Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: - Romance - Nairaland
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| Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 5:50am On Jan 13, 2009 |
I have been with a loving, wonderful man for 4 years now. We love each other and have talked about marriage/kids after we are both done with our studies. He is in Med-School to become a medical doctor(Genetics) I am in school finishing my Computer Science degree. We have thus far; had a really fun, great, loving relationship.  When we met, he had legal issues with obtaining his greencard. I advised him that I wanted to continue our relationship but, I "could not' help him with obtaining his greencard. Doing things like that goes against everything that I am, Plus, I did not want to take a chance at being another "STATISTIC"   Therefore, I told him I would understand completely if he married a female so he can obtain it, I have fully accepted this. It has been really, really hard but, this is the situation. (Things are better now that he is living away at med-school) Years, past and in early 2007 he wanted to obtain his Masters degree. We went to the school together, checked it out and he decided to attend. I was happy for him. This is where things went really sour, He told me that he needed a student loan to pay for the Masters program. I could not help him, His mother could not help him either, No other relatives are here to help. Now, I find out that he cheated on me with a female he worked with for the student loan, He did whatever it took so she would cosign for a 10,000 dollar loan. I am so shocked and upset that he did this  . I spoke with her and she seemed like such an airhead.  I know 4 sure he is no longer seeing the girl. He dropped her like a bad habit after getting what he wanted. He used her for the loan and now tells me that this is in the past. (since I just found out 3 weeks ago) He says--> "I'm sorry I have done this. Its all in the past now. She has been useful to me, You are the one I love, trust and will marry". I love him will all my heart and want to make it work but, Im shocked at how heartless and calculating he can be, I had no idea. Its all about his academics and success, What would you do in this situation??  |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by SHENANIGAN(m): 5:58am On Jan 13, 2009 |
Let me get this straight, you are ok with him marring a citizen for his permanent residency, but you are mad at him for sleeping with another chic who co signed for him on a student loan |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Nobody: 6:05am On Jan 13, 2009 |
Means ur guy would go to any extent to achieve his goal.including use you.beware at least you now know what he's capable of.save urself the stress and skip out.but that's just my opinion |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sissy3(f): 6:21am On Jan 13, 2009 |
well like he said it is the past. i mean he needed the money and u were of no help to him, so he did the best he could not that i am supporting his idea of cheating but then u just have to accept it for what it is. as long as he hasnt cheated u again then just forgive him |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by iice(f): 9:54am On Jan 13, 2009 |
3 weeks or more is past? SHENANIGAN: I think she's ok with that because it was discussed before hand and she 'prepared' herself for that situation. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Vonny: 10:28am On Jan 13, 2009 |
Sweetepie, Consider yourself very LUCKY for the following reasons, 1. You're man has shown you his TRUE COLORS and then some. 2. You're not married to him When a man shows you his TRUE COLORS, take it for what it is, and PLEASE DO NOT rationalize his behavior. He has shown you that he will do "WHATEVER IT TAKES (USE & ABUSE WHOMEVER), IN ORDER TO FACILITATE 'HIMSELF'--- Notice that doesn't include YOU. Now sweetepie, here goes a reality check, "WHATEVER A MAN IS TO OTHER WOMEN, HE WILL BE TO YOU, EVENTUALLY" Notice I italicized 'eventually', because you are currently in the 'being used basket', but your transfer to the 'been abused basket' is currently PENDING. So you say, And I quote, "He dropped her like a bad habit after getting what he wanted."--- You're next in line, eventually You also said "I know 4 sure he is no longer seeing the girl."--- It is this mentally that will keep you where he needs you to be, blinded from the reality of the situation. How do you know he is no longer seeing/sleeping with the girl? What other 'needs' in his life do you think this woman can't provide for him? Like you said she's an "airhead", so he's obviously choosing his targets well, which increases chances of him using her again. By the way, a 10,000 dollar loan doesn't come from 'one night' of sex. This is not a man we are talking about, she's a woman, so you know he had to work 'his way up' (how many times, you'll never know, but trust and believe it's not 'once') in order to get her to sign on the dotted line. So here goes the reasons why this relationship is not working now and will continue not working in the near future, 1. You are the 'ONLY ONE' working on it, 2. You let him get away with his behavior, and he knows it, so he continues to play along. 3. It's not about 'we' it's about 'I', 'I', 'I' (referring to your man of course) 4. You're not a PRIORITY in this man's life now, nor will you be in the future, (harsh but true) 5. Whatever you can't offer him, he is GLADLY finding elsewhere (by using and abusing innocent "airheads"  I'm sorry sweetepie, but this is WHO HE IS, this is not in the PAST. Your only fault is letting him get away with it. He is not willing to strike a balance; therefore, you fall somewhere below his needs. There are men out there that strive for their goals with you in mind, and there are those that simply don't. Please don't rationalize this statement by making it seem like he's sleeping around in order to put food on the table for you and your family (in the near future). If you continue having this mindset, you will continue staying with this man, but I HIGHLY doubt that that will keep him from leaving you once he's done 'using and abusing' you. Good luck in your decision making. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by delaice(m): 10:35am On Jan 13, 2009 |
Basically i think you should see it as this. He Cheated full stop. Forget about the reasons for him cheating. The previous situation is different because it was discussed with you. Although I kind of understand why he did what he did, this is not the first time he had needed something that was not easy to come by and would probably not be the last. So is he gonna jump into bed with whoever can make life easier for him everytime he runs into difficulties. Come to think about it, what if it was a guy that offered him the money no strings attached for a night of passion, would he have agreed? If he says yes, you might wanna rethink ur relationship. The bottom line is you need to ask yourself three questions: 1 Is he genuinely sorry? 2 Do you believe that it won't happen again? 3 Can you forgive his past indiscretions? And you'll be on ur way to ur answer. Well thats what I think anyway. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Rogo: 10:55am On Jan 13, 2009 |
you have to forgive him and forget about because your man is a good man if not you wouldn't have heard it at all. is only good folks that confess when they committ. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by martho(m): 11:32am On Jan 13, 2009 |
@sweetpie.This might be personal but were u in the position to help him acquire his green card ?I meant are u a citizen?i know where am coming from because i have friends who had similar experiences.anyway the guys have said it all.He might care for you but he's very determined and u wont stop him.He's in control and more inteligent than u. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Nobody: 11:48am On Jan 13, 2009 |
Vonny: WHAT AN ABSOLUTE TOSH OF A POST! I'm not sure if you read the threadtsraters post. because if u did you'd see and understand the she was 'OK' with her boy friends' plans although she would not help. I gather from the threadstarters posts that she understands what her boyfriend is going through hence, the 'less grief' she is giving him. threadstarter is only not happy that she wasnt kept in the loop about the other woman that was used. Now, i do not in anyway co-sign what the guy did but hey, decisions gast to be taken/made. Morally, what he did is wrong but I'm my opinion he did what he had to do get out of a situation. madam vonny, everybody's situation isnt as clean cut as yours. if we all had clean cut situations then there'd be no need for some actions/decisions that we humans make/take |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by maputu: 11:54am On Jan 13, 2009 |
you said "I am so shocked and upset that he did this" . DON'T BE SHOCKED. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT USING WHAT YOU HAVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. "I spoke with her and she seemed like such an airhead". YOU ARE LUCKY SHE DIDN'T COLLECT HIM FROM YOU FINALLY. "I know 4 sure he is no longer seeing the girl. He dropped her like a bad habit after getting what he wanted." CONSIDER YOURSELF VERY LUCKY. MANY WOMEN (not all) DROP US MEN LIKE A BAD HABIT WHEN THEY BELIEVE WE CAN'T AFFORD THEIR N10K DEMAND & RUN AWAY WITH OTHER MEN (EVEN MARRIED MEN) WHO CAN AFFORD THEM. "He used her for the loan and now tells me that this is in the past. (since I just found out 3 weeks ago). YOU ARE LUCKY YOU FOUND OUT. HE LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU. He says "I'm sorry I have done this. Its all in the past now. She has been useful to me, You are the one I love, trust and will marry". WELL I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. ONLY GOD KNOWS. I know it hurts when the person you love is unfaithfull. love itself is a risk. in this case I'll advice you to forgive him and consider yourself lucky that another woman like you was willing to cosign a $10k loan for your boyfriend (which i believe she'll have to pay if he defaults in the payment - remember you are not his wife till you are married to him) to train himself to better his life and your's. remember you REFUSED to marry him to obtain his GREENCARD because you don't believe in it. most arrangee wives in London collect money from the men, shag (rape) them, force the men to impregnate them and sometimes ruin the men's lives. food for thought: my friend's brother refused to sleep with his married female boss in a leading bank in Nigeria. she set him up and he was sacked!! (i don't do married women. if its me, I'll set her up and she'll be sacked). GOODLUCK. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Vonny: 12:21pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
OMO IBO, I agree no situation in relationships is clean cut. I must admit reading what the poster wrote reminded me of my aunt's situation, the only difference is he was in law school. And once he had slept around to get through, he left her biting dust. Therefore, I may have strayed from the issue at hand and responded through my aunt's eyes, but I understand your side of the story. Thank you. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by sparta(f): 1:40pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Let me get this straight, you are ok with him marring a citizen for his permanent residency, but you are mad at him for sleeping with another chic who co signed for him on a student loan She sure is a hypocrite. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 10:07pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
@vonny- "WHATEVER A MAN IS TO OTHER WOMEN, HE WILL BE TO YOU, EVENTUALLY" --What?? I totally DISAGREE- rethink that one, - "By the way, a 10,000 dollar loan doesn't come from 'one night' of sex" --I dont think I mentioned anywhere in my post that I assumed this was a one night ordeal"  - "Please don't rationalize this statement, " -- Im not rationalizing anything, It is what it is, You only know the details I have posted so just relax and keep that in mind. Your not dealing with a naive female, Trust** On the other hand you obviously looked at your Aunts situation and judged without reading my post clearly, understandable, The difference between me and your aunt is, He needed this loan for his "masters" not his "doctorate". Money is better now. I am not sitting around waiting while he is struggling for money and going through with med-school. This ordeal happened in 2007, I jnow know of the ordeal in 2009. So, sorry your Auntie was dropped after his law school but, I am finishing my degree, soon to be starting my Masters. Therefore, "I am not waiting around for him" We "both" are finishing up our goals. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Hotstepper(f): 10:16pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
my dear sorry but 1st allowing him to marry to obatin his green card (which entails sleeping with da woman) gave him a room to do anything to get what he wants |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 10:20pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
@sweetpie.This might be personal but were u in the position to help him acquire his green card ?I meant are u a citizen?i know where am coming from because i have friends who had similar experiences.anyway the guys have said it all.He might care for you but he's very determined and u wont stop him.He's in control and more inteligent than u. @martho- Thats ok if he if he is determined, I love a determined man. Im not trying to stop him in any way. As far as "stopping" him from having a situation like this occur once again, Your absolutely correct! I wont stop him, I will LEAVE HIM, LOL, I love him alot but my tolerance for repeat mishaps is ZERO. As far as being in control, Maybe for his "male-ego" I may allow him to "feel" in control at times, As for intelligence, He is a highly intelligent man. I am a highly intelligent woman. Nuff said. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by amebono14: 10:23pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
nonsense |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by amebono14: 10:25pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Sweetepie: why did u speak to her?this r one of the things that makes me call some women dumb goats now tell me,out of u both(u and d girl),who is d air head?d one that had sex wt d guy and is calm about it or u going to disturb her peace for having a feel of a man that is not urs,u selfish tout if u needed to talk things out,the guy would have been the person to talk with,and not some woman that gave him what u don't have nonsense |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by amebono14: 10:29pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Hotstepper: are u minding her?she told him he can marry to get a greencard,so why is she screaming foul when he slept wt another girl,wouldnt he have still slept wt his wife? and mind u sweetiepie there is a 80 % probability that even if he gets married now for papers,he might not want to divorce or leave his wife for u,a woman who wants him to be happy,not u talking about empty love here and there if u don't know,men have soft spots for women that helped push them to their greater height,and if his wife helps him achieve his goals and he ends up falling for her kind heart,then u have lost out,so go and look for another man |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Hotstepper(f): 10:33pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
or a situation where the woman he married 4 papers gets prgnant 4 him, it will be hard for him to leave or the woman to let go, B/w, I hope your relationship is solid now |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 10:37pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
@ OMO IBO- You fully grasp the situation I see, I was left out of the loop! @Amebo#1- What a scorned idiot, I talked to "Him" about this situation, You only see the details I post so dont be such a "dumb GOAT yourself! Stop "ASSuming, My convo with her was totally unknown to her that it was of relevance to this situation, I asked 2 probing questions to receive all that I needed. She never had a clue. Took less than 2 minutes! U HAVE NO IDEA, So stay in line and go and shove your foot in you mouth now, I dont do those type of things, sorry, not that type of chic. You have to upgrade the sorry females you are attempting to date, Maybe in 2009! Enjoy |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by amebono14: 10:42pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Sweetepie: u know what honey?for a highly intelligent girl,u sound like certified slowpoke,u low class idiot why would u call her in d first place?if she had not had sex wt him would have known if she existed or called her? u know what again?u r a retarded immature goat,yes amebo is calling u that,if u want to kill yourself go jump into d ocean whenever a man cheats on his woman d woman should be ashamed of herself because another woman did it better than her the most annoying part is that hes not even ur man,u don't have him,u don't have d right to call that woman,because this man in qstion has not taken u to the altar or court as a wife so SHUT THE HELL UP i so pray that this girl gets pregnant for him,maybe then u will go suckle on ur feeding bottle like d over grown baby that u r oloshi |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by spoilt(f): 10:44pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Maybe its just me but I find that all respect for a man dies when I find out that he will use a woman or anyone for that matter to get what he wants. Break someone's heart for 10k? c"mon! He would also marry someone else if need be to get his greencard? Then crawl back to you or what? Babes c'mon, seriously? No seriously? Whatever happened to all the correct guys without all this drama and nonsense going on with them? |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Vonny: 10:46pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
Sweetepie, I clearly took back half of the things I said so relax. I'm glad you are doing well, so good luck to you. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Nobody: 10:52pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
this guy has only one person in mind - himself. When he becomes a medical doctor he will go find someone to match his status . . . with a mere computer science degree you wont stand a chance. After all he's gone thru to get to where he is today, i doubt he'd be willing to share the benefits with you. Get ready to find another dude. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Hauwa1: 11:12pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
i know say david go come here na student affair  .please poster, find your way if you haven't already. student affair ends up on graduation day . |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by spoilt(f): 11:16pm On Jan 13, 2009 |
davidylan: Davidylan did you say mere? These days one has to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgon to be taken seriously. God help us! |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 2:43am On Jan 14, 2009 |
@davidylan- You are obviously a loser or you would know how much a Masters or Doctorate in CS brings in in the USA. **SIX FIGURES** (and I start on my Masters this year), Me being a software engineer I will be able to buy you "DAVIDYLAN", Maybe you can clean our house or walk our dogs, LOL!! Dont be bitter, Now go back to waddle in the mud puddle you crawled out of, LOL |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Sweetepie(f): 3:26am On Jan 14, 2009 |
@Amebo#1 - HaHaHa, I have struck a nerve!!! hehehe~ So upset and angry on a forum, nothing worse than a SCORNED MAN*** Sorry u are soooo angry at women and cannot get a decent woman b/c u are aF%^K UP!!!!Better Luck this year you lonely, uneducated, piece of filth. Now take you head out of your A$$ slowpoke and get a better attitude as a man, Maybe some other piece of trash out there may want you, Smooches |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by follypimpi(m): 3:50am On Jan 14, 2009 |
I WONDER WHY SUM PEOPLE CAN NOT ADDRESS ISSUE WITHOUT CHOPPING EACH OTHERS HEADS OFF.I assume we are all adults and shld b able to talk things out without verbal curses. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by follypimpi(m): 3:55am On Jan 14, 2009 |
Now to address the issue: Y'all fail to understand most MEN would go the extra length to achieve there goals with or without the consent of the partner,which does not mean they dont care abt them or love them,is just gat to be DONE. Dear,all you could do is talk it out with him,let him knw ur fears that u think u might be the next victim and PRAY cos sincerely even if people advise u on here doesnt mean thats how it's gna turn out.I wish u all the best of LUCK and pray ur man sticks with ya. |
| Re: Cheated On Me To Obtain A School Loan: by Nobody: 8:13am On Jan 14, 2009 |
make una hold on oh, i seem to be the only who sees threadstarters point of view. i dont think she is dumb, stupid, naive, a hypocrite or whatever you guys have called her. see the wider picture, the only problem threadstarter has is that she wasnt informed of the other woman. abeg, make una read the initial thread again. she took a decision to protect herself from any wahala which includes deceit. the guy on the other hand, i believe is somewhat honest. |
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