Mr. Akpors - Jokes Etc (7) - Nairaland
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Mr Akpors Is Interviewed After Munich Vs Barca Match TODAY / -mr Akpors- & -the Robbers- / Mama Akpors And The Two Lawyer. Who Is Wise? (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Mr. Akpors by mcbon: 11:26am On May 23, 2013 |
lil jboy: I Akpos am inviting u to my church's azonto gaga nite.take a bike goin to ile-ijo,when u get to kukere bus stop,first of all ask d okada man 2 go down low to avoid etighi nd nt to break ur waist for all I want is ur waist 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:56pm On May 25, 2013 |
AKPOS THE PASTOR A dog died and the owner took it to Akpos. He asked Akpos if he could organise a funeral service for the dead animal. Akpos: no we cant hold a service for your dog in our church but there is a church down the street, maybe they will do it for you. Man: but pastor will that church accept a donation of $ 1million ? Akpos shouted and asked, why didnt you tell me the dog was a christian? |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:59pm On May 25, 2013 |
Akpos again came next day by cutting his beard and asked "what is the price of this TV ?" . The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos". The next day Akpos came with a differnt face and asked "what is the price of this TV ?" . The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos" . Finally Akpos got irritated and asked the shopkeeper" how do you recognise me every time ?" The shopkeeper replied "this is not TV it is Microwave" 3 Likes |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:32pm On May 25, 2013 |
Akpors wantd 2 have sex wit his secretary, he said to her, i wil give you #20,000 nd i wil throw it on d floor u wil bend down nd i wil b thru b4 u pick it. D woman callld her husband and told him abt it. D husband told her to, ask him for # 50,000 nd pick d money fast b4 he zips down. Afta waitn for d wife's call abt 1hr d husband calls nd... ...asked wat happned,d wife replied"dont mind dat yeye man,the idiot used coins. and am still pickin dem,wil cal u wen am done. 2 Likes |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:35pm On May 25, 2013 |
Akpos was fond of putting his wife's photo in his wallet so one day d wife asked Him WIFE:Y is my foto always in ur wallet AKPOS: wen am in trouble...i just look at it and d problem disappears WIFE:hmm...do u c how miraculous i am in ur life? AKPOS:...I just look ur picture and say to my self "wat problem could be bigger dan this"?.. |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:06am On May 27, 2013 |
Akpors went for HIV test in a hospital on friday and was told to come back on monday for the result. . . . . . . . . When he got to church on sunday, the pastor declared to the people that "everything you are looking for this week shall be positive" Akpors jumped on his feet and shouted "i reject it in jesus name, my own go be negative ooooooo" 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:53am On Jun 03, 2013 |
Akpors did stomach surgery and when he opened his eyes, he said oh thank God ooh, its over. One patient beside him said, hmm taaa don't be too fast there, I don't think so because when I had my surgery 2 days ago, they forgot razor in my Tommy. Another Patient said in di room: the same as me ooh, but my own na little spoon they forgot in my chest. ... Immediately doctor came back and said: Did anybody see my watch? 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:56am On Jun 03, 2013 |
AKPOS THE MARRIED MAN Akpos was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the fun, they fell asleep...awakening around 8pm. As AKPOS threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having fun all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf". |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:18pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
An American man, English man and Nigerian man, Akpos were travelling by sea. Suddenly, the devil appeared on the ship and said; Drop anything on the sea water, if I find it, i’ll eat you, if i don’t find it, i’ll be your slave. The American dropped a Pin, devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a Coin, devil found it and ate him. It was finally the turn of the Nigerian. The Nigerian, Akpos brought out his Bottle of water, opened it and poured a drop of water into the sea and said to the devil; Today na Today. Oya, Find the drop. The devil himself fainted! One word for Akpos? |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:30am On Jun 08, 2013 |
A man gave a FAKE N20 to akpors a blind man by the road side who was begging for alms. akpors the blind man said, excuse me sir, but i have to tell u that ur money is fake and i dont like it. The man was suprised and said, how did u knw its fake. Akpors replied, Well am not blind, am standing in for my blind friend who always stands here. The man asked, and where is ur friend  Akpors said, he has gone to the cinema to watch a movie. |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:02pm On Jun 12, 2013 |
Akpors: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: Nope. I don't want to have a boyfriend. Akpors: Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.� Girl: But I don't love you. Akpors: 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." Girl: But how can I be sure that you're loyal and honest? Akpors: Mark 13:31 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Girl: But I'm busy, I'm still studying. Akpors: Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Girl: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there. Akpors: Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Girl: But what is in me that you like? Akpors: Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Girl: But I'm not beautiful. Akpors: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Girl: What do you want to happen? Akpors: 2 Corinthians 2:4 "For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you." One word for St. Akpostus! 2 Likes |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:57pm On Jun 13, 2013 |
fat akpors saw an advertisement, "Lose 5kg in a Week." He called and said, "I would like to join!" Lady: Ok! Be ready tomorrow at 6 am. Next morning,he gets to the office & he was taken to a room. He opens the door and finds a hot babe in only a shirt and underpants. She said, "If u catch me u canf*ck me!" & the girl starts running. Akpors starts running but couldn't catch her. So during the whole week,he tried to catch her but couldn't & lost 5kg. He then asks for the 10kg program. Next morning at 6am,he opens the door and finds a more hotter babe in a bikini who said, "If you catch me,you f*ck me." He lost 10kg that week. So,he thought this program is awesome! He requested a 25kg program. Thelady said, "Are U sure?It's really tough!! He replied, ''am more than ready'' The next day at 6am,he opens the door expecting to see a naked babe but finds a Naked MAD MAN who said, "If I Catch U eh! Your back side will never remain the same" . Akpors is still running his fat ass out. |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:19am On Jun 14, 2013 |
Akpors. . . Mummy, when me and Daddy were in the Bus coming Back, he asked me 2give my seat position 2 a lady standing in the Bus & I had 2stand for 2hours. Mummy. . . Son, what your Dad asked U 2do waz a good thing, always respect your elders and give them your seats in public buses. . Akpors. . . . Ok ,But Mommy I waz sitting on Dads laps naa when he asked me 2stand up 4d Lady. . . Akpors Parents are still Fighting right now. . . |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:49am On Jun 21, 2013 |
Akpos lost his cheque booklet and went to the bank two days after to report it. Mr Akpos (angrily): Fucking Shit!!! I lost my cheque book Bank manager: Calm down Mr Akpos, We don't allow such vulgar words in the bank premises and I warned you to be careful with your cheque book Mr Akpos, because anyone can forge your signature. Mr Akpos: I am not a fool. I have already signed all the cheques, so they won’t have space to forge my signature! Bank Manager: FUCKING SHITTTTT!!!!!! |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:36am On Jun 22, 2013 |
Teacher: who is a pharmacist? Akpors: raised up his hand Teacher: so its only Akpors that is the most intelligent student i have in this class? So there is no body else to answer the question except Akpors? (there was no reply from the students) Teacher: ok now Akpos, use this cane and flogged them ten strokes of cane each.... Akpors: full of happy gave all the students ten hot strokes of cane, which resulted to some students crying.... Teacher: oyaa my dear Akpors tell this dumb students who a pharmacist is... Akpors: A Pharmacist is a farmer who assist people. Teacher: fainted |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:49pm On Jun 24, 2013 |
Teacher :Akpors,ur home work is 2 draw a man and a woman together on a page. Akpors :Ok aunty. (Akpors went home and draw a naked man and a woman.Akpos was about 2 leave 4 school when his mother came back home.). Akpors :Welcum mama,my aunty give us home work se make we draw a man and a woman together.Mama see if i draw am well. Mother :Wat!! Akpos what d hell is dis? Akpors :Dat one no be u oo,since u don travel na.Na papa and the house help bi dat joo,since dat time wey u don travel if i don sleep na so dey always dey together.....ma ma mi no sleep today o cos i won get 10/10 for my home work na |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:39pm On Jun 30, 2013 |
I went to a cinema with Akpos, on getting to the cinema we saw a bald guy, I showed the guy to Akpos and said "Look at fresh head, this one is good to slap, but I'm afraid of the guy's face". Akpos then said to me "Emeka, you fear a lot, I will slap that head and nothing will happen". I dared him to do it and he went to where the guy was sitting and gave him a HOT SLAP on his head.The guy was surprised, and wanted to react, then Akpos said "Bros emeka, so you are here, and we have been looking for you at home!" The guy responded "I'm not Bros emeka, maybe we look alike", Akpos murmured "maybe." After some minutes In the cinema, Akpos called me again and said "emeka, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." I answered "ok" He went to the guy, gave him a hot slap and said "Bros emeka stop lying, I say na u be dis..." The guy said to him angrily "I'm not Bros emeka, please, let me be". The guy then left that seat and went to the front seat. After some minutes Akpos called me and said "emeka, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." This time i told him that"if anything happens, I will pretend I don't know him." He stood up, went to the front seat, gave the guy a very hot slap and said "Bros emeka, so na here you dey, I come dey slap another person for back!" 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:04am On Jul 09, 2013 |
Akpors and Johnny were terribly dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle. Akpors said to Johnny “Let’s pretend as if we are muslims otherwise we wil not get food or drink. I am going to call myself Muhammad Gambo,said Akpors” Johnny refused to change his name “My name is Johnny and I wil not pretend to be what I am not. When they got there, the imam of d mosque received both of them well and asked for their names. Akpors said “My name is Muhammad Gambo” Johnny said “My name is Johnny” The imam turns to the helpers of the mosque and said “Pls bring some food and water for Johnny only. Then he turned to Akpors and said “Well Muhammad Gambo, I hope you are aware that we are still in the month of Ramadan? Akpors fainted....... |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by Nobody: 9:21am On Jul 11, 2013 |
lil jboy: WHO IS AT FAULT? |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:23pm On Jul 11, 2013 |
A woman was taking a shower when she heard a knock on her door. "who is it?" she asked. "It's me akpors," answered the guy at the door. "Oh i'm coming, wait a second." she replied. she wrapped a towel around herself, then opened the door, akpors is a blind neighbour, so she didn't cover herself very well, she was now naked, as she sat on the couch applying lotion. "So, what made you visit me today? it's been a long time since i saw you, like two years ago." she said. "well, i wanted to invite you to my party."said akpors "oh,what party!?" she asked "I went for an eye operation and now I can see clearly." said akpors "Nice body, by the way " said akpors. #the woman fainted |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:47pm On Jul 15, 2013 |
Wahala at a roadblock... Akpors,driving the latest BMW, was pulled over by Naija policeman at a roadblock... "Congratulation s," said the cop..."Because you are wearing your seatbelt you have just won N500000 in an Arrive Alive safety competition!" Akpors could hardly believe his luck. "So tell us what are you going to do with your cash?" asked the traffic cop. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," Akpors answered... Awkward silence... "Oh, don't listen to him!" yelled the guy in the passenger seat. "He always tries to be smart when he's drunk..." Another awkward pause and a surprised look on a policeman's face... Meanwhile this whole noise and bustle wakes up the third guy in the back seat who just took one look at the cop and moaned, "Damn,I told you stealing the BMW was a bad idea! A Mazda would have been better..." At that moment there was a knock from the boot and this voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?" At this point the policement,quit e shocked, looks around and asks, "Okey, my brothers,how do we share this money? |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:50pm On Jul 15, 2013 |
Akpors was in a taxi chatting with a friend on facebook and suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside him was reading his conversation. Since akpors did not want to embarrass the man, he decided to change the topic of the chat;. . . . Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only took two of the bombs we just manufactured for this operation. Let them know as well that I may find it difficult to get to the target place before the bombs explode because there is terrible traffic jam now but nevertheless, I am sure casualty figure will be high since we are five in our taxi and all the vehicles in the traffic will be affected too. We have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off bye bye and take care of my parents and siblings as agreed. The Man, without allowing the taxi to stop quickly opened the taxi door and jumped out. |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by GentleFrank(m): 2:38pm On Jul 16, 2013 |
hilarious jokes 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:10am On Jul 17, 2013 |
Akpos was in love with a certain girl, but never had the guts to tell her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her a text message saying, 'I love you, I wanna date u. Please reply and tell me how u feel. 'A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was sooo scared & tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until in the morning when he is less tensed. When he woke up d next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth,ate his breakfast, took his bath, combed his hair, then climbed back in bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message. As he started reading this is what he saw... Dear customer you have insufficient balance to complete your request. kindly recharge your account and try again. |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:05pm On Jul 27, 2013 |
The government announced that if you have 5 children your salary will be increased by 50 percent. Akpors heard the news and said to his wife, "Darling, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids." When he came back, he saw only one of his children remaining. He asked, "where are the others?" His wife replied, you are not the only one who heard the news, "THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM!" |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by engroke(m): 8:21am On Jul 29, 2013 |
lil jboy: |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:20am On Aug 11, 2013 |
Akpos came home early 4rm office. He was shocked to see his wife with another man (Jona). He told his wife to get out of d room. Then he said "Jona, what are you doing here?" Jona replied "I love ur wife and she loves me too." To this, Akpos said, I know she loves me not you. After a long conversation, they decideded "we'll hold our guns and fire at each other and pretend to be dead, she will mourn who she loves most". The wife hears the gunshots, she enters d room, shocked and surprised. Suddenly she started laughing loudly, rejoicing and shouting, "Kay, get out of that wardrobe, these two idiots are dead!". . Akpos, pretending to be dead, fainted from there! |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:59pm On Aug 13, 2013 |
Akpos goes to a store for groceries. He finds cat food at a very special low price. He buys a dozen cans of cat food. The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probably doesn't own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children. He goes to Akpos and ask him to bring the cat as proof for him to buy the cat food. Akpos goes and bring his cat and the manager lets him buy the dozen cans. A few days later Akpos finds dog food at a low lower price. He buys a dozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog. Akpos goes to get his dog and the manager lets him buy. A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag. He ask the manager to put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside. After feeling what's in the bag the manager says, "What the f**k? What is this? Is this poo?" Akpos nodded and replied, "Yes I wanted to buy toilet paper and I don't want you to send me back for proof again." |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:33pm On Aug 16, 2013 |
Akpos's pastor added him on facebook and he accepted. 2 minutes later his message came in! Pastor: Bro akpos, how are u? Akpos: am fine my daddy. Pastor. May the building of heavenly favour collapse on ur head! Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May the thunder of blessing strike u and ur family! Akpos: (No reply.) Pastor: Bro akpos are u there? Akpos: em... yes pastor. Pastor: u should be saying amen to claim the blessings. Akpos: ok pastor. May an over speeding Dangote trailer of blessing jam u and ur family in Jesus name. Pastor: Thunder fire you! 2 Likes |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by buyles(f): 7:57pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Hey liljboyweezy, thanks for makin my day, i've laughed so much 1 Like |
| Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:05am On Aug 18, 2013 |
buyles: Hey liljboyweezy, thanks for makin my day, i've laughed so muchur welcome |
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