sdavis768:

i am in love with a married mad, he is in love with me also, you cannot control you feelings.
there is no reason to be rude and write nasty stuff on here.

This explains your behaviour. Birds of the same feather flock together!

Once a cheater always a cheater. If he could cheat on someone he vowed to be with for better or worse how do you know he is not cheating on you? Just know that Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. I say this in the sense that even if you later realize that you are not in love with him and he could not be possibly in love with you, just realize that if you do indeed find someone you truly love who reciprocates that feeling karma will be waiting to hit you back with some doses of your own medicine.

love or no love, its like u cannot live without the daddy becos he is paying u for sex and occasionally u r his escort.! pity and useless i'l say. why in petes name are u doin things for the moment and not thinking of the future. u r being USED to satify his hunger and thats where i say u r so unwise. wait sef wat if hez into jazz?na wa o! u r open to a lot of evil o!
try think am o! HE IS MARRIED AND U R NOT,HE HAS A FAMILY,U HAVE ALOT TO LOSE O.

I am totally up there with you, I am in the same boat, its a guy that I work with and we talk with each other most days, his wife actually does know about me but has only met me briefly once, so the situation is slightly surreal. I am dealing with this daily and I wish I never felt this way but we cant help who we fall for, he has made it clear that he would not leave his wife as he has a little girl and doesnt feel that is fair on his child, which makes me respect him even more, and I never have and never will cross that line, but I understand how you feel but I do believe that for both of us that the right one will eventually come along, until then we both have to keep our chins up and look forward

Okay.  This is all new to me but reading your post made me HAVE to join just so I could share this with you.

About a year and a half ago, I started working with this guy.  We actually have only met face to face about 4 times.  Each of those times it was to discuss business.  During these visits, I had the opportunity to meet his wife and kids, as well as his mom and dad.  I must admit that I instantly fell in love with his parents.  They have asked me to come back.  His daughter spent a lot of that first meeting in my lap.  All of his kids are great!  I even liked his wife.  However, at each of those meetings I could just sense that something was not right between him and his wife.  She was constantly trying to talk over him, crack jokes that were just not funny, and completely put him down.  I was in complete shock because he is one of those guys that are in complete control and has a aire that just demands respect.  Yet, here was his wife totally demeaning him in front of everyone.  I caught him a couple of times with a hurt and embarrassed look on his face.

From the beginning, we had hit it off laughing and sharing brief stories, etc. while working on our projects.  I learned very quickly that the side of him that I saw was a side that apparently NO ONE else got to see - even those that were working closer to him and saw him on a daily basis.  We were talking everyday via im, email, phone.  About a week after my 3rd meeting (August 2007) with him, I was having a small personal crisis.  Out of the blue he sends me this message asking what is wrong.  I could not believe it!  I told him that I didn't want to bother him with anything but he keeping pushing saying that he wanted to help.  So, I told him my problem and he actually helped me to solve it.  After that our relationship took on another whole meaning, we officially became each other's best friends.  He and I started talking non-stop about things that were totally not business related.  A lot of days, we talked no business - just joked around and talked about politics, news, life, etc. 

One day, he was so down.  So, I just asked him if he were okay.  Little did I know that the flood gates would open and he would spill a very personal story.  He went on to say that his first wife cheated on him and left him.  After she left, he went through a rebound period in which he was dating 7 or 8 women at the same time and was making some terrible decisions.  His family came to him and demanded that he stop this behavior and settle down or they were going to pull the business away from him.  He said that he looked at the girls he was dating and overnight picked one of them to marry hoping to make his family happy.  He said that he really didn't even know why he chose her.  Then he married her and they had 2 children within the first 3 years together.  However, he said that he found that he had thought he would eventually love her but could not.  So, he left her for over a year.  During that time, he said that he reframed from even befriending other women and did a lot of soul searching.  He said that he did not want to make the wrong decision for his children.  After that year, he went back to his wife in order to see if they could work things out.  He said that within a few months, she was pregnant with their daughter.  He went on to say that his wife knew that he would not leave while she was pregnant.  Then when it turned out to be a daughter (which was what he always wanted) he was stuck. 

Now his wife treats him terrible.  That is not just him saying that.  His friends and family have confirmed it through things they have mentioned.  She makes fun of everything about him.  He is so unhappy but says that he cannot leave the kids.  Plus his wife has no income of her own.

Over the last couple of week, he and I have become so close.  I love him and he loves me.  We both have changed each other's lives for the better.  Neither one of us are the same people that we were 2 years ago because we now have each other.  I, honestly, have never met a man like him.  He truly makes me complete.  I just wish that he would not have made the choices that he did earlier in life but now we both have to live with them and the fact that I may never get to hold the position as his wife.  He IS my soulmate.

What is wrong with being in love with a married man?
Everything -if you are a christian
As a muslim,the man is entitled to 4 wives(so there is nothing wrong with loving him)
Ditto,the traditionalists.

In the real world we don't choose who to fall in love with,but surely we choose who to be with.Loving a married man might not be wrong,what you do with the married man is what is wrong(depending on your faith).There is no right or wrong answer to this,believe me.Until it hits you,you will always take the moral high ground in answering such questions.

ok lets analyse this u met him, he is fine, probably rich, ready made, so u re in love wit him abi?, y wldnt u b in lust sorry love this is exactly wat yorubas call ojukokoro y nt go to ajegule n fall in love wit a poor married man, chew, (hiss)
look im nt gonna b soft on u wat is wrong is wrong leave the chap alone hez aquired property!!!!

lumideezle:

ok lets analyse this u met him, he is fine, probably rich, ready made, so u re in love wit him abi?, y wldnt u b in lust sorry love this is exactly what yorubas call ojukokoro y nt go to ajegule n fall in love wit a poor married man, chew, (hiss)
look im nt going to b soft on u what is wrong is wrong leave the chap alone hez aquired property!!!!

Hmmmm, true talk my brother.I have never seen a girl date a poor married man and ask if it is wrong.All the girls I know who have dated married men ,have somehow managed to end up with only rich married men

Do you want the man to leave his wife and marry you? then he will leave you later for someone else. Do you want someone to start loving your husband? Go for a guy who will appreciate you. A married man will just keep you for his selfish needs.

Do you feel he loves you back??
If so that may be the reason u still love him. But there is never a right answer to such a question. The ethical answer would be get over him he's married. But I know that's easier said then done, we don't chose who we love it just happens and we can't do anything about it. Your best bet would be to distance yourself from him, and let your feelings die down after all he is married and taking things to the next level with him could only end up hurting you more then making you happy. It's complicated but whatever you chose to do good luck.

put urself in place of d man`s wife:sha u hope 2 marry one day?swomebody will do it to u 2 if u done stop NOW

dont bother about whatever you might hav done with him. make up ur mind and be ready to go to God for forgiveness. i also was once a victim

@ poster, yes! u realy need help; u need a pyhciatrices. u no go go find your own?

My opinion, u shouldnt have put urself in the situation to fall in love with him in the first place. Nothing good will come of it. He is not going to leave his wife for u. Lets say he goes mad and leaves her, the same exact thing will happen to u. He will leave u for some one else. Find ur own man and leave him alone. Why do u feel u have to share. U can do better than that.

you cannot help who you fall for and unless you have been in the situation, you cannot understand that it is not as easy as some think .

in luv with a married man?
i see alot of pple hv alot on this thread.
Bascially this is complicated, i dont blame those wearing those shoes n of course luv doesnt just happen to you, you work consciously or unconsciously towards it, bottomline wat do you want outa ur life?
n pple pls be fair in ur assessment just becos u didnt hv to toll that path dont mean gals who do r terrible peersons.
n guys out there better marry for the rite reasons, n stay married, dont go complicating womens emotions out there, cos the men actually lay presets n we follow, its not womanly to chase a man, only few black women do that , my advise know wat u are gettin urself into and be prepared which ever way it turns out.
Married women dont assume, love ur husband, n be prayerful,
single ladies get a life dont let ur emotions revovle around a man, define urself,
pple understand wat marriage is all about b4 you plunge into it.

huh?

thats bad.u should not allow yourself love a married woman.God frowns at it.i believe everyone can control their feelings,so get her off your mind before you do something wrong and face Gods wrath.i bet you dont want to.you will be sorry for yourself.

if you are not married better find one and leave marry man
never be a problem to your future.

Why go out with a guy you know will NEVER be yours?? he belonjgs to another woman, so take your leave fast before its too late. God help you

Find out if the wife is a baracudda, if she is , RUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If not, you risk having your husband`s Instruments frisked by another.


The law of karma is sooooooooooooooo true!! Besides, it's rare for a married man to leave his family for anyone especially u (a girl he just wants to have his way with and be gone, forget about his tales of loving u, he'll never leave his wife for u especially if they have kids together).

, so girlfriend i suggest u get over urself so fast and stop giving another woman days and nights of endless pain because of ur hardheadedness, and let me tell u something else, she probably knows about u (ur name and all) and trust me, she doesn't wish u well at all (probably wishes u d worst of all bad things, ) and is probably taking ur bio data to diff prayer houses! U'ld b amazed at the extent women would go to protect their families!!

If u want money, "chop clean mouth" and forget about loving him but be rest assured that someone else too will "chop clean mouth" with ur own hubby!! Life is or could be fun when u make the right choices, don't be a victim of any man that wants to satisfy his itch and move on to the next girl that catches his fancy!!

Lastly, please leave the man alone ooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >: Haba!!

well, you are entitled to your opinion. unless you share the same view with that person, she will never be understood. the best thing to do is to follow her heart and take the risk of being with the man even if married specially if she finds in him what she has never found before, who does not appreciate being cared for even for a short while. Maybe she (not the wife) accepts things as they are and only cares about how the married man makes her feel. Maybe she has no expectation as far as wanting or hoping that the man leaves his wife either. Why not take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment. Who knows for sure what the future holds anyway. She loves him and he does not discourage her. Maybe she is playing him as he may be, as long as whatever that is going on is between them two. She shouldn't worry or think about his wife, she is his business and not hers.

Sexylady, i understand how u feel. Funny enough, ive been in your shoes befoer. It's never funny when u find out that the one you are in love with lied to you but you can overcome it. Im also battling with mine and babe, it's difficult but possible. U will remember all the good times you had together and how you met, but, dont fall for it o.Let him go.May God help you.

It is not funny when you find out you have been lied to after you have fallen in love with the person who treats you so good although hiding the truth from you until you dig and found out. As easy as it may seem to some, it is not to get out. Of course you have to plan on it and pray to God to show you the way but it is in fact a struggle specially if he is does not want to go away and you care about him enough to fight the feelings or the idea that his wife may or will or already know about you. As I said, enjoy the moment, love yourself and allow him the lover to be in your life and love you. He says he is not happy even if he is at home with his wife and for many reasons. take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment that is all that matters for now.

@poster
Just imagine the situation when your dad marries your mother and after a few years, your dad starts having extra marital affairs with another woman. would you be happy as the daughter and would your mum be happy as a wife.

Don't destroy other peoples home because everyone wants a peaceful one.

Remember, life is karma, what goes around comes around. if you destroy someones family, then defintely another person will destroy the one who is close to you.

Put you daughter in the position of the person to be a victim of karma,, would you like it?

Think twice and get a single man. I am available if you need one

@all
not bad to fall in love with a married man, but do nothing about it and look for a way to resist any lust for him, because it is not right to take steps on that improper feeling!

You should leave him and find another person like him. I know it would hurt you but it is better. Meet him, tell him the truth and say sorry for it. If you did'nt, it would create a big problem.


BEST OF LUCK!!!

girl i think u should be very careful .pls wait 4 ur own man to come because married men wives are very dangrous.

How can you not know that the man was married. Didn't he have his wedding ring on ? Doesn't he hide in the bathroom to pick up his phone calls? I think that he was nice to you, and then you turned the whole thing into something else. That aside sha, there's something quite bogus about this story.

@ poster,

^{just passing,}

1. all you will become is a second fiddle

2. biblically, u are contradicting 'what God has joined together, let no man (woman) put assunder'

3. Yorubas will say 'iyan ogun odun, maa n gbona' (the skeleton u kept inside your cupboard for a long time can still resurrect - my own interpretation of the proverb). if u send the woman away now, she will still come back to haunt you in the future.

Are you ready to go through all these 'wahala'? its a rhetorical question. think about it.

na'wa babes,Thank u, u really dont love ursef.dont be wicked plssssss, i take God beg u.repent from dat.and look for a nice Guy of ur own OK!
out here there're many man's dat u can hook up wit.remember time is too shot for a man,