ChinenyeN:

What's wrong with KarmaMod?

And Janeese, don't mind these guys. I won't lie though, you did have it coming.

So I guess that's that for the topic eh? Nothing more [much] either side feels like saying. . .

how did you arrive at that premise?

If this culture thread is now a photo show, please show pics of yourself in your traditional attires.

Ebony-Silk: The picture is boring. KarmaMod isn't, though.

Biolabee: I arrived at that premise after examining the situation. The way she wrote her first post was uncalled for. Even after daviddylan was nice and encouraged her to relax, she continually to post in unnecessary, irrelevant language. So naturally, there are two things that happen: 1) someone will want to know who the individual is that is talking (on a forum, that can be done by going to the profile and finding the kind of posts that the individual has made in other sections). 2) Ignore the person.
Me, I like to know who it is that I'm talking with, so naturally I would choose option 1. I guess that's what daviddylan did. After doing that, and after Janeesa continually posted in unnecssary, irrelevant language, daviddylan may have thought to just play along. Him and 4play weren't being serious about what they said. They were merely playing with her, because she came here with too much emotion and passion and not enough rationality. That is how I arrived at the premise that she had it come. She brought it on herself.

Good thing we both know opinions are different

ChinenyeN:

Me, I like to know who it is that I'm talking with, so naturally I would choose option 1. I guess that's what daviddylan did. After doing that, and after Janeesa continually posted in unnecssary, irrelevant language, daviddylan may have thought to just play along. Him and 4play weren't being serious about what they said. They were merely playing with her, because she came here with too much emotion and passion and not enough rationality. That is how I arrived at the premise that she had it come. She brought it on herself.

Who dey lie to you?
Those two are agbayas

4 Play:

When I put up my picture the other time, didn't you see it?  Go and ask Tope for my picture, she has many copies.

4 Play:

I have already put up my picture so many times.

If Tope no want make you see my picture, there is nothing I can do. I guess she doesn't want to incur the envy of other girls. I don't want to offend her.

BUHAHAHAHHA. . . . 4PLAY, dnt post the pics jare. i dnt morenike to start drooling

Tope, just a sneak peak now. . . .I'll even ignore his 10 tribal marks for your sake

Ebony-Silk:

Tope, just a sneak peak now. . . .I'll even ignore his 10 tribal marks for your sake

Lol . . . . .i havent seen his pics b4

tope2000:

Lol . . . . .i havent seen his pics before

I know that. No mind am. . . . .na to diss naija women he knows, but when they ask for him pics, oda wo mi wo e

The real african woman is not a bitch but a master.

She uses her humility and subtleness to control,she commands respect not by force or strife but by care,same applies to every thing in life,best things in life are free,

ok chinenyeN but the assault may have been to much
no probs abi?

so who has 4play's pix, ebony, tope lets see

biolabee:

ok chinenyeN but the assault may have been to much
no probs abi?

Hehe. . . You could look at it as retributive justice. She came in with too much. She left with too much. No problems though. At least all has died down now.

I think African men use tradition as an excuse to go  but it's sometimes a legitimate one.  

redsun:

The real african woman is not a bitch but a master.

She uses her humility and subtleness to control,she commands respect not by force or strife but by care,same applies to every thing in life,best things in life are free,

sounds like me mom

My mum too.

oh wow

How can you say that, if an African man don't like his culture, why are you called African.

thank u oo jare

angelina08:

How can you say that, if an African man don't like his culture, why are you called African.

so a 17yrs old can give adults work like this?

thanks for checking on us, we appreciate ur time 

JJYOU:

so a 17yrs old can give adults work like this?

it was not to my knowledge that they set age limit for joblessness

.

@Osisi
I can’t stop laughing at your stories.

A few months ago, I took my nephew to a birthday party held at a park. The party went very well, apart from the whole . . . daddies standing on the other side of the park, totally disconnect from the group, drinking their Hyyynikins part, of course. Anyway, when the party ended and it came time to clean up,  the few of us guests who had offered to help did so, carrying on like happy little beavers, picking stuff off the grass, emptying large gorodoms and basias of ice (took two of us to carry one), taking packs drinks, empty and half empty coolers to the cars, dismantling the rented chairs and putting them back on the rack like the rental company instructed. . . . We, WOMEN all of us. . .  and the men? Gisting away like old biddies in a nursing home. Yes, not one even the smallest muscle in their body moved to our direction

After I caught my finger for the fifth time folding the chairs, I thought. . .  Nah! Nah! that it, I not about to lose a nail over a party that had nothing to do with me and mine. If the husband’s puny brain cannot tell him. . . "Hey man, put the discussion on hold and go help your wife fold the 150 chairs used for your child's party" and she does not have the guts to say “Honey, do you mind helping me with these”. . .  then it is their problem, not mine. So I washed my hands. . . literally and figuratively speaking, went to fetch my nephew, ready to say my adios to them and what did I see. . . the celebrant’s mother, her sister and a friend struggling to dismantle to the freaking tent!

I'll give you a mental picture

On this corner we have the celebrant's daddy, his uncle and about three or four of daddy’s friend, standing, talking and drinking, the average weight and height for all six men is probably 230lb and 6ft. On the other corner are three women, average weight and height 180lb and 5.6, attempting to take a 27’ by 42’ tent (I asked. . . for when I tell people).  I could not believe it. I understand not playing with the kids, I understand not logging bags of ice back and forth but this. . . nah!  I was so angry, I thought what should I do? I came up with two options, stump my feet on the floor like a brat or scream . . . so I screamed and when I got their attention, I said It was because I thought the tent was about to fall on the women. The men looked at the women and the women looked at me because they knew the tent wasn’t about to do jack!

So did these men put their drinks down to go help the women immediately? No, the husband had to ask if she needed help and what did she say “If you don’t mind” Having gotten the confirmation that they won't be doing a task the women can do, all of them with their potbellies, waddle over to the tent and started dismantling it.

This is not an isolated event, you see them everywhere. . .

At the malls, hands in pocket, nary a care in the world, while their wives struggle with four shopping bags while also trying to keep the out of control children in line

At the airport, sitting in the driver’s side as their wives struggle to get her luggage out of the trunk. . . after having to remind him to open it and heaven help her if she does not get it out on time, she will be eating car dust.

At church. . . walking nonchalantly in front of the carseat and diaper bag carrying woman.

At the grocery store, sitting in the car watching their wives load bags and bags of grocery in the trunk.

Once asked a guy if he’d bath his children, his answer “You mean if their mom is sick?” and It wasn’t a joke.

How anyone can deny that this happens. . . is beyond me. I think I prefer 4Play’s blatant and unapologetic sexism (coz you know where you stand and what to expect with him) to turning a blind eye and acting like it’s all our heads. I mean what’s this supposed to be. . . . folie a plusieurs? If you aren’t like this, it doesn’t mean other men aren’t. If you haven’t witnessed it, it by no means mean it does not exist. My grandma used say when 1 person says 10 people are bad, then that 1 person needs to check himself and if 10 people say 1 person is bad, then that person really has issues. Many women, black, multicolored fair, tall, short and average, from North to south, east to west are saying the same and it’s not like we have a secret monthly meeting where we meet and conspire to bring up false charges against men, we aren’t so bored we think the only way to get some excitement is to say these things about men.

Seriously, we needn’t look further than the threads on Nairaland to see the mentality some men carry for women. Why is it that when a woman is firm about her stance on an issue, she is called frustrated, bitter, a spinster, who has no man and will never marry? Why?!! Last night, on the auto section (and now someone is thinking. . . what was she doing there in the first place? Lmoa) I called a guy out for something and he asked me if I’m on my period, this was after he told me he can’t be bothered to explain it to me since I will never understand it . . . Rotflmao! I mean It’s so freaking sad that you are too shocked to get upset and all you can do is laugh. . . which, by the way, is exactly what I did when I read 4Play’s posts. 

Sisi Jinx, I just have a few questions. . .

Is this behavior mutually exclusive of African men? Is it only African men that exhibit that kind of behavior?
Is the level you described a norm? By that I mean, is it how African men act on any given day (with or without their buddies)?

I'm asking because I don't really witness what you're describing. I've heard stories, but all those stories are never 'moderate' (however you want to define that) examples. The stories usually consist of extreme behaviors/situations (i.e. the one you described about the park). So I'm really confused here. Everything I know and have been taught about how a man/male from my culture should/does behave (in terms of responsibility, management, etc.) is being turned upside down. It is almost as if I live in a different world (well, not really, but it might as well be, considering what has been said so far).

No, the husband had to ask if she needed help and what did she say “If you don’t mind”Having gotten the confirmation that they won't be doing a task the women can do, all of them with their potbellies, waddle over to the tent and started dismantling it.

Rofl


To ba ya they will start singing the "weaker sex" song.

Sisi Jinx:

@Osisi
I can’t stop laughing at your stories.

A few months ago, I took my nephew to a birthday party held at a park. The party went very well, apart from the whole . . . daddies standing on the other side of the park, totally disconnect from the group, drinking their Hyyynikins part, of course. Anyway, when the party ended and it came time to clean up,  the few of us guests who had offered to help did so, carrying on like happy little beavers, picking stuff off the grass, emptying large gorodoms and basias of ice (took two of us to carry one), taking packs drinks, empty and half empty coolers to the cars, dismantling the rented chairs and putting them back on the rack like the rental company instructed. . . . We, WOMEN all of us. . .  and the men? Gisting away like old biddies in a nursing home. Yes, not one even the smallest muscle in their body moved to our direction

After I caught my finger for the fifth time folding the chairs, I thought. . .  Nah! Nah! that it, I not about to lose a nail over a party that had nothing to do with me and mine. If the husband’s puny brain cannot tell him. . . "Hey man, put the discussion on hold and go help your wife fold the 150 chairs used for your child's party" and she does not have the guts to say “Honey, do you mind helping me with these”. . .  then it is their problem, not mine. So I washed my hands. . . literally and figuratively speaking, went to fetch my nephew, ready to say my adios to them and what did I see. . . the celebrant’s mother, her sister and a friend struggling to dismantle to the freaking tent!

I'll give you a mental picture

On this corner we have the celebrant's daddy, his uncle and about three or four of daddy’s friend, standing, talking and drinking, the average weight and height for all six men is probably 230lb and 6ft. On the other corner are three women, average weight and height 180lb and 5.6, attempting to take a 27’ by 42’ tent (I asked. . . for when I tell people).  I could not believe it. I understand not playing with the kids, I understand not logging bags of ice back and forth but this. . . nah!  I was so angry, I thought what should I do? I came up with two options, stump my feet on the floor like a brat or scream . . . so I screamed and when I got their attention, I said It was because I thought the tent was about to fall on the women. The men looked at the women and the women looked at me because they knew the tent wasn’t about to do jack!

So did these men put their drinks down to go help the women immediately? No, the husband had to ask if she needed help and what did she say “If you don’t mind” Having gotten the confirmation that they won't be doing a task the women can do, all of them with their potbellies, waddle over to the tent and started dismantling it.

This is not an isolated event, you see them everywhere. . .

At the malls, hands in pocket, nary a care in the world, while their wives struggle with four shopping bags while also trying to keep the out of control children in line

At the airport, sitting in the driver’s side as their wives struggle to get her luggage out of the trunk. . . after having to remind him to open it and heaven help her if she does not get it out on time, she will be eating car dust.

At church. . . walking nonchalantly in front of the carseat and diaper bag carrying woman.

At the grocery store, sitting in the car watching their wives load bags and bags of grocery in the trunk.

Once asked a guy if he’d bath his children, his answer “You mean if their mom is sick?” and It wasn’t a joke.

How anyone can deny that this happens. . . is beyond me. I think I prefer 4Play’s blatant and unapologetic sexism (because you know where you stand and what to expect with him) to turning a blind eye and acting like it’s all our heads. I mean what’s this supposed to be. . . . folie a plusieurs? If you aren’t like this, it doesn’t mean other men aren’t. If you haven’t witnessed it, it by no means mean it does not exist. My grandma used say when 1 person says 10 people are bad, then that 1 person needs to check himself and if 10 people say 1 person is bad, then that person really has issues. Many women, black, multicolored fair, tall, short and average, from North to south, east to west are saying the same and it’s not like we have a secret monthly meeting where we meet and conspire to bring up false charges against men, we aren’t so bored we think the only way to get some excitement is to say these things about men.

Seriously, we needn’t look further than the threads on Nairaland to see the mentality some men carry for women. Why is it that when a woman is firm about her stance on an issue, she is called frustrated, bitter, a spinster, who has no man and will never marry? Why?!! Last night, on the auto section (and now someone is thinking. . . what was she doing there in the first place? Lmoa) I called a guy out for something and he asked me if I’m on my period, this was after he told me he can’t be bothered to explain it to me since I will never understand it . . . Rotflmao! I mean It’s so freaking sad that you are too shocked to get upset and all you can do is laugh. . . which, by the way, is exactly what I did when I read 4Play’s posts. 

some of these jerks spent most of their formative years with their moms. my question is what did they teach them? you never got away from doing anything because you are a boy from my granny and mum.

Sisi Jinx:

@Osisi
I can’t stop laughing at your stories.

A few months ago, I took my nephew to a birthday party held at a park. The party went very well, apart from the whole . . . daddies standing on the other side of the park, totally disconnect from the group, drinking their Hyyynikins part, of course. Anyway, when the party ended and it came time to clean up,  the few of us guests who had offered to help did so, carrying on like happy little beavers, picking stuff off the grass, emptying large gorodoms and basias of ice (took two of us to carry one), taking packs drinks, empty and half empty coolers to the cars, dismantling the rented chairs and putting them back on the rack like the rental company instructed. . . . We, WOMEN all of us. . .  and the men? Gisting away like old biddies in a nursing home. Yes, not one even the smallest muscle in their body moved to our direction

After I caught my finger for the fifth time folding the chairs, I thought. . .  Nah! Nah! that it, I not about to lose a nail over a party that had nothing to do with me and mine. If the husband’s puny brain cannot tell him. . . "Hey man, put the discussion on hold and go help your wife fold the 150 chairs used for your child's party" and she does not have the guts to say “Honey, do you mind helping me with these”. . .  then it is their problem, not mine. So I washed my hands. . . literally and figuratively speaking, went to fetch my nephew, ready to say my adios to them and what did I see. . . the celebrant’s mother, her sister and a friend struggling to dismantle to the freaking tent!

I'll give you a mental picture

On this corner we have the celebrant's daddy, his uncle and about three or four of daddy’s friend, standing, talking and drinking, the average weight and height for all six men is probably 230lb and 6ft. On the other corner are three women, average weight and height 180lb and 5.6, attempting to take a 27’ by 42’ tent (I asked. . . for when I tell people).  I could not believe it. I understand not playing with the kids, I understand not logging bags of ice back and forth but this. . . nah!  I was so angry, I thought what should I do? I came up with two options, stump my feet on the floor like a brat or scream . . . so I screamed and when I got their attention, I said It was because I thought the tent was about to fall on the women. The men looked at the women and the women looked at me because they knew the tent wasn’t about to do jack!

So did these men put their drinks down to go help the women immediately? No, the husband had to ask if she needed help and what did she say “If you don’t mind” Having gotten the confirmation that they won't be doing a task the women can do, all of them with their potbellies, waddle over to the tent and started dismantling it.

This is not an isolated event, you see them everywhere. . .

At the malls, hands in pocket, nary a care in the world, while their wives struggle with four shopping bags while also trying to keep the out of control children in line

At the airport, sitting in the driver’s side as their wives struggle to get her luggage out of the trunk. . . after having to remind him to open it and heaven help her if she does not get it out on time, she will be eating car dust.

At church. . . walking nonchalantly in front of the carseat and diaper bag carrying woman.

At the grocery store, sitting in the car watching their wives load bags and bags of grocery in the trunk.

Once asked a guy if he’d bath his children, his answer “You mean if their mom is sick?” and It wasn’t a joke.

How anyone can deny that this happens. . . is beyond me. I think I prefer 4Play’s blatant and unapologetic sexism (because you know where you stand and what to expect with him) to turning a blind eye and acting like it’s all our heads. I mean what’s this supposed to be. . . . folie a plusieurs? If you aren’t like this, it doesn’t mean other men aren’t. If you haven’t witnessed it, it by no means mean it does not exist. My grandma used say when 1 person says 10 people are bad, then that 1 person needs to check himself and if 10 people say 1 person is bad, then that person really has issues. Many women, black, multicolored fair, tall, short and average, from North to south, east to west are saying the same and it’s not like we have a secret monthly meeting where we meet and conspire to bring up false charges against men, we aren’t so bored we think the only way to get some excitement is to say these things about men.

Seriously, we needn’t look further than the threads on Nairaland to see the mentality some men carry for women. Why is it that when a woman is firm about her stance on an issue, she is called frustrated, bitter, a spinster, who has no man and will never marry? Why?!! Last night, on the auto section (and now someone is thinking. . . what was she doing there in the first place? Lmoa) I called a guy out for something and he asked me if I’m on my period, this was after he told me he can’t be bothered to explain it to me since I will never understand it . . . Rotflmao! I mean It’s so freaking sad that you are too shocked to get upset and all you can do is laugh. . . which, by the way, is exactly what I did when I read 4Play’s posts. 

girl that is a ridiculous story, first of the kind i have heard. all parties i have been to, i and the guys there had to the the fixing and dismantling, carring of chairs and tables, so ur men are whacked up girl.

its all for selfish reasons.it favors them on all levels.

Rotflmao!!! I can honestly say it gives me hope to see that some guys are appalled by the behavior described(even if it might be lipservice) but as God is my witness, it is the truth. The best excuse I can come up for their behavior is that they believe cleaning up, tidying up. . . anythingthat'sgot to do with dirt is a woman's job. I promise you, these guys did not move a muscle until it seemed like the women were about to get hurt, one of them even stopped to get another can of drink from the cooler we were logging to the car.

I volunteer with teens. . . a sorta after school programs and majority of the children in this program are Africans and of all the Africans parents, the Nigerians. . . specifically the fathers are the major headache givers.  There are kids who have been in the programs for 4 years and I can honestly say I don't know what their fathers look like. . . because they are not involved. Why? you ask. . . well, it simple - Rearing children is a woman's job. These women are over worked, tired and haggard looking yet they make there for events, for pick up and drop off. As long as the father goes to work and doles out money when it is needed, his job is done.

Some men live by the following "cultural" codes

Men are providers of money and that's it.
Men do not go into the kitchen
Men do not touch a vacuum cleaner
Men do not touch a diswasher or washing machine
Men do not take of the children.
Men aren't accountable to anyone but everyone is accountable to men.
Men get whatever they want, when they want and if they don't. . . they have justifiable reason to go seek it outside.

Now my thing is, there are only 24hrs in a day. . . when will the woman get a chance to give the guy what he wants, when he wants it, if she has to do all the things he mustn't do or his manhood will be dealt a lethel blow? I'm sorry to say this but aren't we setting women up to fail? 

Sisi Jinx:

Rotflmao!!! I can honestly say it gives me hope to see that some guys are appalled by the behavior described(even if it might be lipservice) but as God is my witness, it is the truth. The best excuse I can come up for their behavior is that they believe cleaning up, tidying up. . . anythingthat'sgot to do with dirt is a woman's job. I promise you, these guys did not move a muscle until it seemed like the women were about to get hurt, one of them even stopped to get another can of drink from the cooler we were logging to the car.

I volunteer with teens. . . a sorta after school programs and majority of the children in this program are Africans and of all the Africans parents, the Nigerians. . . specifically the fathers are the major headache givers.  There are kids who have been in the programs for 4 years and I can honestly say I don't know what their fathers look like. . . because they are not involved. Why? you ask. . . well, it simple - Rearing children is a woman's job. These women are over worked, tired and haggard looking yet they make there for events, for pick up and drop off. As long as the father goes to work and doles out money when it is needed, his job his done.

Some men live by the following "cultural" codes

Men are providers of money and that's it.
Men do not go into the kitchen
Men do not touch a vacuum cleaner
Men do not touch a diswasher or washing machine
Men do not take of the children.
Men aren't accountable to anyone but everyone is accountable to men.
Men get whatever they want, when they want and if they don't. . . they have justifiable reason to go seek it outside.

Now my thing is, there are only 24hrs in a day. . . when will the woman get a chance to give the guy what he wants, when he wants it, if she has to do all the things he mustn't do or his manhood will be dealt a lethel blow? I'm sorry to say this but aren't we setting women up to fail? 

i am not trying to over flog the issue but once again i dont believe u. the men u describe here had mothers right? if their mothers or fathers didnt teach them any better what did u expect? and didn't these ladies notice the guy's behavior when they were dating? i for one was trained by my mother, i cook my food(i dont like being in the kitchen but i still cook alot, for myself and my female friends) i clean the house once in a black moon but i still clean the house. i have never asked a female friend to clean my place b4. when i was a kid, i played both soccer and basketball and my mother never showed up once to cheer me or anything and i still turned out alright bcuz deep down in me i know she loves me. so once again it depends on the up bringing of these men u talk abt, if their parents didn't do a good work on them(remember, their mother, aunt, sisters, that didnt coach them is part of the problem too), then their wives will have to teach them how to be a parent and this ought to have started when they are dating. so once again, i don't know where u live but here in dallas all of the nigerian dudes i have met or those that are my friends are very much involved in their kids' lives or siblings lives. i need video evidence of ur statements

Lmao! Oh dear! We have a little misunderstanding here. . . You seem to be under the impression that it matters whether you believe me or not. Okay, please understand this. . . . you don't have to believe me. I know what I know and I saw what I saw.

By the way, I notice your posts is peppered with I[/b]s. . . [b]I [/b]did this, [b]I did that, I did not do this, I [/b]have never done that. While I find it admirable that you seem to be one of the few well brought up guys, the operative word here is still [b]I and the last time I checked, YOU don't speak for every guy, except of course all of you guys act from the same [b]How to Behave [/b]Handbook.

Sisi Jinx:

Lmao! Oh dear! We have a little misunderstanding here. . . You seem to be under the impression that it matters whether you believe me or not. Okay, please understand this. . . . you don't have to believe me. I know what I know and I saw what I saw.

By the way, I notice your posts is peppered with I[/b]s. . . [b]I [/b]did this, [b]I did that, I did not do this, I [/b]have never done that. While I find it admirable that you seem to be one of the few well brought up guys, the operative word here is still [b]I and the last time I checked, YOU don't speak for every guy, except of course all of you guys act from the same [b]How to Behave [/b]Handbook.

all of you guys act from the same [b]How to Behave [/b]Handbook.

you are something else. how do we all deserve this now my sister? there is no taming you is there?

@ na2day?
Was gonna ask you to provide video evidence of the many lovely things you say you do but I thought. . . Nah, I couldn't be bothered.

JJYOU:

You are something else. how do we all deserve this now my sister? there is no taming you is there?

Rotflmao! WE? No! No! Don't add yourself oh. You are on the other end. . . the GOOD end  of the MAN Spectrum! 

Ain't nobody got nothing on you! Shooo! The way I see, you should be teaching a class to some of these men and they will be idiots not take a page out of your book!!