You're welcome...i expect this to be a tough debate but first, i'll drop my lines

A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone, and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But one woman recently wrote about her “purity pledge” that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Here are five reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."

Sexual chemistry.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:
Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.
As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.

Sexual identity.

I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with anyone. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowledge them.

Sex itself.

Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?

Size.

Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a deal breaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there?

Sexual issues.

Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if your future is even going to address them.

Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

So, What is wrong with sex before marriage?

Sex is God’s beautiful gift to man and woman to bind them spiritually, intellectually and emotionally in the holy wedlock. Sex outside the wedlock is sin and most religion forbids it. But sex comes with a lot of complications that even adults find it difficult to handle.
Scientific studies show that relationships that start with sex last at best for 2-3 years, and marriages usually run into trouble in 3-5 years. If a couple had sex before marriage, the charm would fade away just when the marriage troubles start.
Sex before marriage changes your life in so many ways! Sexual gratification is sought for selfish reasons rather than for sacrificial reasons. For a marriage to succeed, the spirit of sacrifice is quintessential. But people who indulge in premarital sex are the impulsive lot who lack the spirit of sacrifice. Hence it is very unlikely that people who had premarital sex will find true love and happiness in married life. And there is no guarantee that people who had premarital sex will not have extramarital affairs rocking the wedlock. At best, these people can find sham happiness, but the volcano erupts! Premarital sex destroys your virginity and creates a guilty conscience that is difficult to get rid of, if you marry someone else in the end. Then you enter the holy matrimony by cheating your spouse. Moreover, sex outside marriage exposes you to sexually transmitted diseases (STD) which is the scourge of our time.

Lets welcome other contributions.

To me I think defination of marriage itself is what is suppose to be take into consideration first.

Don't miss the road, marriage is not until when you do (oyibo) white wedding or when your pastors bless you before you are married. The moment the both parents accept your courtship and wish you well, God has accept your marriage just need to fix a day for the dowry and if you like call the whole Nlander to come and chop

I've absorbed little, left the rest.

Having premarital sex is not a guarantee that you'll be savvy with sexual issues during marriage. Staying celibate till marriage doesn't mean you'd be naïve about sex in your marriage.

For me, I think it's better, if you both can save the 'first' intimacy for d wedding night. Like two teenagers 'learn from scratch'. And define your(your spouse and you) definition of 'INTIMACY' that revolves around your partner. Because I think the main reason for promiscuity is the fact that most of us have had too many sexcapades that our sexual preferences have had the shape of an amoeba and far-reaching that one person can't satiate us anymore.

Well that notwithstanding, if you have started having sex before marriage (a lot of u have) you can still learn to 'fit' your preference to your partner or learn to be partners indeed.

Either way, if you want your marriage to work...whether you're a pro or a newbie, you'll make it work!

CAVEAT: I'm writing with the intention that only people within the right age limit will opt to read this.

wazobia_for_u: To me I think defination of marriage itself is what is suppose to be take into consideration first.

Don't miss the road, marriage is not until when you do (oyibo) white wedding or when your pastors bless you before you are married. The moment the both parents accept your courtship and wish you well, God has accept your marriage just need to fix a day for the dowry and if you like call the whole Nlander to come and chop

This is another eye opener....Nice one.

Carsonv: Having premarital sex is not a guarantee that you'll be savvy with sexual issues during marriage. Staying celibate till marriage doesn't mean you'd be naïve about sex in your marriage.

For me, I think it's better, if you both can save the 'first' intimacy for d wedding night. Like two teenagers 'learn from scratch'. And define your(your spouse and you) definition of 'INTIMACY' that revolves around your partner. Because I think the main reason for promiscuity is the fact that most of us have had too many sexcapades that our sexual preferences have had the shape of an amoeba and far-reaching that one person can't satiate us anymore.

Well that notwithstanding, if you have started having sex before marriage (a lot of u have) you can still learn to 'fit' your preference to your partner or learn to be partners indeed.

Either way, if you want your marriage to work...whether you're a pro or a newbie, you'll make it work!

CAVEAT: I'm writing with the intention that only people within the right age limit will opt to read this.

A normal way it should be, leaving out other factors...not everyone will agree with you. But we all share diverse views. A wonderful contribution.

deesquare-diddy:


A normal way it should be, leaving out other factors...not everyone will agree with you. But we all share diverse views. A wonderful contribution.

I thought the whole essence of this thread is to find out the way it should be...or atleast a way closest to the way it should be.

Sex is good for the body. Whether marital or premarital.

Y'all should stop all these bond-making shiit... Nonsense!

I think the only way in order to not have regrets is to not have some rule like "I won't have sex before marriage"-which is something physically done. Nowadays people don't take marriage all too seriously a lot of the times anyway. So I think the best rule for someone who wants that same thing should instead say no sex before love. Once you have that feeling where it just feels right then there is no reason to regret it afterwards. But many people don't associate sex with love anymore. For many it is just another physical need.
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