Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't work

From a guy's point of view

It is weird that a lot of people see this question and answer that it is selfishness (mostly on the part of the guys). People mostly believe that at some point in a male-female relationship, the man gets attracted to the woman and tries to take it somewhere he should not due to the fact that he cannot control himself and that puts the friendship in danger. The same thing also happens in a lot of relationships.

Women have come to call men inconsiderate and perverted because a lot of men will not do anything for a woman without asking for some kind of sexual gratification and it seems true as a lot of men can start with a woman as friends but along the line start acting funny. This sounds selfish, it sounds like the guys don't want to do things without strings but has anyone ever wondered what happens to make the men change their atitude? It is not greed, selfishness or being a pervert? It is simple balance.

It is not weird to hear guys say, I will rather spend or do this for my (male) friends that a female one because when I am broke, the male ones are the ones I can go crash with. The third law of motion is clear on this "To every action, there (should be) is an equal reaction" and we all know nature has a way of balancing things out.

When a guy and girl are friends, the girl runs to the guy for things i.e, when she wants to change her tire, when she needs to move furniture, when she needs his opinion on a project at work, an assignment, she needs advice about her BF or she needs him to drive her somewhere far away perhaps she even needs a favor very huge. Guess what? The guy obliges and he does so only for him to get a miserable "Thanks, you are the best".......the guy gets just that. Oral appreciation and she thinks it is cool cos she has said "thanks" and they are friends but there is no balance. Over time, this goes on and the guy gives and give while she gives nothing and at some point, the guy sits down and wonders to himself "Am I being used?".

It even becomes worse if the girl used to be single and then she gets involved with another guy (the male friend might be interested but he was willing to let it go) and then as a result of the relationship, she stays away from him because "she wants the relationship to work" or "not pass a wrong signal to her new guy" so the guy in a way gets dumped.

He now does not just feels "used" but "dumped". He sits back and wonders what powers where at work when he sacrificed his time, maybe money, mental ability and emotions to get her to this point and she goes off prancing after another man and he thinks to himself "Never again". He tells himself he would never allow any woman do that to him again and since most times he needs help, he does not need a woman, he goes for the next best thing SEX. When any girl asks for anything, he asks for sex before doing it to avoid being used. Can we blame him? Of course not.

Women need to learn that that dude that leaves his friends to listen to you talk can be somewhere else. He can be with his friends gisting about Beyouncè's bossoms or J Lo's backside but he is there to "fix" you. You don't have to kiss him but a CD of his favorite rap artiste once a while, a pair of socks, a text once a while, remembering his birthday and buying him something (even a card), making some stew and taking it to him at home, a body spray. The smallest things work wonders in making him feel appreciated and will go a long way in making guys change their minds about female friends being "useless" and "uncaring".

I don't even know why this should be said as it should go without saying. It is not a crime to appreciate your friends. It is a crime to not appreciate them as it just makes you a user and guess what? No one likes a user but with a lot of guys, it goes beyond that. It is a matter of "All girls are users". Hence your silly action of being unappreciative is ruining the chance of another guy helping a girl who is in need (butterfly effect. Topic for later).

So the next time that male friend you have always depended on starts acting funny around you. Perhaps he starts giving cheeky excuses or starts avoiding you, ask yourself if you have been a good friend back in bringing something into the friendship.

I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!

They will be "brother-zoning" "friendzoning" and "twinny-zoning"..... But guys who they consider sharp guys would be breaking their hearts and they will come running back to us.... Mcheeew...

Anyhoo...... Cross-gender friendships can work if the" giving and taking" is equal, but if it's one-sided, that's just plain evil!!!!

You forgot to mention the fact that most guys would not consciously appreciate that girl that goes the extra mile for them. Rather, they would go around chasing girls that have no regard for them and end up screaming that girls are heartless. Let every guy check their lives, there is always that girl that is different but they become so used to her that they put her in the background.

JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!

They will be "brother-zoning" "friendzoning" and "twinny-zoning"..... But guys who they consider sharp guys would be breaking their hearts and they will come running back to us.... Mcheeew...

Anyhoo...... Cross-gender friendships can work if the" giving and taking" is equal, but if it's one-sided, that's just plain evil!!!!

Which needs to be corrected. It is weird when women call guys selfish and unreasonable when it was a woman who made the man that

Richiy: You forgot to mention the fact that most guys would not consciously appreciate that girl that goes the extra mile for them. Rather, they would go around chasing girls that have no regard for them and end up screaming that girls are heartless. Let every guy check their lives, there is always that girl that is different but they become so used to her that they put her in the background.

You are missing the point here. This is not about relationships. This is about friendships. No strings attached

Richiy: You forgot to mention the fact that most guys would not consciously appreciate that girl that goes the extra mile for them. Rather, they would go around chasing girls that have no regard for them and end up screaming that girls are heartless. Let every guy check their lives, there is always that girl that is different but they become so used to her that they put her in the background.

The girl herself is hanging with the wrong crew because I can bet that this same girl being ignored by a guy is probably taking a better guy for granted..... It's a vicious circle I tell you.

Mynd_44:

Which needs to be corrected. It is weird when women call guys selfish and unreasonable when it was a woman who made the man that

Well, I for one believes that any guy who changes from being selfless and reasonable to selfish and unreasonable just because of a few experiences WANTS to be so... You can't use one person's misgivings to judge another. If a girl has used and dump a guy, he should just move on... She wasn't worth it.

JeffreyJamez:

The girl herself is hanging with the wrong crew because I can bet that this same girl being ignored by a guy is probably taking a better guy for granted..... It's a vicious circle I tell you.

Exactly. Which is why the blame should be jointly shared. But mynd_44's article put the girls in the spotlight. Anyways, I believe that if you find that person that treats you more seriously than others, the loss is yours if you lose the person due to unrecognition.

JeffreyJamez:

Well, I for one believes that any guy who changes from being selfless and reasonable to selfish and unreasonable just because of a few experiences WANTS to be so... You can't use one person's misgivings to judge another. If a girl has used and dump a guy, he should just move on... She wasn't worth it.

This is not about right and wrong. This about the continous programming of the mind of girls that guys won't do you a favor without wanting sex

Mynd_44:
You are missing the point here. This is not about relationships. This is about friendships. No strings attached

I know its about friendships. And trust me, friendships between both sexes always have strings attached. Probably not romantic strings. Except you don't take the person seriously.

Richiy:
Exactly. Which is why the blame should be jointly shared. But mynd_44's article put the girls in the spotlight. Anyways, I believe that if you find that person that treats you more seriously than others, the loss is yours if you lose the person due to unrecognition .

Thank you!!!!

Mynd_44:
This is not about right and wrong. This about the continous programming of the mind of girls that guys won't do you a favor without wanting sex

Oooooohhhh!!! I understand your point now.!!!...

That girls believe a guy won't/can't help you out without asking for something in return.

JeffreyJamez:

Thank you!!!!

Anytime bro.*cheers*

Friendship between a girl and a boy doesn´t exist because one of them will need sex.

You guyz have made very nice points. But let me tell you what is really going on. Guys don't change, girls don't change. They are simply being their true selves.

Why I emphasized oh the word "true" is because most people lead fake lives. No woman will want to be a friend with a brokeass, ugly, unintelligent mofo. Like wise, no guy will want to be friends with the same type of girl (brokeass, ugly...).

Now, in order to balance the equation, guys pretend to be whom they are not...prince charming, gentleman, rich...blablabla...
And girls pretend to be what they are not...golden girls, with wide hips and full b00bs, speak in a weird accent, try to belong...blablabla.

When push comes to shove, everyone will go back to being him/Herself...The inconsiderate sex-starved, money hungry...blablabla person that they are.

I dont know why people pretend to be who/what they are not, just to be accepted in the society?

How long can you pretend?

Why don't you try to be your true selves and damn the consequences leading to inferiority complex.

You'll fell better that way with less and lesser headaches.

.

napema: Friendship between a girl and a boy doesn´t exist because one of them will need sex.

Exactly.....

The brain sf ehhhhh

Op is so on point. Women are not givers or should I say some women. They only want to receive and for friendship to work it has to be a two way thing.

One of them/both will be thinking of upgrading the relationship to "more than a friend" but will not say it .

Holla
We them boys
Holaa holla
We making .....
*wiz khalifas voice*

A very poor attempt at trying to paint most male folks as the victims.
The male friend gives his physical support,the female her emotional support. But here it is obviously downgraded.
This is a one-sided biased myopic article.
Have you not read abt so many cases where the lady gets used as a friend with benefits?
So many cases where males take female friends for granted have been ignored. So many cases where a good healthy friendship gets tainted by unhealthy urges and selfish desires of the male folks hv been conviniently placed in the background.
You are in every friendship for the sole purpose of benefits,tell yourself the truth.
Cross-gender friendship works. I have been in a good one before. It is all abt the indidvidual and how the male potrays himself. Do you show off as a man's man? Do you want to take over control of all situations or u believe in sharing? If u want to take charge,the lady wld feel relaxed and become passive to the act of giving.
Look within,stop pointing fingers and expecting miracles.
Yes some ladies are leeches,but some men regard a leech-like behaviour as ''sexy'' and a stroke of the ego..

Laffin......

Psst .... Caroline bring one cold Heineken

This matter get as e be ooh. Make I park we'll.

Lol...still reading....brb

who needs a girlFRIEND??.....as in friend lasan??.....God forbid, ere ki l'aja 'ekun se?.....which kain play dog dey follow tiger play?.........no friend zoning sh!t with me either

Op, I don't know what you're talking about. One of my closest friends is a guy who I've known for 15yrs now( since secondary school). He lectures in Canada now, but not once has there ever been any awkwardness between us. There is almost nothing we can't tell each other, and never once have we ever had the issues you mentioned. He's a friend and a brother, and our friendship waxes stronger.

well it depends on how close you are and the kind of person the girl is, personaly i have some childhood female friends that can do anything 4 me just like my male friends, some times female friends are more considrate and reliable than guys cos of their emotion and soft heart. Though there will always be a time when you will be tempted to take it further especially when guys starts to knock at d door of her heart, but maturity is the key.

and I said sh .it not droppings jare..... nairaland language bot take time

It's working for me. I must be lucky.

To each his own. I take people as individuals, I don't judge them based on what a theory says about a particular gender.

FP 2 welcome myself back to NL

Lacombre: A very poor attempt at trying to paint most male folks as the victims.
The male friend gives his physical support,the female her emotional support. But here it is obviously downgraded.
This is a one-sided biased myopic article.
Have you not read abt so many cases where the lady gets used as a friend with benefits?
So many cases where males take female friends for granted have been ignored. So many cases where a good healthy friendship gets tainted by unhealthy urges and selfish desires of the male folks hv been conviniently placed in the background.
You are in every friendship for the sole purpose of benefits,tell yourself the truth.
Cross-gender friendship works. I have been in a good one before. It is all abt the indidvidual and how the male potrays himself. Do you show off as a man's man? Do you want to take over control of all situations or u believe in sharing? If u want to take charge,the lady wld feel relaxed and become passive to the act of giving.
Look within,stop pointing fingers and expecting miracles.
Yes some ladies are leeches,but some men regard a leech-like behaviour as ''sexy'' and a stroke of the ego..

This is a simple state of balance. You just said the man gives physical support and the woman gives emotional right? But what if the guys gives all the physical support and the woman gives zilch? That is when the though of being used come in