Boll2010: But sincerely I don't pray being in dat young man state of mind,cuz eachtym I remember How I met her I wld always feel sad,am as wicked as I could leave in same house with a woman n nt have anytn to do wit her 4 a year is jst my mind,It get hard 4 me b4 doing this to a woman,but the day I start this she's no more on my A'list so I try as much as I can to persuade her,cuz when the above start no one could solve them,am as friendly as I can cuz I use it to make up for my deadly event to come!sad woman shes

Nobody is above mistake.The reason I choose to blame the man for not acting up is cos it has become a family thing.Third parties.This other man clearly doesn't respect him cos the said wife gave him the key to their room . Infidelity as I see it shud be something that shud be done so as not to be seen or heard....in this case as complained by theop,its an "open marriage"

This story is touching, I feel ur pain bro, some women are just crazy, what does she want again in marriage, I guess something is goin on btw them, I believe she is still in love with her ex, loves him more than u dats jst d bitter truth, since u ve packed out and made all attempt to reason with her but she aint listening, divorce is not a good idea but with this kind of situation, u jst need to move on. I know u love her so much and its really hurting so bad but there notin u can do anylonger, let her go back to her ex mayb he will marry her, she will definately regret it. Bro can't u see, its over jare. I knw its a tough decision

This story is touching, I feel ur pain bro, some women are just crazy, what does she want again in marriage, I guess something is goin on btw them, I believe she is still in love with her ex, loves him more than u dats jst d bitter truth, since u ve packed out and made all attempt to reason with her but she aint listening, divorce is not a good idea but with this kind of situation, u jst need to move on. I know u love her so much and its really hurting so bad but there notin u can do anylonger, let her go back to her ex mayb he will marry her, she will definately regret it. Bro can't u see, its over jare.

@coolsammy: you're being too soft and that's why she's taking you for granted. Now is the time to go hard. Lemme ask you: has she ever told you she loves you? How long did you guys court? She prolly never loved you as a woman does not set out to make her love unhappy.

My advice: love your kids the more, treat her like dirt & she'll stick to you like mud.

faakay: This story is touching, I feel ur pain bro, some women are just crazy, what does she want again in marriage, I guess something is goin on btw them, I believe she is still in love with her ex, loves him more than u dats jst d bitter truth, since u ve packed out and made all attempt to reason with her but she aint listening, divorce is not a good idea but with this kind of situation, u jst need to move on. I know u love her so much and its really hurting so bad but there notin u can do anylonger, let her go back to her ex mayb he will marry her, she will definately regret it. Bro can't u see, its over jare.

yea she wil regret it bt op if she comes back try nd forgive her bt dnt take her back because she would repeat it again,a leopard neva changes its spots.

lynpetra:


Nobody is above mistake.The reason I choose to blame the man for not acting up is cos it has become a family thing.Third parties.This other man clearly doesn't respect him cos the said wife gave him the key to their room . Infidelity as I see it shud be something that shud be done so as not to be seen or heard....in this case as complained by theop,its an "open marriage"

yea u right bt ladies are funny sha,I knw sammy wld gain from comments so far,n if dis comment won't help I feel he shld go all out for a marriage counsellor

doris4u: yea she wil regret it bt op if she comes back try nd forgive her bt dnt take her back because she would repeat it again,a leopard neva changes its spots.

doris I tink I support dis ur action cuz I don't jst feel d woman is meant for him

fluid26: I may be wrong, but you sound like you're either garrulous or overly petty; hence your threats, cajoling and quarreling have little or no effect. I am not going to ask you about your sex life or other addenda. I will also not ask if you have children, or if your in-laws are dead or alive. It is also not relevant (to me) if you have relatives or family living with you.

Here's what I think you should do, in the following order:

1. Collect the car keys immediately.
2. Withdraw that 'extra' financial support.
3. Start shopping for a replacement (another domestic appendage).
4. Send her packing on Dec31st or January 1st. Why this date? I will tell you. When every other person is celebrating their entry into 2014 and making plans to advance, she will be totally devastated and disorientated. Let's see if her ex will supply her all that she needs to fit into society.

The only factor that should speed up her ousting is her accepting any further gifts from her ex. If she accepts any bank deposits or perfume or recharge card etc...even if it's tonight, send her away immediately.

You must find a replacement between now and December 31st. When you send her away, bring in the new girl immediately. This will teach her that no one is indispensable.

Are we clear?

You read my mind and beat me to spilling it. I ain't gat time for shiit.

This is why I love myself so much. Damn. What rubbish? Nonsense of the highest other. A woman sending u to ur grave, and you are considering the effect her eviction will have on the kids. What the fk. I crush any woman who fk with me, and those who had experience with me, up till now, run whenever they smell me coming. What a man? Damn man. Who born the woman? And who born the guy? The location of the guy would be unfindable for d babe when I am thru with them. Yes! Self defense that is what shall be claimed at the inquest.

Sit her down and ask her what does she really want which you have not being doing.

.

Wrong wrong wrong. Allow her, you've said yours, nothing more you can do really.

you'll just have to step back and let her do as she wants, be cordial with the ex when you need to be, and just hope none of them does something stupid.

[b]serious matter.

I feel for u gan, but this is what happens when you stubbornly go ahead to marry another persons wife..she only married you because that ex married someone else, and your marriage is hanging by a thread, and it would crumble soon than later.
First, she is only still married to you because that ex is still married to some else.

Its not about money, cos you both seem a tad comfortable. It isnt about personality because you seem to be a good guy(which is why she is taking you for granted). I think it is the sex- the other guy used to shhag her well while it may seem you are not giving it to her enough, or the way she wants.
What ever the case- you have two options-
1. Kick her out immediately
2.forcefully bring her undr your will.
this woman will not change, she is only managing you- if after you have been married to her and she has children, she is still manipulating you this way? send away, and get a divorce in court and get on with your life. Thats the only viable option to you now- forget all those pray, cudlle, romance exponents.

Or the second option- forcefully bring her under your will. Your wife doesnt respect you and when a woman doesnt respect a man, she can do anything even under his nose.I am not an advocate for hitting women,but desperate situations require desperate measures. You are a weakling, so she even leaves her messages for you to read. she cant be bothered deleting them, meaning that- you can read them if you so wish.

When she gets the next message,give her a black eye- by the time you descend on her once or twice, she will start quavering and hiding her infidelity- or atleast doing it with tact.

Fear of course will not bring love, but it will buy you enough time to shop for a replacement cos sooner rather than later, she will leave for this guy even as a second wife.
Give yourself brain and act now. You are too weak to check her excesses.[/b][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

@sanb: may God bless u. u av really said alot as a woman and a concerned person. i appreciate so much. is not as if i dont love my wife. i love her so much that is why people are seeing me as someone that is weak. i am nt at all. really want to be careful the way i handle this. none of my family members knw to dis cos if they do i knw wat that will spell. i believed i do show her love aside from gifts and the rest which i believe she is entitled to by the virtue of her answering my name. we go out to cinemas, take her to gardens where is her and i alone. wen she is at work always make sure i am calling to knw hw she is faring. bt discovered evrything just changed with the advent of this man. she hardly stay 5mins on phone with me bt her phone always engaged talking with this man.
my fear again is dis man is begining to brain wash her. there was a day my wife picked quarel with me telling me i dnt love her enough. i asked why? she said if i do i would av added her name in the property i recently acquired. i tried to calm her down that the said property is in our surname and wat i av is hers. the car i bought is in ur name so why all these. wen i knw drilled her as to where she got dis frm, she told me her ex- told her.
really, im hanging on cos her parents are just too good a parent inlaw. they are always in support of my decision but my wife is so stubborn. just want to be rationale in the decision i take.

DON'T ever hit your wife!Na only COWARD dey beat woman.

Leave all this story, Call CHEATERS!

You sound quite insecure, op and women dnt really like insecurity, be confident, she's ur wife nao, if she likes let her spend d whole year on d phone with him, in d end she's still ur wife.

is it so hard to turn a blind eye, my husband has a colleague he used to spend hours on the phone with, the thing was always biting me but I said nothing. The woman is married but what married woman calls a married man jisting late into d night?

anyway I allowed them, he used to enjoy visiting, even her son kept calling for him to come take them out. It was just amusing to me sometimes.

I just watched from afar and one day, she used her own mouth to destroy their friendship. She keeps calling my hubby but they aren't as close anymore.

how long have u bin married, if I may ask?
the more u oppose the relationship, the more she'll run to him.
the way to deal with stubborn people sometimes is to let them learn from their stubbornness.

my own small view.

Kaycee7: There could be nothing going on. Keep your eyes open but give her her space.

How can you say that, how many men buy cars for their wives talk-less of ex girlfriends.
OP should come to the term that their relationship is not about money or material things, but about something deeper that he might not be providing her.
Evaluate yourself please

Sorry for being in this ugly situation but a lot of the blame goes to you -you are not man enough. Otherwise,things wouldn't have degenerated to this level.
All you need to remedy the situation now is the "carrot and stick approach". Since you have used the carrot part so far without any headway, you're left with no option than to use the stick. Like Apache77 advised in his seconmd option above, you need to forcefully regain control of your life, marriage and family. You need to get your own family involved -they are the ones that will eventually rescue you becuse you lack the manliness to handle this alone from what I have read so far! But to do that, you have to be sure you can call the final short and your family will listen. When you're satisfied that your wife has realized the foolishness in her actions and has become remorseful, you can then tell your family members "enough is enough" and they will listen as divorce is not advisable.
You also need to be very careful and fearful for your life now because there are a lot of woman out there who, after done with child bearing, are ready to kill their husbands just to live single and promiscuous lives as widows thereafter. I'm sorry to say your wife seems to be exhibiting that trait here but please avoid any form of physical assault on her please.
Best of luck

No beat your wife oooooooo.If you do that,that man go massage am,kisss her tears and heal her otherwise broken heart with [i]sexxxual healing.[/i]Na so some women dey think ooooo.
Again once you start hitting a woman,you might never stop even if you remarry.Don't try it.

Like I said earlier,its a show of cowardice.
Imagine a man hitting on your wife with his kondo and a husband hitting out of jealousy
with his fist....Damn!that's cowardice!

Coolsammy I think this discussion is one-sided. Get your wife here to give us her own side of the story.
To all of you stoning the adulterous woman, let he who is without sin continue.

chidyhels: Sometimes pple get carried away by emotional dust from past relationships and it becomes the duty of your present lover to draw you back to reality. That's still part of loving someone. She needs help and you are the only source of it around her now,she may not understand the consequence of her action nw until it eventually happens.
Help her to help you, even though she may not admit she needs help cos she thinks she's in control.
Mind how you go about it, force may not help your case, your comments has proven that already. Reprimand with love.

This is pierced my heart. . . .

repogirl: You sound quite insecure, op and women dnt really like insecurity, be confident, she's ur wife nao, if she likes let her spend d whole year on d phone with him, in d end she's still ur wife.

is it so hard to turn a blind eye, my husband has a colleague he used to spend hours on the phone with, the thing was always biting me but I said nothing. The woman is married but what married woman calls a married man jisting late into d night?

anyway I allowed them, he used to enjoy visiting, even her son kept calling for him to come take them out. It was just amusing to me sometimes.

I just watched from afar and one day, she used her own mouth to destroy their friendship. She keeps calling my hubby but they aren't as close anymore.

how long have u bin married, if I may ask?
the more u oppose the relationship, the more she'll run to him.
the way to deal with stubborn people sometimes is to let them learn from their stubbornness.

my own small view.

You, my dear, will never have problems in your marriage. Op heed her words.

Kaycee7: You, my dear, will never have problems in your marriage. Op heed her words.

thanks, wish it were DAT easy, but marriage is a full time job on its own and we have to work at it everyday to make it work.

forgiveness, support, compromise, and turning a blind eye sometimes just to make things work out, that's aside from constant prayers.

coolsammy: @sanb: may God bless u. u av really said alot as a woman and a concerned person. i appreciate so much. is not as if i dont love my wife. i love her so much that is why people are seeing me as someone that is weak. i am nt at all. really want to be careful the way i handle this. none of my family members knw to dis cos if they do i knw wat that will spell. i believed i do show her love aside from gifts and the rest which i believe she is entitled to by the virtue of her answering my name. we go out to cinemas, take her to gardens where is her and i alone. wen she is at work always make sure i am calling to knw hw she is faring. bt discovered evrything just changed with the advent of this man. she hardly stay 5mins on phone with me bt her phone always engaged talking with this man.
my fear again is dis man is begining to brain wash her. there was a day my wife picked quarel with me telling me i dnt love her enough. i asked why? she said if i do i would av added her name in the property i recently acquired. i tried to calm her down that the said property is in our surname and wat i av is hers. the car i bought is in ur name so why all these. wen i knw drilled her as to where she got dis frm, she told me her ex- told her.
really, im hanging on cos her parents are just too good a parent inlaw. they are always in support of my decision but my wife is so stubborn. just want to be rationale in the decision i take.

dis woman is desperate n evil..........neva mistakenly in anyway buy any property in her name,she's selfish n she could kill to get hold of dos properties self,.....buy the tym u put her name in important properties,she wil file a divorce leta at u sayin she's no more doin,cuz she now av sumtn to fall bak to,my man jst abandon d woman,don't beat her,bt suffer her with your attitudes,she doent want u no more is obvious,she would have gone long ago if u both had no kids,so broda takecare of your kids n forget about u living wit a wife in a house,families will only complicate issues,be careful wen u eaT anytn frm her,cuz women can be so desperate n dangerous!!!! Ladies!!! Its a world they define a lot a man fall

faakay: This story is touching, I feel ur pain bro, some women are just crazy, what does she want again in marriage, I guess something is goin on btw them, I believe she is still in love with her ex, loves him more than u dats jst d bitter truth, since u ve packed out and made all attempt to reason with her but she aint listening, divorce is not a good idea but with this kind of situation, u jst need to move on. I know u love her so much and its really hurting so bad but there notin u can do anylonger, let her go back to her ex mayb he will marry her, she will definately regret it. Bro can't u see, its over jare.

You are a realist!She is clearly still in love with her ex and it will take the grace of God to do destroy that which is already going on.I can only imagine her telling th other man everyng that the husband does at home,down to intimate things.What I don't understand is why this lovey dovey started after havin kids.What have you done and what have you not been doing(sit down,think and ask her),ask her what you need to do to make her stop.But remember,love intoxicates(as she might think she isn't wrong),you really need to wait till she is sober (that might come after a painful realisation or repercussion)

Ur wife definitely luv her ex

Pls ow did they break up cos if it was d guy that broke d relationship n she is relating with him that way then she definitely loves him.You need to stand up as a man n tell her 2 u r not happy with their relationship n u want it 2 end cos she is now married 2 u, she either chooses u or him,n that's final

Pls ow did they break up cos if it was d guy that broke d relationship n she is relating with him that way then she definitely loves him.You need to stand up as a man n tell her 2 u r not happy with their relationship n u want it 2 end cos she is now married 2 u, she either chooses u or him,n that's final.But I wish I cud hear her own side of d story

Well,I think your wife and her ex are both irresponsible and both suit themselves. Did you notice anything of such while courting? Inasmuch as I loved my ex,I learnt how to give her space. I remember asking her to hangout with me once(after she got married) and she told me she couldn't cos she was someone else's wife. She reminded me of the fact that I would not tolerate it if she was married to me and I got the message fast. I gave her space fast. That's what it should be. I think you need to get firm with her and give her rules to follow if she intends to remain in that marriage. She needs to choose between you and her ex. Inasmuch as I do not dig divorce,I think you may need to send her on hols to her parents house for more training(since she lacks some). Don't just drive her away. Pretend you guys are on a trip for a retreat/vacation,pack some clothes and have her pack her bags too. After your 3 days retreat,tell her you'd love you guys to visit her parents. Secretely get someone to help you pack her things at home and bring them down(without her knowledge). While at her parents crib,get your person to bring her luggage to her parents house. Then,announce to her parents that she'd be living with them henceforth. Also let her know that would be her new home. To make it spicier,make the visit to her family such that,most of her extended family members would be around when you're returning her. Finally,tell them you dash them the bride price and you see as your contribution to charity. Take your leave and do not listen to any plea. Make sure she spends at least 1yr there. I'm very sure "if" she comes back,she'd change. If she doesn't,know that you have jammed ekwensu(devil) himself.

This sounds amazing...@OP I. Feel ur pain bro. May God help us o. Na part of the reason wey guys no wana settle down be this o! Try to sit her down to talk to her and prayer over the matter!

repogirl: You sound quite insecure, op and women dnt really like insecurity, be confident, she's ur wife nao, if she likes let her spend d whole year on d phone with him, in d end she's still ur wife.

is it so hard to turn a blind eye, my husband has a colleague he used to spend hours on the phone with, the thing was always biting me but I said nothing. The woman is married but what married woman calls a married man jisting late into d night?

anyway I allowed them, he used to enjoy visiting, even her son kept calling for him to come take them out. It was just amusing to me sometimes.

I just watched from afar and one day, she used her own mouth to destroy their friendship. She keeps calling my hubby but they aren't as close anymore.

how long have u bin married, if I may ask?
the more u oppose the relationship, the more she'll run to him.
the way to deal with stubborn people sometimes is to let them learn from their stubbornness.

my own small view.

I disagree with you. infidelity is not just about physical coitus, if your husband spends some emotions on another woman, he is cheating, whether she sleeps with him or not.
Before I got married, my fiance had a friend that both of them were too close, I was uncomfortable with the situation and I told her. She had to cut all ties with the guy. Its not just healthy. Maybe you played the sophisticat when it started and waited for it to go away. Now is the time to MAN UP. She either falls into line 100 % or she falls out of your life, no compromise.