FroZen1:

Your trying to have a Baby. I just got dumped @ I'm 4 months preg.

FroZen1:

Your trying to have a Baby. I just got dumped @ I'm 4 months preg.

MRbrownJAY:

@FBS
lets review some of your quotes, you said: You are not being realistic by not recognising the fact that, they are married. She gave a pledge. FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. Have you any idea what that means? I guess not.

whatever tree you are swinging from, you need to come down and live in the real world where men and women live in marriages as EQUALS rather that one serving the other. marriage is a unity of two forces bound with loyalty, respect, trust, faithfulness and companionship. a couple is a complete unit working TOGETHER. if for any reason, there are problems within this unit then the two parties should try to resolve them by talking or finding a solution that fits BOTH parties and that they BOTH agree upon. if no solution should arise then i see no point in them staying together UNLESS one of the party is willing to back down. obviously the poster was not willing to back down and neither do the wifey so leaving was the only choice that the wifey supposedly had.
i know that in YOUR world, you wife is your servant and should abide by your rules (whichever they may be) but in the real world, with a real woman, you wouldn't stand a chance. She owns her body and SHE has the last say on matters relating to that body.
Having another child IN THE UNIT should ONLY go ahead if she wants one too (especially if her man has planned their whole life ahead without including HER needs). In what jungle do you live where men can just decide on everything in a marriage?! both person has a say in EVERYTHING that has to do with the couple and leaving/divorce should be the only option if no agreement can be reached.
It seems to me like 2people who hardly knew each other got married. if she is a gold digger like everyone seems to believe then it is the poster's fault for not knowing who he got married to. next time he should try to spend a little more time DISCOVERING who is bride to be REALLY IS.

then you said: One can only wonder why there are many brokens homes. Because something is not going right in your home, the next thing is to leave? Can you actually read what you are writing? THEY ARE MARRIED and he is not in any way molesting her.
This is not about choice, if it was, she should have envisaged the fact that (and she did agree with her husband-at least according to him to have one than one child) her choice was made earlier while she was going into the marriage. You are yet to prove to me the sudden change of mind. That maybe she had complications on her first delivery is only your assumption. Yes or No?

Are you married? i hope not for the sake of your poor wife. do you mean that molestation is the only reason for someone to leave?! i can find you many other reasons. lack of respect/communication/commitment, change in priorities, dishonesty, psychological/sexual abuse, alcohol/drug abuse, infidelity, different goals(career/family), inability to resolve conflicts, cultural/lifestyle differences etc etc etc. the wifey has all the rights to change her mind. what world do you live in where you have to stick to whatever you have planned years ago. who knows why the wifey changed her mind?!there can be thousands of reasons like the one i just stated above. the important part is that SHE DID change her mind and the poster should understand her. if they cannot come to an agreement then i see only one option but to leave. why should she do something she doesn't want to do?! RESPECT YOUR PARTNERS NEEDS and if you CAN'T then you shouldn't be married. if he really loved her, like he now claims, then he should have waited 6yrs to have more kids. BASTA!
HE wants more kids, she doesn't. why should one party do something they don't want to do?! the bible say women should bare children so this wifey should just shut up and have children? is that what you are insinuating?! i hope not, jungle man.

then you said:
My argument is, there is no concrete reason, why she has refused to. All you are blabbing is pure assumptions and they certainly hold no water. Go and do your revision.


the concrete reason is that SHE HAS CHOSEN NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN NOW.the important word here is CHOSEN/CHOICE, is that not a good enough reason for you? or is she not as equal in this marriage and therefore has the RIGHT to decide if she wants one or not?
everybody make plans but circumstances of life make people alter their plans. this is normal, people adapting to whatever situation they find themselves in.
people like you don't need wives but a puppet/slave that does whatever YOU want in this unity without having a brain or a say in anything within this unit.just cook, clean, bare children and be merry. god forbids if she disagree with you as you would probably knock her on the head and rape her.

this story makes absolutely NO SENSE. any woman would know how to pop a pill and be done with all the baby talks. she DIDN'T have to go and therefore there is more to this story. now poster said that she doesn't love him any longer. so in my book, she had all the reason to leave. or should she stay in the marriage for poster's ego?! should she stay in this marriage, be unhappy and have babies just because HE WANTS it?!

you asked me what is a woman role in a marriage?! this is the 21st century, women are companion, confidante, helper, contributor, supporter, admirer, to COMPLETE a man, to strengthen a man, to share his struggle and happiness, to bring wisdom/peace/understanding, to communicate love/trust/warmth/honesty. the list goes on, and this goes BOTH WAYS!!!!!
so you see we have 2 different view of what a wife role in a marriage is. making a family/have children is the least of my concern as long as we are BOTH happy in the unit.

Badriyyah:

This is just Pathetic. Marriage isn't about having kids, what if she can't have more children? What are you going to do then? You have already been blessed with a little girl, why don't you be patient and wait for it to be her choice before you decide to have another. To all the men ranting here, are you going to carry the child for 9months, breastfeed, change diapers, etc. What he is doing is forcing himself on his wife. She has a right to choose, so let her be. And we wonder why Nigeria will never progress, it's because of people like you who still live like they are in the 1800's.
I'm waiting for the Poster to say the only reason he wants a child is because he wants a BOY!!!!

Badriyyah:

This is just Pathetic. Marriage isn't about having kids, what if she can't have more children? What are you going to do then? You have already been blessed with a little girl, why don't you be patient and wait for it to be her choice before you decide to have another. To all the men ranting here, are you going to carry the child for 9months, breastfeed, change diapers, etc. What he is doing is forcing himself on his wife. She has a right to choose, so let her be. And we wonder why Nigeria will never progress, it's because of people like you who still live like they are in the 1800's.

I'm waiting for the Poster to say the only reason he wants a child is because he wants a BOY!!!!

Nwaka77:

Excellent post! The country can never progress with the people having 1800's kind of mindset! I weep for women living in Nigeria

JustGood:

Its not pathetic!

What exactly makes it pathetic for anyone to have expectations in their marriage? When I was getting married, my wife and I knew we expected to have children so it would have been unfair of her to tell me that she did not want children because she wanted to keep her body.

Rather than insult the guy, you should look at things objectively and from both sides. Does the man not also have a right to want to raise a family? They are both just wrong for each other.

spare us this thing about labeling some attitude as 1800s. There are many 1800s attitude that are much better than the wanton misdemeanours that go on these days in the name of advancement.

Women who want to keep their bodies should marry men who also want them to be that way. What keeps Nigeria down is the inability of people (both government and the governed) to reason well and not just apply things simply because thats what applies somewhere else.

JJYOU:

i think 1800's atitude is allowing some other womans son educate you to keep your body. greed.

JustGood:

Its not pathetic!

What exactly makes it pathetic for anyone to have expectations in their marriage? When I was getting married, my wife and I knew we expected to have children so it would have been unfair of her to tell me that she did not want children because she wanted to keep her body.

Rather than insult the guy, you should look at things objectively and from both sides. Does the man not also have a right to want to raise a family? They are both just wrong for each other.

spare us this thing about labeling some attitude as 1800s. There are many 1800s attitude that are much better than the wanton misdemeanours that go on these days in the name of advancement.

Women who want to keep their bodies should marry men who also want them to be that way. What keeps Nigeria down is the inability of people (both government and the governed) to reason well and not just apply things simply because thats what applies somewhere else.

JustGood:

To be honest with you, I'd gladly go back to the 1800s with what goes on around these days.

Seriously anyway, if a guy is the type who feels strongly about such a thing as having children, sont you think its a wrong move for him to marry a woman who places more importance on her looks than having children? You think these little things dont matter but I can assure you they matter a lot when it comes to marriage.

Is it not also instructive that the woman has moved out of the home as a result of this disagreement?

Badriyyah:


Hmmm, you seem to be forgetting something. His wife already has a kid, so this probably means when they first met she had no problem with sacrificing her looks for this child. So they were probably interested in having kids at the beginning of the marriage, but now one clearly isn't interested anymore. You are basing your points on common interests at the beginning of the marriage, but anyone can have that, as the marriage grows their opinions may begin to change, so must learn to work around it.

As for her moving out of the home. I can't comment on that because I have no idea how her partner was treating her. But for a woman to move out of her husband house means she probably didn't trust him.

you asked me what is a woman role in a marriage?! this is the 21st century, women are companion, confidante, helper, contributor, supporter, admirer, to COMPLETE a man, to strengthen a man, to share his struggle and happiness, to bring wisdom/peace/understanding, to communicate love/trust/warmth/honesty. the list goes on, and this goes BOTH WAYS!!!!!
so you see we have 2 different view of what a wife role in a marriage is. making a family/have children is the least of my concern as long as we are BOTH happy in the unit.

FBS:

@Nwaka77 & BrownJay,

For all the tantrum of english you have posted here, you are yet to point out the reason why she has refused to have more than one child for her husband. All what you are saying are pure assumptions and none of which holds water.
There is significant power in agreement and when two people (married in this case) agree on something,  there must also be concrete reason why it has to be broken or not fufilled. Not just because I/SHE/HE/THEY SAID SO. In any union, such things does not exist.
I rather have an 1800 mindset than have your egoistic attitude. One can only pity your husband/wife.
The first bolded part makes sense but on the second part, you completely lost it. Because, it is  either you are both very naive or plain stupid. Can you please inform us how many families have broken up due to inability/ or refusal to have children?
How do you complete a man without having children for him? and to say this is the least of your worries? It is only obvious to anyone that both of you understand nothing about marriage.
It also seems that you do not understand the meaning of the word PRIMARY. I did not say the ONLY role of a woman is limited to having children. I said, it is primary and indeed paramount for a woman to bear kids for her husband. That is the ultimate for any woman.

What you are proposing if this: If you have a headache, cut off your head. Pathetic.

PS: My wife will tell you that she is married to one of the best husbands God sent to planet earth. Because, there is no me, her or I. [b]There is US.[/b]

JustGood:

You obviously dont know what a marriage involves.
The wrong attitude is to go into marriage without knowing what it entails. The horrible modern attitude is one that says you should date any man do whatever you like cos you're a woman and the man will always bear the brunt. . . you can be as daft as you want in a relationship and no one will ever point out your stupidity because you are a woman

invisible!:

Enjoying the talks, feeling sorry for the poster. Just get up and go, dont grieve anymore. She will come back easier if you pretend nothing happened than when you go abegging. Let your child be, just remove your mind from them for one year and watch things, time is the best healer. She may come back begging after one year and you may even have grown so strong as to refuse her.

If her beuty is the only thing you miss, then go out searching for a girl and you will be amazed at the type of 'sample' fresh babies God is moulding everyday. I used to think my babe was the prettiest thing on two legs till I went to her school and was staring like JJC on campus.

Men should have control in their marriage, absolute control for that matter. The woman will have the house to look after while the man runs around to provide for the whole family. I think that is the bible position on those things so woman, be submisive! Women should of course have a say in everything but not to start contesting with the man for house control, and any woman not ready to submit should come and marry a man, fend for the family, while the husband sits at home watching home movies

In cases where the man cannot provive comfort for the whole family, the woman can work but only with the approval of his husband. If she is hell bent on working against the husband's will, she should leave the marriage as the wife of the poster did and the husband should hold his heart and get over it. That is why men should be stronger

God created this worrld and made things easy and comfortable for us all, it is only the things we bring down on ourselves that have entangled our world with much confusion and complications. Things like education, working lady, and higher carreer pursuits are all created by us to make things tougher and encourage higher standards which will encourage more break ups in mordern marriage.

Criticize this writeup but pick the little lessons.

TOYOSI20:

This kinda situation is complicated enough wid/o u bot trying to complicate things even further, i say Patience is the key here abeg!!

U both cant be tough headed at the same time one of u would have to be the 'bigger' person here, for this issue to be resolved amicably.

why don't u wait for at least 4 yrs and then see what happens, for starters at least??

FBS:

@JJYOU, you beat me to it. 4 years? WHY? WHY? WHY?

JJYOU:

lets wait for answers from our dear sister