Uniquexty: thanks. But the only character i introduced was mrs Ajoke.

Uniquexty: Alright. I wil make adjustments later today. Thanks @Ishi. But i didnt write that Lucan was shot at Mr. Ibe's huz. JayB sent d team 2 also check out Mr.Ibe's death. The limping man has already been seen with Jack. He was marked because of dat picture. If he has dat pix, then he saw more dan d snapping. Cant HBG do d killing? My work is already long. I really dnt understand wot u mean by reversing my chapter. But i wil reread what i wrote cos i did d writing in a hurry and thumbing of heart. Even at d time i told Larry dat d work was ready, i didnt even knw wot d first paragraph was. So pls sorry. Btw, d next writer has seen d changes i'v bin asked to make. Can't she start work?

Uniquexty: Alright. I wil make adjustments later today. Thanks @Ishi. But i didnt write that Lucan was shot at Mr. Ibe's huz. JayB sent d team 2 also check out Mr.Ibe's death. The limping man has already been seen with Jack. He was marked because of dat picture. If he has dat pix, then he saw more dan d snapping. Cant HBG do d killing? My work is already long. I really dnt understand wot u mean by reversing my chapter. But i wil reread what i wrote cos i did d writing in a hurry and thumbing of heart. Even at d time i told Larry dat d work was ready, i didnt even knw wot d first paragraph was. So pls sorry. Btw, d next writer has seen d changes i'v bin asked to make. Can't she start work?

Larry-Sun:
Ishilove has said it all...however, I'd disagree that her use of the word 'badder' is wrong. The word 'badder' could be used metaphorically, and mostly to emphasize humour and degree of a complicated situation. Grammatically, it isn't advisable for the use of a student sitting for SSCE, but a fiction writer could be excused. Liberty thingy

Ishilove:
The limping man hasn't been seen with Jack, yet. The person who Jack took a picture of is the late Ayodele.

I didn't say 'reverse'. I mean 'revise'. That is, look through your work and make corrections.

Larry-Sun:
I used to think that Ayomide was disguising as the limping man, now that Ayomide is dead, I guess I was wrong. So, the limping man hasn't been given an identity yet, right? The HIM...what's his name again?

Larry-Sun:
I used to think that Ayomide was disguising as the limping man, now that Ayomide is dead, I guess I was wrong. So, the limping man hasn't been given an identity yet, right? The HIM...what's his name again?

Oahray: lol... I kinda diferentiated the limping man from Ayodele in chapter 6 when I introduced him.

As for HIM, let's leave that for latter writers to give him an identity that is true to the hype that has been built around him already.

Ishilove:
The next writers should shed more light on why an anti-social, forex trading geek was chosen to be an assasin.

Ishilove:
You well done with this Him character

Ishilove:
The next writers should shed more light on why an anti-social, forex trading geek was chosen to be an assasin.

Foxy_Ultimate: **Passing by chewing Kilishi and kunu**

Good morning y'all

Oahray: Pyguru don attack person again

HumbledbYGrace: Another thing I saw last night, Chapter2, 3, 4, 5, and 7 have some grammatical errors that were pointes out but were never fixed.

Frank here
(Lucan was just 3inchis taller than his father who was 5ft 3inchis.) Inches is the right word

( The 29years old young man) get rid of the "s" please

(
“Mnnn, still on boxer, I bet you haven’t even brushed your teeth.”) "In" instead of on

(He stretched his and back, the pain was subsiding.) I don't think the "and" in that sentence is needed.

Since Redmosquito is nolonger a part of this I think Larry should ask Cuddlemii for permission to edit that post, or Cuddlemii edit it for us. Thanks

Morning all

Mazi_Omenuko: Read the upload.

Nice work, owing to the fact that you had less time.

However, you introduced a lot of new characters. Merging this new characters with the numerous ones already created made your work a little bit complex.

There are few scenes that needs more explanations: you introduced a Mrs Ajoke, and then made her almost omni-science.
Sharon was supposed to be a barrister, the 'rib' explanations was a little bit out of place.
You made our 'almighty' HIM look just like any other common character.

There are typos and some grammatical errors; I was equally guilty of this, so I will let Larry and Ishi have a field day in that section.

Once again, good work.

#...you killed Ayodele, in a bizarre way! What's with you guys and murder? Y'all need Jesus!..#

Ishilove: Nice work Unix,considering you had a very short time to work. Thumbs up.

My observations:
Some typos. The one I can remember is- 'staring', not starring.

Wrong usage of verbs. E.g- "Jack 'jammed' his hands on his thighs.' You stick your appendages into places. E.g Jack's foot was jammed between the door and the wall.

'Jack slapped his thighs in excitement' will be better. Consider revising.

'David bombed into something'- the right verb is 'bumped'. A bomb is a noun, 'bump' could be a noun, adjective or verb, but in the context in which it is used, it is a verb. You bump into things, while you bomb things. KABOOM!!!

Wrong use of comparatives- 'this is badder than I thought.' Very wrong.

Good, better, best. Bad, worse, worst. So 'worse' is what should be in that sentence. Unless na Engli-igbo you dey talk.

Storyline confusion- Sharon is a barrister, but her medical knowledge is above the layman's knowledge. An explanation on how she knows so much about the human anatomy is needed.

'Sharon poked the corpse's ribs with her gloved hands'. Why are her hands gloved? Where did the gloves come from? At what point did she wear the gloves?

Please read chapter six,seven and eight very carefully. Lucan was not shot in Ibe's house. Osborne road is where Koko bought a house for Amina. In chapter 8, Lucan wakes up in Amina's house in Osborne road. The shooting takes place in Amina's house. Two days later, Ibe and his wife are killed in their house in the GRA. LUCAN could not possibly have been shot in in Ibe's house because he was already in hospital, fighting for his life. The policemen discussing in chapter 8 confirmed this.

Kabon Tijani did not call the policemen. The policemen were already present when he arrived Osborne road. We shall assume they were called in by concerned neighbours who heard the sound of shots coming from Amina's house.

Lucan is no longer a fugitive. He is now under police custody again, that's why his colleagues were more concerned about him than the shooting. They even helped Kabon load Lucan into the vehicle and drove him to the hospital.

'The limping boy was grinning'-Please note that the limping character is not a boy, he is a man. He is first introduced in chapter six in the mortuary. He makes a reappearance in chapters 7 and 8. He uses the code 'Rain check'. I think this character should be developed because he is an angel of death; wherever he shows up, he leaves dead bodies behind.

Also note that the identity of Madam K has been revealed in chapter 8. In addition, any person that can make a serving honourable member of government quake with fear must be a very powerful person. HIM is not your ordinary, next-door villain.

Consider revising your chapter because it doesn't sync with the preceding chapters.

However, you did good because you worked under short notice, so kudos to you.

Larry-Sun:
It seems like all the writers are going on a killing spree. There is scarcely a chapter that doesn't have one character or the other being killed. Our murderous intents are taken out on the poor pens and papers. The plot thickens though.

channel 190: [color=green]she didnt introduce more than one character, just like we have discovered.

larrysun, not all writers are masters of all genres.

her update is to me better, if deleted.

as in it fall short of the previous standards.
uniquesty, i might not b frequent in this section but have always followed this story.

for the fact that you made mention of HIM in an ordinary manner killed my joy.

my cents is that it shou,d be deleted.

channel 190: she didnt introduce more than one character, just like we have discovered.

larrysun, not all writers are masters of all genres.

her update is to me better, if deleted.

as in it fall short of the previous standards.
uniquesty, i might not b frequent in this section but have always followed this story.

for the fact that you made mention of HIM in an ordinary manner killed my joy.

my cents is that it shou,d be deleted.

channel 190: she didnt introduce more than one character, just like we have discovered.

larrysun, not all writers are masters of all genres.

her update is to me better, if deleted.

as in it fall short of the previous standards.
uniquesty, i might not b frequent in this section but have always followed this story.

for the fact that you made mention of HIM in an ordinary manner killed my joy.

my cents is that it shou,d be deleted.

Oahray: nah... It should only be edited. I think she should relax and read everything again, from chapter one, slowly, and try to touch certain parts of her post.

She did well in my opinion, considering the short notice and the pressure to perform.

Oahray: nah... It should only be edited. I think she should relax and read everything again, from chapter one, slowly, and try to touch certain parts of her post.

She did well in my opinion, considering the short notice and the pressure to perform.