yellowpawpaw: Soul glo, if u r busy trying to argue the who, why and if in marriage, I will then say that u hv no reason getting married in d first place.
Let's stop all these we too know female bla bla bla and face fact and reallity.
We can write whatever we want to in an online forum but after reading that, lots of us will still go and do the needful.
Marriage is never a place for power tuzzle. Our culture and religion made it d way it is. The national assembly is a very good place to start d step of rewriting history if we want it so.
But since its yet a herculean task, a man rules d world, set d rules and that is how it is for now.
It will then be a story of once upon a time like in other countries.
Until we change d status quo which is very impossible for now, a little adjustment won't kill so as to hv a happy home else its better we stay off d institution called marriage.

faakay: No qualms as long as the hubby is ready to take her back.

Its called rehab.

During this period, she would miss her hubby and value him more.

Her mother will talk some senses into her brain... Like what do you do that makes him angry? Don't do..what do you do that makes him happy? Ok

Her mother will counsel her how to handle marital affairs in her matrimonial home, these are what you need to do to get the ball rolling in peace

So when she's back to her hubby, her senses will come back to her and her provoking attitude will decrease.

The man feels they need to talk some senses into her wifes brain since she doesn't want to listen to him which might result to violence and he's avoding it.

Efemena_xy: I am a woman but going by what I've read on the last couple of threads of recent, I can whole-heartedly state that many girls going into marriage would do well to attend a couple of Victorian Finishing Schools for Ladies.

They desperately need to learn finesse and lady-like qualities. Fancy yelling and shouting at the top of their voices to get their point(s) across (in public / in front of their kids on a motor highway) especially to their husbands??

Even to the point where the minute they open their mouths, the neighbours instantly know that there's trouble in the horizon. Shameful stuff.

kulyie: in your own school of thought i guess women should only be seen and not heard.they shouldnt have a voice and an opinion,their husbands word is final,all others are unreasonable.if that be so,animals will best be their companion

gentle men school of training for violence and anger management nko?

Efemena_xy: I am a woman but going by what I've read on the last couple of threads of recent, I can whole-heartedly state that many girls going into marriage would do well to attend a couple of Victorian Finishing Schools for Ladies.

They desperately need to learn finesse and lady-like qualities. Fancy yelling and shouting at the top of their voices to get their point(s) across (in public / in front of their kids on a motor highway) especially to their husbands??

Even to the point where the minute they open their mouths, the neighbours instantly know that there's trouble in the horizon. Shameful stuff.

Efemena_xy:

The issue here isn't about the woman getting fed up with the man's mode of communication. It's the other way round.

And it's not about being seen and not heard. I'm talking about decorum - ever heard that word? A woman doesn't have to shout and rave to get her point across. Infact, that would only set her husband's back up against her and even if he did agree or was prone to agreeing with her points, the fact that she put them across so disrespectfully is enough for him to kick against them or block his ears to reason.

Men have pride too you know. Besides a smart woman knows how to get the impossible from her man without ever having to raise her voice. Ask the men around here and let's see who'll agree that his woman / wife / girlfriend succeeds in getting what she wants from them by shouting and yelling at them.

Kulyie, when something's bad, admit it. Stop covering up crass and uncouth behaviour in blind and quite frankly, mis-directed feminine support. It is rude to yell and shout at another human being - kids, your mates, friends, parents and moreso, your husband!

kulyie: exactly.its illiterate women that this nonsense always happen to.i doubt whether she has a stable job with a stable income.i hardly hear of educated and empowered girls go through this disgusting indignities.

Thats why i pity this girls that their parents will tell,go to school and be sneaking out of school to see their boyfriends.thinking they are outsmarting their parents.before 17,they don turn them to apere ajase with children they dont know who their father is and at 21,their parents just push them into any semi illiterate man to marry so she doesnt turn liability in their house.


Shiooorrrr.aseni shey ara e

chaircover: These are just assumptions here, but I would have thought that the man had already done all the talking and cajoling, he would have also made a few complaints to her people but with no changes before finally taking her back home.

The only 2 reasons why he will wake up one morning and send a good and innocent wife back home is either he is mad or he is having an affair and he wants his wife out of the picture.

For him to do what he did at that point he probably cant think of anything else to do. Would we rather he started beating her or started legal divorce proceedings to divorce her? Should he throw her stuff out on the street? He took her back to her parents . . .not a good thing but out of all the other options this is the safest for her right now.

If the parents have already been told about their daughters excesses in the past, and no changes were seen, then they shouldn't be offended.

Either way, the marriage was heading for doom anyway, even if he left her in his house and things will eventually come to a head and boiled over.

They should all see it as a separation rather than a divorce and use the time to better themselves both husband and wife.

If she doesn't want to be home with her parents due to the humiliation if she sees it that way, then she can go and rent her own place. Its not by force that she stays with her parents.

Miner13:
Nop.
Still with her parent coz the husband threaten to do something silly if they try sending her without a change.

soul_glo: I am learning a lot from married people. So if I marry a Nigerian man can I send him back to his father to retrain him if I end up being stuck with all the financial responsibilities for a while? Obviously no one trained him as to what an African man is expected to do for his family. I should call my father in law and his brothers to come take him and not bring him back until he is ready to step up and be a man.

yellowpawpaw:

Bla bla bla doesn't solve a problem, stubborness doesn't pay, bad mouth doesn't make u smart. Use ur head and still get what u want from ur man 100%
A lot of women indirectly controls the affairs of their house simply becos they bend low. Most of these big shots we hv r married and glued to their wives. Wives indirectly control them but we wouldn't know. Its not achieved by razor mouth, but simply applying wisdom.

Nawaa o, I do dey fear our gals. What is really happening?

Chillisauce:
You never see anything. Very tiny difference between most Nigerians and animals in Africa.
Animals in western world behaves and have morals more than an average Nigerians.

onegig:
The yorubas have a simple saying that your bulkiness or largeness does not open a door ,its someone with the key that unlocks the door. Its that simple. You dont need to shout , huff and puff before you get what you want. Wisdom is the key.
.

bellong:

Like the lion that attacked and killed her welfare officer in a Californian zoo to mention only one..

I know that what you typed up there is a joke. However, you wrote it forgetting that you and the person you quoted are both average Nigerians at best... Do I take the statement to include you?

bellong:

Depending on the door.. A little force can open most doors...

Efemena_xy:

The issue here isn't about the woman getting fed up with the man's mode of communication. It's the other way round.

And it's not about being seen and not heard. I'm talking about decorum - ever heard that word? A woman doesn't have to shout and rave to get her point across. Infact, that would only set her husband's back up against her and even if he did agree or was prone to agreeing with her points, the fact that she put them across so disrespectfully is enough for him to kick against them or block his ears to reason.

Men have pride too you know. Besides a smart woman knows how to get the impossible from her man without ever having to raise her voice. Ask the men around here and let's see who'll agree that his woman / wife / girlfriend succeeds in getting what she wants from them by shouting and yelling at them.

Kulyie, when something's bad, admit it. Stop covering up crass and uncouth behaviour in blind and quite frankly, mis-directed feminine support. It is rude to yell and shout at another human being - kids, your mates, friends, parents and moreso, your husband!

Chillisauce:

If you like include me, no wahala. But I'm not joking.
I will believe the guy is in the 1920's. This age sending someone back to her family? Na wa o.

I blame the woman's parents. That's what you get when you don't instill value to your daughters. When you think her value ends in kitchen, no financial responsibility whatever.
I bet she has no kobo in her wallet to even rent an apartment. :Dbefore nko..i guess she falls into the category of baba bisi,owo obe ti tan o.baba bisi,owo pampers ti tan o
Nothing!
None to even start life afresh.
Truth remains the man is tired and looking for a milder way to divorce her without compensation.
Next the family will return her bride price to him.

OPOKO!

Chillisauce:

If you like include me, no wahala. But I'm not joking.
I will believe the guy is in the 1920's. This age sending someone back to her family? Na wa o.

I blame the woman's parents. That's what you get when you don't instill value to your daughters. When you think her value ends in kitchen, no financial responsibility whatever.
I bet she has no kobo in her wallet to even rent an apartment. :Dbefore nko. I guess she falls into the category of baba bisi owo obe ti tan o,baba bisi,owo pampers ti tan o
Nothing!
None to even start life afresh.
Truth remains the man is tired and looking for a milder way to divorce her without compensation.
Next the family will return her bride price to him.

OPOKO!

pickabeau1: @chilli funny post as usual

I assume you don't have family in nigeria anymore or that you did not come through these same animals

pickabeau1: @chilli funny post as usual

I assume you don't have family in nigeria anymore or that you did not come through these same animals



@ypp.. One thing common to you and cc's post is that the man has good intentions and has involved the elders in his wife's case.

That may be wrong

His intent may be to get a new wife and why do we think he was not beating her before he bundled her off

The op has more info he does not want to share

Chillisauce:

@chilli funny post as usual

I assume you don't have family in nigeria anymore or that you did not come through these same animals

;Di guess the man is still living in 1910 and doesnt know the world has left his mentality.smh



Animals! This is an old method of divorce. Return the girl, fight between in laws, the girls inlaw will be annoyed and return the bride price he paid for her, fight for child custody. That's it!

Tell me, even animals here found in the wild are served with plates, trained and look after. This we are talking about a human.
Returning like a piece of old truck wey engine don pack up.
Twa!

onegig: abi.... why do you have to yell when am not deaf? Even doing it to the point that neigbours now know whenever there is a disagreement.

People have been saying "sit her down " "sit her down"

How do you communicate and resolve issues if she wont allow you even talk without shouting?

Abeg sending her back home is good perharps she would listen to her parents since she cant be talked to by her partner.

bukatyne: Since we have learnt that a husband dumps his loud mouthed wife in thr gathrring of her inlaws,

What does a wife with a loud mouthed husband do?

I will appreciate practical answers.

Who knows, someone may benefit from it