There's this colleague of mine who works for a different coy, before being retrenched. We have known each other for a while now and she celebrated her birthday last month.

I got the shocker when I discovered that she just clocked 40, when going through her laptop and stumbled on her CV.

Initially, I guessed she was in her mid 30s but what baffled me is that she has authored a book on what singles should know before getting married and has been the Young and Singles President in her local church for three consecutive tenures.

Though the choleric type. I felt she might have chased her future husband in her 20s, because of her temperament. Hence, finding it difficult to attract and retain suitors. She might have learnt her lesson, though rather late.

Even an ex of mine once told me her elder sister got married @43,,and I was like WTF??!!.. Hence, I felt she has a little bit of hope.

My concern for her is that, though she seems nice from the outlooks, she is definitely crying within her, for God should come to her aid, because she once had a plan of how successful she would be, as an enterpreneur in the next five years, with her husband and child cheering her, and also, she keeps describing her ideal kind of wedding, often at times.

So, any advice for her on the right steps to take?

Thanks.

It seems her temperament and some other aspects of her character could be an issue so the first step is for her to work on that.
There are ladies who have married in their 40s so hope is not lost for her.
She has to make herself 'marriageable' however.

Why carry another man's problem on ur head

She probably just to remain the president of the youth and single club for life

How did you even know she is crying within her? Where you able to see the internal tears?
Anyway marriage isnt for everybody

demelza: How did you even know she is crying within her?

No na. Thats an Idiomatic expression i meant. So, you are sayin its cool being single @40?

The way you sound, its like there's no plan of walking down the aisle for you?

jhydebaba: Why carry another man's problem on ur head

She probably just to remain the president of the youth and single club for life

Bro, we learn everyday. And someone could be in dire need of your advice. Has any girl ever confided in you?..as in, telling you her deepest secret?

I no understand y men dey carry single ladies mata for head pass anything.

No use ur time do beta things.

If she wan marry; she for don marry.

poor woman, what a miserable life she must be living. a life without a man to call her husband. that is a life condemned by the evil forces. i bet she cries every night into her lonley pillows....God give me my man, God give me my man! her heart must be heavy. to be single at 40, imagine the trauma. poor child. her life is incomplete, makes no sense and should be pitied until the man who comes along in his shinning armour brings back colour again.....abi?

No african woman at that age is happy with her life. My dear the best j can do now is pray for her since she has not confided in u. I know of a lady who recently got married @ 47 this yr. it will happen for her

**See Gobe**

slymm: poor woman, what a miserable life she must be living. a life without a man to call her husband. that is a life condemned by the evil forces. i bet she cries every night into her lonley pillows....God give me my man, God give me my man! her heart must be heavy. to be single at 40, imagine the trauma. poor child. her life is incomplete, makes no sense and should be pitied until the man who comes along in his shinning armour brings back colour again.....abi?

She probably belongs to those group that thinks they know all about relationship and want to dictate all moves .
They know all about what a girl should do and what the man want but they fail to understand that being in luv is slightly a level up from being mad .
U let urself out , u don't watch , predict and expect moves

slymm: poor woman, what a miserable life she must be living. a life without a man to call her husband. that is a life condemned by the evil forces. i bet she cries every night into her lonley pillows....God give me my man, God give me my man! her heart must be heavy. to be single at 40, imagine the trauma. poor child. her life is incomplete, makes no sense and should be pitied until the man who comes along in his shinning armour brings back colour again.....abi?

Men plenty everywhere.

Go to alaba international, dem plenty

Go to ikoku....them dey

Upper eweka...dem bohku

Timber markets...you will find them,
But most ladies want the comfortable, handsome, God fearing guys... Who wouldnt!

So the little ones available gets are being fought over...

OmoH, see compitition

No dulling!

So if youare a guy and very happy about the saying that men are scarce...just know the type of Men described? Are you among them?

As per OP, tell your colleague to be herself....temperament or not, and try to live life.

Let her enjoy her days as youth president and wait for the next step

all will be well.[color=#550000][/color]

Plenty men everywhere but hard to get marriagable materials but they exist . Maybe she is trying to wait upon the lord for a husband material. My opinion though.

Vikin:

Let her enjoy her days as youth president and wait for the next step

She has stepped down as the YS President and she is the down-to earth kind of person. She never 'forms.'

I forgot to mention that she is the ''No Premarital '' sex type. A LOT of men have approached her, requesting they must have sex before talking of marriage, but she stood her grounds and said NO. Even the ones that accepted the 'No PRE-Marital Sex always have unresolved issues with her, the relationship doesn't last.

I know MOST of the guys here would castigate her, saying she is living in a fool's paradise, but is it that extremely difficult to find a man that would marry a lady without 'testing' in this part of this world?

She worships in a Pentecostal church and refused marring a Guy that worships in a Catholic church, because of their difference in teneths of faith and beliefs, because the guy insisted that she must convert to a Catholic church before marriage.

Princess zoe: Plenty men everywhere but hard to get marriagable materials but they exist . Maybe she is trying to wait upon the lord for a husband material. My opinion though.

EXACTLY!!!

She still believes, by faith, that she would get married and how everyone who has been on her neck, including the relatives, because she is an orphan, would come and witness the wedding.


But isn't the wait getting too long?

slymm: poor woman, what a miserable life she must be living. a life without a man to call her husband. that is a life condemned by the evil forces. i bet she cries every night into her lonley pillows....God give me my man, God give me my man! her heart must be heavy. to be single at 40, imagine the trauma. poor child. her life is incomplete, makes no sense and should be pitied until the man who comes along in his shinning armour brings back colour again.....abi?

Pls clarify.....
U're waxing satirical here, aren't u.

.

@Idealhubby.....

What has she received from God with regards to the marriage issue??. She follows her inner witness..... that gives peace .... not running by someoneelse's programme.

Our ways aren't God's ways.

It's not who gets there 1st, but who gets there well and stays on.
God's faithful, despite the circumstances.... is all I can add.

She needs to enjoy her life, travel....(don't have to worry about booking time off for 2+, no haggling over travel destination, leave ur hotel room as u wish, not to please ur spouse),

learn new languages and new hobbies, visit birthplaces of great cultures, embrace philosophical ethos and start the businesses.


If single financially well-off girls know how their married colleagues envy the freedom they enjoy and take for granted ......... they will enjoy their days of singlehood weeeeella.

No man snoring and gymnasticking you out of bed, no picking up toothpaste, no socks pick-up service... no underappreciated washerwoman, cook, children's driver, accountant.... no In-law wahala....


Babes enjoy, I abegi.

Disclaimer......
This in no way under-rates marriage...... It can be sweet, infact so sweet.... u wonder why it took that long.!!


.

fitzmayowa: There is still hope for her...ile anu oluwa ki su

Please can you interprete the yoruba part?
Thanks.

190: No hope for that one again

advice her make she go join seminary to be rev sister

She is a Pentecostal Christian. She is not a Catholic.

demelza: How did you even know she is crying within her? Where you able to see the internal tears?
Anyway marriage isnt for everybody

abeg, go lie down!!!!

we all knw wen that became a popular slogan

Tedpgrass:


Pls clarify.....
U're waxing satirical here, aren't u.

.

@Idealhubby.....

What has she received from God with regards to the marriage issue??. She follows her inner witness..... that gives peace .... not running by someoneelse's programme.

Our ways aren't God's ways.

It's not who gets there 1st, but who gets there well and stays on.
God's faithful, despite the circumstances.... is all I can add.

She needs to enjoy her life, travel....(don't have to worry about booking time off for 2+, no haggling over travel destination, leave ur hotel room as u wish, not to please ur spouse),

learn new languages and new hobbies, visit birthplaces of great cultures, embrace philosophical ethos and start the businesses.


If single financially well-off girls know how their married colleagues envy the freedom they enjoy and take for granted ......... they will enjoy their days of singlehood weeeeella.

No man snoring and gymnasticking you out of bed, no picking up toothpaste, no socks pick-up service... no underappreciated washerwoman, cook, children's driver, accountant.... no In-law wahala....


Babes enjoy, I abegi.

Disclaimer......
This in no way under-rates marriage...... It can be sweet, infact so sweet.... u wonder why it took that long.!!


.

mtchheeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!
nicely painted lametation. we knw dt sound

SLIDE waxie: mtchheeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!
nicely painted lametation. we knw dt sound

Slide...... Wetin dey..
Lamentation ko, Jeremiah ni....

I've provided views on both sides....

Checking the lives of my several ladyfriends......
Married, severally divorced and single
Marriage is soooooo over-rated in Nigeria....


Inherent cultural slant dictates a woman is nothing without a man,

The problem is a lot of women marry just to have a man, any man to cover their heads and take the "shame" away.

Compatibility, longevity and other factors aren't seriously taken on board....... then the marriage that should be enjoyed becomes an endurance race till either or both parties opt out.




I'll tell any Sister out there,

Mistakes may have been made in the past... learn from them and be a better person.

Never act desperate...... prompt devaluation of selfworth 10-100's downwards.

Enjoy your life now, enrich yourself ....

When u connect with him, then "no forming" or games..... straight to the bull's eye.



Condoleeza Rice was single as Secretary of State...... she carry am for face.

Christine, IMF president is 1-2ce divorced, u smell am for im body.

Closer home, there are female ministers, deputy governors or law-makers who live singular lives either openly or under a "borrowed marriage umbrella"..... them dey cry.?

Naaaaaaaa..


So Baba Slide......

Not lamentation ......Just realisation that other things are equally as important or even more important than marriage.


.

Last rejoinder.....

Guys...
We need to up the game..

The tide is turning on us.

Using an analogy, there was a time we demanded Brazilian hair rather then bob marley....... Louis Vuitton rather than bend down boutique / Okrika




Same with the ladies.....

It's not all about the madingo.... let some "brain" shine through.

Maybe we get a chance with the sofistikats....

Abi wetin u say??


.

jhydebaba: Why carry another man's problem on ur head

She probably just to remain the president of the youth and single club for life

sometimes i find the mental undevelopment of some nairalanders very disturbing e.g the one above.i wonder why some daft individuals think anyone's problem is something to joke about or make jest of.mshewwww

Tedpgrass:


Slide...... Wetin dey..
Lamentation ko, Jeremiah ni....

I've provided views on both sides....

Checking the lives of my several ladyfriends......
Married, severally divorced and single
Marriage is soooooo over-rated in Nigeria....


Inherent cultural slant dictates a woman is nothing without a man,

The problem is a lot of women marry just to have a man, any man to cover their heads and take the "shame" away.

Compatibility, longevity and other factors aren't seriously taken on board....... then the marriage that should be enjoyed becomes an endurance race till either or both parties opt out.




I'll tell any Sister out there,

Mistakes may have been made in the past... learn from them and be a better person.

Never act desperate...... prompt devaluation of selfworth 10-100's downwards.

Enjoy your life now, enrich yourself ....

When u connect with him, then "no forming" or games..... straight to the bull's eye.



Condoleeza Rice was single as Secretary of State...... she carry am for face.

Christine, IMF president is 1-2ce divorced, u smell am for im body.

Closer home, there are female ministers, deputy governors or law-makers who live singular lives either openly or under a "borrowed marriage umbrella"..... them dey cry.?

Naaaaaaaa..


So Baba Slide......

Not lamentation ......Just realisation that other things are equally as important or even more important than marriage.


.

gbam.when i go to the market sometimes to buy food stuffs,the man selling fish will ask presumptiously are you taking care of 'uncle' and ill be like my uncle is fine and then he says i know you know what i am talking about,i say definetly and he says so why are you pretending as if you dont understand and i say because i am not intrested in discussing about it and besides i am not married and he looks at me with shock and he says as beautiful as you are,he looks at me like i have a problem.he nows says i will take you to my church and i look at him like are you ok.why are you using panadol for another persons headache and i say what if i am not intrested,will any police arrest me for that or is my actions contravening the laws of nigeria so pls spare me.

I realise its more of a cultural commandment.if you dont marry,africans presume you have a character problem as reflected even on nairaland

Tedpgrass:


Slide...... Wetin dey..
Lamentation ko, Jeremiah ni....

I've provided views on both sides....

Checking the lives of my several ladyfriends......
Married, severally divorced and single
Marriage is soooooo over-rated in Nigeria....


Inherent cultural slant dictates a woman is nothing without a man,

The problem is a lot of women marry just to have a man, any man to cover their heads and take the "shame" away.

Compatibility, longevity and other factors aren't seriously taken on board....... then the marriage that should be enjoyed becomes an endurance race till either or both parties opt out.




I'll tell any Sister out there,

Mistakes may have been made in the past... learn from them and be a better person.

Never act desperate...... prompt devaluation of selfworth 10-100's downwards.

Enjoy your life now, enrich yourself ....

When u connect with him, then "no forming" or games..... straight to the bull's eye.



Condoleeza Rice was single as Secretary of State...... she carry am for face.

Christine, IMF president is 1-2ce divorced, u smell am for im body.

Closer home, there are female ministers, deputy governors or law-makers who live singular lives either openly or under a "borrowed marriage umbrella"..... them dey cry.?

Naaaaaaaa..


So Baba Slide......

Not lamentation ......Just realisation that other things are equally as important or even more important than marriage.


.

gbam.when i go to the market sometimes to buy food stuffs,the man selling fish will ask presumptiously are you taking care of 'uncle' and ill be like my uncle is fine and then he says i know you know what i am talking about,i say definetly and he says so why are you pretending as if you dont understand and i say because i am not intrested in discussing about it and besides i am not married and he looks at me with shock and he says as beautiful as you are,he looks at me like i have a problem.he nows says i will take you to my church and i look at him like are you ok.why are you using panadol for another persons headache and i say what if i am not intrested,will any police arrest me for that or is my actions contravening the laws of nigeria so pls spare me.

I realise its more of a cultural commandment.if you dont marry,africans presume you have a character problem as reflected even on nairaland

IdealHubby: There's this colleague of mine who works for a different coy, before being retrenched. We have known each other for a while now and she celebrated her birthday last month.

I got the shocker when I discovered that she just clocked 40, when going through her laptop and stumbled on her CV.

Initially, I guessed she was in her mid 30s but what baffled me is that she has authored a book on what singles should know before getting married and has been the Young and Singles President in her local church for three consecutive tenures.

Though the choleric type. I felt she might have chased her future husband in her 20s, because of her temperament Hence, finding it difficult to attract and retain suitors. She might have learnt her lesson, though rather late.

Even an ex of mine once told me her elder sister got married @43,,and I was like WTF??!!.. Hence, I felt she has a little bit of hope.

My concern for her is that, though she seems nice from the outlooks, she is definitely crying within her, for God should come to her aid, because she once had a plan of how successful she would be, as an enterpreneur in the next five years, with her husband and child cheering her, and also, she keeps describing her ideal kind of wedding often at times.

So, any advice for her on the right steps to take?

Thanks.

Ur friend's problems are from the bolded

Choleric: Most choleric women i know remain spinsters for life. That's their personality. Men like loyalty and submission in a woman. Choleric women lack those traits.

Temperamental: This is also tied to the point above. A woman who has hot temper can never drag a man to the altar. No matter how rich, beautiful and successful that woman is, or even great in bed,it just can't work cos no man wants to be "shouted down" by his woman.

Ideal Wedding Plans: Another big flaw from your friend which should not be ignored. I don't know the magnitude of her plans but i think she Ȋ̝̊̅§ this type that has that huge fantasy of having a big society wedding where Goodluck Jonathan will be the father of the Day, where her and her bridal train will be driven in a limo and probably the venue somewhere in Dubai. Your friend (like most typical Nigerian ladies of today) think mainly about the wedding and NOT the marriage. I wonder what she teaches her student in the "Single and Married" classes.

Let her work on these points and then hope and pray a divorcee or widower (cos of her current age) finds her soon.

#myownhumblecontribution#

thorpido: It seems her temperament and some other aspects of her character could be an issue so the first step is for her to work on that.
There are ladies who have married in their 40s so hope is not lost for her.
She has to make herself 'marriageable' however.

Yeah. Thanks.

Decryptor:


Ideal Wedding Plans: Another big flaw from your friend which should not be ignored. I don't know the magnitude of her plans but i think she Ȋ̝̊̅§ this type that has that huge fantasy of having a big society wedding where Goodluck Jonathan will be the father of the Day, where her and her bridal train will be driven in a limo and probably the venue somewhere in Dubai. Your friend (like most typical Nigerian ladies of today) think mainly about the wedding and NOT the marriage. I wonder what she teaches her student in the "Single and Married" classes.

Let her work on these points and then hope and pray a divorcee or widower (cos of her current age) finds her soon.

#myownhumblecontribution#

Yeah. I agree with you on the temperament,but she tends to be cool n submissive when dealing with the opposite sex, of recent. She is working on it now. Her choleric nature was pronounced in her 20s and i felt thats waht is hunting her today.

She isn't the materialistic type. She is self-dependent. Its just her kind of person to dream big. But she wouldn't mind a small wedding though.

Thanks.