baby_123:

Oh, the guy is still married. So in essence this guy is her former sugar daddy. hmmm. Na wa for this matter o. Sammy. Please can you honestly tell us the circumstances behind how and why you decided to marry her knowing all this. . Did you beg her to marry you? Was the feeling mutual? Or were you the one who forced yourself on her. Be honest.

coolsammy: : The issue of a forced marriage does not occur here. It was a mutual thing we had for ourself bf we married. we courted for more than a year bf the marriage. she even told me bf we married that if her parents object to her marrying me she is ready to disobey them, that is cos we are frm a different tribe. bt luckily her parents welcome me wholeheartedly and she was very pleased.
in d middle of all these, i even sat her down to ask her if she had her way, wether she would have married her ex over me? and she said no, i asked why? she said (1) her ex is older than me and nt as presentable as i am (2)that the ex-was even married as at wen she came across him then, so there is no way she could av settled with him. why she wouldnt desist from this act of hers is what still baffles me.

coolsammy: Based on some Nairalanders advice, i had to move this story of mine to the family section. i was assured that i was going to get some candid advice from this section that will really help my case. My story goes does;

My wife still relates with her ex- and kept assuring me that there is nothing going on between them. though this her ex does not stay in same town with her. but i discover that she is always engaged with him on the phone and they exchange series of text messages via watapps. i av stumbled on several of such messages on her phone. i av taking time to put up fights with her on several occasions and even quarelled the so called ex- over phone. but they would nt just bulge. i knw my wife sees him whenever he comes to town. he even credits my wife's account occasionally. i knw u guys will be wondering if i dnt fulfill my responsibility as a husband. I do of course, give her monthly allowance that is equal her monthly salary cos she works. i av never for once allowed her to spend her salary on home issues. she spends it all for herself. i av a well paid job. i bought her a car and was even planning to change her car come early next year cos i already told her to start looking for the kind of car she would prefer. i even sat her down to inquire why she is doing this to us but she wouldnt come up wit any tangible excuse, all she kept saying is nothing going on btw them. [b]she even told me of a recent jokingly that the ex- is tryng to buy her a car and try to inquire from me if i will nt be mad with that.
[/b]i am just confused about the whole thing. dnt just knw wat step to take any longer. av told myself that divorce is not something i will want to settle for in life and considering again that there are issues btw us. it really make it difficult for me. the said ex- is also married with kids. why they wouldnt let go of each other is wat i am yet to understand. Pls i need a serious and matured advice on this. Thanks

bellong:

chaircover:

Ohhhh Sugar daddy thingz . . . I wasnt even thinking along those lines.

lady gogo:


The nerve!?

I think you need to take a stand here and let the ex's wife know about it.

Quick question though. Was she a runner when you met her?.(Well how would you have known? *smh*) Like a runs girl.The reason is because most runners tend to be unsatisfied with whatever their husbands give them. They always want more.

baby_123:

coolsammy: @baby123: the man is not a divocee. he is still married

coolsammy: thank u all for all ur advice and contribution so far. this is something that has really been bothering for sometime now. i hardly concentrate at work. took her out on many occasion to ask wat the problem was. asked her to tell me where i am not getting it right so i can make amends, promised to buy her anything if thats the problem. but she kept saying there is nothing btw them bt wouldnt stop flirting with him over phone, my wife nw password her phone so i wont just go into it on my own volition. i even collected the car keys frm her sometime, took away the kids frm her and locked her out for like days. her family interfare and pleaded on her behalf.
but while this lasted, the man promised to get her an apartment and buy her a car since i collected her car frm her. bt after her relative intervention she promised nt to repaet such again only to come up last week that the man is still going ahead to buy her the car and hope i will not be mad when she collects the car,
Though i never responded to her request. i pretended not to hear wat she said but waiting for her to collect the car and use that as an evidence to whatever happens after

I came here to seek advice most especially from the ladies as to wat could be going wrong and if any has ever experienced this and a way forward as well

[size=14pt] i knw my wife sees him whenever he comes to town. he even credits my wife's account occasionally.[/size] i knw u guys will be wondering if i dnt fulfill my responsibility as a husband. I do of course, give her monthly allowance that is equal her monthly salary cos she works.

coolsammy:
but while this lasted, the man promised to get her an apartment and buy her a car since i collected her car frm her. bt after her relative intervention she promised nt to repaet such again only to come up last week that the man is still going ahead to buy her the car and hope i will not be mad when she collects the car,
Though i never responded to her request. i pretended not to hear wat she said but waiting for her to collect the car and use that as an evidence to whatever happens after.

I came here to seek advice most especially from the ladies as to wat could be going wrong and if any has ever experienced this and a way forward as well

baby_123:

You can kind of tell the guy is trying hard to satisfy her "needs". He gives her salary every month equal to her monthly salary, apart from what she gets at work. .

lady gogo:


@baby. yeah.I dont know why some human beings cant be contented oh. seriously.What are they buying?

coolsammy: @ladygogo: she was one of the nicest lady in my dept then. met her during her NYSC. studied and monitor her for that full year. she was so commited to me. of course we all av our past and believe we all av to let go at a point in our life. never heard frm her abt this man until he crept in lately

baby_123:

It is greed. Some runs girls come from comfortable homes but do all that out of pure greed not necessity. My own thought is this guy knows she likes money and tries all he can to keep her happy. By buying her anything she wants and making her comfortable. The moment he gets broke, he will be left in his face me i face you alone. While she will be enjoying on sugar papa's tab. What a pity.

lady gogo:


Hmmmmmmm. @Coolsammy. Anyone can be nice and you dont expect her to have told you about the man while you were courting.Thats not exactly smart. I wont do that if i was a runs chic.

byvan: Are you a Nigerian?

lady gogo: @ coolsammy. I forgot to add.you also need to go on your knees fast and pray for your marriage to work. You have to fight for it. Shower her with love-not just material things. Dress nicely, change your diet and hit the gym if possible to keep toned and fit.

stillwater: You married an attention freak. Some women can die for it. If there's no drama in their lives, they cannot survive.

Your wife cravessssss the attention. Women love it that they have one or two men chasing them. I can tell you She's the one encouraging him. If she's bored with the marriage, she better go and touch herself or something. Nobody forced her to sign the marriage certificate. Give her a last warning for now and threaten to kick her out before you turn into something you are not. Some spouses derive devilish pleasure in seeing their partners question if they are faithful or not, playing dirty mind games. You signed up for a monogamous relationship not an open marriage, remind her that. Don't let no evil wife steal your joy.

baby_123:


Coogar, hope you are taking notes. What are you still doing reading this post. Oya go and fetch water and boil rice for your wifey.

bukatyne: Dear OP,

I really sympathize with you.

I read in your first post that you do not want divorce etc. Which I commend. However, never make anyone feel indispensable. Let your wife know that you are with her because you want to and not because you need to I.e. You can very well survive with/out her.

I also believed you have pleaded with her enough. If the foolish ex buys the car for her and she accepts, just call her parents to come and carry their daughter or you leave the house until both of you can agree on what your marriage should be like.

You don't need to justify your finance here. Even if you are dirt poor, she is your wife and has to stick to you through thick and thin. It seems you have been trying to buy her love since you met or all you offered her is money. The idea she's bored doesn't even hold water for me
I believe she has mouth for a reason. If you are bored, speak out or find ways to spice it afteral it takes two to tango.

You also need to explore the possibility that the ex charmed her. I do not think many wives will (bold to say that their ex wants to buy a car.

It is well

yellowpawpaw: @op, u pay ur wife salary? For what? That means she don't contribute to d upkeep of ur house? What does she do with her money if I may ask?
R u lv struck? She gave u jazz? Or her toto made u not to act like the man of the house?
Chei women get power o!

U practically worship d ground, no, u worship her poo that's why she is treating u like an errand boy.
What nonsense!

Infact,I'm angry,will be right back. That cobweb must clear from ur eyes kpatakpata!
Unu ahukwa mu eshishi?

Winneygirl: The taste of sin!!
It never ceases to amaze me how we are more attracted to 'that which we shouldn't do' and very lukewarm towards 'that which we should do'.
.
This relatnshp is not about money. There is a level of friendship she has with this man, which she doesn't have with her husband.
.
Op, go back to the drawing board. Take Ur mind off this man, begging her, or being rash. Seat down with her, and converse with her as a friend. Groom a new kind of friendship. Be thoughtful & warm. Show love not anger. It'll take a while, but U have 2 earn her trust and her friendship.

baby_123:


Coogar, hope you are taking notes. What are you still doing reading this post. Oya go and fetch water and boil rice for your wifey.