snazzylove: @ujujoan. My dear I completely understand your point. Same applies to me too as in d work aspect. For instance on a saturday that you have to do a lot of house chores, its understandable. My hussy has equally met me in same attire too due to plenty work, but its not an everyday thing. I will even be the one to joke with it, by telling him "ur babe has not showered since morning oo" we'll laff over it and if there are other things left to do he may offer to assist.

Who said its easy for me to keep looking sexy? its a lot of work oo, hard work for that matter.

Your friend that hussy does not notice or look her side, you don't wait for them to notice oo. You push them to notice . If am addig weight for instance, hussy doesn't tell me oo, he keeps saying you are ok, you are ok. Na only me dey advice myself. If I come back from the salon , I will be waiting for him to tell your hairdo is nice, for wia? He will not notice, not that he he doesn't want to notice, but his mind doesnt go there. Am the one that will be like 'babe so u didn't see my hair abi?' He will now say ahh sorry ooo, I noticed that u are looking different and pretty buh I didn't know its d hair. Men are not as petty as we women. I've come to undertstand that and I don't hold it against my hussy if he fails to do or say somethings. I will just remind him if there is need to do so.

The bottom line is to make our homes and hussys comfy increase communication a lot. Not official communication oo. Joke with ur hussy, tease him, laugh a lot, see him most times as that boyfriend u were dating b4 tying the not, it makes it a lot easier.

Nne you are on point ooh.

babygirlfl:

Women are fellow woman's worst enemy. Please women lets be kind to ourselves.

My dear you are still trying to excuse men for cheating with all these things you are writing. Life is not always straightforward. There are times in life when it is not possible to have sex with you partner even for months. How can a man who cannot stay faithful with a pregnant wife for some months stay faithful during these months. A partner who is unwell in hospital for months cannot have sex. Is it then right for the partner to cheat while their spouse is sick in hospital? Or in the case where they are away from each other for months e.g in different countries for some months because of work commitment. Is it right for a partner to cheat?

I believe control is key and that is what we should be preaching.

Another thing to know is that different women respond differently to pregnancy and even a woman that has been pregnant multiple times will tell you that each pregnancy was different. I expect you to know this as you a mother to three kids. I have seen a woman who was in hospital almost every week during her pregnancy. Do you think sex is on her mind? There is also something called pre natal and post-natal depression. Do you think a depressed woman is thinking about sex. Or do you think that it is right for her husband to go cheating on her?

Depression can also make such women unkempt. Another thing that can make a woman unkempt is lack of support from her husband. Men please support your wife. Do take some work off her so that she can have time to look after herself.

Just to let you know, your husband does not cheat because he is disciplined and does not want to. It has nothing to do with how you have kept yourself and how you still draw attention. We all know super models that their husbands have cheated on them.

Instead of making excuses for people, let us teach people to be more tolerant and more accommodating. Lets preach that people understand what for better for worse means and not to run away from situation when worse comes their way.

Am not making excuse for anybody my dear. Am equally a woman. And the best I can do is to tell fellow sisters the truth no mattert how bitter it is.
Pregnancy last for forty weeks, and you cannot tell me that for that forty weeks you don't have a single day that you are good.
I do have challenges with pregnancy too that equally lands me in the hospital bed, but its not an everyday, every week or everymonth thin.
Whatever works for you sha,do it.

Ujujoan:

Chillisause!!!!


Don't really have anything to say. I just wanted to mention you so you'll come back here and roll your eyes.

Blame it on insomnia.

sorry dear, i dont even know how to roll eyes.
Hope you are better?

Icherishu:
Chilli my love, I don give am my small advice. Abeg call me when the time for nkwobi reach o. But as you dey chop remember say them talk say make we no eat any food where no be us prepare am cos of Ebola. Sha I am still interested. Germs has no authority on African man body.

Bravo! Wear red bra and pant kinda advice. When a foundation is wrong, it takes hard work on both parties to make it work.

If you like wear green rope panty, man wey go cheat go cheat. dem go even cheat with the deeper life bubba kinda pant wearers.

snazzylove:

Am not making excuse for anybody my dear. Am equally a woman. And the best I can do is to tell fellow sisters the truth no mattert how bitter it is.
Pregnancy last for forty weeks, and you cannot tell me that for that forty weeks you don't have a single day that you are good.
I do have challenges with pregnancy too that equally lands me in the hospital bed, but its not an everyday, every week or everymonth thin.
Whatever works for you sha,do it.

pls just stop. because you had a smooth pregnancy doesnt mean others do. some actually sleep in the hospital for a very long period, some get miscarriages with very little thing. people are diff and react differently with pregnancy. go preach your red bra and pant somewhere else.

snazzylove:

Am not making excuse for anybody my dear. Am equally a woman. And the best I can do is to tell fellow sisters the truth no mattert how bitter it is.
Pregnancy last for forty weeks, and you cannot tell me that for that forty weeks you don't have a single day that you are good.
I do have challenges with pregnancy too that equally lands me in the hospital bed, but its not an everyday, every week or everymonth thin.
Whatever works for you sha,do it.

My dear you are not preaching the bitter truth. Women hear that everyday and everywhere. They hear it from the men, fellow women, nairaland,the church, society and everywhere.So my dear, you are just saying what we have heard many times and made no difference. The bitter truth in my opinion is preaching to people to have CONTROL.

Yes yours might not be everyday, every week and every month but some women are not that lucky with their pregnancy. It is important we understand that.

Chillisauce:

pls just stop. because you had a smooth pregnancy doesnt mean others do. some actually sleep in the hospital for a very long period, some get miscarriages with very little thing. people are diff and react differently with pregnancy. go preach your red bra and pant somewhere else.

SMH for some pple sha
You can deny him $ex for d rest of ur marriage. Who cares

snazzylove:

SMH for some pple sha
You can deny him $ex for d rest of ur marriage. Who cares

Snazzylove I got your message but the truth is that any man that wants to cheat will cheat even if you give him sex morning, afternoon and night.
Faithfulness is a thing of the mind and a personal decision. If your mother will be honest with you ehh she will tell you that olden days once a woman gets pregnant that's when the husband will allow the woman to rest. No sex at all until she puts to bed , and the man will remain faithful during those period. It works for them then because the love they have for their wives is greater than just 5mins if pleasure.
It's even in this modern days that men are taking advantage of their wives simply because the doctors approve that sex is good during pregnancy.
Any man that uses his wife's pregnancy as an excuse to cheat on her has been cheating on her even before the pregnancy.

Chillisauce:
sorry dear, i dont even know how to roll eyes.
Hope you are better?



Bravo! Wear red bra and pant kinda advice. When a foundation is wrong, it takes hard work on both parties to make it work.

If you like wear green rope panty, man wey go cheat go cheat. dem go even cheat with the deeper life bubba kinda pant wearers.

My dear chillisauce. I didn't give her such advise o. I am genuinely worried about her and her situation. I know what it means to be worried and pregnant at the same time. I pray she finds peace and God should turn her hubby steps for good. Amen.

Op, how did everything turn out please? ?



Btw, too much noise dey this thread, I will start writing names of noisemakers

Personaly I beleive that there is no excuse for anyone to cheat.

If you are fed up with the marriage and you are not prepared to work at it, then you call it a day. No need bringing home nasty diseases to your innocent husband or wife.

The truth is that many people who cheat, dont really have good excuses, although they look for anything to latch on to. How many people disown their own children when they do wrong, but as soon as a wife puts on weight, or due to one reason or the other she keeps her weave for 4 weeks, or does not wear heels in the house doing ko ko ka like they do in Nollywood movies, then its automatically a visa to cheat

We are in the microwave age where everything must be done in 2 minutes and people dont want to take the time to fix/repair whatever is wrong with their relationship/spouse but rather go out there into the arms of another. . . as if the other one is perfect too

This is the bitter truth

Ilovenigeria:
Snazzylove I got your message but the truth is that any man that wants to cheat will cheat even if you give him sex morning, afternoon and night.
Faithfulness is a thing of the mind and a personal decision. If your mother will be honest with you ehh she will tell you that olden days once a woman gets pregnant that's when the husband will allow the woman to rest. No sex at all until she puts to bed , and the man will remain faithful during those period. It works for them then because the love they have for their wives is greater than just 5mins if pleasure.
It's even in this modern days that men are taking advantage of their wives simply because the doctors approve that sex is good during pregnancy.
Any man that uses his wife's pregnancy as an excuse to cheat on her has been cheating on her even before the pregnancy.

What if your 'hubby' follow they advice you for here? *Just being naughty* sorry sha no counsel from this end guess you've had enough.

People would not advice men also to look good or reduce their belly fat for women,we are always at the receiving end.........chai,na only women waka come this world ooo

smokescreen4: true the death of a cheating husband should be enough relief my friend is soo pretty and sexy I know she will start dating soon she was always taking care of herself for her hubby her weight skin and all but it wasn't enough for the man, men cheating left right and centre like they own their lives, I will never shed a tear for a cheating husband, I go hang out with my friends and drink to celebration of life which will be starting for me.I HATE CHEATING I can't stress it enough

Totally agree!!!!it should be no other way, the death of a cheating husband should be a relief .

cancerlib: For some days now,hubby and i have bn draggn d issue of a lady that he calls 'just friend'. Instinct told me they r more dn dt so i couldnt rest.
His phone is passworded and he wouldnt gv me his code, said cos i always read meanings to every chat he has wt ladies,i didnt drag d issue then, i gave him d trust dt he wouldnt betray me.
But unfortunately for him now
, i know his pswd and wen i get uncomfortable wt d lady in question, i went thru his phone. I was right,they r more dn friends, infact theyve planned a rendevous for ds weekend. He ws goin on a journey which he could go on sunday but he insisted hes going on saturday .
I screengrabbed thr chats,sent it to my phone so he cant deny it.
Now how do i play ds out? Wat if he blame me for snooping on his phone, am i d bad guy here?
Guys pls to d rescue, how do i handle d situatn so i can cm out d champion

Honey you've always known He's like this .the question is why did you marry him afterall?
Got this from one of your post and this can only be you talking about yourself in disguise.
.........."What Does The Future Hold?....should The
Wedding Be Cancelled? by cancerlib:
6:29pm On Nov 06, 2013
Hi fellow nairalander,
Pls I need sincere and unbiased advice on
this.
My sis got engaged some months ago to a
very lovable guy. Disaster struck when few
months after d introduction ceremony he
changed the password to his fones. They
were really opened to each other b4, but
suddenly he chngd his passwords. When
my sis asked he brushed her off saying its
guys thingy, that he and his pals talk raw
on chat and wouldn't want her to see
such, that he's only protecting her so she
won't be hurt. She accepted and they
moved on fine.
Just some weeks ago she just tried a
password and the phone unlocked! There
she saw he has been philandering with so
many girls and the brutal part the girls
doesn't know he's engaged. She told him
and they fought over it, one of his sis
intervened and they settled. The guy said it
was nothing serious just fun.
After they've settled, d girls never stopped
calling, she pointed this out to him. Instead
of rectifying this, he changed the names so
she won't suspect a thing.
This is the only major bad habit this guy
have, he's a nice and caring guy, someone
ull never suspect could cheat and whatever
he buys he buy in her name (her first name
and his surname) to the last pin in his
house, this shows he means well and want
a future with her.
Now he's always clearing chats and call
log.
Their wedding is in 4mnths time, my sis is
torn.
Pls any advice will be appreciated". Oluwa bless your marriage sha.

beeevan:



Totally agree!!!!it should be no other way, the death of a cheating husband should be a relief .

An old school mate of mine lost her husband. He was a serial cheat and she had always been complaining about it.
He was actually in the car with a gf, when he had an accident that claimed his life in Nigeria.

When I heard the news of his death, I went to see her to sympathise with her, but when I got there and she had the sound system on and was listening to fuji

She was even the one telling me to cheer up and what did I want to eat and she was jisting about other things. It was like I was at a get together. I felt uncomforable and I soon left.

I thought that maybe she was in shock, but in hindsight she was probably fed up of it all and his death just bought closure for her.

its really sad though, that a relationship can turn go from good when it started to so bad that a spouse can loose his/her life and the other party just carrys on like its a simple thing

Ha! If I find such on my man's phone, the last thing I'll be worried about is him talking sh*t about snooping, duh! Which mouth him wan take ask my why I check him phone?

babygirlfl:

Women are fellow woman's worst enemy. Please women lets be kind to ourselves.

My dear you are still trying to excuse men for cheating with all these things you are writing. Life is not always straightforward. There are times in life when it is not possible to have sex with you partner even for months. How can a man who cannot stay faithful with a pregnant wife for some months stay faithful during these months. A partner who is unwell in hospital for months cannot have sex. Is it then right for the partner to cheat while their spouse is sick in hospital? Or in the case where they are away from each other for months e.g in different countries for some months because of work commitment. Is it right for a partner to cheat?

I believe control is key and that is what we should be preaching.

Another thing to know is that different women respond differently to pregnancy and even a woman that has been pregnant multiple times will tell you that each pregnancy was different. I expect you to know this as you a mother to three kids. I have seen a woman who was in hospital almost every week during her pregnancy. Do you think sex is on her mind? There is also something called pre natal and post-natal depression. Do you think a depressed woman is thinking about sex. Or do you think that it is right for her husband to go cheating on her?

Depression can also make such women unkempt. Another thing that can make a woman unkempt is lack of support from her husband. Men please support your wife. Do take some work off her so that she can have time to look after herself.

Just to let you know, your husband does not cheat because he is disciplined and does not want to. It has nothing to do with how you have kept yourself and how you still draw attention. We all know super models that their husbands have cheated on them.

Instead of making excuses for people, let us teach people to be more tolerant and more accommodating. Lets preach that people understand what for better for worse means and not to run away from situation when worse comes their way.

God bless you for this post, snazzy just know your man doesn't cheat because he doesn't want to, not because you are the sexiest woman he has seen around.

Ilovenigeria:
Snazzylove I got your message but the truth is that any man that wants to cheat will cheat even if you give him sex morning, afternoon and night.

Same thing I mentioned in my post earlier tha a born-unrepentant cheat willl still cheat cos nothing the wife does will appeal to him, but some pple decided to see the pregnancy and sex aspect of my comment only.
Babe even u, once in a while u'll pity hubby nah and be like 'oya let's manage and do small' ' it isn't by force. It should be a two way thing, done for love by both. So if there is need to abstain, both parties will still do it joyfully. Not as if somebody is dragging something with the other person or trying to intimidate d oda.

chaircover:

An old school mate of mine lost her husband. He was a serial cheat and in fairness to her, she had always been complaining about it.
He was actually in the car with a gf, when he had an accident that claimed his life in Nigeria.

When I heard the news of his death, I went to see her to sympathise with her, but when I got there and she had the sound system on and was listening to fuji

She was even the one telling me to cheer up and what did I want to eat and she was jisting about other things. It was like I was at a get together. I felt uncomforable and I soon left.

I thought that maybe she was in shock, but in hindsight she was probably fed up of it all and his death just bought closure for her.

its really sad though, that a relationship can turn go from good when it started to so bad that a spouse can loose his/her life and the other party just carrys on like its a simple thing

Can you imagine ? Most men have no idea how much they hurt their spouse by cheating, the hatred that comes with infidelity is twice as strong as the love that has been. I doubt if any woman will feel much pain if her husband died in a road accident while visiting his mistress. Their is no bad thing that a cheating spouse does not deserve. Due to the stigma on divorce in Naija, most will rather be widowed than divorced, so they pray fervently for their premature death.

Some will even kill the man if they can.
Which makes me wonder 'don't philandering men see the danger they are in?'
Some see it as the woman knows her place and knows she stands to lose if she leaves the marriage. That's what gives them courage to carry on.

beeevan:


Can you imagine ? Most men have no idea how much they hurt their spouse by cheating, the hatred that comes with infidelity is twice as strong as the love that has been. I doubt if any woman will feel much pain if her husband died in a road accident while visiting his mistress. Their is no bad thing that a cheating spouse does not deserve. Due to the stigma on divorce in Naija, most will rather be widowed than divorced, so they pray fervently for their premature death.

cococandy: Some will even kill the man if they can.
Which makes me wonder 'don't philandering men see the danger they are in?'
Some see it as the woman knows her place and knows she stands to lose if she leaves the marriage. That's what gives them courage to carry on.

They believe that women are used to being cheated on, at least some pack condoms into their husband's luggages to encourage him to keep it sheathed while prancing about.

Openly philandering men are dancing surugede.
But they don't know it is the dance of the gods.

beeevan:



They believe that women are used to being cheated on, at least some pack condoms into their husband's luggages to encourage him to keep it sheathed while prancing about.

cococandy: Openly philandering men are dancing surugede.
But they don't know it is the dance of the gods.

Am sure any woman with a philandering husband must at some point wished he was dead so she can be free to get a life without being judged.

Hmmm, my story took a different turn.....
When we first got married, we made a decision to wait a bit before procreating (he wanted to be more balanced) asked him how long is a bit, and he said few months. But when months rolled into a year and over a year, his family got on my case especially his mom. When I told them its their son that isn't ready they refuse to accept, after all am d woman, if I want a baby I know how to go about it.
I tried reasoning with him we should try for a baby now but he was adamant, he doesn't want stress for me andhe needs to put some things in place before we talk about babies.
Fast-forward to some months later and I got pregnant. He went really mad, how could I betray him so? Blah blah.
He told me point blank he wants an abortion to which I refused, his family heard about it and told him his callous , ,shouldnt he be happy about it.
This went on for days but he eventually accept and apologise for his actions ans and we movedd on.
When I saw his chat with the lady, this situation crossed my mind , could it be related? That's y I was dazed and confused at first.
When we talked , he went all macho with me and actually confirmed it that hes punishing me cos I tried to prove smart by getting pregnant, and that upon his tears and pleads to abort I was adamant. All d fight in me fled, I just told him hes not even the father of that child ans I told him we have nothing further to discuss.
I went to bed, this morning he asked for food and I told him am never cooking for him again.
He said I like unnecessary wahala, he didn't sleep with anyone, I wasn't even interested and just left

cancerlib: Hmmm, my story took a different turn.....
When we first got married, we made a decision to wait a bit before procreating (he wanted to be more balanced) asked him how long is a bit, and he said few months. But when months rolled into a year and over a year, his family got on my case especially his mom. When I told them its their son that isn't ready they refuse to accept, after all am d woman, if I want a baby I know how to go about it.
I tried reasoning with him we should try for a baby now but he was adamant, he doesn't want stress for me andhe needs to put some things in place before we talk about babies.
Fast-forward to some months later and I got pregnant. He went really mad, how could I betray him so? Blah blah.
He told me point blank he wants an abortion to which I refused, his family heard about it and told him his callous , ,shouldnt he be happy about it.
This went on for days but he eventually accept and apologise for his actions ans and we movedd on.
When I saw his chat with the lady, this situation crossed my mind , could it be related? That's y I was dazed and confused at first.
When we talked , he went all macho with me and actually confirmed it that hes punishing me cos I tried to prove smart by getting pregnant, and that upon his tears and pleads to abort I was adamant. All d fight in me fled, I just told him hes not even the father of that child ans I told him we have nothing further to discuss.
I went to bed, this morning he asked for food and I told him am never cooking for him again.
He said I like unnecessary wahala, he didn't sleep with anyone, I wasn't even interested and just left

so, your husband said he was punishing you for getting pregnant for him by flirting around and planning to infect you with STDs...........na wa o.


Madam, now you know the kind of man you're married to.
It's a pity, the child many are spending fortunes to get is what someone gets without stress and still have to punish his wife for it........"eni to ni ori, ko ni fila, eni to ni fila, ko ri'bi de si".
In my own opinion, this man is mean, very mean for him to have done this,to subject you to this type of harshiness during this delicate period of yours, did he even realise the harm he might cause you and the unborn baby with his unfaithfulness?
Honestly, i don't know what to advise you, but that "i wasn't sleeping with anyone" statement of his is just a hoax......he is.....oh no, let me not say it.

Ok, what is your next line of action now?
It is well.

Sorry, buh like seriously....Is this a movie

And please, don't ask me what i would have done if i'm in your shoe, because i'm a person with zero tolarance for nonsense.

Wishing you goodluck.

greatgod2012: And please, don't ask me what i would have done if i'm in your shoe, because i'm a person with zero tolarance for nonsense.

Wishing you goodluck.

I just don't want all the stress to cause me miscarriage, have suffered enough already.
Have decided I won't report him to anybody, I'll give him the silent treatment, if he'll come back to his senses, I want it to be him without d interference of anyone

May God help and see u through. Marriage no be beans @ aalll

I would av recommended a page for u on this same Nairaland; about a guy that infected his wife with herpes out of unfaithfulness, but regretting his action now, but the OP might not be happy about that, as he's only seeking advice..... But its better u take action cos indirectly u av interest in his personal life.

cancerlib:
I just don't want all the stress to cause me miscarriage, have suffered enough already.
Have decided I won't report him to anybody, I'll give him the silent treatment, if he'll come back to his senses, I want it to be him without d interference of anyone

I will advise that you report the matter to his mum, especially that part that he's punishing you for refusing to abort his child. Your man is something else, cant even get the appropriate word/phrase to describe him.