megamindmaster:
Hello ladies! And guys(if anyone dey here o). Really missed this family since my wedding break. Bee following the recent story (thank God am married now so I can talk well ). I want to come from an angle. Inclusive of everything you guys have said, cheating still has a spiritual angle. I really go with Rowzzay equiping herself and all, but I'll always tell ladies that they can "cage" their man from cheating both physically and spiritually. Some men just go after women(they don't just need counselling but prayers too), some men will be on their own and women go waka come(still needs prayers).

alutacontinua:
Madampinkolo, I need the number of that woman
she's a hero
Just tryna imagine the look on the man's face at that time of the night
Oh Lawd, I cannot laugh oooooo

chaircover:


Prayers are very important
We need to pray not to fall to tempation . . .cos it is all around

Some people always want what does not belong to them so one must be ready to "fight" spiritually for ones family. . .including Husband, wife, Children, Parents . . everyone

megamindmaster:

My point exactly. Rowzayy you've got yo really get up and be strong. Become an asset to yourself and your hubby, become agile even spiritually. This may take a lil while, patience and consistency, but just keep working, truth is that most of the ladies the men cheat with are not even close to, not to talk of being better than their wife... Its well with you

Wendy80:

Dem take cheating swear for some men, so praying n fasting is necessary to deliver them. And them take dating married men swear for some girls too
#joking oh.

aisha2:


He does this because he knows he can get away with it. You will simply confront him make small trouble and am sure apologise later hence he can always eat his cake and have it. Till you stop being helpless and he knows cheating will have consequences he won't stop. No matter how we sugar coat it that's the truth, he does it because he can get away with it

LewsTherin:
I feel so sad whenever I come to this thread. I feel sad seeing people suffer in a union God designed to be a reflection of His relationship with us. I feel much worse when I remember that a marriage is only salvageable when BOTH parties choose to save it.

No matter what amount of excellent advice we give distraught partners here, if both of them do not work at fixing their relationship, it's pretty much moot.

Be strong people. There is always hope. Always.

P.s. that machete thingy was gangstar!

Madampinkolo:
Rowzayy,
My dear,it is well with you.As others have said,you did no wrong by snooping.I'm sure your mind was troubled and you decided to check.You did very very well.Even though you feel you have to stay there despite what you've found out,knowledge is power.At least you know and you can now start making plans for you and your child,and also take measures to ensure you don't catch any craw craw.

Imurboss,
Come and take extra carton of superglue.It is well with you and your babies.You will deliver safely.I hope he changes before he receives the surprise you are preparing


I had this lady cleaner in my uni then,we were quite friendly so before i got married she advised me never to accept domestic violence from any one.She said in the first year of marriage, her husband beat her up the one time,she said nothing.The second time she did nothing.Third time after the round of beatings,she waited for him to sleep and around 2am,she switched on the light,she picked a machete and put it on his neck then she called his name.He woke up and saw her blood shot eyes,machete to his neck and she wasIII only wearing pant and bra.She warned him NEVER EVER to touch her again otherwise she will end him.That was it.No beatings till date, and this woman now has grandchildren.

Sometimes,doing something out of the norm can shake things up.I didn't say anyone should carry machete ooo abeg.But this lady decided to do something drastic and it saved her life and marriage.

bukatyne:


I like that lady cleaner

These are the type of women I like to read about.

Whinny helpless women disgust me

LewsTherin:
I feel so sad whenever I come to this thread. I feel sad seeing people suffer in a union God designed to be a reflection of His relationship with us. I feel much worse when I remember that a marriage is only salvageable when BOTH parties choose to save it.

No matter what amount of excellent advice we give distraught partners here, if both of them do not work at fixing their relationship, it's pretty much moot.

Be strong people. There is always hope. Always.

P.s. that machete thingy was gangstar!

fholammy:
Please I need your advice about this.
I met my husband to be through his younger brother who has asked my own friend out before I met with the brother,but my friend declined but they are still friends.

we will getting married soon and my friend is giving the younger brother green light, my fiancé is not feeling too good about the whole thing, he said why did she just realised they can now date after chasing her for 2years.I don't feel too good about it as well cos I don't want unnneccesary jealousy with inlaw

aisha2:

Thank you ma..I ave face front o
Madam, they are adults and have the right to fall in and out of love with who they choose to.
You and your fiance should face ya front and plan your own lives.

fholammy:
Please I need your advice about this.
I met my husband to be through his younger brother who has asked my own friend out before I met with the brother,but my friend declined but they are still friends.

we will getting married soon and my friend is giving the younger brother green light, my fiancé is not feeling too good about the whole thing, he said why did she just realised they can now date after chasing her for 2years.I don't feel too good about it as well cos I don't want unnneccesary jealousy with inlaw

Madampinkolo:
@Megamindmaster
congrats on your marriage..May it be an absolutely beautiful & fun filled journey for you and your lady.

@ All,
The lady cleaners name is Joanna.She's not even gangsterish..Just an oldish lady who looks calm.She showed me her pictures when she was younger,she was even frail looking.You'd never suspect.I guess her hubby wanted to try his luck and have a punching bag to vent frustration,but errr learnt a lesson..he was a police man,retired now



Madam i concur with Aisha.Please hold either side of your face with your hands and twist your neck to the front.Same with your fiance.Please try and enjoy each other,forget things that don't count.Come on!!! What if she's looked at your relationship with your fiance and seen he's a good lad and therefore his brother may also be good?Remember you cannot dictate who anyone should fall in love with or question them.Which one is jealousy again?
You and your fiance should focus on eachother and be asking the vital questions: Attitude to finances,how many children do you both want?Which church will you attend?Where will you both live?Any one of you a se x maniac etc..

Good luck!!

RIP Muna Obiekwe & I pray for comfort for those who have lost loved ones..

LaShawn:
So here I am again.
I Wish I could say everything, No holds barred But nairaland is a huge community. I remember coming here about a month ago, crying out my eyes.
I remember I was scared I wasn't being liked by the inlaws. Things got to a head a week + ago and I had to spark to my man. It wasn't something that was done to me, But something that was done to my folks by his folks. It was a subtle act, So to say. It wasnt overtly obvious but It laid bare to the discerning eye and heart that they were not So much into me.
I was very, very angry and told him without mincing words that it wasn't acceptable and I do not think l am getting the same level of acceptance and love from his folks that he has gotten from mine. In fact, I had to chip in the tribal difference question (Sorry, I know you guys asked me not to anymore, But I Can't seem to forget the sharp look his sis shot me the first day she heard me speaking in my dialect).
I had to ask him if my tribe had to do with me not being liked. At first, he acted like I was overreacting, But he later conceded that What happened was actually bad and he had been concerned even before I raised it.
He apologised and made me promise not to bring up the tribe issue anymore. I also apologised Because I sort of dumped the whole issue on him at first.
Later my Parents and I had a long talk. My Dad was like not all of my inlaws would like me and that is the fact of life. And I should forgive. That they were the ones who were wronged and if they could forgive, So should I.
My mum was like: This is not the time to pick on little issues.
Well, I disputed my mums statement Because I think this is the time to do exactly that. Not swallow every bile I'm fed with and I said it too.
All in all, never knew wedding/marriage preparations could be like this. Not like my 7 to 8 job has left me with much time for preparations anyway.
Everything happening has just dampened my morale and I find myself scared and listless.
I am beginning to feel irritated by questions about shades of colour and what not and texts of people cunningly asking for the contract /right to distribute asoebi. They don't know What I'm going through. They don't know....
If It's not text about asoebi from family, It's a text about money from friends. Asking for 200k or 50k like if I had such money easily at my disposal, I would be slaving from morning to night, trapped in a job Which only heightens the pressure in my life.
*deep sigh

LaShawn:
So here I am again.

I Wish I could say everything, No holds barred But nairaland is a huge community. I remember coming here about a month ago, crying out my eyes.

I remember I was scared I wasn't being liked by the inlaws. Things got to a head a week + ago and I had to spark to my man. It wasn't something that was done to me, But something that was done to my folks by his folks. It was a subtle act, So to say. It wasnt overtly obvious but It laid bare to the discerning eye and heart that they were not So much into me.

I was very, very angry and told him without mincing words that it wasn't acceptable and I do not think l am getting the same level of acceptance and love from his folks that he has gotten from mine. In fact, I had to chip in the tribal difference question (Sorry, I know you guys asked me not to anymore, But I Can't seem to forget the sharp look his sis shot me the first day she heard me speaking in my dialect).

I had to ask him if my tribe had to do with me not being liked. At first, he acted like I was overreacting, But he later conceded that What happened was actually bad and he had been concerned even before I raised it.
He apologised and made me promise not to bring up the tribe issue anymore. I also apologised Because I sort of dumped the whole issue on him at first.

Later my Parents and I had a long talk. My Dad was like not all of my inlaws would like me and that is the fact of life. And I should forgive. That they were the ones who were wronged and if they could forgive, So should I.

My mum was like: This is not the time to pick on little issues.
Well, I disputed my mums statement Because I think this is the time to do exactly that. Not swallow every bile I'm fed with and I said it too.

All in all, never knew wedding/marriage preparations could be like this. Not like my 7 to 8 job has left me with much time for preparations anyway.

Everything happening has just dampened my morale and I find myself scared and listless.

I am beginning to feel irritated by questions about shades of colour and what not and texts of people cunningly asking for the contract /right to distribute asoebi. They don't know What I'm going through. They don't know....

If It's not text about asoebi from family, It's a text about money from friends. Asking for 200k or 50k like if I had such money easily at my disposal, I would be slaving from morning to night, trapped in a job Which only heightens the pressure in my life.

*deep sigh

aisha2:


Relax, take a day off and go to the spa, get a massage and thoroughly pampered let go, you can't do and control everything

LaShawn:

Thank you, Aisha. I Wish I could But work is So So crazy. You have to be visibly ill to get any sort of time off. Plus taking time off leaves your desk a mess. You come back and meet triple work and you are back to square one.

chaircover:


Hmmmm my dear this is the transition from a carefree single woman with minimal care to the world of marriage, responsibilities, new relationships. diplomacy, tolerance, descsion making, juggling balls and hoping for the best . . and a whole lot more.

This is just the beggining
I make it sound grim, but its all not bad, and there are lots and lots of positives from marriage, especialy when you and your hubby are on the same page.
This is your new life now, so I suggest that you take a deep breath, calm down and deal with things remembering number ONE . .which is YOU!

As for your in-laws, the truth is this. . . .some will automatically like you, some wont at first but when they get to know you they will like you and some will never like you till they die.
Its therefore up to you how you decide to process this and deal with it and live with it. knowing that you cant change people.
Personally I will deal with the ones I like and keep the ones that dont like me at arms length and so long as my conscience is clear, I have no problem.

aisha2:


Madam FIND THE TIME, if you break down work will still.go on.
I used to be like you till I collapsed at work one day, I was in the hospital for over two weeks and the only call I got from them was to find out where one file was, it was the family members, friends and church members i abandoned to " face my work" who were there with me everyday. In summary if you die today you WILL Be REPLACED IMMEDIATELY.

I am sure you don't work Saturdays and Sundays do you? You sound so stressed and wound up like someone going to explode soon. As a woman and a single woman now you have to learn to make time for YOU and make that part of your life even when you marry else you turn to an angry, bitter aggressive and sad wife. YOU ARE NOT SUPER WOMAN YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL, ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK

breadplanets:
Goodday my online family. I don carry my wahala come again. I hope i'll be able to make myself understood cos im all muddled up. My parents had a horrible marriage that made me as a little girl promise myself i wont ever get married. But having grown up and seeing marriages that work i know that some work will some dont. I pray mine works. Now relationships have not dealt favourably with me. One heartbreak after another, it got to an extent i decided that i will get married o but just for the purpose of raising a family and companionship with none of the lovey dovey stuff. Now the cause of this long story is this. Im getting married in a few months time and contrary to my decision or whatever i love this guy like crazy. Whenever i rememeber him i smile like a fool and feel all warm and furzy *im silly i know* i find myself telling myself i love him like 50x a day. Pls im really bothered about this cause i did not want this at all! As in i never wanted to get married because i love but i just wanted it to be a decision based on neccessity thats all. Now i find myself kind of removing the thoughts of my fiance from my mind. As in anything that would remind me of him i delibrately fix my mind on something else. And i know that going on like this wont be good in the long run. I know im just ranting but make una no vex. Its just how the thoughts are going round and round in my head. Do i delibrately make myself stop loving this guy? How possible is that? Chai!! See long epistle ehh. Sorry biko