firetrap:

from you comment it seems like you're trying to give yourself a reason to cheat and or justify yourself if you've already done so

I have already said I use this when i want to justify my enjoying the guy's chat. This guys stays in the same city my boyfriend stays and I am miles away from both so no I have not cheated with him and was not planning but am enjoying his chats which is what scares me.

25omega: Poster

sorry to inform you but you are cheating because you are emotionally invested in this new guy. You miss him when he doesn't call and you "enjoy" the attention.

you might want to give yourself a break and excuse yourself from the relationship with the long distance man and enjoy the new person who is interested in you.

firetrap beat me to it

They are both in the same city so he is also long distance. But what I also want to know do guys in this instance my boyfriend hold themselves to the same. If he was to do this would he regard it as cheating?

pDude: Da fvck is this silly question?

Has you boyfriend put a ring on your middle finger? If not, then you are free to date anyone you want to because you are still free.


Till any man places a ring on your finger, girl enjoy your freedom.

Wow! A totally different view. Mmmmh also true hence my but what if earlier on.

Its interesting, the ladies are not saying anything . Would like to get some ladies views on this.

sweetcheecks:

I have already said I use this when i want to justify my enjoying the guy's chat. This guys stays in the same city my boyfriend stays and I am miles away from both so no I have not cheated with him and was not planning but am enjoying his chats which is what scares me.

You are not facing the truth. The fact the guy is disturbing u doesn't mean your bf isn't loving you again. This is a guy who wants sometin,so wat do you expect? What happens if this new guy get you and he finds himself so busy and the calls drop, what will you do? find another support guy? Be realistic woman

sweetcheecks: Its interesting, the ladies are not saying anything . Would like to get some ladies views on this.

You ain't cheating girl, but you are about to.

nikkyshyne: You ain't cheating girl, but you are about to.

He makes me smile and am feeling so bad for enjoying it. Lol. I think its just an innocent flirt. Maybe its going to stop soon.

sweetcheecks:

He makes me smile and am feeling so bad for enjoying it. Lol. I think its just an innocent flirt. Maybe its going to stop soon.

What do u really want? Cos its obvious u don't want dis 2 end.

And quote me any where ma'am, guys who knowingly chase after ladies who are in serious relationships are most likely cheats by nature.

Cheating is a process. Now you are 30 percent loaded. when u send him that sexy pix, you would be 50 percent loaded. when he accidentally appears in ur town and u have lunch/dinner with him, 80 percent. When you go to his house/hotel 4 lubricating thingz, gbam, you will be a 100% cheat.

you can pull the plug now. Cut it off. He told you he wants to replace ur boyfriend and you are sending pix. Keep stroking the fire. shey u hear me.

All i've said above is null and void if u have one of those nonsense open relationship things with ur boyfriend.

I'm a lady and this has happened to me a couple of times, I mean have someone else catch my fancy apart from my boyfriend..don't mind most of these dudes acting like its uncommon or irresponsible of you. I believe It must have happened to most people at one time or the other.

I agree What you are doing can be called emotional cheating especially if you are denying your boyfriend the required attention and comparing him to the new guy consciously or unconsciously.

One thing I'd like to point out however is that it is very normal for the new guy to show you more attention, so you shouldn't create room for comparism at all. He wants you, your boyfriend has you already, he'd definitely want to do more.

There's a way you can balance it by reducing the frequency of your chats and the contents as well (don't know what you guys chat about). Its not advisable to discuss intimate things or talk to him about your boyfriend or his shortcomings. You are not in the same city, so the chances of getting physical is still very slim. You can work on the emotional cheating before it gets deeper than this without totally losing his friendship.

sweetcheecks:

Wow! A totally different view. Mmmmh also true hence my but what if earlier on.

My dear, this whole dating thing is just a game. It is a game because every party involved isn't bound in any way. So far as the contract called marriage is not in place, then nobody is bound in any way. Afterall, anybody can dump the other party at any time with any flimsy excuse.

Abeg my dear girl, enjoy your freedom. It is all part of the game. The final point is marriage. And till a man slips an engagement and wedding ring on your finger, you are still free as a dove to do as you please. Enjoy yourself please because once you marry, the fun stops and responsibilities take over. I'm speaking from experience

Actually having been chatting with this guy between the post, I need to be honest here. In my heart this feels like cheating. Its allowing someone into your non phisical part and have devided I am not really ready to loose my boyfriend. You see I know his bad, good and uggly side and am willing to live with it whereas I cannot risk loosing my boyfriend for just a few butterflies I get from.someone I do not know. He might change tommorow and am not ready to start another getting to know and accept another.

So, it feels good but the guilt is worse. If it was right I would not feel so much guilt. Just hope my boyfriend feels the same way when temptation comes knocking.

StateOfMind: I'm a lady and this has happened to me a couple of times, I mean have someone else catch my fancy apart from my boyfriend..don't mind most of these dudes acting like its uncommon or irresponsible of you. I believe It must have happened to most people at one time or the other.

I agree What you are doing can be called emotional cheating especially if you are denying your boyfriend the required attention and comparing him to the new guy consciously or unconsciously.

One thing I'd like to point out however is that it is very normal for the new guy to show you more attention, so you shouldn't create room for comparism at all. He wants you, your boyfriend has you already, he'd definitely want to do more.

There's a way you can balance it by reducing the frequency of your chats and the contents as well (don't know what you guys chat about). Its not advisable to discuss intimate things or talk to him about your boyfriend or his shortcomings. You are not in the same city, so the chances of getting physical is still very
slim. You can work on the emotional cheating before it gets
deeper than this without totally losing his friendship.

You are so right just what you were saying, now he starts saying my boyfriend will shoot him. He want to bring my boyfriend into our chats. So I say please lets leave him out. Wow! Dear you are so right. Respect girl!

Aunty, stop talking to the guy ASAP! You're treading a very dangerous path. I'm sure when you met him, you never thought it could go this far. Just like you still never know how far this may go. As ladies, we like attention and sometimes want to eat our cake and have it.

One thing I don't understand is why you didn't tell him early enough that you had a boyfriend. Seems like you were leading the guy on and he's not going to leave you now, not until you stand your ground. Also "I'm not sure that's possible" is an answer any guy would like to try harder on. What happened to "Don't bother, he's the best guy on earth and NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU can replace him" or something like that. You were feeling the guy, led him on and trust me, if you don't put an end to this, it's just the beginning of the end for your relationship. This is where discipline comes in, forfeiting that whole attention for the sake of your relationship even when the attention is 'sweet' is what they call DISCIPLINE.

the epic of a w*h*o*r*e. its normal for the new guy to pay more attention bt if u truly luv ur bf then u wnt go near the nu guy atall

sweetcheecks: Actually having been chatting with this guy between the post, I need to be honest here. In my heart this feels like cheating. Its allowing someone into your non phisical part and have devided I am not really ready to loose my boyfriend. You see I know his bad, good and uggly side and am willing to live with it whereas I cannot risk loosing my boyfriend for just a few butterflies I get from.someone I do not know. He might change tommorow and am not ready to start another getting to know and accept another.

So, it feels good but the guilt is worse. If it was right I would not feel so much guilt. Just hope my boyfriend feels the same way when temptation comes knocking.

Good to know you also realise what is good for you. Its probably a 'temporary crush' and I think you feeling that guilt already shows you are putting conscious effort into not getting carried away.

Be wise dear..wiser than mr new guy.

StateOfMind:


Good to know you also realise what is good for you. Its probably a 'temporary crush' and I think you feeling that guilt already shows you are putting conscious effort into not getting carried away.

Be wise dear..wiser than mr new guy.

Thanks, i think I am sobbering up!

alutacontinua: Aunty, stop talking to the guy ASAP! You're treading a very dangerous path. I'm sure when you met him, you never thought it could go this far. Just like you still never know how far this may go. As ladies, we like attention and sometimes want to eat our cake and have it.

One thing I don't understand is why you didn't tell him early enough that you had a boyfriend. Seems like you were leading the guy on and he's not going to leave you now, not until you stand your ground. Also "I'm not sure that's possible" is an answer any guy would like to try harder on. What happened to "Don't bother, he's the best guy on earth and NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU can replace him" or something like that. You were feeling the guy, led him on and trust me, if you don't put an end to this, it's just the beginning of the end for your relationship. This is where discipline comes in, forfeiting that whole attention for the sake of your relationship even when the attention is 'sweet' is what they call DISCIPLINE.

I agree that response wasn't the best. Its probably what the new guy is still holding on to.

Which brings me to this question..Op , mind telling what you guys discuss? Is it still about date me, I'm not sure I wanna date you ,or you just chat like friends?

StateOfMind:

I agree that response wasn't the best. Its probably what the new guy is still holding on to.

Which brings me to this question..Op , mind telling what you guys discuss? Is it still about date me, I'm not sure I wanna date you ,or you just chat like friends?

I can bet 10k that the op and the new dude have started chatting about intimacy.

firetrap:

I can bet 10k that the op and the new dude have started chatting about intimacy.

So what?

@OP, you want to know the truth What you're doing is called: pre-cheating.

You are gradually loosing your fidelity level just as carbon emission is gradually depleting the ozone layer and causing global warming, that new guys is like a toxic carbon gradually depleting your fidelity layer and soon, the layer will be bare and vulnerable to pure cheating.

In order words, your case is HIV trying to develop into full blown AIDS, be warned!!!

And that's why as a girl or lady in a committed relationship or marriage, you need to watch the kind of female friends you keep cos most would intentionally push you to temptation to laugh you later, be warned!!!

StateOfMind:

I agree that response wasn't the best. Its probably what the new guy is still holding on to.

Which brings me to this question..Op , mind telling what you guys discuss? Is it still about date me, I'm not sure I wanna date you ,or you just chat like friends?

He asks what I am doing what I am eating what I think about this and that. How he really likes me and wants to make me his etc. He checks up on me, asks if I am okay. Tell me about his plans for the day and how he would like to see me again. Not sure what to call it be honest

firetrap:

I can bet 10k that the op and the new dude have started chatting about intimacy.

No, we have not yet Now give me the 10k in rands

No. You're not.

sweetcheecks:

No, we have not yet Now give me the 10k in rands

Lol...we should share the 10k..fire trap, we are waiting oo

StateOfMind:

Lol...we should share the 10k..fire trap, we are waiting oo

Yes we will share 5k a peace. Lol

ARGGGG, You know this is laying too heavy on my heart so I wont enjoy it even if I was thinking abiut entertaining it. Its more of toture than enjoyment. Not doing it. Will just ignore this guy before it goes to far.

I hear the advises and warnings on here but am missing one thing from all the great advices. If it was my boyfriend or any guy for that matter would they feel the same sense of guilt? Or its only expected of us women? Can the guys honestly answervthis?

There is something called emotional cheating. It's when u pay more attention to people on ur mobile (chats and calls) and get fidgety with the slight thought that ur partner may see right through you. Its when u r enjoying and being enjoyd by a username sending u messages and you begin to feel like you actually have something special with that person. All of a sudden, u begin to see flaws in ur partner. Yeah, dey become not-so-adorable and u find yourself comparing your chat buddy to them. You are doing it, dear and u gotta take care if not, ur relationship will hit the rocks no matter that u claim to love your boyfriend. A lot of people do this. They start out woth caution then it becomes 'fun' to a 'hobby' to a 'routine'. Either way, u r neglecting ur partner and by extension, ur relationship. A lot of young'uns are guilty of this.

sweetcheecks:

He makes me smile and am feeling so bad for enjoying it. Lol. I think its just an innocent flirt. Maybe its going to stop soon.

Lol @ innocent flirting. It looks oh so innocent that you wouldn't know wen u cross that line cuz yeah, its a very thin one. He makes you smile, u make him too; who's to say he doesn't have a girlfriend? And nope, it aint gonna stop until u actually do something about stopping it. This guy won't give up knowing he has impressed u so u gotta put ur feet down. Until then, gradually dance toward that line or press stop. Your call

You are trying to convince yourself that your boyfriend is probably doing the same thing,so why not you.Except you're so sure he might,then cut off what u're doing now.

A lot of guys do this and it is more common with guys than ladies.However,there are some guys(maybe not many)who don't indulge in such cos they know it's not right.

kool J: There is something called emotional cheating. It's when u pay more attention to people on ur mobile (chats and calls) and get fidgety with the slight thought that ur partner may see right through you. Its when u r enjoying and being enjoyd by a username sending u messages and you begin to feel like you actually have something special with that person. All of a sudden, u begin to see flaws in ur partner. Yeah, dey become not-so-adorable and u find yourself comparing your chat buddy to them. You are doing it, dear and u gotta take care if not, ur relationship will hit the rocks no matter that u claim to love your boyfriend. A lot of people do this. They start out woth caution then it becomes 'fun' to a
'hobby' to a 'routine'. Either way, u r neglecting ur partner and by extension, ur relationship. A lot of young'uns are guilty
of this.

Its true, like for instance since my boyfriend is far I would always check on his whatsapp with his pic even if am not going to talk to him but after this I will try not to look at his whatsapp and pic and quickly get to this guys profile. No more early morning excitement to check my boyfriends prifile. I know you right hence i can see it does affect my relationship one way or the other.

alutacontinua: Aunty, stop talking to the guy ASAP! You're treading a very dangerous path. I'm sure when you met him, you never thought it could go this far. Just like you still never know how far this may go. As ladies, we like attention and sometimes want to eat our cake and have it.

One thing I don't understand is why you didn't tell him early enough that you had a boyfriend. Seems like you were leading the guy on and he's not going to leave you now, not until you stand your ground. Also "I'm not sure that's possible" is an answer any guy would like to try harder on. What happened to "Don't bother, he's the best guy on earth and NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU can replace him" or something like that. You were feeling the guy, led him on and trust me, if you don't put an end to this, it's just the beginning of the end for your relationship. This is where discipline comes in, forfeiting that whole attention for the sake of your relationship even when the attention is 'sweet' is what they call DISCIPLINE.

Are you sure u aren't a guy? Cuz I'm already in lorrrve witchu