Hello NL, I need your advice.I have been dating this guy for close to a year now but knew him for 8 yrs as we once dated briefly back in our secondary school days.He is nice and gentle,but the problem is that my guy no dey compromise at alllllllllllllllllllllllllll.For example,when am tired and he knows it,that is after cleaning and washing et al,he still expects me to go down stairs and buy drinking water I don't know what his problem is because there are times when after washing heaps of clothes and I asked him to help me spread he will complain of being tired and that he has been standing since morning in the office.Me don tire o.I really do love him but at this point I really want to leave the relationship.Am based in Abuja and he is in Lagos but I sacrifice my business and time to see him and due to his pay I don't ask for flight tickets but would go by road,a ten hours journey(there are times I would purge and vomit because of road sickness).Sometimes I travel at night!Currently am with him,but am seriously thinking on how to call it quit as I have adviced him several times yet its the same old lame story each time I pay him a visit.There was actually an occasion I bought some dried fish of 8k for my mom and I begged himto take it to my brother who is around his environment as at that time,my bobo delayed this till evening when my brother left.Next day,I opened the bag of fish to see that maggot has consumed almost half of the fish I bought all the way from Abuja for my mom.Am tired.

Am listening.....

Your story is touchy! When your partner doesn't compromise for love sake, then he shouldn't be with Ɣ☺ΰ.

Like seriously, that boyfriend of yours need some lectures on how to treat a partner with some respect (I'm assuming that what Ɣ☺ΰ posted is true). If Ɣ☺ΰ could travel from Abj to lagos (that risk alone is enough commitment and sacrifice) and actually do all †ђξ washing and laundry like Ɣ☺ΰ said, why can't he assist in spreading †ђξ clothes or going downstairs to buy drinking water.
My deductions:
1. That boyfriend of yours is very lazy
2. He is an in grate and inconsiderate
3. He is so nonchalant and uncaring (for allowing †ђξ dried fish Ɣ☺ΰ bought for your mum to go bad, he wanted to chop it alone abi?) If it were for his mother naw, he will deliver it chap chap. Nansense!
4. I don't think he deserves Ɣ☺ΰ.

I'm a man, but some guys are just so stewpid and disrespectul. Any relationship that cannot sacrifice is not worth it and is as good as dead. #My 1Naira!

OP, leave d scene: this part is not for u.

@OP
have you ever considered the fact that "maybe" he doesnt really care about your feelings because he simply doesnt love you?

why ll he compromise wen u let him get away wit it?
u treat him with kids glove. he heaps clothes and waits for u to wash em wen u visit, and u always do.den u go ahead to clean his whole house for him! im not saying u shouldnt, im saying he knows u ll always let him ve his way...if u marry him dis way, na suffer be dat.

woman, train ur guy to be responsible. next tym if he refuses to buy d drinking water, go buy urs and drink alone. if he wont help u spread d clothes, his clothes, leave it der!!
stop spoiling him... yes stop. u r d cause..... and i dnt even want to bring luv into d....

shizzle11: Your story is touchy! When your partner doesn't compromise for love sake, then he shouldn't be with Ɣ☺ΰ.

Like seriously, that boyfriend of yours need some lectures on how to treat a partner with some respect (I'm assuming that what Ɣ☺ΰ posted is true). If Ɣ☺ΰ could travel from Abj to lagos (that risk alone is enough commitment and sacrifice) and actually do all †ђξ washing and laundry like Ɣ☺ΰ said, why can't he assist in spreading †ђξ clothes or going downstairs to buy drinking water.
My deductions:
1. That boyfriend of yours is very lazy
2. He is an in grate and inconsiderate
3. He is so nonchalant and uncaring (for allowing †ђξ dried fish Ɣ☺ΰ bought for your mum to go bad, he wanted to chop it alone abi?) If it were for his mother naw, he will deliver it chap chap. Nansense!
4. I don't think he deserves Ɣ☺ΰ.

I'm a man, but some guys are just so stewpid and disrespectul. Any relationship that cannot sacrifice is not worth it and is as good as dead. #My 1Naira!

why insulting the guy? You should know that its not by force to love someone(for people that believes in love) its clear that the guy doesn't love the girl(if there's anything like love)

And this same girl will be busy rejecting those that really care, let her carry the cross, women deserve such

wen i read compromise i tot morally and integrally unbending: no lies, pre marital sx , etc . This one is a self-centerd buffoon. Like most stuck up women too. I know how tiring long distance journeys by road can be. How about if he visited u 4 a change instead? And by road so that he can appreciate d sacrifice. It wud b painful but his type looks not worth it. But follow ur heart.

Any relationship witout real reciprocity will die eventually,ur relationship wit him isnt healthy,ts not built on giv and take.i think u love him more than he loves u.........my advise start lookin for smetin better,expand ur options cos I DONT SEE him changing

fubbyy: why insulting the guy? You should know that its not by force to love someone(for people that believes in love) its clear that the guy doesn't love the girl(if there's anything like love)

And this same girl will be busy rejecting those that really care, let her carry the cross, women deserve such

Very true, love isn't by force, and its obvious he doesn't love her, but why not be bold enough to call it off in a subtle manner rather than acting wicked, at least †ђξ issue of †ђξ fish isn't too tasty. As per girls rejecting those that really care, Ɣ☺ΰ're too. Its funny isn't it? Well love has many angles

Well,the am so certain that he loves me but he is sooooo selfish.One of the reasons I decided to go online with this issue is that I don't want to behave irrational by making hasty decisions because that is the ONLY problem I have in the relationship and its pissing me off big time

Have you talked to him about it? If yes and there has been no changes, maybe it's time you make him realise how much it's pissing you off big time! Start paying him back in his own coins, as gree-die said, buy your own water and let him buy his, spread your own clothes and let him spread his! If he truly loves you as you claim, he'll come back to his senses and start behaving well.

Although, a part of me thinks he might be of the school of thought that "women are supposed to be doing all the house chores and he's just supposed to cross his legs on the sofa and watch TV". If that is the issue, then, you might be on a long thing!

I actually called him right now to tell him that we are gonna have a conversation tonight....will call it quit.I know I deserve better.Thanks to everyone who has contributed.

Nope,I just think I have a very self centered boyfriend

shizzle11:


Very true, love isn't by force, and its obvious he doesn't love her, but why not be bold enough to call it off in a subtle manner rather than acting wicked, at least †ђξ issue of †ђξ fish isn't too tasty. As per girls rejecting those that really care, Ɣ☺ΰ're too. Its funny isn't it? Well love has many angles

action speaks louder than voice, I hardly tell a girl its over , my attitude speaks it for me

So she should know her self without waiting for declaration from the guy

@

fubbyy: action speaks louder than voice, I hardly tell a girl its over , my attitude speaks it for me

So she should know her self without waiting for declaration from the guy

Fubbyy the story here is different.I have always been the one quitting the relationship,but he will always come back on bended kneels begging for one more chance to turn a new leaf.I just felt he is not going to change and its really killing me

Just like last night I woke him up to tell him that if I should leave I might not come back again,he called his elder brother who is in US to beg me. But l know that it will always be the same old shit

if ever what you wrote up there is true,

sorry to say, but how you feel is the very least of his worries.

stop deceiving your self under the illusion of love.

a man that truely loves you, wud not sit by and watch you slave labor.

duties wud be shared and he wud most def stress you less.

what an ekiete you r!

bowing out should be your first port of call,

nontheless,

if he can call his bro to beg you, you can as well tell d bro to sound some wisdom into him.

but then, this is just a single-lane-sight advice

lynpetra: Well,the am so certain that he loves me but he is sooooo selfish.One of the reasons I decided to go online with this issue is that I don't want to behave irrational by making hasty decisions because that is the ONLY problem I have in the relationship and its pissing me off big time

My dear, its not the only problem cos this one problem will lead you into several if you ever decide to settle down with him. Your guy has a pre conceived notion that women are slaves and he is too old to be easily changed. My advice is for you to pls leave the relationship. Its during dating that a man shows his best side, so imagine what will happen when you get married? The guy doesn't care enough not to see you overly stressed on his behalf. So wisen up.

I feel your pain,but these are my observation:
1.Your manner of asking him for service might not be too good.
2. He might be tired of the relationship,and try to frustrate you out of it.
3. Inferiority complex on his part,and to cover that,he uses defiant method,by showing he's the man always.
4.He could actually be tired from office stress,and see other chores as additional stress.
5. He sees woman as a slave.

megareal:
My dear, its not the only problem cos this one problem will lead you into several if you ever decide to settle down with him. Your guy has a pre conceived notion that women are slaves and he is too old to be easily changed. My advice is for you to pls leave the relationship. Its during dating that a man shows his best side, so imagine what will happen when you get married? The guy doesn't care enough not to see you overly stressed on his behalf. So wisen up.

Wrong advice dear. It just shows she hardworking and he is lazy and dat cud be only achiles heel of their relationship. At least she says he's gentle and nice. Wud u rather she dates a hardworkin monster, there is no perfect guy flaws varies and women are powerful and the fate of a man is decided by dem. Spend quality time and explain things to him or cal it quit and begin from scratch and meet anoda wit a new flaw

Don't even think that you'll manage to stay, hoping that he's gonna change someday.

That's just who he is. And he'll be so forever.

So just make up your mind before you breakdown someday, cos definitely, the stress is gonna tell on you someday.

Maybe by then, it'll be late, and u'll just wanna hang on because of the fear of being single.

Its a 2 way thing, if d 2 aint putting efforts, den the one who is, is wasting time.

OP... you have brought a big pot and gathered together 100 people to cook one soup for you.
Please enjoy the FOOD when the soup is finally ready.

My sister I would not ask you to quit o, just stop doing all those things you do and see what will happen. Dont travel to Lagos and go thru hell to see him, dont wash his clothes(God forbid I was a bf clothes, I never wash my own finish) . Dont buy his water abi r u his slave? Leave all that tin, when you show him you are a queen he will treat you as such. I never ever washed or did any work when I was dating, b4 one man will think I am his maid. Imagine him piling up clothes for you to wash? You be LG washer? Let him come and find you. When you marry and he loses his job thats how he will cross leg waiting for you to provide for him. Woman be careful.

colombiana:
Wrong advice dear. It just shows she hardworking and he is lazy and dat cud be only achiles heel of their relationship. At least she says he's gentle and nice. Wud u rather she dates a hardworkin monster, there is no perfect guy flaws varies and women are powerful and the fate of a man is decided by dem. Spend quality time and explain things to him or cal it quit and begin from scratch and meet anoda wit a new flaw

But that new flaw might be the one dt she can cope with. This particular flaw is giving her headache and heartache, which to me is enough reason to quit. If the guy is not willing to change now, then, she might have no other option than to take a walk. She should not settle for it if she cannot cope with it. Keep it in mind dt it would even get worse after marriage.

its hard passing judgement on ur man without hearing his side of the story.....u might have doctored ur story to project the message u wana pass across.

lynpetra: I actually called him right now to tell him that we are gonna have a conversation tonight....will call it quit.I know I deserve better.Thanks to everyone who has contributed.

we equally needs. To know how it ends, pls after your discussion with him tonight come back and give us what ensued. I suspects he might want to be sturborn about it and will play the "suit yourself " thing and come. Back later on bended knee. Just be wise

Action plan.

Pack your bags, don't let him know u're leaving...

Wake him up... 3A.M

Tell him all the places u hurt... Talk till 5, shower, dress up, and leave. Take the next bus to abuja.

And don't luk back, not even if he plays cool. Tell him all his flaws to his face.

If he comes running to abuja, den he's actually willing to change, but if he doesn't, then he's been wanting to frustrate you all these while.

Whats keeping you?

lynpetra: I actually called him right now to tell him that we are gonna have a conversation tonight....will call it quit.I know I deserve better.Thanks to everyone who has contributed.

Better if u had taken him up on the conversation unawares.