Good to know ihedinobi.
I don de fear wella.
Want to enjoy this my xmas wella!

PE, I wanted to draw back our mind to the reason for the thread. Sefani?

yellowpawpaw: Good to know ihedinobi.
I don de fear wella.
Want to enjoy this my xmas wella!

PE, I wanted to draw back our mind to the reason for the thread. Sefani?

Okay. But extra curricular activities should be allowed na! We are all here to learn... Don't y'all think so?

Any way any how every one has made his or her point know. Abeg way madam yekini dey?

chinebu: Nice work. I feel tears rolling down my eyes as I read this piece. I got married at the age of 27 to my wife at 24. We have 3 kids and now I dont know what to say of my marriage. I am confused as my wife always give excuse to be with me. She told me I can only have her when she wants. Since we married 12yrs ago. I have never cheated on her. She is the only one I have known and each time we have sex she is always enjoying it because I make sure she is satisfied first b4 I think of myself.
I dont know what has happened actually because we quarrel every blessed day for past 1yr and am fed up with whole thing. Im in my late 30s now and my body is always wanting my wife but she is always pushing me away as if to say that she knows I cant do it elswhere. A sort of purnishment or what I dont know. I have even mentioned it to her mother without any change from her side. What do I do. I need help and Im seriously thinking about looking outside because I cant keep on like this.

I wish she could read some of our posts here
Without knowing the specifics of your relationship let me hazard some guesses and tell you from a woman's perspective the things that could put a woman off se.xually.

1. She feels you don't listen to her
2. She is overwhelmed by housework and taking care of the children and needs help
3. She feels unfulfilled in some areas of life and somehow blames it on you
4. She feels You are not romantic and only come for SE.x
5.she has never had an org.asm

Believe it or not there are women who pretend to enjoy SE.x to please the man and women who had never had org.asms
Sme hide it well because they don't want the man to feel inadequate
To them SE.x is a duty to be performed not to be truly enjoyed

Let me advise you something to try

Get someone to watch the kids and go out somewhere just the two of you preferably for a weekend.
Have something written and tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you
Tell how how you feel about situation at home and what she thinks will make it better

You never know
There could be bottled up resentments that is manifested in the coldness she displays,give her a relaxed atmosphere to open up and talk
Don't be judgmental, or justify things just be a good listener
The ultimate aim for you is to get a good result not to win an argument

I don't believe a woman could be totally feeling her husband and frustrate him in this manner
There is something she's not feeling,try to find what that is
Stepping outside your marriage will only make things worse
That other woman will come with her own drama too
All women have drama ,yes,that's how we are made
When we are angry with you guys,the easiest punishment is to close shop and watch you suffer
My hubby at those times will move closer in bed,I will just pretend to be in deep sleep ,then when I know the thing don catch am well,I go jump out,enter baff room begin baff
We all do it from time to time but when this has gone on for the period you describe,there is an underlying hurt or frustration somewhere
Try to find out what it is
Sex for a woman is perhaps 80% emotional and 20% physical
If you have a woman emotionally,you have her completely
Men are moved by looks,women are not
A nak.ed strange woman would turn a man on,a nak.ed strange man will either scare a woman to her bones or disgust her
Try to get that 80% of her

Most women I know will make love to their hubbies even when they absolutely don't feel like it ,they will do it just to please him and in most cases it ends up being pleasurable to her too once it begins

I wish you well.
I wish she could write in and allow the strangers on an anonymous forum give some words of advise

This could go on forever. Really it could. But I'm going to make a few points and call it a day so people can continue posting what they want. The reason I keep coming back to this issue is that your message is a very dangerous one. We already have too many suffering and smiling marriages, bum marriages, marriages hitting the rocks as it is, people falling into ill health because of bad marriages. Your overall message is only going to amplify that, and as demonstrated by you, it even has no basis in scripture so what exactly is it about? It's mainly your opinion, so you shouldn't be presenting it as fact or truth.

Ihedinobi: In the event of making a bad promise, you may need to repent it and break it, but do not equate the good in breaking a bad promise to the good of breaking a promise at all.

Sir, a promise to marry someone is a bad promise once it is realized to be a mistake. Plain and simple. Or are you saying people should proceed to the altar to lie through their teeth before God when making their vows, just because they once said, "yes, I will marry you"?

You excused a man doing things for his girlfriend while dating that he usually wouldn't do on the basis of emotions, the same emotions for instance could cause someone to agree to marry someone without considering the full ramifications. So when they realize their mistake, they should add another mistake to it by actually marrying the person? I don't think so.

To say that an engagement should only be broken for the same reasons as one would break a marriage is absolutely wrong. There is no need to start ensnaring people to a life of misery without any solid reason.

And yes, betrothal in biblical days is completely different from engagement today.

You have a very strong message in saying that people should not take getting engaged lightly. That's a solid message. And like you, I definitely don't agree that when you are engaged to someone, you should still be looking around for other options. Beyond that, all these other additions are of your own making and are unnecessary. And dangerous.

I rest my case.

Ok people, back to Yekini tins!

ileobatojo: This could go on forever. Really it could. But I'm going to make a few points and call it a day so people can continue posting what they want. The reason I keep coming back to this issue is that your message is a very dangerous one. We already have too many suffering and smiling marriages, bum marriages, marriages hitting the rocks as it is, people falling into ill health because of bad marriages. Your overall message is only going to amplify that, and as demonstrated by you, it even has no basis in scripture so what exactly is it about? It's mainly your opinion, so you shouldn't be presenting it as fact or truth.



Sir, a promise to marry someone is a bad promise once it is realized to be a mistake. Plain and simple. Or are you saying people should proceed to the altar to lie through their teeth before God when making their vows, just because they once said, "yes, I will marry you"?

You excused a man doing things for his girlfriend while dating that he usually wouldn't do on the basis of emotions, the same emotions for instance could cause someone to agree to marry someone without considering the full ramifications. So when they realize their mistake, they should add another mistake to it by actually marrying the person? I don't think so.

To say that an engagement should only be broken for the same reasons as one would break a marriage is absolutely wrong. There is no need to start ensnaring people to a life of misery without any solid reason.

And yes, betrothal in biblical days is completely different from engagement today.

You have a very strong message in saying that people should not take getting engaged lightly. That's a solid message. And like you, I definitely don't agree that when you are engaged to someone, you should still be looking around for other options. Beyond that, all these other additions are of your own making and are unnecessary. And dangerous.

I rest my case.

Ok people, back to Yekini tins!

Thank you!
Some even realize after the marriage that they are in a bad and unhealthy marriage,they should also break that contract and move on
Nobody should lose their soul or die in the process of clinging unto Mrs title

chaircover:

I am sorry to hear what you are both going through. I say both becasue I am sure that you are both hurting and wondering what happened to make such a happy union of 12 years ago end up like this.

I believe that as you have stayed together so long, there is still lots of hope and I pray that in future you will both look back on this time and laugh over it.

Firstly women are emotional beings and I guess all the arguments are having a toll on her in the bedroom, and the mistake that she made/making is by not opening up to you and letting you know why she has lost the urge to be intimate. She may not be doing it intentionally but she still needs to address the fact that there is an issue and you both need to resolve them. Sexx is very very important in marriage. It bonds the couple and Lovemaking says a lot of things that you do not say verbally.

What is causing your arguments? are they things that can be avoided? or have you both got yourselves into the situation where one argument fuels another and you get into a vicious cycle?

I would say that first of all you need to have a heart to heart and draw a line in the sand and say new beginning (I am assuming that you are both only arguing about petty petty things) If you have a major issue, then discuss it and resolve it.
Take time out, just the two of you and be totally honest with each other. Reach out to each other and forgive each other for whatever hurt you might have caused each other. Forget the past and move on. Some things you are both just going to have to let go. There are no winners and no losers. That is the only way or you will both keep on harboring resentment towards each other and that will definitely affect your sexx life.

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your advice. God bless you.

chaircover:

I am sorry to hear what you are both going through. I say both becasue I am sure that you are both hurting and wondering what happened to make such a happy union of 12 years ago end up like this.

I believe that as you have stayed together so long, there is still lots of hope and I pray that in future you will both look back on this time and laugh over it.

Firstly women are emotional beings and I guess all the arguments are having a toll on her in the bedroom, and the mistake that she made/making is by not opening up to you and letting you know why she has lost the urge to be intimate. She may not be doing it intentionally but she still needs to address the fact that there is an issue and you both need to resolve them. Sexx is very very important in marriage. It bonds the couple and Lovemaking says a lot of things that you do not say verbally.

What is causing your arguments? are they things that can be avoided? or have you both got yourselves into the situation where one argument fuels another and you get into a vicious cycle?

I would say that first of all you need to have a heart to heart and draw a line in the sand and say new beginning (I am assuming that you are both only arguing about petty petty things) If you have a major issue, then discuss it and resolve it.
Take time out, just the two of you and be totally honest with each other. Reach out to each other and forgive each other for whatever hurt you might have caused each other. Forget the past and move on. Some things you are both just going to have to let go. There are no winners and no losers. That is the only way or you will both keep on harboring resentment towards each other and that will definitely affect your sexx life.

Didn't even read you before making my post and we are basically saying the same things
You nailed it

willyboss: @Baby Mama,he wasn't just in love with u but was(still) crazy about u(I sympathize with him). I guess he was ur hubby's forerunner.with u still on his mind,I doubt if he'll ever love another woman.

That is sad
Now you are making me feel bad.
When he found me and called me 4 years ago,the excitement in his voice was noticeable

Back then he had so much faith and just loved The Lord with all his heart
I remember one day we were walking down independence layout in Enugu and he looked at me and told me that one day,he will have a mansion here for us

I had heard from a mutual friend that he has a mansion in Independence layout now and when she we spoke I told him I heard he had a big house on independence layout and he made a statement that shocked me,that was when I knew he had not gotten over me
He said and I quote " Ada,that was supposed to be our mansion,remember I told you we would have one one there but I nwero nu faith"
( you didn't have faith)
I knew I didn't want to indulge in all those reminders and I wasn't feeling him that way at all


I eventually asked him after the 4th call not to call me again especially after I found out on the third call he was now a polygamist,that news made me sad for Him and I spoke to him about the bible he so much loved and asked what he thought God would say about it.
He recounted to me how it all happened,none of it made sense.
His first wife has children,boys and girls,I couldn't understand what he was looking for
Now the second wife has kids too and to make matters worse he moved her into the same house
I was disgusted with him
Disgusted he could disrespect his real wife in that manner
Disgusted about the foolish example he was showing his sons
Disgusted that he now compared himself to David in the Bible as per polygamy


I had to cut him off and I did and denied his FB request too.
I felt I broke his heart a second time but I had to cut that off ,infact I asked him never to call me again and he respected that

chaircover:

This is a difficult one and I will try not to be judgmental here as I dont know the reasons why she wants to divide the family into two and live in different countries, but the reason why things are the way they are between you is because she is feeling some resentment towards your decision and that is why you are having all these arguments.

With these kinds of issues, depending on who is doing the reporting and who is doing the listening, either party will be blamed as being in the wrong. I dont have all the ins and outs of what happened/her reasons/your reasons, so I can only give general advise.

I still think that you need to sit down with yourself first and think about the reasons why you refused and then logically put those reasons across to her again. Explain to her the negatives of such a decision. . . of course in the discussion dont belittle her reasons, but make her realize that what is to be lost is more than what is to be gained.

In cases like this, in future try and avoid just giving NO answers without giving an alternative. So in this example, you could have said the NO, but left a door open by saying, in a few years you will look at it again and decide whether its a good idea, or you could say you will both go on holiday to the country . . .something to make her feel that her views and wants too are important and this is not a dictatorship.

Thank you and I will apply some of your advise and update you later. I will equally want to write directly to your email if you dont mind. Thanks again and remain blessed.

Sarah a: with all the lecture you have read on nairaland ,you still don't know what to tell her? Hmmm! Are you a otodo? Lol, don't mind me. Merry xmas in advance.

lol.i gave her my opinion bt she claimed she lovs him n i also wanted to read others opinion.merry xmas

Ihedinobi:
How is it not a biblical issue?

Strange thing to say about engagements and betrothals. An engagement is a betrothal. It is an agreement that two people will marry. The only differences may be in who is agreeing for who. In the past, parents may betroth or engage their children, today, people wngage or betroth themselves. In the past, there may have been elaborate ceremonies which generally were sort of advance marriage ceremonies, like a down payment. Today, there may or may not be.

There is a difference - as I pointed out in the link I provided - in the Jewish betrothal and mere engagement. If you didn't read the link please do. The agreement was far more than just a mere 'will you marry me' and involved an oath/declaration following a specific practice, such that it was equivalent to a divorce if broken. That, with due respect, is not equivalent with today's engagements.

I agree with the rest of what you've said in general regarding keeping promises, but there is nothing in the bible condemning one for breaking a promise of marriage. Yes do not promise glibly or casually, but at the same time, it is still not the real thing - marriage is, and that is what clearly delineated in the bible regarding ending it.

[/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]The man buries himself in his career and works himself to death and limits his time at home.
2.The woman feels neglected and unloved and resents him even more and more.

That energy could be utilized in building rather than tearing each other down.

Saying you're sorry can wipe away a lot of tears and bring back the spouse you loved and cherished.
I don't say it like it's an easy thing to do ,it's not easy but it sure works[color=#990000][/color]sorry but am new on dis tread..well am a victim if this....my husband hardly spend time with me a our child at home...most times he uses his work as an excuses which I quite understand with him....but wen he is on leave or has takes a week off, he still finds it difficult to stay hme....nt DAT we r qvn

[/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]The man buries himself in his career and works himself to death and limits his time at home.
2.The woman feels neglected and unloved and resents him even more and more.

That energy could be utilized in building rather than tearing each other down.

Saying you're sorry can wipe away a lot of tears and bring back the spouse you loved and cherished.
I don't say it like it's an easy thing to do ,it's not easy but it sure works[color=#990000][/color]sorry but am new on dis tread..well am a victim if this....my husband hardly spend time with me a our child at home...most times he uses his work as an excuses which I quite understand with him....but wen he is on leave or has takes a week off, he still finds it difficult to stay hme....nt DAT we r avn any issue. Av been a gud wife, I dnt nag, I speak with a very soft n lovely tone as possible....but still cnt fanthom y he prefers d company of his friends in a bar or a function till late night....smetimes after wrk he branches off with friends in a bar... Gives me concern....Note his been like dis even before we got married n has always promised to change instead he gets worst by d day

ileobatojo: This could go on forever. Really it could. But I'm going to make a few points and call it a day so people can continue posting what they want. The reason I keep coming back to this issue is that your message is a very dangerous one. We already have too many suffering and smiling marriages, bum marriages, marriages hitting the rocks as it is, people falling into ill health because of bad marriages. Your overall message is only going to amplify that, and as demonstrated by you, it even has no basis in scripture so what exactly is it about? It's mainly your opinion, so you shouldn't be presenting it as fact or truth.

"As demonstrated by me". Interesting.

1 My son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a stranger,

2 Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth.

- Proverbs 6:1-2 KJV

1 My son, if you have become security for your neighbor, if you have given your pledge for a stranger or another,
2 You are snared with the words of your lips, you are caught by the speech of your mouth.

- Proverbs 6:1-2 AMP

Ihedinobi: Remember the place in Proverbs where we were told not to offer guarantees for neighbors or friends. Scriptures were not saying that we should not be good friends in time of need. The provern went on to state clearly thaf if the friend or neighbor defaulted you would not be free until you've paid up the full debt that they owe.

https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family/32#20419930

But understand this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear]. For people will be...treacherous [betrayers]...For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct belies the genuineness of their profession].

- 2 Timothy 3:1,2,4,5 AMP

Ihedinobi: Paul warned Timothy that in the last days men would habitually dishonor agreements. It was one of the signs he gave for pervasive godlessness, the sort of godlessness that he says lays claim to godliness but denies the power.

https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family/32#20419930

Now, all anyone has to do is insist that those places don't cover the engagement promise or the marriage promise. I'm not sure that there'll be any point in arguing that.

As for bad marriages and what my whole argument implies,

Ihedinobi: Again, I've said, it is impractical to insist that promises must never be broken. Not even God requires that of human beings...In the event of making a bad promise, you may need to repent it and break it...

https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family/33#20429653

Ihedinobi: ...once you accept his ring for engagement, you've made a promise you should do everything morally allowable to avoid breaking.

If it becomes morally impossible to keep it, you'll need to break it...

https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family/33#20430011

Ihedinobi: Engagements can and sometimes should be broken but anyone entering into one should be as sure of their preparedness to fulfill its promise as they can possibly be to avoid breaking it.

https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family/33#20430322

ileobatojo: Sir, a promise to marry someone is a bad promise once it is realized to be a mistake. Plain and simple. Or are you saying people should proceed to the altar to lie through their teeth before God when making their vows, just because they once said, "yes, I will marry you"?

I don't believe that we have an argument here.

ileobatojo: You excused a man doing things for his girlfriend while dating that he usually wouldn't do on the basis of emotions, the same emotions for instance could cause someone to agree to marry someone without considering the full ramifications. So when they realize their mistake, they should add another mistake to it by actually marrying the person? I don't think so.

I'm sure that I have neither said that nor even implied it. If we were having a no-holds-barred argument, this would be the straw man fallacy.

ileobatojo: To say that an engagement should only be broken for the same reasons as one would break a marriage is absolutely wrong. There is no need to start ensnaring people to a life of misery without any solid reason.

And I already "amended" that statement, as you put it (and I agree).

Ihedinobi: As I said in my last post to debosky (I think), the sort of thing that should break an engagement should be the same sort that can break a marriage. I'll expand that here to say that because an agreement to marry is not the self-same as marriage itself, some things can break an engagement that wouldn't break a marriage.

ileobatojo: And yes, betrothal in biblical days is completely different from engagement today.

How so? Because they were never broken? Joseph was nigh on breaking his betrothal to Mary when he found her pregnant, remember?

ileobatojo: You have a very strong message in saying that people should not take getting engaged lightly. That's a solid message. And like you, I definitely don't agree that when you are engaged to someone, you should still be looking around for other options. Beyond that, all these other additions are of your own making and are unnecessary. And dangerous.

What additions? That you should not accept an engagement or offer one lightly? That even though you should break off an unhealthy engagement, you should understand that breaking promises is wrong and be careful to avoid having to do so next time? Are these the dangerous additions? Are these of my own manufacturing?

ileobatojo: I rest my case.

Ok. Glad we had this talk.

world: [/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]The man buries himself in his career and works himself to death and limits his time at home.
2.The woman feels neglected and unloved and resents him even more and more.

That energy could be utilized in building rather than tearing each other down.

Saying you're sorry can wipe away a lot of tears and bring back the spouse you loved and cherished.
I don't say it like it's an easy thing to do ,it's not easy but it sure works[color=#990000][/color]


sorry but am new on dis tread..well am a victim if this....my husband hardly spend time with me a our child at home...most times he uses his work as an excuses which I quite understand with him....but wen he is on leave or has takes a week off, he still finds it difficult to stay hme....nt DAT we r qvn

Men usually have two escape routes when things are tense in the homefront
They escape into the arms of another woman or they bury themselves in their career
I don't want to put any blame on you because I don't know the details,if I come out as judgmental,I apologize,that was not intended
But sincerely search yourself based on all you have read on this thread,might you be contributing in some way in the lack of intimacy in the relationship?
If there is something you have done that hurt him deeply,especially any bad word to his mother or about his family?who knows
If your aim is reconciliation,humble yourself and apologize and seek to make it right
Secondly
Are you a housewife?
It may be time to get a job
Sometimes the weight of financial responsibility on him could cause coldness towards you

I know what I'm talking about
Men complain that we women nag but women nag because they are frustrated and not being heard so in a bid to get their point across they " nag " some more and the man runs away and when he returns he is met with more nagging than ever before.It is a vicious cycle.
Who wouldn't want her husband to spend time with her?

But I must advise you,some of our expectations of men are unrealistic
A man is not interested in those long heart to heart talks,he wants the points summarized
I just want to make sure you are not expecting him to do the things only a girlfriend could do

debosky:

There is a difference - as I pointed out in the link I provided - in the Jewish betrothal and mere engagement. If you didn't read the link please do. The agreement was far more than just a mere 'will you marry me' and involved an oath/declaration following a specific practice, such that it was equivalent to a divorce if broken. That, with due respect, is not equivalent with today's engagements.

I agree with the rest of what you've said in general regarding keeping promises, but there is nothing in the bible condemning one for breaking a promise of marriage. Yes do not promise glibly or casually, but at the same time, it is still not the real thing - marriage is, and that is what clearly delineated in the bible regarding ending it.

I actually know something of what was involved in the Jewish betrothal. I'll tell you a little about betrothal in my particular culture (my home town) in the times before the white men.

A man might have a friend whom he loves and respects and they do everything together. They grow up, get married and have children and their friendship still waxes strong. They decide to cement their association with marriage between their children. The one with the son would come to the one with the daughter when she's still a toddler and give him a little money and say, "this is for the little girl's water". The money could probably not pay for all the water the girl will use as she grows up. It's more a symbol of interest and an advance on her dowry. By that singular act, she is betrothed to the man's son. As she grows up, she will visit her intended's home very often and play with children her age and her intended too. She's treated like she belongs in the family even though she does not yet know that she's intended for anyone there. It is as they get into sexxual maturity that the parents start to throw the two together more often to encourage personal interest.

Now here's the interesting part. Ideally, the two will hit it off and want to wed. In time, the girl will reach the age of 'mgbede', a period when she will be sort of locked away and fed and groomed until her body is considered ready for child-bearing. Once she has completed this, the marriage transaction is finalized and she goes home finally to her betrothed. But they do not always hit it off. Sometimes even, the parent friends fall out with each other or some other thing might happen. And the betrothal will be revoked as a result.

Jewish betrothal might have more ceremony and some more hardcore stuff, but it is no more than a promise at its core. Today's engagement is the same. In fact, that idea that we do not need physical ceremony because 'the heart is all that matters' (remember those discussions about when people are truly married?) is what brought about the very simple acts involved in today's engagement. It's the curse of post-modernism that we forget why we threw off all the emperor's clothes and insisted that he's not naked but wearing clothing of the heart.

Engagement is a fancy word that means the exact same thing that betrothal meant to the Jews and Igbo men of pre-20th century times minus the elaborate ceremony that they favored to show how serious what they were doing was.

To all my friends and contributors on this fun thread have a

[size=18pt]Merry Christmas[/size]

Be Joyful
Jesus is the reason for the season

Here I am ( without my head)
Now you can see the heavy mama Jama behind the thread

Same to you BabyMama and to everyone on the thread.Peace, Joy and Love to you Love is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, BM and everyone. Thanks for making this thread all the wonderful things it is

thehunted: Sexy mama.....sorry baby mama,merry Xmas to you too. Below is the pic of the guy (me) who is just reading the thread and never contributing. I'm still a LEARNER. Glad I'm learning from people like you,the legendary chaircover and d rest. .

Hahahahaha@ sexy mama
I am trying


What a handsome young man you are
All the single ladies,all the single ladies

May the good Lord bless you with a woman you can build a happy home with in Jesus name
Amen

Umu nwanyi and their life! Babyosisi aka baby mama.

Is it the same man you use to tell us on this forum that used to be your fiance and you dumped him for another american man. Now a mutual friend called you to tell you that he has built mansion and you searched for his contact, called him, only for you to discover that he is polygamous. After dicovering he is polygamous, you warned him not to call you again and blocked him on facebook. Umu nwanyi.

Questions for you babyosisi aka babymama!

If the man wasnt polygamous would you have gone back to him?

Are you no longer enjoying your americana husband na that you don dey take style they show us your pictures without face? Na small small advert dey start oooo, i know for sure you will still show face.

Have you learnt one or two lessons that a poor man( ur former fiance) can later achieve his dream in life( building mansion as he told you).

And finally, what advice would you give to young ladies in relationship (dump nigerian hussler for american visa)?

Baby mama:

That is sad
Now you are making me feel bad.
When he found me and called me 4 years ago,the excitement in his voice was noticeable

Back then he had so much faith and just loved The Lord with all his heart
I remember one day we were walking down independence layout in Enugu and he looked at me and told me that one day,he will have a mansion here for us

I had heard from a mutual friend that he has a mansion in Independence layout now and when she we spoke I told him I heard he had a big house on independence layout and he made a statement that shocked me,that was when I knew he had not gotten over me
He said and I quote " Ada,that was supposed to be our mansion,remember I told you we would have one one there but I nwero nu faith"
( you didn't have faith)
I knew I didn't want to indulge in all those reminders and I wasn't feeling him that way at all


I eventually asked him after the 4th call not to call me again especially after I found out on the third call he was now a polygamist,that news made me sad for Him and I spoke to him about the bible he so much loved and asked what he thought God would say about it.
He recounted to me how it all happened,none of it made sense.
His first wife has children,boys and girls,I couldn't understand what he was looking for
Now the second wife has kids too and to make matters worse he moved her into the same house
I was disgusted with him
Disgusted he could disrespect his real wife in that manner
Disgusted about the foolish example he was showing his sons
Disgusted that he now compared himself to David in the Bible as per polygamy


I had to cut him off and I did and denied his FB request too.
I felt I broke his heart a second time but I had to cut that off ,infact I asked him never to call me again and he respected that

^ ^ ^Do I have to re-enrol you for English classes?

Heya! After you broke his heart the second time bah?

Call him the third time and break it again, as you break his heart, he picks another wife, no time.

Is this your monicker as an english teacher?

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^Do I have to re-enrol you for English classes?

^^ Who be dis abeg?

Heheheeheheheh!

Ihedinobi: ^^ Who be dis abeg?

FANTASTIC THREAD!!! As usual, I'm always joining late into the discussion and I haven't figured that one out yet.

@Babymama. Wonderful insight and I really have some things to contribute (just need to get my sorry butt away from work, work, work).

This thread is going to be one of the "forever threads "

Baby mama:

Men usually have two escape routes when things are tense in the homefront
They escape into the arms of another woman or they bury themselves in their career
I don't want to put any blame on you because I don't know the details,if I come out as judgmental,I apologize,that was not intended
But sincerely search yourself based on all you have read on this thread,might you be contributing in some way in the lack of intimacy in the relationship?
If there is something you have done that hurt him deeply,especially any bad word to his mother or about his family?who knows
If your aim is reconciliation,humble yourself and apologize and seek to make it right
Secondly
Are you a housewife?
It may be time to get a job
Sometimes the weight of financial responsibility on him could cause coldness towards you

I know what I'm talking about
Men complain that we women nag but women nag because they are frustrated and not being heard so in a bid to get their point across they " nag " some more and the man runs away and when he returns he is met with more nagging than ever before.It is a vicious cycle.
Who wouldn't want her husband to spend time with her?

But I must advise you,some of our expectations of men are unrealistic
A man is not interested in those long heart to heart talks,he wants the points summarized
I just want to make sure you are not expecting him to do the things only a girlfriend could do

I quiet agree WI u...but Av searched my self n Av done absolutely nth. Even in d mist of dis situation I still try ad hard as possible to be loving to him...i a very romantic person....but no matter wat I do is just didn't help..av talk to him abt it n he apologized n told me he loves me n has Neva stop loving me....infct I feel miserable