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Why then did u marry ur wife poster?she only feels ur married to ur friend. Honestly most men don't like dia lives changing after they get married but they need to remember its a human being they brought into dia home n dia lives! Ur wife is not an object!! She has feelings dat r neglected by u! Afta 2 hrs of gistn with Dayo n neglecting her d whole day u round up d day by saying u want to be intimate with her? She isn't a dog pls! Its humiliating for a woman! No one is saying forsake ur good buddy, every woman wants a friend for her husband who can luk him in d face n tell him d truth but ur nt finding dat balance n u don't even want to find it! Pls find it! Lastly if u let her go, it means u can now talk to Dayo for 5 hours every day ba? Just wait, by then, Dayo too would be divorcing so u two can get married!

Hi Zeefa.

You did not tell us how long you have been married and how many children you have.

You say you love your wife but the thread indicates otherwise.

Both of you need to work on your relationship.

Friendship should not interfere with marriage. Marriage was designed to be forever and friendship as that of a brother will support, not threaten the marriage.

If you have children and your wife is not unfaithful to you, you better fight hard for your marriage or you will regret it.

Aword, they say, is enough for the wise.

adconline: Most women who are advising the OP to dump his best who BROUGHT him to UK and HELPED pay his bills are selfish,insecure and ingrate bunch. How many of u have really gone out of ur way to displease yourself and please ur best friend if u have ever had one? A man who contributed to your success and probably the reason why she married u. She does not care how u started in life, who helped u, all she cares for is who u have become. Neglecting all the sacrifices borne by ur friend. Maybe ur best friend never treated his siblings the same way. He's a great friend and don't leave him. Women are not like men, if their needs are not taken of by parents, then boyfriends , then husbands. As for men, if their needs are not met by their parents, male friends come in to help.

Nobody is asking him to dump his friend but how can a man not just a man but a married one for that matter be on phone with another man for almost 2-3hrs every weekdays. It happened to me too during my first year in marriage, I had to call him to order and let him know how would he feel if I dedicate so much time with my own friends too. Marriage is not a do or die thing, if you can't respect your wife by placing your friend first then why marry her in the first place to be a second fiddle. Please there is time for everything

agoha_vivi: Left to me, I'll advise that you tone down the relationship but maintain your friendship. Also, try as much as possible to improve on your relatinship with your wife. I believe there's some element of neglect on your side. A true friend is worth a great fortune so try as much as possible to bridge the divide and create a balance.

This is the only sensible woman on this topic,all others can do worse than that man's wife,,I will never loose my childhood friend because of any stupid woman,she must agree with me or go to HELL...do we have any mother of our children nowor murder of our children?? Don't give a damn about dem.

tell her you are de head of the family and where she see you today is as result of God grace and ur best friend, let her know that nothing can stop both of you cos he is a brother no more just a friend. and your decision stand no one can change it as a man.
if she truely love you she will understand and sit up. dont let a woman controls you else she will do de same to your mum or dad.........real African men don't take shit from women.

purposeDiva:
I'll b frank if ℓ̊ say the OP doesn't need our advice @al. From all I've read so far aπϑ his responses, he already has α̇̇ set solution; letting his wife go! Then I'll say he's not ready for marriage if this is Ð réason he'll send his wife packing. Also if his frnd loves aπϑ cares for him as much as he claims here, den such α̇̇ frnd shldnt allow himself be d cos of his best frnd's broken home. Sm advisers b sincere! Wat r̶̲̥̅̊ they always talking abt for 2hrs EVERYDAY I'm not sure he calls his wife even for 3mins over d phone everyday while @ work. aπϑ after work is meant for family. 2hrs EVERYDAY COME ONNNNNNNN!!!

Thank you, some men are just so selfish, I'm sure the wife feel so threaten maybe her husband don't open up to her but to his friend. No woman wants to serve as second fiddle in a relationship. There's no need to advice him because I see due to his respond that he cherish his friend more than the woman he married.

.....

luvmijeje:
Eeeehn,a dog that will get lost will not hear. the whistle of the hunter.I pitied her,she has entered one chance!
My prayer 2night is not to entered this kind of one chance o.

Which advice u get for mouthNo be to eat apple again? Abeg go siddon put for one place...All u want is to turn man to mumu,maga,,drive away all his gudness and start abusing him tomorrow wen he is down...follow anoda man...plzzz keep ur mouth shut forever...

Hmmmm. OP, balance is key in everything. The 2 of you are wrong; You as a married man spending too much time with your buddy and she issuing divorce threats. A question that bothers me though is this; Did your wife not notice the closeness btw you and ur friend while you were dating?
Well, my advice for you is to sit your wife down and find out what she really wants and then pick it up from there but sound it to her that you are not afraid of her threats.

Chei. Chi ekwekwana. So people that think as poorly as this exist. AND SOME WOMEN MARRIED THEM.

What are two grown men discussing for 2 hours after work everyday? Not business or money talk, just shooting the breeze everyday for at least 2 hours. So when the woman, after waiting around fruitlessly for some attention, goes to sleep, the man would finish his bro call and then come wake her up like, "Time for sex, woman". Wtf?

In over 12 pages of discussion, you haven't once talked of sitting down to discuss with your woman, heart-to-heart, and work things out. Instead you said "I might just have to let her go". You shunned the voices of reason that advised moderation, instead agreeing wholeheartedly with the REAL MEN who said, "Bros over hos".

@OP: Assuming this story is not SuperStory, do everyone in this movie a favor, and agree to the divorce. Marriage is not for everyone, and it definitely isn't by force. Your wife has obviously been complaining for a long time, and you haven't listened. Your friend's poor wife doesn't even have the guts to complain, her own situation is worse.

Let her go, yeah!

Just think, when the divorce is finalised, you can move in with your brother from another mother, and be able to talk with him face-to-face 24/7, and even eat some of his spectacular beans once more. You could even sleep in the same room with him, just like the old days (never mind that his wife would be glowering at you). Wouldn't that be grand?

zeefa:

Abi oooO, its really crazy. Thanks so much jare

Knowing Dauo for more than 15 years is not good enough to jeep advise the family you are trying to build.
You can maintain your relationship with both you and your wife and Dayo by planning family times but respect your wife enough not to be on the phone with a man while you are in her space (home), how would you feel if she does the same. What if her closest friend was a guy, how would you feel.
It is too gay to be into Dayo whereas you should paying more attention to your partner.

I have a lot of self righteous ladies dishing out advice. I have a boss who does exactly the same thing. He talks to his friend in the UK more than 2 hours daily.

You know what, when he resigned from the bank. It was this same friend who gave him 25% of the company he floated in Nigeria so that he can manage it and it has been wonderful so far. For those wondering what a man discusses with another for over 2 hours, it shows you lack depth of thought.

I have a friend and I discuss topics ranging from Nigerian politics, the west and Africa, the black man etc, i.e. philosophical discussions. We discuss till the phones gets hot. If you are philosophical and analytical, you will always find something to talk about.

I believe the OP does not get this depth of discussions with his wife and therefore still talks to his friend. I advise the OP to start intellectual discussions with his wife, however I have discovered that most ladies discuss the superficial; latest fashion? hottest gossip? reality tv? kim kardashian? and all such flavours.

Hardly will they seat down to discuss question to do with the origin of the black man and his impact in the world today. No, it is too philosophical and unexciting. It does not make their blood rush.

Lastly, OP should reduce daily calls to weekly, weekly to monthly and so on to let peace reign. However, point this out and do not let her believe her threat of divorce worked or else she is going to do it again. This kinds of threats work abroad because western laws are overly sympathetic to women.

May God grant you wisdom to solve this challenge. Amen

@Op nd all, ds is d golden rule:
DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO TO U. Shikena
Marraige has responsibilities nd cutting down som old ties is one of dem.

#I wonder if u wil tell d same blip to ur children, dt u must talk wit ur best friend (who is more impoetant dn dem nd dia mother) for 2hrs after work everyday, even when dy come to u at dt tym for dr homeworks. U can still change now.

Gudluck in ur choice btw ur marraige nd friendship.

OP. The Bible says something, 'In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall a word be established. If it was just your wife complaining I would have said she needs to let up but it's not. His own wife has also noticed and that tells me there is a serious problem. You need to grow up and act like a man. And you and your friend and quite a few posters on here need to get out of the dark ages, gone are the days of the woman must take what you dish out.

There is nothing wrong in having a friendship but there is everything wrong when it is threatening a marriage. Remember what God has joined let no man put asunder. Agreed her threatening with divorce was a stupid move but it tells me that she has likely brought this issue up over and over and you being the hot-headed child rather than take a step back and re-evaluate have stubbornly ignored her concerns. With your present attitude you are just going to go through a multitude of divorces if you don't wise up FAST. Having a meeting is a huge mistake, you do not air laundry in public. Marriage is between you and her no one else.

Keep the friendship, reduce the time. Most of my friends tend to be male but I make sure I never spend more time conversing with them than a bf. My bro' in law has people he speaks to extensively. People he's known over 20 odd years but my sis never complains, you know why? He never spends more time with them than her and the second their conversation is over he tells her what was discussed. it's called MATURITY. He never discusses any issues they may have with outsiders.

Conclusion, man up and start realizing you are now married not single. Marriage takes 2 to make it work. Explain to her the friendship stays but balance it. And if you are stupid enough to let her go because of stubborn pride over such an inconsequential and easily solved matter, while I hate divorce and detest women cleaning men out, I hope she takes you to the cleaners - only IF you are stupid enough to get a divorce over this.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!

DID YOU GUYS JUST SEE THE WORD DIVORCE ON THAT POST!!!!!!!!!!

I do understand your concern and also her concern. But divorce that's taking it too far. She has read stories of guys and ladies who were this close but eventually turned out to be gay partners and some lost their marriages. Personally, I have met someone like that. To alleviate her fears and insecurity you have to compromise by reducing calls and association until she's comfortable. Also bring family in. These will make her feel secure.

Tobius tobius: Chei. Chi ekwekwana. So people that think as poorly as this exist. AND SOME WOMEN MARRIED THEM.

What are two grown men discussing for 2 hours after work everyday? Not business or money talk, just shooting the breeze everyday for at least 2 hours. So when the woman, after waiting around fruitlessly for some attention, goes to sleep, the man would finish his bro call and then come wake her up like, "Time for sex, woman". Wtf?

In over 12 pages of discussion, you haven't once talked of sitting down to discuss with your woman, heart-to-heart, and work things out. Instead you said "I might just have to let her go". You shunned the voices of reason that advised moderation, instead agreeing wholeheartedly with the REAL MEN who said, "Bros over hos".

@OP: Assuming this story is not SuperStory, do everyone in this movie a favor, and agree to the divorce. Marriage is not for everyone, and it definitely isn't by force. Your wife has obviously been complaining for a long time, and you haven't listened. Your friend's poor wife doesn't even have the guts to complain, her own situation is worse.

100% co-signed!

Can people please find a way to derail this silly thread? The OP is obviously some attention-seeking twerk wey never know where dey pain am. And he has succeeded in making you all waste your precious time and energy analyzing something this simple.

He has no business being married to start with. Please look at the bolded and highlighted below.. The freak said over 2 hours everyday.... so I am wondering why everybody automatically capped that to 2 hours.... meaning he talks for almost 3 hours everyday!!!

As some wise people have mentioned here, what is it that the fruitcake talks about everyday with his precious candy-apple that he cannot limit to once a week sef (whether at home or at the office) and even for about 5-10 minutes.. Even 20 minutes is too much.. Are you romancing each other on the phone?? I can 100% assure you that no woman would accept this non-sense. You both could have saved these two women the bullshit they are having to cope with now, and just moved in together for life, then adopt kids. Simple.

Most of you will find (if the OP tells the entire truth) that the wife most probably complained of the issue when they courted and he pretended to limit the calls, only for him to come back full throttle after marriage don enter. But hey, he won't tell us that, would he?.....this ofcourse also means after talking for almost 3 hours everyday, he doesn't have the mental capability of handling his manly duties in the bedroom as he would be so tired from the gist.

Then fastforward to weekends....free landline to landline calls, then skype.... you creepy freak of a man!!! What time do you have for your wife? if she seeks the attention she needs outside now, you would come back to nl with another superstory.


People please derail this silly thread, if at all this is a real story, this unfortunate soul has already decided what's best for him.

But remember, no woman who truly loves you would take this non-sense.. Surely a woman who marries you for the money or sake of being married, or some reason would because she doesn't care as long as she gets what she wants, so you fac.k dayo in front of her sef, no shaking.


Wise people have spoken from previous pages. Women do not just wake up and threaten divorce (not that I support it).

zeefa: I don't really know how to handle this case cos its becoming a huge problem between me & my wife. I have tried to play it to the best of my knowledge but the situation is not getting in anyway better.

I & dayo have been friends for more than 15yrs. We grew up together those days in Ibadan and fortunately, we attended the same university to study different courses. We were in the same faculty of Engineering but different department.

The university I attended is without school accommodation, so we got an apartment close to eachother & sometimes he comes to my place & I go there too.

He loves Beans a lot back then and he happens 2 b a good cook. So most times, I visited him cos of the beans, laced up with Gari egba @ night.

However, we graduated & I was posted to delta state while he went to IMo state. Even at that, he comes to my place. I served in an oil & Gas company and we had enough money to spend.

I used to give him enough money those days cos he was given just a small allawe which cnt take care of all his needs.

After our youth service, I was retained & he moved to the uk for his masters courtesy of the little money I made during my service year.

After 3yrs, I moved too curtesy of him & he helped with part of the bills cos he was working and studying then.

He got married and after about a year I got to uk and I did mine too almost immediately.

But lately, I have been having issues with my wife over the closeness between me & dayo. we have a free calls to ourselves on O2 network. So we talk virtually everyday for more than two hour after work. And weekends,like saturdays, we move from weekend free landline to landline call to skype.
Just yesterday my wife warned me to desist from such altitude or face divorce.

Please, I need decent people in the house to advise me. I can't ask him to stop calling me or visiting me. He once told me about his wife having similar problem with our friendship too. We are just normal friends with no string attached.

Do I call both families together to resolve it or ignore the threat from my wife.

Thanks so much for taken your time to read.

blessed4ever: God is ready to help anyone who believe on His word and cried to Him for help (Mark 9:20-26). We all should cry and show God that we believe His word and ready to keep His commandment and ask Him to help you to be holy and make you holy. He will do it (Mark 9:23-24). His grace is sufficient (2Corinthians 12:9). So, stop making excuses why you cannot live holy life.Remember,Jesus Christ is coming for the holy,righteous and ready people without spot(Ephesians 5:26-27; Mathew 24:42-44)

Proverbs 31:4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
Proverbs 31:5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
Proverbs 31:6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

Can you take this ur stupid post to religious section. Following orders is also part of God's instructions.

Duke_Nija:

Abeg keep quiet!
What do you know about friendship?
Any Man that loses such a great friend is a big FO.oL!

Who will he run to when Life turns sour? This kind wife?

Spot on bro, it beats me wen some pple just cum on here nd comment on threads as if they are wearin blinkers on their faces... Hw wud u say because ur married nd startd havin kids U want to neglect a frnd or rada a broda dt u guys hv bin 2gda 4 more than 15yrs? Wat manner of wife cud cum out to tel ha hubby sumtin of such dan a daughter of jezebel who wants notin bt retrogression 4 ha husbnd? My broda u beta dnt heed d words of ur wife cos it can spell doom 4u.
Moreova, why wont she even tel u to reduce or limit d rate at whch u spk wit hm on phone, why usin d word desist?

Am still tryna wonder wat manner of gud wife wl be threatening her hubby wit a divorce simply because he stays too long on phone evry week days wit a frnd dat sticks closer dan a broda.

I don't get it. . .the % of men saying OP needs to reduce the cosycosiness with his friend and spend more time with his wife is about the same as the % of women who said the same and I know for sure there have been women who have lambasted the wife for what she is doing....so how did this become a woman vs man thing?

Why is a guy telling ladies to shut up "when men are talking" because she supports the woman despite the fact that many many many men have stated exactly the same thing? Abi is it me who is wrong and those men are actually women??!!

Seriously what is wrong with people?!!!!

Lord have mercy.

Sisi_Kill: I don't get it. . .the % of men saying OP needs to reduce the cosycosiness with his friend and spend more time with his wife is about the same as the % of women who said the same and I know for sure there have been women who have lambasted the wife for what she is doing....so how did this become a woman vs man thing?

Why is a guy telling ladies to shut up "when men are talking" because she supports the woman despite the fact that many many many men have stated exactly the same thing? Abi is it me who is wrong and those men are actually women??!!

Seriously what is wrong with people?!!!!

Lord have mercy.

You are here talking facts and figures. I don't know who told neanderthals understand those concepts...

seyi42k: I have a lot of self righteous ladies dishing out advice. I have a boss who does exactly the same thing. He talks to his friend in the UK more than 2 hours daily.

You know what, when he resigned from the bank. It was this same friend who gave him 25% of the company he floated in Nigeria so that he can manage it and it has been wonderful so far. For those wondering what a man discusses with another for over 2 hours, it shows you lack depth of thought.

I have a friend and I discuss topics ranging from Nigerian politics, the west and Africa, the black man etc, i.e. philosophical discussions. We discuss till the phones gets hot. If you are philosophical and analytical, you will always find something to talk about.

I believe the OP does not get this depth of discussions with his wife and therefore still talks to his friend. I advise the OP to start intellectual discussions with his wife, however I have discovered that most ladies discuss the superficial; latest fashion? hottest gossip? reality tv? kim kardashian? and all such flavours.

Hardly will they seat down to discuss question to do with the origin of the black man and his impact in the world today. No, it is too philosophical and unexciting. It does not make their blood rush.

reasons why it's dangerous to marry a brain-dead bimbo because of her curves or the size of her mammary glands. you are right - some women have nothing in their cranium intellectually. all they want to talk about is aso-ebi, latest cosmetics and vanity stuff that won't sit well with most men who are critical thinkers.....

zeefa:

Abi oooO, its really crazy. Thanks so much jare

So if you lose your wife, you will marry your broda from anoda mother.

Some men dont realize they can only be happy in life when their wives are happy.

How can you spend 2hours everyday talking with someone on phone in your wife's presence? Where is the respect and concern for your wife's feelings.

Call both families together and narrate your long friendship and then let the 2 women decide how you treat them and still maintain your broda from anoda mother.

Kgdavid: grown men shuld not spend so much time talkin to each other on the phone, your wife probably feels ignored and neglected during that period!

tanx jare, ur wife is feeelin neglected, she doesnt get ur time as ur so called friend does, u guys shld reduce it, u guys can talk more at work then wehen u r at home, all ur attention must be to ur wife nd kids.
well u can still go ahead and bring the two families together so that the issue cn be trashed, but i still insist that u give her more time, abeggggggggggg oooooo

Some peeps here will just Open their head they reason NONSENSE.

@Op...your wife will probably not understand that kinda friendship,considering how far you guys have come, even before you married, I think a reasonable woman will be able to understand that. Your wife is simply jealous and jealousy have already blinded her to make such a statement/threat as DIVORCE.

Personally, I will go as far as divorcing her First before she does it. Am sorry to say this, I think your wife has some bad advisers...what if your friend is a she nko?

My brother, don't lose that your friend for anything,even for that your wife..he was always their to help you,trust me, You really need that kind of person around especially in a Far Far away Land. E get d kind wahala. Wey go burst for that way,your wife no go do some kind things wey that your man go fit do. Your Ship no dey sail tight na why she dey threaten you wit divorce, see as your man take comport his own wife.
She can go ahead and divorce you, at the end of the day she will know how stuupid she was.

He who marries a wife,got a gud thing no be for this one.

What is special about talking to a friend 2-3 hours every weekend.
What if goes out and spend thesame time with his friends.

That woman is really insecure for saying she wants divorce .

bunmila:
When u r fOolish, u r foolish

Yes its true but there are also two types of foolishness, I think yours cannot be fixed but mine still have a solution

Oga at The Top Oluwaseun,


Please introduce a "dislike" button. There are too many annoying comments here.

This shows that we're heading for more divorces in the future.

A lot of men here simply don't know that the wife (every wife) needs attention.

This Op will not even notice that his wife has a new hairstyle or that she's wearing a sexy dress specially for him in the evening.
The woman is feeling unloved, unimportant and undesired. End of.