 2012
Akpos close from work on Friday and decided to give any lady that came his way a lift.
After the 2nd turn from is office along Ikorodu expressway, he saw a nun and gave her a lift. While they were going he did not know how to start a conversation with her, therefore, he placed his hand on her laps pretending if it was a gear stick.
The sister softly said Mathew7;7' , he quickly removed his hand, and resume concentrating on his driving.
He attempted it the 2nd and 3rd time, and each time, she repeated, Mathew 7:7'. When the nun got to her destination, she opened the door and said to akpors, 'Youngman, the problem with you is that you don't read your Bible When akpos got home, he opened his Bible to MATHEW 7:7 which reads "ask and it shall be given".
Akpos nearly cried.

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:06pm On Dec 22, 2012
After a few years of married life,
apkors finds
that he is unable to perform his
manly duty. He goes to his
doctor, and his doctor tries a few
things but
nothing works. Finally the doctor
says to him,
"This is all in your mind." and
refers him to a
psychiatrist. After a few visits to
the shrink, he confesses, "I
am at a loss as to how you could
possibly be
cured." Finally the psychiatrist
refers him to a
witch doctor. The witch doctor
says, "I can cure
this." He throws some powder on
a flame, and
there is a flash with billowing blue
smoke. The witch doctor says,
"This is powerful healing, but
you can only use it once a year! All
you have
to do is say `123` and ur
manhood shall rise for as long as
you wish!"
Apkors then asks the witch doctor
"What
happens when it`s over?"
The witch doctor says
"your partner has to say
is `1234`
and it will go down.
But be warned; it will not
work again for a year!"
Apkors very happy.. goes home
and that night he is ready
to surprise his wife with the good
news. So, wile lying
on d bed with Ekaette he says
"123", and
suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns
over to Apkors and says
"What did you say `123` for?"

5 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:08pm On Dec 22, 2012
Teacher: "Differentiate between Biology and Sociology"

Akpors: "If a new born baby looks like his father, it is 'Biology', but if he looks like his neighbor, then, it is called 'Sociology'"

The result is yet to come out.

What do you think Akpors would score?
Rate him in percentage (Total of 100%).

5 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:09pm On Dec 22, 2012
Papa Akpors: Akpors, why are you home so early today? Any problem in your school?

Akpors: Papa, Miss Uju said I should leave her class because she asked when is her next period and I told her next month.

2 Likes

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