tpia@:




i just do not see how your stand against polygamy does not contradict most of your teachings here. You are sending mixed messages.

on what basis exactly are you against it?

your personal preference or a religious one?

do you think a man who shares your level of commitment to your deen, would not also include polygamy as a requirement of his own deen?

Deols is not against it. I understand what she's saying. If a female can handle it and she's ok with it, I would not discourage her.

Their are women who are ok with it.

She as a person can't cope with polygyny, their are lots of females who are like that, Islam is a practical religion, if you can't cope with it, then the person avoid it, this is something that leads some women to commiting shirk and kufr.

A man who knows the Deen and understand it, will be skeptical about practicing polygyny, if he knows how hard it is to practice equity and justice among women you do not love equally, and knows the punishment on the day of judgement for a man who treated his wife without justice, he will truly be very careful before practicing it.

Logicbwoy: Why not marry an atheist, Deols?

That way, you will be sure that your husband wont marry a second wife

lol....even some few sects of christianity advocate polygamy!


On a serious note, this thread is making me laugh......the "hot" men are afraid of challenge...they feel that some sisters will not bow down to their lust for multiple women...

You have an atheist in mind for me?


What does 'hot' mean.

You can jamtalk sha

Fulaman198:

Not every man wants to marry more than one woman

You can say that again.

And who says polygyny determines anyone's level of religion

There are people who know nothing beyond that they can marry up to four wives..

Fulaman198:

Lusting is wrong in Islam, I for one as a Muslim man will not marry more than 1 woman. I have listened to songs by Oumou Sangare in Fulfulde (Fulani language) of Mali and she grew up having to deal with it her mother did not receive the same attention as the other wife.

It is impossible for a man to love 2 or more women equally the same. One will always be your favourite.

Well said

deols:

You have an atheist in mind for me?


What does 'hot' mean.

You can jamtalk sha

I'm just joking. You couldnt handle an atheist husband.




Hot means h0rny

Logicbwoy:

I'm just joking. You couldnt handle an atheist husband.




Hot means h0rny

There is no one I can't handle literally.

But I wont give an atheist a second look.

deols:

There is no one I can't handle literally.

But I wont give an atheist a second look.

hmmmm.lol.

khattab02: hmmmm.lol.

Why are you lolling...you are surprised I can handle anybody??

Feminine prowess!!! Lol.


Kidding

deols:

There is no one I can't handle literally.

But I wont give an atheist a second look.

.......The same way u didnt give muslim maclatunji a second look? Lol

What makes u think that an atheist will look twice at u in ur ninja costume?

Abegi....handle wetin? Who can u handle? At trhe end of the day, u will still marry a version of mac that will control u. Thats what u get when u look for men that r strong in the deen.....

I have dated muslims before. My first gF was happier than her hypocrite friends. Love is beyond religion.

Logicbwoy:



.......The same way u didnt give muslim maclatunji a second look? Lol

What makes u think that an atheist will look twice at u in ur ninja costume?

Abegi....handle wetin? Who can u handle? At trhe end of the day, u will still marry a version of mac that will control u. Thats what u get when u look for men that r strong in the deen.....

I have dated muslims before. My first gF was happier than her hypocrite friends. Love is beyond religion.

Why are you angry nahhhh. Did my post make you feel emasculated? Hahaha

My ninja costume? Lol..

Marry someone who would control me? I will marry the one deserving of my finesse. Control won't be an issue. Don't dare think that you know me or what I'd do

Who cares about the person you dated? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care??

All I can do with you is shred you. You better back off..make my handling no cripple you














Did you just believe that?

deols:

Why are you lolling...you are surprised I can handle anybody??

Feminine prowess!!! Lol.


Kidding

haha. Alright.

deols:

Why are you angry nahhhh. Did my post make you feel emasculated? Hahaha

My ninja costume? Lol..

Marry someone who would control me? I will marry the one deserving of my finesse. Control won't be an issue. Don't dare think that you know me or what I'd do

Who cares about the person you dated? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care??

All I can do with you is shred you. You better back off..make my handling no cripple you














Did you just believe that?

Lol....i didnt know u were like this. haha

Logicbwoy:

Lol....i didnt know u were like this. haha

:-/

Sissie:

Deols is not against it. I understand what she's saying. If a female can handle it and she's ok with it, I would not discourage her.

Their are women who are ok with it.

She as a person can't cope with polygyny, their are lots of females who are like that, Islam is a practical religion, if you can't cope with it, then the person avoid it, this is something that leads some women to commiting shirk and kufr.

A man who knows the Deen and understand it, will be skeptical about practicing polygyny, if he knows how hard it is to practice equity and justice among women you do not love equally, and knows the punishment on the day of judgement for a man who treated his wife without justice, he will truly be very careful before practicing it.

well, there are certain practices associated with being a muslim in nigeria, and which muslims themselves consider part of their religious obligation.

polygamy is one- it remains the man's discretion if its something he wants to venture into, but at the same time, he knows it is expected of him as a practicing muslim.

secondly, there are certain behaviours associated with muslim singles when it comes to interaction, and i thought being submissive was one of them? Why is there so much emphasis on lowering gaze if at the end of the day, there is so much rebelling against almost everything else. For example, you proved from the Koran, that a muslim wife is not expected to do house chores or cooking. If the husband requests for these, then she can or should divorce him.

lastly, you folks are making it seem as if marrying a muslim man is hell on earth, however, are muslim men worse partners than other men in general, because i personally cant say i have that impression from my limited exposure to the nigerian muslim population although of course as you pointed out, region of origin should be considered?

tpia@:


well, there are certain practices associated with being a muslim in nigeria, and which muslims themselves consider part of their religious obligation.

polygamy is one- it remains the man's discretion if its something he wants to venture into, but at the same time, he knows it is expected of him as a practicing muslim.

secondly, there are certain behaviours associated with muslim singles when it comes to interaction, and i thought being submissive was one of them? Why is there so much emphasis on lowering gaze if at the end of the day, there is so much rebelling against almost everything else. For example, you proved from the Koran, that a muslim wife is not expected to do house chores or cooking. If the husband requests for these, then she can or should divorce him.

lastly, you folks are making it seem as if marrying a muslim man is hell on earth, however, are muslim men worse partners than other men in general, because i personally cant say i have that impression from my limited exposure to the nigerian muslim population although of course as you pointed out, region of origin should be considered?

I think you didn't really get my point.

1. Islam is a practical religion that considers both male and females, certain things are allowed but are not compulsory.

2. We are not rebelling, lowering ones gaze is to stop people from commiting zina, so if you are married to a person lowering your gaze doesn't apply to that person.

3. My point about doing chores, accepting your husband to practice polygny are all allowed but not COMPULSORY, so you can not force someone to do all that, or say the person is commiting a sin for not accepting it.
P.s I didn't say a woman should divorce her husband if he tells her to do chores, I said when it comes to polygamy there's always the option of divorce.

Marrying Muslim men is not hell on earth. We have very good Muslim men, and a Muslim man who practices the religion will be the best husband.

Let me explain better, in Islam everyone will account for his/her deeds, if Mrs A, can't handle polygyny due to jealousy, possessiveness, financial reasons e.t.c and she knows Mr A marrying Mrs B will make her commit sins I.e the extreme sin is commiting shirk and becoming a kufr, then Mrs A should tell Mr A not to remarry and if he goes ahead, she should seek for a divorce.

Their are women who like and can handle polygyny, we are different, those women have no problem with their husbands practicing it.

Polygyny is not a sign of a practicing Muslim, a man who knows his religion well will be skeptical about practicing it, and will be conscious if he marries more than 1.

I do not hate polygyny, and am not against it. A man who can manage it well should go ahead and do it, it will be more reward for him, a man who can't should not, it will be problem for him. A woman who can accept it should, a woman who can't accept it shouldn't be forced to accepting.

I have seen very good polygyny house, my friends siblings don't know who their real biological mother is among the 2 wives, they ask after they grow up, that's how good it was, infact the wives give birth almost the same time.

And I have seen very terrible polygyny ones kid was in private school, well taken care of, while the other was in public school, had to sell oil and kulikuli to support her kids, the 2nd wife and husband will wave the 1st one while driving past her hawking.

So I have seen the good and bad.

Personally am more on the fence concerning myself, my accepting/rejecting it depends on so many thing.

Sissie: Polygyny is not a sign of a practicing Muslim, a man who knows his religion well will be skeptical about practicing it, and will be conscious if he marries more than 1.

I do not hate polygyny, and am not against it. A man who can manage it well should go ahead and do it, it will be more reward for him, a man who can't should not, it will be problem for him. A woman who can accept it should, a woman who can't accept it shouldn't be forced to accepting.

I have seen very good polygyny house, my friends siblings don't know who their real biological mother is among the 2 wives, they ask after they grow up, that's how good it was, infact the wives give birth almost the same time.

And I have seen very terrible polygyny ones kid was in private school, well taken care of, while the other was in public school, had to sell oil and kulikuli to support her kids, the 2nd wife and husband will wave the 1st one while driving past her hawking.

So I have seen the good and bad.

Personally am more on the fence concerning myself, my accepting/rejecting it depends on so many thing.

Gbaam! You korrect. On point!

tpia@:


well, there are certain practices associated with being a muslim in nigeria, and which muslims themselves consider part of their religious obligation.

polygamy is one- it remains the man's discretion if its something he wants to venture into, but at the same time, he knows it is expected of him as a practicing muslim.

secondly, there are certain behaviours associated with muslim singles when it comes to interaction, and i thought being submissive was one of them? Why is there so much emphasis on lowering gaze if at the end of the day, there is so much rebelling against almost everything else. For example, you proved from the Koran, that a muslim wife is not expected to do house chores or cooking. If the husband requests for these, then she can or should divorce him.

lastly, you folks are making it seem as if marrying a muslim man is hell on earth, however, are muslim men worse partners than other men in general, because i personally cant say i have that impression from my limited exposure to the nigerian muslim population although of course as you pointed out, region of origin should be considered?

I dont know why you bother since you already have a set of beliefs about Muslims and our interaction here won't change them.

deols:

I dont know why I bother since I already have a set of beliefs about african women and our interaction here won't change them.

This is what you mean.

tpia@:


This is what you mean.

Explain yourself please. I dont even understand, at all.

Fulaman198:

Lusting is wrong in Islam, I for one as a Muslim man will not marry more than 1 woman. I have listened to songs by Oumou Sangare in Fulfulde (Fulani language) of Mali and she grew up having to deal with it her mother did not receive the same attention as the other wife.

It is impossible for a man to love 2 or more women equally the same. One will always be your favourite.[color=#990000][/color]

The above is the reason why I could not live in polygamy. I can't be married to a man who puts another woman first. I want to be the first and only wife. This is what causes problems in polygamy, because the favorite wife comes first to the man and she and her children get preferential treatment. I have seen men even favor stepchildren from a favorite wife over his own biological children from a less favored wife. The man's heart will always lean more towards one. Chances are if he married a woman AFTER you, she is his favorite. Why should you be second to another woman in your marriage? I can't take it. I would rather be divorced than share my husband. I will end up sinning, b/c I won't be able to be a good wife to him. I won't care to do anything for him. I would hate him. So why live hating my husband. I would rather leave. I couldn't be happy in that type of marriage. I don't know how women do it.The only wife that would be happy in such a marriage, would be the favorite one. I would also hate to have a 2nd wife come and get my man ready made. She usually comes when the man is a little older and more financially established.

Do people think it's a wise idea to let a prospective husband know about my feelings on polygamy? My mom thinks I shouldn't bring his mind to such a topic and you can't predict the future anyway so no point in asking. However, men are different and some are able to stick to one woman for the rest of his life (even if they wouldn't mind more) while others cannot. I have seen women married to their husband for less than 5 years and he gets a 2nd wife. I think I would have to let him know my feelings BEFORE we get married. I want him to know he has to divorce me first before if he chooses to marry another woman.

^^Polygamy or no polygamy just be a good wife to your man...some men will not marry a second wife but they will love another woman outside that is adultery. There are some bad monogamous family and good ones too that's life.

we all know about Isaac suffering and his only wife Rebecca how she destroyed the family union, brother against brother. Its all about choice and what Allah has destined.

nene1:

The above is the reason why I could not live in polygamy. I can't be married to a man who puts another woman first. I want to be the first and only wife. This is what causes problems in polygamy, because the favorite wife comes first to the man and she and her children get preferential treatment. I have seen men even favor stepchildren from a favorite wife over his own biological children from a less favored wife. The man's heart will always lean more towards one. Chances are if he married a woman AFTER you, she is his favorite. Why should you be second to another woman in your marriage? I can't take it. I would rather be divorced than share my husband. I will end up sinning, b/c I won't be able to be a good wife to him. I won't care to do anything for him. I would hate him. So why live hating my husband. I would rather leave. I couldn't be happy in that type of marriage. I don't know how women do it.The only wife that would be happy in such a marriage, would be the favorite one. I would also hate to have a 2nd wife come and get my man ready made. She usually comes when the man is a little older and more financially established.

Do people think it's a wise idea to let a prospective husband know about my feelings on polygamy? My mom thinks I shouldn't bring his mind to such a topic and you can't predict the future anyway so no point in asking. However, men are different and some are able to stick to one woman for the rest of his life (even if they wouldn't mind more) while others cannot. I have seen women married to their husband for less than 5 years and he gets a 2nd wife. I think I would have to let him know my feelings BEFORE we get married. I want him to know he has to divorce me first before if he chooses to marry another woman.

I understand wholeheartedly Nene. That is why in my own personal belief for a man to be a good husband, he must have only 1 wife so that he can give all his heart, his warmth and love to her.

A woman should endeavor to do her best to be a good wife to her husband, many women get busy with the kids and career and take being a wife for granted and push their husband into taking another wife.

@nene you should discuss it with your potential spouse let him know how you feel about it.

Haha.. see nene bursting....

I like your honesty

Sissie: A woman should endeavor to do her best to be a good wife to her husband, many women get busy with the kids and career and take being a wife for granted and push their husband into taking another wife.

@nene you should discuss it with your potential spouse let him know how you feel about it.

Gbaam!!! You hit it again. You korrect again!

Fulaman198:

I understand wholeheartedly Nene. That is why in my own personal belief for a man to be a good husband, he must have only 1 wife so that he can give all his heart, his warmth and love to her.

Why don't you too hook up

Just kidding!

You seem to be able to empathize with others which is a good quality for a husband.

God will make you a good one and give you a good wife too.

Sissie: A woman should endeavor to do her best to be a good wife to her husband, many women get busy with the kids and career and take being a wife for granted and push their husband into taking another wife.

@nene you should discuss it with your potential spouse let him know how you feel about it.

A man should take responsibility for his actions

Is a woman allowed to marry a second husband if her husband is not a good husband?

bukatyne:

A man should take responsibility for his actions

Is a woman allowed to marry a second husband if her husband is not a good husband?

She is .........

the issue is the phool that will accept

pickabeau1:

She is .........

the issue is the phool that will accept

So we can infer that a woman that accepts her hubby marrying second wife is a phool!

EOD

bukatyne:

A man should take responsibility for his actions

Is a woman allowed to marry a second husband if her husband is not a good husband?

Yes of course! Depends on the situation. But has to divorce him first.