Kunbee:

Abi ooo but i seriously doubt

Change in tone of voice now, now u doubt it, and not "never cant", u getting closer my dear.
When reality bite your onion ass, you will settle for a nice man with kids.
Having kids is never a crime, just make sure the man is reliable and responsible enuf to look after his kids and not one of those part time daddys or sperm donors

^^ok oo uncle fhemmy

Lol

Marrying a woman with a baby is a matter of choice. I see nothing wrong with such, as long as both parties love and care for each other. I must say that I am bothered by all of the attacks on single mothers. IMO just as some men are concerned about marrying a single mother, Ladies , the next time you start dating a man with children, ask him this question: "why are you not with the mother of your child(ren)?" Listen very carefully , this could tell you a lot about the character of the person you are deaing with.

There are many disadvantages to single mothers with children.
1. Most men do not want to raise or commit resources to rear another man's child.
2. Young mothers are stifled, because they have to use their time to raise a child.
3. They naturally try to provide the best that they can for their children so incur a greater expense.
4. The physiological or emotional drain children can make single mothers feel desperate.
5. Many good stable men, even though they might be single part time fathers. avoid LTR with single mother, unless they are not a liability.

this is why in reality, despite child support, women end up paying in the end. They loose the most productive years of their lives. My advice, to future mothers, seriously think about this stuff.

@JustGood & co condemning single parents

You remind me of the story in d bible about the prostitute and the ppl who wanted to stone her. He who is without sin cast the 1st stone. Nobody talking here is guiltless of any sin. So if u condemn one of having kids outside married. What of the ppl who didnt have and decided to abort the babies. Again, do you the actual circumstances behind the person's present condition.

I know a couple whose parents is forcing the young man to leave the fiancee whom he was about to marry because ladies mom had cancer and the woman was pregnant. The parents were scared that the woman and all the kids she will bear will have cancer. Now if he gives in and leaves her, she becomes a single mother right. And then ppl like you will also come out again to stigmatize her for being a single mother. Like it was her fault her mother has cancer.

You see it because of this kind of mentality that Africa will find it difficult to move forward. We keep looking for problems where it is not and fail to solve our real problem. We are so myopic and narrow minded and despite n=being educated and exposed refuse to look at things rationally and with a humane mind.

Na waaaa for us o!!!

Ladies , the next time you start dating a man with children, ask him this question: "why are you not with the mother of your child(ren)?" Listen very carefully , this could tell you a lot about the character of the person you are deaing with.

well said.

@ Kitty Kat: I agree with your thoughts. A smart thing to consider is why is that person single. For example: I know of several women who are highly educated, and financially stable with a child (ren). The only reason they are now single parents is because after the spouse received his Green Card or Citizenship the husband walked away. So , should this woman now be banned from a loving relationship? Again (as I mentioned earlier) I see nothing wrong with dating/marrying a woman with children. It's up to the individuals involved.

@tpia , thanks.

tpia@:

well said.

Over 70% of people in California are divorced. I have ne researched, but I am sure many are divorced families with children. There can be many reasons for divorce. It has very little to do with the character of a man.

^^in a nigerian context, the type of answer the man gives will speak volumes about his character.

Getting  married to a partner with kids is a real committment and I would really advise anyone who is not cut out for it to stay clear. If you try going into it and do not have the characteristics it takes you would end up hurting the woman and the kids who are actually innocent.
So I do not condemn anyone who does not feel up to it but rather as a single mother one should appreciate the honesty. The is noting more terrible than going into it and then it ends a disaster.
When I remarried I brought three kids into the marriage and my husband had never been married before and did not have kids either. I actually was not even considering getting married again but I guess it was meant to happen. My husband knew about the disadvantages but he also saw advantages in it.
My decision to marry him was not a yes for me alone but also for my kids because the are my absolute priority.
The marriage has worked out fine till now and we have a house filled with kids.
To make it works both partners have to work at it. I also had to make sure that I and the kids accept his role as father even when it sometimes was not easy initially. He also had to make sure he treated all kids fairly. This has worked out fine and most of the issues raised here, have never been a topic in our marriage.

...

Chaircover
My kids never even knew I was having a relationship with my husband before we got married because I did not want to introduce them to anyone and then maybe it did not work out. He was just an uncle visiting. We only started a real relationship, when it was certain we wanted to get married. Towards the end it was difficult because he would sneak in when the kid kids have gone to bed and I would make him leave in the early hours in the cold winter.
So it came as a surprise to them when I told them I was getting married. They were not pleased initially but we did not put pressure on them , like call him daddy. My husband was patient and let them get used to him and initially did not interfere much but would talk to me alone if he felt something was not okay. The two younger ones adjusted very fast but my first child was more on confrontation. I made it clear to him that this was my marriage and he had to show my husband the same respect he showed me and even more, if he did not come to terms with it he had the option of moving to his dad or grandparents. When he realised that I meant every word he quickly conformed.
It was very important that we always confronted the kids with one voice.
Initially I sometimes felt he was rather strict on them, but as our mutual kids came and started growing I realised that he gave them the same treatment. Now I am sure he loves his own kids more and this is natural but he does not differentiate and that is the most important thing.
I think it might be easier for a man to marry a woman with kids because at the end of the day the woman spends most of the time with the kids. I mean by the time my husband comes home I have already handled most issues so I just inform him and he calls the kids and talks to them. I must add that he is very patient and never raises his voice, yet the kids are scared of offending him.
My husbands parents are both dead and he is the first child. coming from a polygamous home he has over 20 younger ones and that was a real financial burden and one of the reasons he had not been married till then. His family did not actually have anything to say because they had a great deal of respect for him because he had always been very responsible and was like the head of the family. They were of cause surprised because I was they exact opposite of the kind of woman they expected him to get married to. He is very conservative and religious and I grew up rather liberal.
I have always had a very good relationship with my in-laws. That is not difficult because I really like them, they have always been nice to me and I promised my husband from the start that I would assist him, with his responsibilities. Thank God now they are all grown up and the last girl is married. The first ten years of marriage were hard. The financial burden and otherwise was tremendous.
The much younger ones were really scared of their big brother and did not have this closeness. The little sister told me she had no memories of her mum so I had to work on my husband to get closer to his younger ones and tell them more about their parents and really find out how they feel and think. I think they appreciate that I broke the ice between them and their brother.
I think the only reservation his extended family had was if I was going to have kids for him but God has blessed our marriage with kids.-4 boys and three girls, so that issue is settled too.

...

Mutter,

mutter:

When I remarried I brought three kids into the marriage and my husband had never been married before and did not have kids either. I actually was not even considering getting married again but I guess it was meant to happen. My husband knew about the disadvantages but he also saw advantages in it.

What are some of the advantages of marrying someone who already has a kid?

Personally, I dont think I can do it. Cos one the ex-husband still lingers in the background under the guise of visiting his kid/kids or whatever.

The woman is still a little attached to the ex. You cant have kids for someone and not have some feelings for them.

The kids know I am not their father and when they grow older might act like that.

If I discipline them and the kid tells his biological father when he visits, that might be an issue and I cant have such issues.

If I plan on having and caring for 3 kids, I have to reconsider and reduce it cos I have step children I wold have to provide for. Else we would live a standard lower than what I plan for my children.

Spending money on adopted kids whose dad is alive is like giving to charity, I am not really into charity

@ Chaircover, if my story can motivate others to make the right decision then it is worth sharing.
When I got married to my husband quite a few of his friends and their wife`s were pessimistic, even my family felt he was going to use me and dump me. My family did not believe that it would work out. In fact after my divorce my fathers prayer was that God would give me the strength to take care of my kids alone. But I told him if it was Gods will I would get married again.
The very first time I laid eyes on my husband, I saw him at a distance, had not even spoken a word to him. I said a prayer to God," this man is going to be my husband". I went home and called my sister and told her I had seen a man I was going to get married to and she said I was crazy. I was just so certain about it. When I told my husband this after we got married he had a good laugh, he felt he was the one that did all the work in getting the relationship started. I never let him know how I felt initially.

...

dayokanu
as I said it is not something everyone should do and if you do not have what t takes, stay away.
I have an intact family here with my husband and kids. Certainly my kids have a biological father somewhere but my husband is the father that is there for then everyday. He carried them when they were young, spent nights in hospital wit the boys when the were sick, does their homework and everything else a father should do.
My kids appreciate and love him as a father and they do not question their authority.
Now maybe you can imagine that when the kids are doing well, the ex will be grateful that his kids are doing well and not want to jeopardise that.
The advantages my husband had, were that I already had experience as a mother and knew how to manage a household. I think that I also had experience to appreciate his qualities allot more. His kindness to my kids made me love him a great deal more and I would never refuse him anything because he deserves only the best.
I do not think we have a problem with my kids identifying with their roots, after all my husband did not adopt them. Call it charity if you want. Charity is not every mans thing. In fact I even have my nephew living with me so my husband must be very charitable.
I did ask my husband once how he felt about it and he said, it was important for him to be with a woman that makes him happy, that for him children are a blessing and always a source of joy.
Certainly my husband spends money on my kids, but why should that be an issue. As I said initially we support one another. My husband has trained so many of his junior ones, financed their studies even abroad and for that he got allot of support and encouragement from me. He also is constantly helping extended family members and I also encourage him there.
So maybe we just are a charitable family, but that is the way we made our bed and so we lie on it.
@ Chaircover, I guess most people will always have problems with it and they are justified, in that case stay away from it because you only do more harm than good.

Just want to say mommas with babies are the best. Honestly, seems like moms with children are much more laid back and do not give a man a lot of drama. Older women who are divorced are better also.

I know from experience.

is nota bad thing to marry some one with a child....is all about what a person desire

is all about choice

Never will I date or marry a single mother. only guys suffering from low self esteem do such shit. single mothers comes with baggages drama wahala. for those of u saying no prob it's understanding that matters, I ll say it is easier said than done. remember most of them cheat too

avoid them like a disease

Safari29: avoid them like a disease

Isnt that a bit harsh?

AtheistD:

Isnt that a bit harsh?

am sorry bro I couldn't take it any more. I was never ever appreciated

Safari29:
am sorry bro I couldn't take it any more. I was never ever appreciated

Some people are animals... but not all.

There are some good ones out there.

AtheistD:

Some people are animals... but not all.

There are some good ones out there.

u re quite right tho. I guess I wasn't that lucky. Am glad it's over though starting over again

Someone who has a baby, not someone WHO HAVE!

Thank you!

I can't !!

It is like complicating a problem !!

2Legit:
comot 4 road if u be woman wey don become afta 1.
comot 4 road if u be person wey be single parent
comot 4 road if u misplan ur life

thats very harsh cause we are not perfect

guruofsat:
We have to be honest to our self

How can a man who as never marry b4 go and marry a woman who has 2 kids or 1 or 3


The best lover for that kind of women is to meet a man who already have a mistaken issue too, or a rich man who does not care about Love,

There are a lots of men their who has money to just help and enjoy there self with the woman, that is not Love

For a young man who wants to start up life is not advisable to start with that


If you never fall into this Game you wouldn't understand,is very sweet to say there is nothing much in marrying someone who have a baby sound good,

who will enjoy this relationship is the only the woman and the kids and her family will totally happy in this relationship

but for the man family big lie,

For example i have fell into many relationships , i try to set them up,when i dig into my physiological research i discover the lady loves the kid more than me no matter what i did,,she like to take first attention on the kid more than me, through that i experienced

i cant tell them not to care for the kids first ,it is a normal nature for all women to act that way,if is me i will do the same thing, so at the end of the research i discover is not Love is Infatuation or conditional Love or self Piting relationship

So young Guy Shine your Eye, if you want a Pure Love in your Affairs

But if you Like the woman ! you can manager the risk

But if you don't Like! You can successfully enjoy the relationship

But if you Love !
I advise you dont try to fall into that kind of life many thousand of women waiting for you, you can change environment you will see a alots single lady out there who are seriously in waiting for you

Difference between Somebody you Love & Somebody you Like


In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster.
But in front of the person you like, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you like, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love.
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
But the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears. But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever, …

if i say cry, i am not talking about crying like a baby NO ,but water must drop from your face !!!

So my men Let say the truth, if you fall in the position of marrying someone who have issue like this,No bi Love na like

No Pastor will like to Join three people for marriage

if a woman have a pregnancy before marriage Pastor will not bless them you know why? God said only join Two people 2geda




Physiological Question

If truly you love the lady and the lady already have 3 kids b4 or 2, why must you have another children ask your self?
if you desire to have your own biological child for what purpose?
So marrying A woman who have a baby think twice!!!

If truly you love the lady get ready to face a lots of issues in future,you might love her mother and the child but the kid hate you ,what are you going to do ask yourself,

if the kid hate you,and the lady loves you so much,can the lady hate her child because of you or leave her child and stay with you?

But anybody can fall into this mistake too,


Only if the Lady have a baby like 6 month 1 year,,the woman must let the baby know that you are the only father of the baby and you must have a court backup,

you must treat the baby like your first child with happiness,even when you have yours or not for the lady you must treat them the same way,you should even care for the first child than your biological children

Every man with his own philosophy

Please l need serious advise cos am a victim right now.....am a guy that is looking to settle down then l met this pretty young girl with a child from another man......after l asked her why she is not with the child's father she only told me that things couldn't work out between them.....so we started dating for like six months now and my family already accepted her with the child...... My problem now is anytime l look at her child it keeps reminding me of her ex.....and more also the child's father is now coming for his child but she said she won't give him the child since he abandoned her when she got pregnant for him..... Am totally confused right now pls what should l do?