seriously! please you guys should not tell me the harmattan has affected your fingers from typing........this thread must not die abeg........please let's come together and talk........

seriously! please you guys should not tell me the harmattan has affected your fingers from typing........this thread must not die abeg........please let's come together and talk I have missed you guys ........

seriously! please you guys should not tell me the harmattan has affected your fingers from typing........this thread must not die abeg........please lets come together and talk I have missed you guys ........

dorosola:
seriously! please you guys should not tell me the harmattan has affected your fingers from typing........this thread must not die abeg........please lets come together and talk I have missed you guys ........

This thread can never die ooo. I miss you all too.

The thread aren't dying. Just that people are still trying to gather themselves and recover from the enough enjoyment of the festive period.
Soonest, stories (goodnews) will start flowing. I trust my lovely e-family.

Pls how is Godismystrength.. Hope you are all hearing from her.. its been long I saw her around. Anyway just checking on her.. May the peace of the lord and guidance be with her and everyone too..

I have been a silent reader I live this thread finally I ll be able to pour out my heart here..I need advice cos im dieing in silence my hubby is cheating on me there is this particular girl from his church that he is so attached,if he doesnt call her a day lets say 5times I discovered this by going through his fone and each time I do dat I see names of different girls whenever I confront him he always denied to d extent he started passwording his fone just to prevent me from going through it n this affected me emotionally cos dat was wen I knew he had a lot to hide in his fone.i manage to collect dis girl's number n added her on whatsapp I introduced myself n asked her few questions which she denied,i just deleted her number n let go few days back my hubby dialed some numbers with my phone and later he was asking me how to delete dialled calls from my fone I took d fone n curiously screen grabbed d numbers eventually he deleted d numbers I knew something was up n I added d numbers on whatsapp boom it was d same gurl again

I wanted to wake him up but waited d following day after our morning devotion I asked him why he deleted d numbers he dialled on my fone last night his coutenance just changed I asked as if I didnt know,after much talk he said I should bring my fone so dat he would redial d numbers d first number was dat of his friend and d second one for his girlfriend which he didnt dial n when he did he changed d digits that was when I flared up.i confronted him so badly dat he had d nerves to dial his girlfriends number with my fone to d extent he even knows d number off heart..i was so bittered and started regretting my life and why I married him in d first place cos this is not d first time we are arguing about him cheating on me,im so tired that I feel like leaving him but I cant cos I have a six month old baby and im not working for now...pls what do I do to have some peace of mind

@roWzayy
how long have you been married?
have you ever caught your husband redhanded, cheating on you (apart from the phone calls)?
Why will you snoop, to the extent of chating with the supposed girlfriend on whatsapp?
.
Do you really want your peace of mind, body and health?
.
I will like you to relax. Take a deep breath and start seeing things objectively.
you have a six months old, that you need to take care of. Please focus on the important things. Which is taking care of your baby, taking care of yourself, and either looking for a job or a business to do.
.
if it's business, start asking the hard question.... where am I going to get the capital to start up?
.
A man who will cheat, will cheat. If you like give yourself High BP by snooping or following him around, he will still cheat.
.
Your husband is an adult, and you should know by now that he will do as he wishes. it's left for you to control how you react.
.
And please stop confronting girls outside. Assuming, one girl gets scared and leave him, how many others are you prepared to scare away?
Focus on the important things in life.
.
Nb
sorry for the epistle.

roWzayy:
I wanted to wake him up but waited d following day after our morning devotion I asked him why he deleted d numbers he dialled on my fone last night his coutenance just changed I asked as if I didnt know,after much talk he said I should bring my fone so dat he would redial d numbers d first number was dat of his friend and d second one for his girlfriend which he didnt dial n when he did he changed d digits that was when I flared up.i confronted him so badly dat he had d nerves to dial his girlfriends number with my fone to d extent he even knows d number off heart..i was so bittered and started regretting my life and why I married him in d first place cos this is not d first time we are arguing about him cheating on me,im so tired that I feel like leaving him but I cant cos I have a six month old baby and im not working for now...pls what do I do to have some peace of mind

He does this because he knows he can get away with it. You will simply confront him make small trouble and am sure apologise later hence he can always eat his cake and have it. Till you stop being helpless and he knows cheating will have consequences he won't stop. No matter how we sugar coat it that's the truth,he does it because he can get away with it

aisha2:


He does this because he knows he can get away with it. You will simply confront him make small trouble and am sure apologise later hence he can always eat his cake and have it. Till you stop being helpless and he knows cheating will have consequences he won't stop. No matter how we sugar coat it that's the truth,he does it because he can get away with it

What do u want her to do about it?

temi4fash:


What do u want her to do about it?

She needs to stop going through his phione and picking numbers and calling the people he is cheating with
Why is she dragging numbers with him?
Snooping is only really to find out if a partner is cheating . . once you know, there is really no need to carry on
She needs to raise up her shoulders and be strong
She needs to move out of her "im helpless" zone
She needs to find a job or start a business
How can you "fight" a man who provides the sanitarty towels that you use? What is in your mouth that you want to say. If he tells you to keep quiet or you dont get the money he promised your parents for Xmas, wont you keep quiet?
She needs to let him know that she can live and exist without him
Look after herself, upgrade and ooze that sense of confidence
Let him know that he is an adult, he can do what he wants but he will bear the consequences of whatever he does.
Generally speaking men respect strong women
The girl outside is not better than her. . .he treats wifey the way he does becasue he knows her weakness.

chaircover:


She needs to stop going through his phione and picking numbers and calling the people he is cheating with
Why is she dragging numbers with him?
Snooping is only really to find out if a partner is cheating . . once you know, there is really no need to carry on
She needs to raise up her shoulders and be strong
She needs to move out of her "im helpless" zone
She needs to find a job or start a business
How can you "fight" a man who provides the sanitarty towels that you use? What is in your mouth that you want to say. If he tells you to keep quiet or you dont get the money he promised your parents for Xmas, wont you keep quiet?
She needs to let him know that she can live and exist without him
Look after herself, upgrade and ooze that sense of confidence
Let him know that he is an adult, he can do what he wants but he will bear the consequences of whatever he does.
Generally speaking men respect strong women
The girl outside is not better than her. . .he treats wifey the way he does becasue he knows her weakness.

You saved me an epistle and you were more polite than I would have been. I hate the helplessness and whinning our sisters seem comfortable with. Again when a man knows all you can do is whine and do nothing he will do as he wants and get away with it. Cheating is not a mistake its a choice, he has made it, how she responds is her choice, obviously her response is good for him because he still keeps on doing the same thing.

I am allergic to this constant whinning and hoping to hear get sympathy and advice like " stop looking at his phone, what you dont know won't kill you, be more tolerant, make him comfortable at home" etc.

And madam stop calling girls, speak to your husband its his choice to stop as you said there are different girls he is doing this with. Its him who should respect his marriage and stop flashing his committed peni-s to all sort of girls.

Get off the " I am helpless " train abeg, its either you stay helpless and tolerate his cheating or you find a spine and deal your issues

ive been meaning to open a thread, but havent had time to
Us as women need to get up and be counted
I dont like this "I am helpless" mentality
Some men take advantage of it and us as women should know that by now

We are not the first set women to walk the earth; we all have auntys and other family members who their husbands and his family treated lilke shit becasuse they lacked input
Okonjo Iwela's MIL will not look in her pot of soup and say "Haaa this woman has spent all my sons money on bush meat"

The job situation in Nigeria has been like that since 1900 . . its not a new thing.
What are we doing about it?
Many graduates will never get a decent job in their field, Its not a curse but the way the country is.
So What are we as women doing to equip ourselves before we even get to the job market and get married?
Many even see marriage as their "breakthrough"
How much does it cost to learn hairdressing, fashion designing, beading, catering, baking, decorating . . . .
How long does it take?

This one of the reasons why I like Tayour, very independent hard working young woman. She has young kids but that hasnt stopped her.

When I was in school I used to travel to Lagos to buy bend down and go and sell to my fellow students. Ive always been busy. I learnt that from my mum.
Sometimes when I visit Nigeria, I take a few days to learn something new. I learnt decorating, bead making and party drink making on my trips to Nigeria.

A man will respect you more when you keep on evolving. he can trust you to hold the fort and you yourself will feel better and more confident about yourself.
You can treat yourself to nice things that make you look good and that boosts your confidence even more and the cycle contines
You will continue to motivate yourself but you need to start from somewhere.
You are also a benefit to your own family and society. When you are empowered, you can reach out to and empower other people.
I read a lot of interviews of big business women and many started from their kitchen or sitting room. . .one cake, one beaded necklace, one friends event and they went on from there.

In the agric section there is a man who does cucumber farming who makes millions every few months. Our youth should be stuck to the guy like superglue to learn something but many rather be on the celebrity and romance section.
Very frustrating when I see all the opppurtunities around just being wasted.

chaircover:
ive been meaning to open a thread, but havent had time to
Us as women need to get up and be counted
I dont like this "I am helpless" mentality
Some men take advantage of it and us as women should know that by now

We are not the first set women to walk the earth; we all have auntys and other family members who their husbands and his family treated lilke shit becasuse they lacked input
Okonjo Iwela's MIL will not look in her pot of soup and say "Haaa this woman has spent all my sons money on bush meat"

The job situation in Nigeria has been like that since 1900 . . its not a new thing.
What are we doing about it?
Many graduates will never get a decent job in their field, Its not a curse but the way the country is.
So What are we as women doing to equip ourselves before we even get to the job market and get married?
Many even see marriage as their "breakthrough"
How much does it cost to learn hairdressing, fashion designing, beading, catering, baking, decorating . . . .
How long does it take?

This one of the reasons why I like Tayour, very independent hard working young woman. She has young kids but that hasnt stopped her.

When I was in school I used to travel to Lagos to buy bend down and go and sell to my fellow students. Ive always been busy. I learnt that from my mum.
Sometimes when I visit Nigeria, I take a few days to learn something new. I learnt decorating, bead making and party drink making on my trips to Nigeria.

A man will respect you more when you keep on evolving. he can trust you to hold the fort and you yourself will feel better and more confident about yourself.
You can treat yourself to nice things that make you look good and that boosts your confidence even more and the cycle contines
You will continue to motivate yourself but you need to start from somewhere.
You are also a benefit to your own family and society. When you are empowered, you can reach out to and empower other people.
I read a lot of interviews of big business women and many started from their kitchen or sitting room. . .one cake, one beaded necklace, one friends event and they went on from there.

In the agric section there is a man who does cucumber farming who makes millions every few months. Our youth should be stuck to the guy like superglue to learn something but many rather be on the celebrity and romance section.
Very frustrating when I see all the opppurtunities around just being wasted.

This is just sobering. I wonder sometimes if beyond the wedding day we have plans for the long term. It is well.

chaircover:


She needs to stop going through his phione and picking numbers and calling the people he is cheating with
Why is she dragging numbers with him?
Snooping is only really to find out if a partner is cheating . . once you know, there is really no need to carry on
She needs to raise up her shoulders and be strong
She needs to move out of her "im helpless" zone
She needs to find a job or start a business
How can you "fight" a man who provides the sanitarty towels that you use? What is in your mouth that you want to say. If he tells you to keep quiet or you dont get the money he promised your parents for Xmas, wont you keep quiet?
She needs to let him know that she can live and exist without him
Look after herself, upgrade and ooze that sense of confidence
Let him know that he is an adult, he can do what he wants but he will bear the consequences of whatever he does.
Generally speaking men respect strong women
The girl outside is not better than her. . .he treats wifey the way he does becasue he knows her weakness.

You couldnt have said it any better. I no regret say I dai follow you..

temi4fash:


You couldnt have said it any better. I no regret say I dai follow you..

LOL . . . Oya follow me come kitchen . . I need help

chaircover:


LOL . . . Oya follow me come kitchen . . I need help

hope say I go get a plate of amala at the end of rendering the help

One of the hardest battles we fight is between what we know and what we feel.

Rowzay,
I think you need to first need to pick yourself up psychologically. You also need to find a way to really get his attention, I don't know you so I cannot say what sort of support system you have. You both however need to get into counseling if you cannot sort this out yourselves. There's really no need to snoop, it will not stop him from calling and deleting. The shouting match might be good to get his attention but to ultimately solve the issue it is important to know why and how this started, is there any girl in particular or many girls? This is important because sometimes this could have started from something small then now spiraled to something that he might be struggling to control.
You see the thing with discipline is once you compromise it takes a lot more effort to rein yourself in than before you fall.
I wish you luck.

chaircover:
ive been meaning to open a thread, but havent had time to
Us as women need to get up and be counted
I dont like this "I am helpless" mentality
Some men take advantage of it and us as women should know that by now

We are not the first set women to walk the earth; we all have auntys and other family members who their husbands and his family treated lilke shit becasuse they lacked input
Okonjo Iwela's MIL will not look in her pot of soup and say "Haaa this woman has spent all my sons money on bush meat"

The job situation in Nigeria has been like that since 1900 . . its not a new thing.

Thank you for that wonderful response

Please CC do,open that thread because this is where women get it wrong...
Can you imagine in a developed country,school girls have part time jobs whereby they have allowance from their parents and benefits-yet they go out there and work.
There is no holiday I did not work,in fact i did it all(buying,selling,job,voluntary work)
Girls in Nigeria from a not so privileged background will only think of one thing when they are in Uni is to belong,emulating their mates that change phones,brazilians hair like there is no tomorrow;And when Uni is over the next step is to get married and being cater for.

Demanding for equality is not good enough,the question is what are you doing about it?Before marrying that man what did you contribute or achieved for yourself?

I have so much to say but will like to have this discussion in the appropriate place.

rowzayy,
Sorry for all you are going through.
Pardon me oo but in all your epistle,you haven't mentioned your health.

Number 1
No need to argue with him again.Simply go out now,buy super glue and apply on your thighs to glue them shut!! Se x with a cheat is absolutely dangerous to you,abi you have okomikoko from village against diseases?? If the glue isn't strong enough,go and buy iron pant with padlock.I'm pretty sure you are not ready to die.HIV no de show for face,there's genital warts,herpes,chlamydia,gonorrhoea to think of.A study has shown that a huge percentage of cheating Nigerian men do not use protection.Save yourself for your child's sake.Open leg at your own peril.If the urge to have se x is overpowering,please go and buy a vib rator,it will give you more or gasms than your husband can ever manage. . Use it for release till your situation gets sorted.(yes,i believe in s ex toys..a huge proportion of men do NOT know how to please a woman,na only to chook like dem de dig grave).
If he insists,wave a pack of condoms in his face like Nigerian flag.

2. Run to the nearest hospital and test yourself.If he insists on se x,say NO till he gets tested and stops cheating.I personally won't be sent to an early grave by a cheat.God forbid!! It's better the cheat lands there alone while i stay alive for my children.

3. Find something to do..Chin chin making for supplying small offices,buns etc.Do you have a degree?Start applying for jobs even if it's a receptionist role just to keep you busy & also to give you some cash just incase of rainy days.Start building yourself up.You just had a baby,start dieting and exercising to lose the baby weight.Trust me when i say this..looking hot gives you confidence.There's one kain tingling that passes through your medulla when you know you are hot enough to draw admiration from all and sundry.

4.Find a support system..probably your own family then press ignore button.Live like room mates till he sees that he's destroying his family with his wandering privates.IF he comes to his senses,you may go for counselling etc.

The problem i sense here is your hubby knows you know and is still carrying on which means he will likely not stop in the near future.You have talked and he wont listen.You sound like you are glued to him and without a choice is he your God??.Don't be using your child as an excuse please.

Unfortunately,there can NEVER be emotional and psychological peace in a household where cheating is rife,its not possible.No one can ever be at peace when their spouse is a national cake..The emotional distress and betrayal must be too much to handle.Where will you start from?I do not know of a single home where a spouse cheats and there is happiness.People i know who seem happy have excess money,are also cheating or are extremely active in church with huge emotional scars.

All the tips given to you will only distract you while the issue festers till you take action and say NO i won't tolerate this or you accept it as a way of life.There's no middle ground.

Whether housewife or working class, a woman who is strong and sensible will command respect from her husband.He doesn't respect you and is not even scared of the effect of his cheating on his family and that's why he had the guts to use your phone to call his wench.Ask yourself why?It's simply because he knows you can't do jack.You are a human being married to another human being,stand up for yourself and your child by demanding accountability,respect and truth.

You are not the only housewife around,there are many who are running their homes without glitches and are very very appreciated and loved by their spouses..I once didn't work and wasn't bringing in a dime BUT my home still stood gidigba.I wasn't cowering by the side and i knew if by any chance life became unbearable,even without a kobo,i zap for the time being or i make sure he zaps.I no get parents?? NONSENSE!Even if they say don't come back,i will land at their house,make them chase me naa. Call me what you want oo but i believe giving space sometimes causes recalcitrant brains to reset.


I didn't mention sit down and talk cos he's a repeat offender who even has mouth to open and join in family devotion while sleeping around.When a person has a dead conscience,it's only God that can effect any change.I dunno if there can be a cure for him short of something life changing or a drastic step by you eg disappearing with your kid for 3 months or total withdrawal from the norm till he's willing to go back to the drawing board.But then you said you can't go anywhere so i guess the answer is prayer and church.

One more thing,you seem like a learner in snoopsville?So after all your snooping,you didn't collect evidence Chaiiii.You have nothing to make a case with and that's why the lies are told to your face.

Sorry

@rowzayy : pls first understand your husband is cheating on you because he wants to and not because you are not working or the girls outside are better than you. Not at all. Even if you were the MD of a bank and earning 20 times his pay, he will cheat if he wants to. So don't kill urself in ur helpless state or start blaming his cheating on the fact that you are not working.


Having said that, there are 2 problems you have identified.
1) ur husband is cheating on you
2) your options on what to do are limited because you are not currently working so you cant fend for yourself and ur baby, hence, you seem to be helpless without him


The solution to the first problem has little to do with you IMO. You can talk, fight, plead from today till eternity and he won't stop. The most you can do now is to continue to discuss the issue with him and pray he will stop.

The solution to problem 2 lies almost entirely with you. You need to get yourself to that stage where you can fend for yourself and your baby alone, without him even if it's just for some time. But understand that having an income of your own is not to stop him from cheating ooo but really for your own good. It will boost your confidence and you won't have to just sit at home and take whatever he dishes out to you. And if you ever decide to separate for a while, you would also have no fears knowing you can do okay without him.

Your baby is still 6 months old but start making preparations now. Do you have a certificate and like to work in an office, pls start sending out your CVs, start looking for job offers, tell people out there you are looking for a job. Are you also good at any vocational work - baking, events decor, sewing, cooking whatever, pls start making enquiries on how to use this knowledge to earn some money. Or are you good in buying and selling, start saving money to start a trade. Just do whatever it is you need to do to start making money.

Once this happens, you can then access your situation again, reweigh your options and take that decision that is in the best interest of you and your baby.

Thank u all for ur sincere response..especially to madampinkolo I have always loved u,i couldnt finish ur right up cos my eyez were socked in tears u wrote to every part of my being God bless u......when I wrote abt what I was going through I didnt omit any part i.e I wasnt trying to paint myself white in order to look like the victim..i made a mistake by snooping that will never happen again as for d job/working aspect im already looking into it***thk u all for ur candid advice

roWzayy:
Thank u all for ur sincere response..especially to madampinkolo I have always loved u,i couldnt finish ur right up cos my eyez were socked in tears u wrote to every part of my being God bless u......when I wrote abt what I was going through I didnt omit any part i.e I wasnt trying to paint myself white in order to look like the victim..i made a mistake by snooping that will never happen again as for d job/working aspect im already looking into it***thk u all for ur candid advice

The problem is not that you snooped the problem is that he cheated, if he didn't seem or act suspicious you wouldn't have snooped. If my husband started acting suspicious you bet I will ask him and yes snoop.

A lot of times things are nipped in the bud if you find out early, ignorance is not bliss. I didn't blame you for snopping I only blamed you for calling the lady instead of tackling your husband.
Like others have rightly adviced, its a choice he made not any fault of yours to cheat, what ever you do its also your choice just don't feel helpless and think you can't do anything about it. I can imagine the pain that comes from cheating and wont wish that for anyone

honestly, I don't really like to read t cos a woman isn't working, that's y the husband is cheating..urgghhhhh!!!! far far from it. what about house husbands who cheat? what about the likes of whose husbands cheat? they abound on d face of this earth. most of these women will resign at a point to sort issues relating to their family. who knows whether na cos of a cheating husband. I worked for an NGO that's into women matter few years ago, I can tell you that its not about whether you are MD, CEO, PDP, AGC of a company or you own a flourishing biz or you are the most prettiest or cutest babe on earth, not because they know you cant do anything without them or your whole life depend on them. nop girlfriend. they will cheat on the most beautiful girl in Nigeria, cheat on the most hardworking babe, cheat on the most confident girl/wife and cheat even if its the wife they pay house rent! so its not about you at all.
the only area where being hardworking, being confident and having ones job is good for a woman is when they cheat and the woman cant take it any longer, and decides to leave the marriage, she wont waste her time in fighting the man for maintenance every month or begging for school fees in court. she will dust him and move on confidently.

secondly, I don't ever see a crime in 'snooping' I call it checking up on my guy or babe .is adultery committed in public? will he do it to my face? capital No. if I find out something is not adding up, I can still call him to order or beg or do anything and all things to make him stop before it gets out of control. if he is a kind of man that will stop cos the wife has blown his cover, he will. but if I have done all things and he still didn't stop, that's a different thing entirely and heaven will know I did my best not when it gets out of control or you hear he wan do wedding with another woman ..God forbid.. or he born outside and his family will come visiting like the scenes we watch in Yoruba films. God forbid. however, I always add a clause to this my rule; if you don't have the emotional capacity to take whatever you will see or get; then think twice before you 'snoop'.

my dear, think about how you can make him see the dangers in cheating. wake him up in the middle of the night when you are sure he will be in his right sense. if you must lock up for him, do, if he will be moved by your tears, pls cry, if to start a serious fight, fight. above all, think about your self and your baby.

Madampinkolo, u're so on point

@rowzayy,just hold on to madampinkolo's advice especially in the aspect of super glueing ur thigh,it's not easy but u got to do that to avoid stories that touch. I'm presently going through the same thing now,in fact my hubby sleeps with his phone so that I won't see but I already know all those but I pretend I don't see, the good thing is that I'm working & I have plan B for myself & kids. I'm presently treating staph which i'm very sure he infected me with + pregnancy that I'm carrying . So I've decided to close my laps for now until I see changes in him,I'm only praying for God to deliver me safely as I'm tired of talking joor. I have promised him one thing and that is,I will surprise him one day.

Rowzayy,
My dear,it is well with you.As others have said,you did no wrong by snooping.I'm sure your mind was troubled and you decided to check.You did very very well.Even though you feel you have to stay there despite what you've found out,knowledge is power.At least you know and you can now start making plans for you and your child,and also take measures to ensure you don't catch any craw craw.

Imurboss,
Come and take extra carton of superglue.It is well with you and your babies.You will deliver safely.I hope he changes before he receives the surprise you are preparing


I had this lady cleaner in my uni then,we were quite friendly so before i got married she advised me never to accept domestic violence from any one.She said in the first year of marriage, her husband beat her up the one time,she said nothing.The second time she did nothing.Third time after the round of beatings,she waited for him to sleep and around 2am,she switched on the light,she picked a machete and put it on his neck then she called his name.He woke up and saw her blood shot eyes,machete to his neck and she was only wearing pant and bra.She warned him NEVER EVER to touch her again otherwise she will end him.That was it.No beatings till date, and this woman now has grandchildren.

Sometimes,doing something out of the norm can shake things up.I didn't say anyone should carry machete ooo abeg.But this lady decided to do something drastic and it saved her life and marriage.

°◦°нåнäнãнåнäнãнäнâ°◦°=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) @ the Matchete thing. I so love the woman's approach to stopping the man.
Of a truth, until some things out of the blues are done, productive results are not gotten.

I go everly snoop, today, tommorow and forever. It helped me put an end to a rship of 5yrs when I was thinking I am helpless, where would I start from bla bla. @ a point I blamed mysef for not snooping and taken actions long ago. But today, am a better & wiser person. God go punish any man that would try cheat on me again or take me for granted.

No right thinking person should do it. Cheating shows high level of irresponsibilty and immaturity.

The balm of gilead will soothe your pains for those going through any form of abuse in their homes (Amen)

roWzayy you know what, i'll advice you. Honestly no human being is worth your troubling yourself, loosing sleep & developing high bp for! Not even a husband- cos as you dey die, na so that em side babe dey pack enter your house sharp sharp! So the more reason you have to stay alive, live life as if you're on ur own (oyo; afterall you came into this world alone & will exit alone) & ensure against all odds that you're ok & happy 24/7.

It's that simple!!! Stop whining & just ignore him, work towards bettering your life while still praying to God to touch his life & change him.

Is it possible to ignore him even in the midst of all the intense heart aching negative emotions you're feeling right now I say a big yes!
Everything: the ability to get angry, bitter, sad, happy, non-chalant & unperturbed etc all lie in the mind. It all depends on how you choose to perceive & react to any particular situation!

If the man you married woke up one day & felt there was so much fun in another sisters p*ants & arms, then my dear its time for you to wake up, re-adjust your own life accordingly & move on!
NOTE: 'moving on' doesn't mean quitting the marriage. No! Why should you, unless you feel your life is threatened in it. If it's not, my sister sit down, re-adjust your seat, fasten your seat belt & zoom on.

Don't waste your time grieving over him. Just ignore him, dust yourself & face your life & child(ren) squarely. Pick up a career & make something good out of your life. Look for things that interest you & make you happy & plunge yourself into them while still praying for him.

You were existing happily well before you met him, so who says you can't go back to that status quo & do it again. It only takes your re-programming your mind!
You don't need to leave the marriage or start making a fuse over his philandering life style. No! Look at life as if he isn't available cos I know you would still survive assuming something happens to him tomorrow (God forbid).

Start learning how to be a strong & independent woman since he has chosen to force you into that mindset this early. Life itself is tough with or without a husband so it's wise you start learning how to be happy & comfortable alone all by yourself as an individual.

Pls also do try to get something doing; at least your baby is about 6 months old now.
I so don't subscribe to being a sit at home or trophy wife no matter how capable & well to do ones husband is. Just as the saying goes, "there is dignity in labour", you stand to gain more respect from your husband if he knows you're not sitting at home idle every day waiting for him to return to you.
Most men these days want to have a productive, classic, prototypical, quintessential & hands on deck wife. They may never tell it to you in the face, but it's possible what's attracting your hubby to this other lady is her elegance.

So find out what the problem is & align yourself properly in that direction even without saying a word to him / complaining. You'll be surprised to see him running after you in no distant time except if he doesn't love you.

And to all women, we have to start realising that marriage is not a final bus stop or destination. We need to even work harder with respect to everything, including looking good, being romantic, sensitive, smart, caring, making money, learning how to be independent, etc after we get married. Cheating in marriage is an all encompassing thing! There are many factors to it. sometimes i know its hard to be a woman, but lets sit up & prevent any side babe from sleeping the sleep wey we suppose to dey sleep for us. We have the power to organise our life & self in such a way that any man we settle with can never spend a day of his life without us unless he's the devil himself that doesn't like good things.

@Madampinkolo, can't stop laughing @the machete incidence

What a wonderful approach

eagleeye2:

Do you really want your peace of mind, body and health?

Please focus on the important things. Which is taking care of your baby, taking care of yourself, and either looking for a job or a business to do.
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A man who will cheat, will cheat. If you like give yourself High BP by snooping or following him around, he will still cheat.
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Your husband is an adult, and you should know by now that he will do as he wishes. it's left for you to control how you react.
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And please stop confronting girls outside. Assuming, one girl gets scared and leave him, how many others are you prepared to scare away?
Focus on the important things in life.

Thank you my brother. My thoughts exactly! I had already written my own epistle before seeing this.

For those saying having a job, being independent etc wont change a cheating husband, I dont quite agree with you!!! At all...mbanu!!! when a man knows you have an option, he'll be forced to sit up & be more careful with the way he treats you. He'll only keep feeding you shi*t if he feels he's your messiah, sees that your whole life revolves around him & that you're helpless.

Hello ladies! And guys(if anyone dey here o). Really missed this family since my wedding break. Bee following the recent story (thank God am married now so I can talk well ). I want to come from an angle. Inclusive of everything you guys have said, cheating still has a spiritual angle. I really go with Rowzzay equiping herself and all, but I'll always tell ladies that they can "cage" their man from cheating both physically and spiritually. Some men just go after women(they don't just need counselling but prayers too), some men will be on their own and women go waka come(still needs prayers).