huntila:


The best advice coming from a woman . Matured and straight to the point .

Thank you.....

He loves me but doesn't show it because he believes I will abuse it.

victorazy:


Ur new guy must be born of August like me Leo. We don't know love and affection but we care like hundred loves put together.

Do the needful,follow your heart&mark u,'marriage is an institution' once in it u don't come out.Again pls,don't marry out of pity or convenience. Cos'u may end up ruining yourself for life.

bigass:
marry none of them

you harsh oooo

[size=18pt]Its always about you! Have u checked urself miss perfect!! All the guys have issues but u don't. The guy who gets pissed is pissed at something, so u check where ur going wrong.......

Go back to the other one ur definitely gonna be a punching bag......

Stay away from marriage and check urself first[/size]

dossypretty:
He loves me but doesn't show it because he believes I will abuse it.

have you fvcked any of them?

Babygal4eva:
They both sound... unique, I think your issue isn't that you want to go back to the first guy but that you don't wanna marry the 2nd one because he is too controlling, which personally I can't stand BUT if you love him and he's kind and generous and faithful and isn't abusive like the last guy then my opinion is you should go ahead with the marriage, it's normal for brides to get cold feet really normal just pray over it and try and spend more time with him to remind yourself of why you even started dating him in the first place.

As for the 1st guy he sounds like a douche I have no comment on him

I am tempted to agree with you of all the pieces of advice that have been given.I was wondering how someone ca be generous but not caring.I thought these are 2 different sides of same coin.Anyway what does she mean by being controlling?Some men are only controlling when they sense that you dont give them the regard that they truely deserve as your partner in a romantic relationship.Now all you need to hang a dog is to give it a bad nmae.Ops heart is already set on the guy abroad and thats why I think she isnt into the one here.Its a no brainer if asked to choose between a wife beater and someone who is generous but controlling.Follow ur heart still...u are the principal actress here.Wish u well

you see the drastic effects of too much dating of men,jumping from one relationship to another due to bad calculation,lack of patience, flirting habits..the result is so much complications and chronic confusion, as we see in this case..this girl is just like a proxy mine, any of the two men that takes her into their home go hear am, she will explode..she should just hold on the marriage processes for at least a year,meet a phsycologist and try to come back to her sense of judgement,before entering and blowing into pieces a man's life....kai sorry men, most times we dont know what we are going into in the name of i have seen the right woman for me....

i keep telling people that issues regarding marriage is one of the hardest if not the hardest decision any human can make in life.hmm my sister i wish all the best in ur pursuit to have a life-pattner.

dossypretty:
My mind tells me to marry the one here because I have personal conviction about him and also my family prefers him but wish he is more concern and caring

Whatever your instincts tells you they are always right at the end. From what you said above I personally will go with the one here despite his flaws. The one abroad I can't really say much of him, but from my knowledge of people living abroad especially in the USA and UK life is not what one think it is, mostly depending on the environment where you find your self along with job stress your marriage tends to be on the line or strained, reasons for all the high cases of physical assaults, divorces and even murdering of the spouses.

Hence from what you said about your ex cheating on you and even turned you to a punching bag such that the reasons given, is damn flimsy for my liking (even if it's just once, he would still do it again when opportuned), I won't root for him but rather I will stay put with the one here afterall ur heart and instincts is with the one here.

from your comments you are not really ready and prepared for marriage. You need to take your time out sort out yourself on what you really want. Besides all this he doesn't care etc to me sounds childish (IMO). it's better you tell your husband what you love and expect from him, let their be open communication between you two.

Quote me: you can't love two men at the same time.(In biblical parlance: you can't serve 2 masters or you can't serve God and mammon at the same time) either you leave one and go for the other or you leave the other and go for the one.

Wish you the best of Luck. (No Jonathan)

andromida:
None of your suitors love you IMHO. The former was a consistent cheat and the new guy is controlling,does not cherish your feelings. Why would you want to marry any of them . Gal you deserve better.

They are both rich. " Has a child, divorced, wife died, he cheats, beats me, he is generous ".. all nah class..

So all the single young able bodied men on nairaland has finished ?

The bad side of this thing to me is the fact that you sought guidance from some men of God and they chose a particular man for you.

If you live you life like that, you will end up in the rock. I can bet you the men of God gave you answers based on their life experience. They did not see anything. If you want to be convinced , pick two imaginary(unreal) names send to the men of God to help you pick the better between the names and you will see that they will still select and none will discover they were fake names. Be wise

My advice is that you use your sense and critically look at the real issue in your decisions . Your judgment should be based on what risk you are about to take and note also that it is a lifetime contract . If you get it right now, good luck if you miss it, you will likely live your entire life trying to sort it.

Wish you the very best.

hazyfm1:
I FEEL YOUR PAIN

Which of the pains ?

excellence44:
half bread is better than pufpuf. there's no perfect man anywhere. we all have our baggage. @op are u saying that u are perfect? what of ur own shortcomings. abi u never cheat b4. go ahead n get married or elop n ruin d rest of ur life. if u be my sis enh I for d whip u koboko till ur sense come back. Abi him levels 4 yonda d over sweet u days y u wan run?

HARD TALK.

ABROAD ! tinz

@dossypretty, I will advice u stay with the current guy. I believe his actions towards you are the results of how u have presented your self to him( character). This I believe is his own best way to act towards you. My advice is that, u need to examine your self and see where you are also failing towards him and make amends before the d- day and you will see how his attitudes towards you will also change. And likewise, it seems you both are not really close and you don't discuss issues together. Try to make this amends and see the changes.

Thank u, but I only sent names to d men of God nd they prayed about it plus I had my own personal conviction from God through my dreams

Logba:


The bad side of this thing to me is the fact that you sought guidance from some men of God and they chose a particular man for you.

If you live you life like that, you will end up in the rock. I can bet you the men of God gave you answers based on their life experience. They did not see anything. If you want to be convinced , pick two imaginary(unreal) names send to the men of God to help you pick the better between the names and you will see that they will still select and none will discover they were fake names. Be wise

My advice is that you use your sense and critically look at the real issue in your decisions . Your judgment should be based on what risk you are about to take and note also that it is a lifetime contract . If you get it right now, good luck if you miss it, you will likely live your entire life trying to sort it.

Wish you the very best.

berem:
Marrying someone who beats you is the stupidest thing to ever think of. Please marry the one in Nigeria abeg!

Thank you..

dossypretty:
Well what actually made me to consider marrying the one here is because my I seeked for spiritual help from two men of God that said the one here is my husband and that he is better than the one abroad, and I also has a convincing revelation about the one here too unlike the one abroad

This is our bane, "man of god says".... You obviously have a soft spot for this other guy or you haven't really determined exactly what you want, until you've cleared that up, don't go into any marriage, lest you achieve the opposite of what marriage is supposed to be. I've seen it happen before, hold up on the marriage, take time clear your head and be absolutely sure, marriage is a lifetime contract.

no wahala, just marry (n)one of them.

Fhemmmy:


If you look at the lady's reason for loving them too, you will realize she is not sure of what love is..... read all she said, one is "generous" . So sad why people are getting married

She is a Nigerian girl...

Girl... I don't like your options but then again, what do I know?

I'll tell you what, there's always that one girl a man is afraid to lose and it seems you aint that girl with any of the two.

The first guy beat you and let's be clear about something, he will do it again. The second guy gets so angry and I can bet you have to beg him to calm down. Well, that rings a strange bell to me *abuser alert*.

Now, I know the guys here will tell you "go for the second after all there's no perfect man" but you have to remember it's your life, no1 will be there when things get rough and when you report here to complain again? The dudes will still ask you to manage him.

If you're in your 30z and all you want rii now is to get married regardless of the consequences, marry the local guy but! If you actually want to be happy in marriage...

I think you should move the wedding to later in the year, just to see how he'll handle it. Your reason should be you aint ready.(period) if he gets all angry and does something crazy, you berra run 4 your life. If he gets concerned and wants to find out why, then you can have a talk with him and make up your mind after all. You need time to reflect deeply, don't let him rush you into it.

Don't take my word for it but marriage is not a light issue, seek advice from family(not friends o) and if you're a Christian, you should know who is right for you probably by feeling at peace with your decision.

No1 is perfect but abuse(emotional or physical) is just too much baggage.

I wish you the best dear.

My 2kobo

Seriosly is all what i read the advice u can give to the young lady? No wonder there are many failed nd failing marriages. One even said she deserve better as if she herself hv any man to call her own. Some This romance section gals are poo.

dossypretty:
That is one of the reasons am staying with him, my pastor said I should be patient with him though I always try to calm him down when ever he is angry. He is faithful and listens to me but just his anger but he doesn't beat me

Has he slept with you ?

babyosisi:


Shebi he just came abroad
It will take at least 5 years for him to be in a position to file for her

That depends on where he lives.
If it's like korea here all he need is preapre her iv.

andromida:


You get sister?

A man who claims he loves your sister does not care when she is ill,is controlling and makes her unhappy should she marry him? Remember this is a lifetime thing and getting out is hard will you happily say yes sister this is the man.

The "abroad" guy she has not seen in ages just gives her a buzz that he wants to marry her and we know this is the magic word for many chics what will you tell your sister? Meanwhile when they were together he treated her badly what do you think the plan is? what has changed?

So if she abandons both of them, you will marry her ?

Don't you know that husband is scarce like Dollar ?

rossychik:
Well u really hav 2 take ur time. 1st u said ur Ex beats u but cares abt u I really do not understand

As 4 ur fiance u really hav 2 tell him hw u feel bein generous is nt marriage

My advice halt evrytin take time 2 look befor u leap nd ask God 2 show u d right way

[size=13] Maybe none of them is even ur husband [/b]

Goodluck!

Chai, ladies, fear God.

dossypretty:
Thank u so much my brother

You are welcome dear, some people just don't understand the situation.

andromida:
None of your suitors love you IMHO. The former was a consistent cheat and the new guy is controlling,does not cherish your feelings. Why would you want to marry any of them. Gal you deserve better.

nd u tak dx advice den am xowie. 2-0

dossypretty:
Thank u, but I only sent names to d men of God nd they prayed about it plus I had my own personal conviction from God through my dreams

Uhm... dreams are sometimes what we want to see, other times it's actually our spirit conveying a message. or so I heard.

How do you know you can trust your dreams? Has God spoken via dreams to you before?

Last question, are you happy with this man?

dossypretty:
Yes the one abroad used to beat me hen he was in Nigeria and it was all because of the other girl but he shows more care like when am sick and down unlike my fiancee here who doesn't really believe in pampering a girl while she is sick

Tell him to pamper you.

That you don't like seeing him angry...

dossypretty:
It took me so much courage before I could come out here to share my problem.

It all started in 2012 when I met my ex in Lagos and we kicked it off in a relationship but little did I know that he was still keeping a girl he claimed to have left, along the line we started having issues about the same girl to the point of him beating me.

This guy in question was once married but lost his wife after childbirth and so with this my parents refused me marrying him because he was talking about marriage. So after like 10 months he was still treating me bad I decided to quit the relationship but he begged that he will never do it again. Months later he travelled abroad and I also got a job in another city and left.

We still kept in touch but I met another man in the new city and decided to give him a chance. Though this new guy has no child but his problem is that he gets angry too much and wants to control everything about me but he is very generous . He doesn't even care if I'm sick or not, unlike my former guy who is more caring and always want to pet me.

Now I'm at a cross road because the one here has gone to see my parents and has set a date for the wedding and preparations are on top gear while the one abroad has come back to marry me like he promised. I'm really not happy with the one here because of his attitude and i'm contemplating on running away with the one from abroad because he understands me better.

Please is love enough in marriage?? Help me as your sister

what exactly do ladies want !!
you just suffering from infatuation!!
your abroad bf is going to dump you again...lets see

dossypretty:
It took me so much courage before I could come out here to share my problem.

It all started in 2012 when I met my ex in Lagos and we kicked it off in a relationship but little did I know that he was still keeping a girl he claimed to have left, along the line we started having issues about the same girl to the point of him beating me.

This guy in question was once married but lost his wife after childbirth and so with this my parents refused me marrying him because he was talking about marriage. So after like 10 months he was still treating me bad I decided to quit the relationship but he begged that he will never do it again. Months later he travelled abroad and I also got a job in another city and left.

We still kept in touch but I met another man in the new city and decided to give him a chance. Though this new guy has no child but his problem is that he gets angry too much and wants to control everything about me but he is very generous . He doesn't even care if I'm sick or not, unlike my former guy who is more caring and always want to pet me.

Now I'm at a cross road because the one here has gone to see my parents and has set a date for the wedding and preparations are on top gear while the one abroad has come back to marry me like he promised. I'm really not happy with the one here because of his attitude and i'm contemplating on running away with the one from abroad because he understands me better.

Please is love enough in marriage?? Help me as your sister

None of the above.