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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Mr. Akpors (100546 Views)
Mr Akpors Is Interviewed After Munich Vs Barca Match TODAY / -mr Akpors- & -the Robbers- / Mama Akpors And The Two Lawyer. Who Is Wise? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Mr. Akpors by skyfall: 9:11pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
LOL, u really try. See funny pics in my signature. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by topsole(f): 11:51pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
lil jboy: A man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:38am On Mar 29, 2013 |
General Sam has been monitorin d movement of his only daughter recently. In fact, he first picks her calls to confirm d identity of d caller before handin over d phone to her after thorough screening. But on one faithful day, her boyfriend akpors called and General picked d call as usual. Watch out ! General: Hello! May i know you? Caller (akkpors): sorri i want to speak wit Joy sir. General: i said who r u nd wht for? caller (akpors hmmm (after he understood d situation @ hand), Okay Sir, i am FRANK EDOHO from WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Joy's friends is presently on hot seat and needs her help to answer a question for 2Million Naira. So the next voice you hear after is hers, the time starts now....... General: ooh am very sorry!!! Joy! ,Joy!! Pls take ur phone ur friend needs ur help........... . caller akpors: The question is when are you coming Tomorrow? A. Morning, B. Afternoon, C.Evening, D. Night. Joy: D.Night. caller (akpors Are you sure? Final answer?.... Joy: yes am very sure! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:46am On Mar 30, 2013 |
A TEACHER ONCE ASKED AKPOS.... TEACHER: Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. Can someone tell us why we shouldn't do these things? AKPOS: Because the government hates competition! TRUE OR FALSE 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:35pm On Mar 31, 2013 |
Teacher : Who is the President of Iraq ? Akpors : I don't know Miss Teacher : You need to focus more on your studies. Akpors : Please Miss, can I ask a question ? Teacher : Yes. Akpors : Do U know Angela ? Teacher : No? Akpors: do u know grace, princess and sandra Teacher: No, why? Akpors: You need to focus more on your husband! hit like if u get it 6 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:59pm On Mar 31, 2013 |
Two ladies were standing at the club. One was ugly and the other was beautiful. While they were standing, there came akpors and said to the ugly girl, " Hello " ugly Girl: Hi akpors: Do you wanna dance? Ugly Girl: Yes (excitedly) akpors: Go dance I want to speak to your friend |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:10pm On Mar 31, 2013 |
Akpos JAMB EXAMINATION.... Fill in the gap Akpos JAMB examination questions: 1.Inside Jackie Chan & jet Li who go beat?......... 2.Inside indomie & macaroni,which 1 sweet pass?......... 3.Inside girls & boys,who do amebo pass?....... 4.Inside Mama & Papa style & 4rm back,which 1 sweet pass?....... 5.Inside fowl & goat,who get voice pass?....... 6.Inside Ogboni & Illuminati,which 1 sweet to join pass?...... 7.No difference btw agbero & police because d both of them they collect money 4 bus stop & they wear uniform.......True or false? 8.Everybody don thief b4......True or false? 9.Inside Politician & yahoo boyz,who girls follow pass?....... 10.Finally,Inside me wey write dis thing & U wey dey read am,who no get work?...... 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:28pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
A well known Pastor Tebogo and a pretty sister were enjoying themselves under the tree. They were doing it not knowing that Akpors was on the tree hiding and smoking,after the act the sister asked the Pastor that did he use any protection or what The pastor said No and asked why The girl said that she was assuming she might get pregnant and who is gonna take care of the baby The pastor replied:Lets leave it to the one above. Suddenly Akpors jumped down and shouted. Are you crazy?leave it to who?me? 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:38pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Discussion b/w Akpos and Ekaite on Phone this morning around 8:03am. . Akpos who want Ekaite to come around this evening.. Here's their conversation . Akpos- Hello Honey! Ekaite- Hello! Akpos- How was your night Ekaite- Splendid Akpos- Wow! Dats gud, I will like you to come around this evening Ekaite- Hey honey... I am preparing for My Friends Traditional Marriage n am going bak 2 school frm dia. Akpos- Do u remeber what i promised you... Ekaite- Wat? Akpos- I promised you the new BlackBerry® Z10™.. And I have bought it for you... Ekaite- Hey... Akposkey... Dats y i Luv u... Dont worry let me pack my tins and come over....hope u r at home Akpos- Yes! But wat about ur friends traditional marriage... Ekaite- Dont worry (laughs) April fool... . . . After the "whole show" ekaite requests for the phone... Akpos- Hahahahaha... D BB na also April fool..... |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:41pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Akpors had a dream that he got Robbed and murdered.. The next day he closed his bank account.. And his friend Johnny asked why... Akpors replied: The Bank Slogan says . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."We Make your Dreams come true'' What is your advice to Mr akpors? |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:46pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Akpos and Ekaite went to commit suicide on top of a 10 storey building so that God can officiate their wedding in heaven. Their plan was to jump off the building at the same time at the count of three. So, After the count, Akpos jumped off but the Ekaite didn't jump. Ekaite looked back and said: Love is blind but am not blind. She then walked away As Akpos got to the air, He opened his parachute and said: Though, I'm madly in love, But am not mad to die for "LOVE". Now the Question is, who cheated between the two? A) Akpos B) Ekaite C) Both D) None |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:46pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Akpors Daughter Returns Home After 30 Years. Akpors (Angry): “Where The Hell Have You Been All This Years?” Daughter: “I Was Working AsA Prostitute In The Vietnam” Akpors: “What? Get Out Of My House You LovePeddler, I Don’t Want To See Your Face Again” Daughter (Crying): “Before I Go Dad, I Came To Give You A $5 Million Cheque, And Here Is A $1million For My Brother Rukewa . I Had Built A Big House For You In The Northern Surburbs With Everything In It Including A Ferarri And A Bugatti. Bye Dad” Akpors (Smiling): “What Kind of Work You Said You Where Doing” Daughter (Crying Out Loud):“A Prostitute Dad” Father: “Come And Give Daddy A Big Hug, I Thought You Said You WhereA ”Prosecuter" Describe Akpos In One Word |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:05pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Akpors saw a notice board in the middle of a river, he tried to read it, but couldn't, so he swam to the board in the middle of the river and read "DANGER CROCODILES INSIDE, PLEASE DON'T SWIM"..... *he's now saying hz last prayer* |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:39pm On Apr 01, 2013 |
Girl: Honey?? Akpors: Yes, sweety?? Girl: Honey, i like this shoe a lot but i forgot my wallet at home, could you plz give me N5,000 to buy it? Akpors: There is no Atm close here but take this N100, go home and bring your wallet. . . Question: Is akpors= . 1)Economical. 2)Sharp minded. 3)Wicked. 4)Reasonable. 5)Stingy. 6)Genious 7)Selfish silly 9)Foolish 10.Wise ?? |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:42pm On Apr 02, 2013 |
Joke: AKPORS and White. AKPORS and a white guy were sitting in the park, the white man had a pet monkey and AKPORS is selling bananas, AKPORS said ‘Mr. Can u look after my bananas, i’m goin to the toilet”,” Yeah sure, go ahead” said the white man. When AKPORS came he found his bananas has gone and asked “where are my bananas” the white man pointed to the monkey and said “ask ur brother” :O,AKPORS chilled and sat down. Few minutes later the white man ask”can u watch my monkey I’m going to the toilet” ,”oh yeah sure!” said AKPORS. When the white man came back he found his monkey dead and exclaim “what happened here?” AKPORS replied ” don’t get involved pls , it’s a family matter” |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:20pm On Apr 02, 2013 |
Akpors and his three friends where talking about their wives. The first guy said "when my wife was pregnant she read, the novel: the 2 cities and gave birth 2 twins". The second guy said, his wife read the 3 musketeers and gave birth 2 triplet. Akpors stood up and started shouting like a mad man and started running heading home, when asked why? he then said "my wife is pregnant and she's reading alibaba and the 40 thieves wen i left home! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:27pm On Apr 03, 2013 |
Mrs Akpos to her housemaid:"Oh Ekaitte, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." The housemaid(ekaitte) replied: "I don't believe it ma, you're just saying that to make me jealous!" hit like if you get it. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by Spacodinho(m): 11:56pm On Apr 03, 2013 |
lil jboy: Akpos won a 10 millionguy y u copy my joke i go report u oh 4 copyright |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:05am On Apr 04, 2013 |
Spacodinho: guy y u copy my joke i go report u oh 4 copyrightwere you the first person to post that joke? Get lost,after all la you first answer that name wey your parents give you? 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:50am On Apr 04, 2013 |
Akpos and musa after an English exam. Akpos: How was your paper? Musa: men! It was kind of hard; I didn't know the past tense of 'think'. I thought & thought and thought for a long time then finally, i wrote 'thunk' Akpos: I guess you're right because I wrote thunk after I thought 4 a while too.... Musa: Shit! And what about the past tense of 'write'? Akpos: I don’t know what I wrote; I think I wrote 'written' Musa: That one I didn't even bother. When I saw the next number asking for the past tense of 'go', I just went out of the Exam Room. Akpos: i went out too, when I reached that number I couldn't take it anymore. Those idiots gave us an exam beyond our scope........ 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:32am On Apr 06, 2013 |
Akpos who was a prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak twowords and soon. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, sohe waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?” Akpos who was a prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak twowords and soon. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, sohe waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?” Akpos who was a prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak twowords and soon. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, sohe waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?” 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:29pm On Apr 06, 2013 |
POEMS written by AKPOS and his WIFE to one another . . . WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. AKPOS: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw me in darkness, He created light. He saw me without problems, He created YOU. WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are. And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far. AKPOS: The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you..? WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue. Monkeys like u should be kept in ZOO. Don't feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but laughing at YOU WHO KILLED IT? The wife or the husband? |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:51pm On Apr 06, 2013 |
Woman=no sex now, am still mourning my husband . . Akpors=dats why am wearing a black condom,pls open ur legs and accept my condonlence |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:49pm On Apr 06, 2013 |
GIRL: I hate my boyfriend! AKPOS: Why? GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that? AKPOS: Of course not, I'm not like that. GIRL: I'm going to break up with him. AKPOS: Ok but know I'm available. [Girl stands to leave] AKPOS: Wait, where are you going? GIRL: To break up with my boyfriend of course. AKPOS: You can't leave. GIRL: Why? AKPOS: Who is going to pay for the lunch we just had? |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:28pm On Apr 06, 2013 |
Peter : "I want my money now!" Tom : "I will kill myself so thatI won't pay you *he pulled a gun n shot himself dead* Peter : "hahaha..... If u think u'll get away with my money ur wrong, i'l follow u until u pay me *he takes the gun n shot himself dead as well * akpos was watching from a distance he laughed n said:"these guys are funny, I want to watch this till the end".... *he also took the gun and killed himself! TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPEN AT THE END |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:35pm On Apr 06, 2013 |
Teacher: Make a Sentence with Big Akpos: The Ram Is Big Teacher: Make it longer Akpos: The Ram is big ooooooo Next joke: Teacher: Who can state one diff btw a Bird and a Fly? .. Akpos: A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird. 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:04am On Apr 07, 2013 |
A teacher asked 5yr old Akpors the sum of 5+5. Akpors stretched out his hands to count his fingers but the teacher insisted that he won't allow him to count his fingers just for that simple question. Akpors withdrew his hands, put them under his locker, he put both hand inside his pants and started counting his fingers without the teacher's knowledge. He started counting his fingers 1,2,3...and answered in a loud voice 5+5=11! HOW COME? |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:09am On Apr 07, 2013 |
Akpos asked his dad to buy him a toy gun cos is neigbours son ochuko has one. That same day, akpos and his dad went to the toy shop and bought two toy gun. One for his son and himself and they drove home. Just when they where about taking their lunch, armed robbers broke in with cutlasses and daggers. Akpos pointed his toy gun towards them, asked his dad to point his, the armed robbersstarted shivery begging, akpos then said daddy dont move yet oh, am going inside to get water so that we can put it in our gun. Dad fainted. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:34pm On Apr 07, 2013 |
A TEACHER asked a student in a warri school "what is '2' raised to power '5'", the student stood up and replied "Wetin '2' dey raise power for '5'...dem be mate?...'2' leave '3', '4' come dey raise power for '5'...him wan die?..him no knw say '5' use three years senior am..." The teacher fainted guess who d student is?? 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:08pm On Apr 07, 2013 |
Akpors and Ugo were in a super market together and while they were shopping Ugo stole 3 bars of chocolate. When they got outside he showed Akpors and told "I am the greatest". Akpos said to him "do you want to see real stealing?" so they went back to the office of the manager and Akpos told him he was a magician and he demanded for 3 bars of chocolate, after eating it he told them to check Ugo's pocket that it was there! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:22pm On Apr 07, 2013 |
A group of student scientists in Nigeria were to hold a competition to showcase their scientific inventions. The first boy came forward & said: "Am Adesola Kunle from Lagos. I invented a biro that can write whatever someone says on its own". He practicalized it and was applauded. The second person came and said: "I am Osita Chidi from Imo state. I invented a chip that can tell you the amount of money in someone's pockets close to it". He also practicalized it & was also applauded. Then came another man who said: "Am Akpors from warri. I invented a bomb that can kill anything 1000 metresaway and will blow up any human bodyinto million pieces, grinding up the hardest bones in the body. Please can you all sit down while I practicalize it before you all. At this point, the chairman of the competition shouted out. "Akpors dont worry about testing it here. You have done an excellent job & you are already the winner of this competition" |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:25pm On Apr 07, 2013 |
Akpors comes back in the morning.. Wife: where have u been? Where did u sleep? Akpors: at my friend's place, thers a funeral.He lost his sister! Wife: Ok.. U can eat your food, im going to bath! (after bathing) wife: Am going out! Akpors: Where are u going? Wife: To the funeral, at your friend's place, to check how they doing since their loss! Akpors: (Shaking&Scared ).. Honey, they called the time u were bathing and told me she rose from the dead! |
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