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Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses - Family (16) - Nairaland

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How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? / Married Men And Women: Is It A Must You Take Dinner With Your Spouses? / Why We Cheat On Our Spouses – Abuja Residents (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by manny4life(m): 8:39pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


Did i hear you say the woman contributes nothing?
While you are at work, who takes care of the home you are protective of
Who takes care of your kids?
If you have to sleep with ashawo, how much would yuo pay that ashawo per day, and yet she warm you up at night
When you are confused, she tells you, all will be well.
She cooks your food
In-short, NO MAN can pay the true worth of a woman, no man.

That's family abeg, not my money and asset. Marriage is a contract, if you don't like the contract "as is", WALK AWAY.

After all someone pays the children's school fees, takes them on vacation, all their financial needs are taken care off. Abeg leave mata jare.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:39pm On Feb 03, 2015
Timbuktou:
Women like this one, or she's the only woman to ever do this?

Florida mom kills kids in murder-suicide

m.nydailynews.com/news/crime/fla-mom-allegedly-kills-teens-murder-suicide-cops-article-1.1579512


You're a funny man Fhemmmy.

Chairman, and almost daily you read the news of the man killing the wife and the kids . . .
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by fredoooooo: 8:40pm On Feb 03, 2015
freecocoa:
Ask them o, always making Nigerian women out to be evil, it's really a shame.

You a not evil I know that grin
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:41pm On Feb 03, 2015
manny4life:


That's family abeg, not my money and asset. Marriage is a contract, if you don't like the contract "as is", WALK AWAY.

After all someone pays the children's school fees, takes them on vacation, all their financial needs are taken care off. Abeg leave mata jare.

And if she is not working, how would she take care of herself, she has to come to you for money to buy stuff for her period and you wont feel like you are a bully of a husband?
All i am saying is, if the man is able to take care of ALL about the woman, then, all well and good, else, work with her to be the best you want her to be.
tongue tongue tongue
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by coogar: 8:41pm On Feb 03, 2015
tpiah11:

finished paying off his mortgage yet he still has small children?

as you have been told, many of these men married quite late.


not likely, or else doesnt show good planning. If he has paid off his mortgage, then he should have more flexibility in living arrangements, eg not be stuck in one place waiting for someone to collect the reward of his labour.

if you apply for the mortgage just after graduating, it's possible to finish it off by 50. the living arrangement isn't the cause of the divorce. greed is the key!


does the judge know he's homeless?

do they care?
they claim the priority is the kids. as long as the kids are safe, the man can go to blazes for all they care.


would you wish your female sibling finds herself in similar circumstances?

why would she want to take what it's not hers? i would personally drive her out of the disputed house. it looks bad on the wife's family to even be a witness to such nonsense. if she's contributed nothing to the house, she has no rights to be there.


if he owns the car then he should write it off.
Owning a range rover, (very expensive vehicle), implies he can afford to buy another car for his personal use, since range rovers do not come cheap. He has expensive tastes.

see your mouth like he should write it off.
i hope you know it's a different thing entirely if he drives the car off the grand canyon & it's another that someone else is reaping the fruits of his labour?


if he has paid off the car as you wished before, then he's not still making payments.

and thus he should be denied the rogues to enjoy the services of what he paid for?

some logic you got there. since you have finished paying for your expensive shoes, it's ok for someone else to take it from you.


as per credit score, he can look for alternatives such as cheaper cars or auction, for his personal use.

which cheaper alternatives?
do you know the effect of poor credit score in the US? some companies won't even hire him if they run his details on the system - it's that bad!


in divorce, nothing is fair.

and that explains why 70% of all divorces are initiated by the women.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by humilitypays(m): 8:43pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


CHairman, let us be real, money is a good thing and no one wanna be known with poverty, just like the woman attach a lot to money and material things, so is the man . . . else, why is the man not in the village farming cassava with cutlass and in obodo oyinbo.
There are lots of Nigerian ladies in abroad that would love to marry, but our brothers will come, use them and dump them only to go home to marry innocent angel that will make them pay for some of the sin they have committed in the past . . .Lol
But let us be real, it is not easy, but we all have to learn to work together, but again, instead of killiing a wife, walk away
All your friends that are complaining, tell them to be real and learn about the culture of where they have found themselves
Fhemmy, u are getting me wrong; of course everybody- man or woman loves money but how we go about it matters.

Let me share a little experience with u.

I have this friend, a guy who was born n brought up here in Nigeria. So he met this Naija girl in their church in the village during xmas...and d girl happened to be a resident of united state with her parents, who came back to celebrate xmas in Nigeria.

They clicked and started dating within that short xmas period, d girl n her parents went back january...so the rest of d communication became online/phone.

The guy liked d girl so much that after some months, he told the girl- I will like to marry u, guess what d girl told him via email? Stop dreaming!!

Fast-forward to 2 years later, they got married...the girl was entered into numerous relationships with diff rich American raised guys like her that failed to work, she then turned back to my friend and they got married; she came back n they wedded (court-wise, traditional)..and the guy joined her in US.

To cut d whole story short, my friend was broke when he was here in Nigeria even as an exceptional graduate- applying for jobs then to no avail...but once he arrived United States, he began to hustle; studying and working extra hours together...as we speak, the guy is even more financially buoyant than the girl now!

He has even told the girl to take some rest from work because she just had their 2nd baby...he's making enough money cos he's into medical line.

If the girl had continued to waste her life in the states dating rich guys and going to club all night waiting for one American based Nigerian rich guy or rich kid to come marry her, I am sure she will still be single & unhappy till date.

Our ladies abroad need to free their mind and not look down on Nigerian guys at home still hustling because I am very sure that most Naija guys in Nigeria, if given opportunity to live legally in America/Europe, will do wonders more than the oyimbos that own the land self!

Only very few wise Naija ladies understand this shaa...

To each their way.

4 Likes

Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by freecocoa(f): 8:43pm On Feb 03, 2015
fredoooooo:


You a not evil I know that grin
Are you sure you believe that?cheesy
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by raumdeuter: 8:44pm On Feb 03, 2015
soulglo:


You know this is all lies right. If he had a right to get into the gated community and she refused him entry then he could even use that as leverage to get custody of that child. Breaking the terms of visitation would hold her in contempt of court. Furthermore no court would give the woman everything and leave the man homeless. It's this sort of posts that mislead people to think that a man always gets the short end of the stick. What does her boyfriend have to do with anything by the way. The marriage is over. Is she not allowed to have a relationship? People pick up their kids at designated locations all the time. The law will not change because of your friend. The only thing I would advice him to do is to document all those "hours" he has to wait. If it is found to be true she could get a warning from the court. There's a reason he probably does not have access to the house. Someone who contemplates killing another is unstable. I would bring a male friend too if I knew the person I'm going to meet has violent tendencies.

In gated communities, one of the home occupants has to let you in, And you need to call for them to let you in or come pick you from the gate

He bought one big $750k house and the court gave the wife, So where would he live?
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by ADAMUdaCOWBOY: 8:44pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


If you were a good father and the woman is not allowing you to see the kids, the kids will be the one that will complain that they wanna see you, so that one is not true . . . Yes, half of what you guys own together belongs to both of you.
if the kids complain and she choses to keep them from me on the pretense that she knows what is right for them there is nothing they or i can do.

1 Like

Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Nobody: 8:44pm On Feb 03, 2015
manny4life:


Haha... Enlist ke? You can only go after something you know is there. Do you think if I were a wealthy individual, the likes of Goldman Sachs will manage my personal assets. Let me see how top notch family lawyers and forensic accounts will subpoena for records when firms like these have legal connections all the way to the Supreme Court and Congress. Did I mention that she's not the only one hiring the best, I will hire the best as well to counter / frustrate every effort. Litigation isn't about what you know, it's more of who you know.
It's gonna be epic!! That hypothetical legal battle will be featured on CNBC grin

1 Like

Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by fredoooooo: 8:44pm On Feb 03, 2015
freecocoa:
Are you sure you believe that?cheesy
Yes ,cento per cento( 100 percent) grin
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:45pm On Feb 03, 2015
coogar:


as you have been told, many of these men married quite late.



if you apply for the mortgage just after graduating, it's possible to finish it off by 50. the living arrangement isn't the cause of the divorce. greed is the key!



do they care?
they claim the priority is the kids. as long as the kids are safe, the man can go to blazes for all they care.



why would she want to take what it's not hers? i would personally drive her out of the disputed house. it looks bad on the wife's family to even be a witness to such nonsense. if she's contributed nothing to the house, she has no rights to be there.



see your mouth like he should write it off.
i hope you know it's a different thing entirely if he drives the car off the grand canyon & it's another that someone else is reaping the fruits of his labour?



and thus he should be denied the rogues to enjoy the services of what he paid for?

some logic you got there. since you have finished paying for your expensive shoes, it's ok for someone else to take it from you.



which cheaper alternatives?
do you know the effect of poor credit score in the US? some companies won't even hire him if they run his details on the system - it's that bad!



and that explains why 70% of all divorces are initiated by the women.

Even at 50, your kids should not that be small anymore . . . .
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by manny4life(m): 8:45pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


And if she is not working, how would she take care of herself, she has to come to you for money to buy stuff for her period and you wont feel like you are a bully of a husband?
All i am saying is, if the man is able to take care of ALL about the woman, then, all well and good, else, work with her to be the best you want her to be.
tongue tongue tongue

I will definitely take care of my wife and her parents but NOT her entire family entourage... NO, I won't. That's my point. I will if I have extra money or I'm rich, but at this level, it's a NO. I will work together with my wife, but I remain the man in the house. I will provide for my family, at least the woman will not say she's working to pay mortgage, insurance or bills. All that is taken care off; however, she can work but she MUST place our household FIRST just the same way I have place our family first by providing the basic needs.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by cococandy(f): 8:45pm On Feb 03, 2015
All this you're saying is based on the mindset that the person leaving is the woman.

I hope you know it goes both ways. The man might want to leave the marriage because it is no longer working.

In the case where the man was the stay home parent and the wife was the bread winner based on their agreement, you think it is fair for him to leave with nothing because he didn't make the money? Even when it was his sacrifices that enabled the wife to have the conducive environment to go bread winning.?

If his wife is abusive and a danger to him, you would think it fair that the judge tell him to stay in the marriage if he wants to maintain that standard of living?

Until you guys remove the cotton wool of gender bias from your eyes and look at the situation if it was reversed, you won't see how fair it is.



raumdeuter:

If you want a lifestyle similar to what you are used to in marriage then stay in the marriage.

Its like saying I want the work environment I used to enjoy in Shell even when I resign my job there.

WHy should one spouse be sustaining the lifestyle of the other when they are no longer together

WHile one spouse was hustling to make money maybe the other should be dong the same too so they dont have to be sustaining one. The basic rule of life is you eat the fruit of your hands not that one person would give you a lifestyle you didnt work for
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by freecocoa(f): 8:46pm On Feb 03, 2015
fredoooooo:

Yes ,cento per cento( 100 percent) grin
Okay, that's a relief, that means there's still hope for the Nigerian woman.wink
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by 5minsmadness: 8:46pm On Feb 03, 2015
anyanwustanley11:
someone advice help a guy depressed tirés oh
Go to family section and look for the topic titled "feeling depressed". Its in the first three topics. All the best.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by manny4life(m): 8:47pm On Feb 03, 2015
CFCfan:

It's gonna be epic!! That hypothetical legal battle will be featured on CNBC grin

Lmao... It will o.. I will not agree to 50/50 sharing, even 80/20 is grace of God... I will not kill for money but I don't play with my money either.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by coogar: 8:47pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


Even at 50, your kids should not that be small anymore . . . .

why not?
what if he's got fertility issues? who decides when a man should have his kids or not? grin see me see wahala! cheesy
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by pickabeau1: 8:47pm On Feb 03, 2015
carefreewannabe:


No, I don't see the child as a "fuzzy joint property".





OK..I hear
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by InvertedHammer: 8:48pm On Feb 03, 2015
tpiah11:


you are really saying nothing (or else typing without sense, because every single thing you claimed here, is commonly applicable to all immigrants, regardless of field of work.

Applicable to all immigrants? Well, this thread is about Nigerians. So I will not bring other immigrants into it. Kapish?


tpiah11:

would you turn up your nose at $80,000?
are you from a rich family? If yes, why are you hustling overseas?

Comprehension is your major problem. Read my earlier post again esp. the part about forming Folorunsho Alakija. It is not my job to
educate you.

tpiah11:


which job is not depressing at some point? It all depends on the type of interaction or work dynamics which goes there.

Yep. Every job could be depressing. But some are more depressing than others. As I stated, it gets worse for the folks that do not have the calling but got into Nursing to earn a paycheck.

tpiah11:

as per your last point, overseas is credit based economy, unlike nigeria which is cash based economy ie cash and carry, which has its pros but also leads to higher rates of insecurity, armed robbery, corruption, fraud, and other social ills.

You don't seem to understand credit economy. Do you? Cash or credit? It is all the same. You don't expect someone who has no revolving/steady source of income to be given a line-of-credit by a bank. One needs a verifiable source of income, credit history, etc. to qualify. In Nigeria, they ask for fixed asset as a collateral. But banks in US may use job and credit history to advance some credit facilities to a customer. But in all, it is the same. That's why advertisements surreptitiously add the phrase "On approved credit". So, it is either you got it or you ain't got it. No free lunch.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:48pm On Feb 03, 2015
manny4life:


I will definitely take care of my wife and her parents but NOT her entire family entourage... NO, I won't. That's my point. I will if I have extra money or I'm rich, but at this level, it's a NO. I will work together with my wife, but I remain the man in the house. I will provide for my family, at least the woman will not say she's working to pay mortgage, insurance or bills. All that is taken care off; however, she can work but she MUST place our household FIRST just the same way I have place our family first by providing the basic needs.

If you are able to do all that you have said, then, you have nothing to worry about . . . BUT a man that has to say he is the man in the house, is really not the man oh . . . Lol, but you have said it all and you should be fine and have nothing to worry about.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:49pm On Feb 03, 2015
ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

if the kids complain and she choses to keep them from me on the pretense that she knows what is right for them there is nothing they or i can do.

There are social workers and during the divorce process, you would have been given how many times in a week, month or year you could see the kids and if she is not letting you, my brother, use the law to your advantage and NOT your fist
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:50pm On Feb 03, 2015
coogar:


why not?
what if he's got fertility issues? who decides when a man should have his kids or not? grin see me see wahala! cheesy

That is a different issue and that is even the more reason you need to care so much for that woman that stayed with you despite the infertility . . .Lol
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Nobody: 8:51pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


Nice one, but most of the people that complains never had much before the wife join them anyways . . .Lol
grin you're right. But it's the guys that made $$ millions who suffer more
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by pickabeau1: 8:51pm On Feb 03, 2015
ladygogo:


I`m going to have to agree with you that some Nigerian women over do it sometimes, it however doesnt justify you murdering your spouse.

So many cases of fresh off-the boat wives already scheming and planning how to mess their husbands up. These are even couples that immigrated to oyibo land together o.


Be careful before they say you r justifying murder
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Nobody: 8:51pm On Feb 03, 2015
Most of you don't know what they are talking about when they discuss divorce laws in the US.

The system is not hostile to men exclusively, it is a system that is mafia-like. A 50 billion dollar a year industry that makes life hell for men AND women.

If you can, watch the documentary.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZTOT6DKfZ8
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by AreaFada2: 8:51pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


Leave born again out of these . . . Let us take one simple example, father, mother and child in the house, they are all talking, do our culture give room for that child's opinion to be heard? when you were a child, lie to me that your feelings was never hurt cos of that, all you hear is "Adult are talkng, so shatappp" how far is such?
.

Sorry, people need to speak up.

Tell me one tradition that is perfect? Is it the me, me & only me way of life in the West? Or is it those where daughters & wives can be killed in honour killing? Never mind where women cannot even drive a car.

Which other people reject their culture wholesale like Africans? Or you think wearing buba & eating elubo is the end of culture?

As for freedom of expression at home, it depends on family & social setting. I knew when to talk and frankly as a single son at home, I chatted with dad like a chum. Of course, sometimes to his chagrin, I questioned many traditional stories he told me. In fact from the age of about 11, that was the case.
I began to write down those stories around the age of 12. That gave more leeway to ask probing questions about legendary stuff.

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Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by tete7000(m): 8:52pm On Feb 03, 2015
Godlessness is the basis of this problem. If man and woman can truly understand God and his ways, all these problems will vanish.

1 Like

Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by manny4life(m): 8:52pm On Feb 03, 2015
CFCfan:

grin you're right. But it's the guys that made $$ millions who suffer more

Gbam... Now you see my sentiment to the so-called 50/50 sharing. After all the hustling, you want to part away with my money so that another idiot of a man will feast on my money... NEVER..
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by coogar: 8:53pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


That is a different issue and that is even the more reason you need to care so much for that woman that stayed with you despite the infertility . . .Lol

you mean a woman that accepted the proposal of a 49-year-old american citizen should be applauded?

she musta been blind not to know what she's getting into? maybe we should just agree women cannot handle responsibility. every time they err, the man gets blamed for it.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by manny4life(m): 8:55pm On Feb 03, 2015
Fhemmmy:


If you are able to do all that you have said, then, you have nothing to worry about . . . BUT a man that has to say he is the man in the house, is really not the man oh . . . Lol, but you have said it all and you should be fine and have nothing to worry about.


A man caring for his family is often the case, another fact is that most women are naturally greedy, in fact, they want to compete with their husband.
Re: Concern As More Us-based Nigerians Murder Their Spouses by Fhemmmy: 8:55pm On Feb 03, 2015
humilitypays:
Fhemmy, u are getting me wrong; of course everybody- man or woman loves money but how we go about it matters.

Let me share a little experience with u.

I have this friend, a guy who was born n brought up here in Nigeria. So he met this Naija girl in their church in the village during xmas...and d girl happened to be a resident of united state with her parents, who came back to celebrate xmas in Nigeria.

They clicked and started dating within that short xmas period, d girl n her parents went back january...so the rest of d communication became online/phone.

The guy liked d girl so much that after some months, he told the girl- I will like to marry u, guess what d girl told him via email? Stop dreaming!!

Fast-forward to 2 years later, they got married...the girl was entered into numerous relationships with diff rich American raised guys like her that failed to work, she then turned back to my friend and they got married; she came back n they wedded (court-wise, traditional)..and the guy joined her in US.

To cut d whole story short, my friend was broke when he was here in Nigeria even as an exceptional graduate- applying for jobs then to no avail...but once he arrived United States, he began to hustle; studying and working extra hours together...as we speak, the guy is even more financially buoyant than the girl now!

He has even told the girl to take some rest from work because she just had their 2nd baby...he's making enough money cos he's into medical line.

If the girl had continued to waste her life in the states dating rich guys and going to club all night waiting for one American based Nigerian rich guy or rich kid to come marry her, I am sure she will still be single & unhappy till date.

Our ladies abroad need to free their mind and not look down on Nigerian guys at home still hustling because I am very sure that most Naija guys in Nigeria, if given opportunity to live legally in America/Europe, will do wonders more than the oyimbos that own the land self!

Only very few wise Naija ladies understand this shaa...

To each their way.

Wonderful nollywood scripts, looks like some of those movies with Jim iyke and Omotola . . . Lol . . . But let us analyze this:
Your friend was a virgin and had no girlfriend prior to the babe from yankee? I am sure he does, but your friend see the babe as ticket to better ground . . thus his willingness to marry her by fire by force, same with ladies, no one wanna associate with poverty anymore and that is what i have been saying all along, and there is nothing wrong in that.

Now go back to your friend, nice that he got to yankee and have his head placed well, but the point is how many of your friends do we have out there, many of the men will get to yankee and see cuter babes and akata babes and leave the woman that brought him, that is why MOST of the Nigerian sister wont wanna bring a man from Nigeria.

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