Based on some Nairalanders advice, i had to move this story of mine to the family section. i was assured that i was going to get some candid advice from this section that will really help my case. My story goes does;

My wife still relates with her ex- and kept assuring me that there is nothing going on between them. though this her ex does not stay in same town with her. but i discover that she is always engaged with him on the phone and they exchange series of text messages via watapps. i av stumbled on several of such messages on her phone. i av taking time to put up fights with her on several occasions and even quarelled the so called ex- over phone. but they would nt just bulge. i knw my wife sees him whenever he comes to town. he even credits my wife's account occasionally. i knw u guys will be wondering if i dnt fulfill my responsibility as a husband. I do of course, give her monthly allowance that is equal her monthly salary cos she works. i av never for once allowed her to spend her salary on home issues. she spends it all for herself. i av a well paid job. i bought her a car and was even planning to change her car come early next year cos i already told her to start looking for the kind of car she would prefer. i even sat her down to inquire why she is doing this to us but she wouldnt come up wit any tangible excuse, all she kept saying is nothing going on btw them. she even told me of a recent jokingly that the ex- is tryng to buy her a car and try to inquire from me if i will nt be mad with that.
i am just confused about the whole thing. dnt just knw wat step to take any longer. av told myself that divorce is not something i will want to settle for in life and considering again that there are issues btw us. it really make it difficult for me. the said ex- is also married with kids. why they wouldnt let go of each other is wat i am yet to understand. Pls i need a serious and matured advice on this. Thanks

How old is your wife? Like seriously. Is this a true story.

if na me i go jst calm down drain d ex of anything cash he has as

Are you a Nigerian?

Now dat u brought it here u will surely get answers...

Now dat u brought it here u will surely get answers...

Dont worry dem dai com...

Is this for real?



I want to assume that there is something about the ex which your wife "is not seeing" in you? Does she complain of sex-ual dissatisfaction?

I do not have enough information about your wife to be able to give a definite solution. She is definitely undermining the union and showing extreme lack of disrespect. You have to stand your ground and be decisive over this matter. It seems you have been pacifying and begging her to stop, reason why she is not taking you serious.

Be the man and ask her to choose either her ex or you.

PS: I am not against "exes" keeping in touch but there should be a moral limit to everything. It shouldn't be at the expense of an home being threatened or if one of the parties involved see it so.

coolsammy: Based on some Nairalanders advice, i had to move this story of mine to the family section. i was assured that i was going to get some candid advice from this section that will really help my case. My story goes does;

My wife still relates with her ex- and kept assuring me that there is nothing going on between them. though this her ex does not stay in same town with her. but i discover that she is always engaged with him on the phone and they exchange series of text messages via watapps. i av stumbled on several of such messages on her phone. i av taking time to put up fights with her on several occasions and even quarelled the so called ex- over phone. but they would nt just bulge. i knw my wife sees him whenever he comes to town. he even credits my wife's account occasionally. i knw u guys will be wondering if i dnt fulfill my responsibility as a husband. I do of course, give her monthly allowance that is equal her monthly salary cos she works. i av never for once allowed her to spend her salary on home issues. she spends it all for herself. i av a well paid job. i bought her a car and was even planning to change her car come early next year cos i already told her to start looking for the kind of car she would prefer. i even sat her down to inquire why she is doing this to us but she wouldnt come up wit any tangible excuse, all she kept saying is nothing going on btw them. she even told me of a recent jokingly that the ex- is tryng to buy her a car and try to inquire from me if i will nt be mad with that.
i am just confused about the whole thing. dnt just knw wat step to take any longer. av told myself that divorce is not something i will want to settle for in life and considering again that there are issues btw us. it really make it difficult for me. the said ex- is also married with kids. why they wouldnt let go of each other is wat i am yet to understand. Pls i need a serious and matured advice on this. Thanks

wow Am sorry about all that..Am a woman and I am not gonna lye..Seems like ur wife still has feelings for his ex..na u sabi I can be wrong tho..For how long have they been together? Seems like d guy is encouraging her too..I mean u can break up and still keep in touch and talk, there is nothing wrong with that...I saw ex who became d best friends ever so why not? But all that can only work if no one has no more feelings and no expectations..Seems like ur wife is not hiding nothing, so that's a good point..Relationship r based on trust..I can understand ur feeling tho..Just be confident in urself, and keep being understanding cuz that's a great quality..Relationship r not easy..marriage neither..nothing is perfect..Strongly believe that every relationship is a mix of patience, understanding, forgiveness, ..so we have to make it work..

I am vexing on the OP's behalf , what nonsense!! what sort of silly joke is that that the ex wants to buy her a car. how old is she ? I support bellong's view on ultimatum, but i fear she may just hide it instead of stopping.

@baby: yeah it is a true story. she is 30. it is wat i am passing thru right now

@byvan: sure i am a nigerian.

^^^ She is 30 and still behaving like a little kid?

I think it is high time you read her riot act. What is it she is missing from her ex. Have you asked her before?

coolsammy: Based on some Nairalanders advice, i had to move this story of mine to the family section. i was assured that i was going to get some candid advice from this section that will really help my case. My story goes does;

My wife still relates with her ex- and kept assuring me that there is nothing going on between them. though this her ex does not stay in same town with her. but i discover that she is always engaged with him on the phone and they exchange series of text messages via watapps. i av stumbled on several of such messages on her phone. i av taking time to put up fights with her on several occasions and even quarelled the so called ex- over phone. but they would nt just bulge. i knw my wife sees him whenever he comes to town. he even credits my wife's account occasionally. i knw u guys will be wondering if i dnt fulfill my responsibility as a husband. I do of course, give her monthly allowance that is equal her monthly salary cos she works. i av never for once allowed her to spend her salary on home issues. she spends it all for herself. i av a well paid job. i bought her a car and was even planning to change her car come early next year cos i already told her to start looking for the kind of car she would prefer. i even sat her down to inquire why she is doing this to us but she wouldnt come up wit any tangible excuse, all she kept saying is nothing going on btw them. she even told me of a recent jokingly that the ex- is tryng to buy her a car and try to inquire from me if i will nt be mad with that.
i am just confused about the whole thing. dnt just knw wat step to take any longer. av told myself that divorce is not something i will want to settle for in life and considering again that there are issues btw us. it really make it difficult for me. the said ex- is also married with kids. why they wouldnt let go of each other is wat i am yet to understand. Pls i need a serious and matured advice on this. Thanks

you married the wrong woman....
you were the only one available to her when she caught the marriage bug - her ex was what she desired the most. this is a prevalent problem especially in nigeria - not too many women married who they really wanted.

there's no solution unless the man stops - you would be surprised it's your wife that is actually initiating the contact with this guy. you have nothing to lose. if i were you, i would let the partner of her ex know what's going on. fire your wife on your own side and let the other woman fire her husband.

if you have kids together, now is the time to DNA-test them.

@Mayra C: Thanks just at a lost why a woman will put her ex- first at d detriment of her marriage

Tell this woman to move in with her ex once and for all,if at her age she is not sensible enough to know what's detrimental to her marriage.Act like a husband and not some friend zoned school boy, stop begging her and take a decisive step.Make sure she doesn't continue behind your back.Just give this woman heat dammit!!its time to be the alpha male,thank God you are the bread winner.Its time for this woman to choose and make her choose, it doesn't matter if she chooses her ex,you ll get over it.

Don't mind if my post comes off as rants but it's just annoying when a grown woman is acting like a silly teenager in love.Its time to show her who is the king of the jungle,every man has that aspect to his person,make use of yours.She is fooling around because she knows you are scared of divorce,let her know that you don't give a damn anymore.She either stay and be the wife she swore to be or leave to be a concubine to her married ex, let her make a choice.

coolsammy: @Mayra C: Thanks just at a lost why a woman will put her ex- first at d detriment of her marriage

yeah at that point, that does not make sense at all..I think u should have a serious discussion with ur wife and tell her how u feel about all that..Ask her if she will be happy and fine if u do d same stuff with an ex girlfriend ...

It only means she is bored with you, not that she does not love you or want to be with you.
If you ignore her, BETTER FOR Y'AWL.

Marriage is boring, and the ROMANCE IS USUALLY GONE AFTER THE FIRST WEEK OF SAYING I DO!
The best thing is to ignore her.
No woman will leave her matrimonial home for ANY EX!
Trust me.


I personally find my conversations with my EXES more entertaining than those of my husband.
MAINTAINING THE RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE NOSTALGIC EXES is usually a great MARRIAGE-SPICER!
Being a good husband/provider is not the only ingredient for an interesting marriage.

SHE IS BORED! Simple.

I have maintained RELATIONSHIPS with several EXES during my marriagES. . . they kept me going. . .and STILL KEEP ME GOING! My husband has learned NOT TO CARE, since it is obvious that I have absolutely NO desire to leave my marriage for any EX! Good news. . . THEY ARE ALL MARRIED! I don't keep in contact with DIVORCED EXES!

You must be a MARRIED MAN. . .for me to discuss ANYTHING with ya! I don't waste my time with SINGLE OR DIVORCED DUDES!

Please, relax! She is only using those calls and texts TO SPICE THINGS UP! MARRRRRRRRRRIAGE IS AS BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING AS SOME OLD, DRIED PIECE OF SHYTE!

@chaircover: The issue of a forced marriage does not occur here. It was a mutual thing we had for ourself bf we married. we courted for more than a year bf the marriage. she even told me bf we married that if her parents object to her marrying me she is ready to disobey them, that is cos we are frm a different tribe. bt luckily her parents welcome me wholeheartedly and she was very pleased.
in d middle of all these, i even sat her down to ask her if she had her way, wether she would have married her ex over me? and she said no, i asked why? she said (1) her ex is older than me and nt as presentable as i am (2)that the ex-was even married as at wen she came across him then, so there is no way she could av settled with him. why she wouldnt desist from this act of hers is what still baffles me.

@chaircover: yes we have 2 kids

@coogar: how i wish i could get in touch with the ex- wife. but i couldnt. even went as far as searching for him on facebook so as to trace his wife bt to no avail.

coolsammy: @coogar: how i wish i could get in touch with the ex- wife. but i couldnt. even went as far as searching for him on facebook so as to trace his wife bt to no avail.

this is serious.....
honestly, i don't know what to say - some women just love complicating things for themselves!

oh, the partner is divorced. well well. Maybe she thinks she has a chance, now that he is available. Look, sammy, you are really cool to be taking all this. First and foremost, call her mother and tell the mother what is going on. Give the mother ultimatums and hear what she has to say. Tell the mum that the next time this happens, you will like to take drastic steps on the matter. Let us know what happens after that. And please, get a DNA test.

chaircover: Baby i dont think the man is divorced o! but I may be wrong

he's not divorced.
baby123 thought the OP meant ex-wife but he meant ex's wife.

coogar:

he's not divorced.
baby123 thought the OP meant ex-wife but he meant ex's wife.

chaircover: Baby i dont think the man is divorced o! but I may be wrong

Oh, the guy is still married. So in essence this guy is her former sugar daddy. hmmm. Na wa for this matter o. Sammy. Please can you honestly tell us the circumstances behind how and why you decided to marry her knowing all this. . Did you beg her to marry you? Was the feeling mutual? Or were you the one who forced yourself on her. Be honest.

chaircover:

Thats what I thought

The poor wife is probably fed up too. I dont know how many cars he has bought for his own wife before offering to buy an ex girlfriend a car.

I dont know how many houses he has built before offering to rent an apartment for his ex girlfriend, when the poster threated to chase her out because of him.

what do they get to talk about so much? i am sure it's issues surrounding the sëx they used to have. what could have been, what shouldn't have been and blah blah blah. there should be a law in naija made against men who speak to their exes that are married.