I am married to a pretty and vain wife and we have a 3yr old daughter. I want us to try for another baby but she has bluntly refused. Reason - she wants to keep her figure and focus on her career for at least 6 yrs!!I suspect she is not interested in any more kids. I am in my early 30s and had hoped to have three kids by 35yrs. At this rate i will be 50yrs b4 she agrees for another child. ha this is d problem wit marrying a fine babe. She has moved out becos of the pressure an[/b]d d marriage is about to hit d rocks. NL members how do we resolve this? Egba mi o!!

b4 we got married, we agreed on d timing so why d change? i am financially secure and take good care of my family. so why wait? [b]she's no longer even interested in sex. she's scared i will try to get her pregnant i guess, As as i said earlier, she jus picked up my daughter and moved in with her Mum 2 months ago. All attempts to get her to come back has failed.  Jus to think dat i paid her tuition for 2yrs and now as soon as she gets her degree, she remembers she's a career woman. I jus get these bad feelin i have been conned. I guess i shld be expectin d divorce papers anytime soon

What are my rights concerning my baby? She has refused for me to have access or even know where she is. Any lawyers here? How long does she have to be away b4 i can file for abandonment?  

 

We lived in lekki part of lagos, nigeria but necessary marriage rites were conducted (church, court, traditional). I think she was tired of the marriage and jus needed an excuse to leave. She jus keeps changin her numbers and callin me to ask dat we go to court and dissolve d marriage and prepare to give her half of my properties and pay child support and alimony.  
Does dat work in naija?

toh, while we do not have the wifes side of the story , do the above look like the actions of a woman who wants to start working?

you know what sometimes happens when a couple who dated in school go to college, and the girl's horizons suddenly broaden, and she realizes that she can do better and dumps the guy. thats part of what is happening here, IMHO.

what knid of mother would encourage her daughter to do that. I'm sure theres a big man waiting in the wings somewhere  

its just sad. and y'all wonder why some of us become bastards. girl is prolly one of those loose chicks in school who snagged a mumu nice guy who couldn't read the signs  

oyb

MRbrownJAY:

it's all about CONTROL, this guy want to control this woman but he has only HIS MONEY to show for, so therefore it's much better for him if she ain't got a career so she can be dependent on him all her life , and therefore a slave to his every demand/wishes.

That's exactly what she's afraid of.

oyb:



toh, while we do not have the wifes side of the story , do the above look like the actions of a woman who wants to start working?

you know what sometimes happens when a couple who dated in school go to college, and the girl's horizons suddenly broaden, and she realizes that she can do better and dumps the guy. thats part of what is happening here, IMHO.

what knid of mother would encourage her daughter to do that. I'm sure theres a big man waiting in the wings somewhere

its just sad. and y'all wonder why some of us become bastards. girl is prolly one of those loose chicks in school who snagged a mumu nice guy who couldn't read the signs

Oyb you bolded half sentences. She moved out cos of the pressure FOR another kid cos she's NOT ready for another one yet

she's not interested in sex COS she doesnt wanna get pregnant. If this "husband" would make her believe that he;s willing to compromise, I doubt she'd be running from him in the bedroom

The fact that the mother is supporting it, tells me that there's more to the story to which even her parents arent happy with him.

Here's hoping the wife comes along, like that other dude in that other thread that was yarning dust just for his wife to come and blow up his cover.

it's all about CONTROL, this guy want to control this woman but he has only HIS MONEY to show for, so therefore it's much better for him if she ain't got a career so she can be dependent on him all her life , and therefore a slave to his every demand/wishes.

if it was about control, why did the guy fund the school fees in the first place?

*Hauwa*:

oyb  

we dey see am well for school, most of the bad girls have married well , some to guys who think they are angels. i was home two years ago to visit a site. one of the engineers on the project introduced me to his fiance, a girl i remembered as being a loose chick. and the guy seemed to be a decent sort. i didnt say anything, i just felt bad for him( nb - i also feel bad for nice girls who are going out with/engaged to guys i know are assholes)

somewhere down the line, the girl may start showing colour. myb this is a bad analogy. . .

Oyb you bolded half sentences. She moved out cos of the pressure FOR another kid cos she's NOT ready for another one yet

she's not interested in sex COS she doesnt wanna get pregnant. If this "husband" would make her believe that he;s willing to compromise, I doubt she'd be running from him in the bedroom

The fact that the mother is supporting it, tells me that there's more to the story to which even her parents arent happy with him.

Here's hoping the wife comes along, like that other dude in that other thread that was yarning dust just for his wife to come and blow up his cover.

TOH, IUD no dey? pill no dey?

no think am as per the mother - some mothers are pimps.  . a few years ago, when my dad was still in the middle east, his jnr brother( my uncle) fell into the snare of a gold digger who was looking to chop dollar. the girl and her mother were both claiming that the girl was pregnant for my uncle. the whole family kicked against anything between my uncle and the woman. 6 moths or less later, the lady married a  miltary man. another of my uncles has a second wife. and the mother of the second wife played a part in it. am sorry, when a woman is no good, she usually got it from her mother which would account for the support.

i admit that there are holes in the OPS story - since when do naija women start serving divorce papers etal?

oyb:

if it was about control, why did the guy fund the school fees in the first place?

THATS the first step of control, showing the girl that HE CAN get her everything she needs, if he really wanted her to have a career then he wouldn't be mad at her NOW and talk about being rich enough to support her, why fund the school and then stop after 2 yrs only?!
looks like she stopped her studies to have this man's child and now wants to go back and continue her studies,  where is the wrong in that?
it's funny how a girl is loose as soon has she as her own mind. if she didn't like it @ home and decide to move away, good on her!!!!
if her MOTHER decides to be on her daughter side then good on mum too, blood is thicker than water.

oyb:

i admit that there are holes in the OPS story - since when do naija women start serving divorce papers etal?

not to talk of "alimony" and all that nonsense.

abeg.

It's more than that jo. someone that can mention "alimony yada yada" would also know about birth control. She wouldnt even leave evidence that she's on it sef

I dont understand why a person would fund education and not expect her to use it. She has a kid already and she has finally graduated. Now she wants to utilize it and he's whining. Is she not allowed to work abi the tuiton money was just to show off to the family that he can afford it (as many tend to do)

@ OP
[s]Are you sure you're not my husband in disguise[/s]?

DeReloaded:

not to talk of "alimony" and all that nonsense.

abeg.

It's more than that jo. someone that can mention "alimony yada yada" would also know about birth control. She wouldnt even leave evidence that she's on it sef

I dont understand why a person would fund education and not expect her to use it. She has a kid already and she has finally graduated. Now she wants to utilize it and he's whining. Is she not allowed to work [b]abi the tuiton money was just to show off to the family that he can afford it (as many tend to do)

[/b]

EXACTLY!!!! makes absolutely no sense.

I am a woman and will be honest with you.
Do you love your wife,
then let her know she is not a baby machine,that she comes first, no more talks of babies for a while just be very sweet gain her love and trust.
Whatever she is afraid of that you will leave when the fineness goes or that if another over fine comes along you will leave will then evaporate, treat like your daughter (no pervert meaning to this oh, lol),
this way she will not feel the need to make her own money at all cost just in case or keep her figure at the expense of have a noisy happy home ,
and when you promise her all this donot forget to fulfill it oh,
no be se she go come born baby finish especially those ones dat suck the nipple like Gravity sent them and the boob goes a bit to the south and in need of push up all the time then you will begin to misbehave,
in that case she fe carry u swear,
Hold your wife,you got each other , life can be lonely you know, Good luck, cheers

spoilt:

@ OP
[s]Are you sure you're not my husband in disguise[/s]?

she needs a brother, spoilt :p

@ Poster

Just take things easy. Its gonna be OKAY!

horny4u:

I am a woman and will be honest with you.
Do you love your wife,
then let her know she is not a baby machine,that she comes first, no more talks of babies for a while just be very sweet gain her love and trust.
Whatever she is afraid of that you will leave when the fineness goes or that if another over fine comes along you will leave will then evaporate, treat like your daughter (no pervert meaning to this oh, lol),
this way she will not feel the need to make her own money at all cost just in case or keep her figure at the expense of have a noisy happy home ,
and when you promise her all this donot forget to fulfill it oh,
no be se she go come born baby finish especially those ones dat suck the nipple like Gravity sent them and the boob goes a bit to the south and in need of push up all the time then you will begin to misbehave,
in that case she fe carry u swear,
Hold your wife,you got each other , life can be lonely you know, Good luck, cheers

best answer I don't have to add anything

goin_crazy:

thanx becommrich - ur reply was quite insightful

nobody has said how i will get my child back ( i love her too much to walk away).

replies-

am a full blooded nigerian. jus came back 3ys ago after 9yrs outside. very successful by naija standards so d problem is not money (in fact am still in shock) .

d mum obviously supports her action as she has refused to respond to invitations frm my family for a discussion. we are actually not in good terms due to an earlier incident (she was askin for too much stuff and i decided to ignore her). she insists i come and apologize to her first b4 she intervenes. btw she's a divorcee who raised her kids mostly alone.

only crime i can think of - i probably worked too hard and never gave enuf time. i don't club, smoke, womanize,drink, and i did not beat her. she complained she was being treated as a housewife even though she culdn't work cause she was still in school!!.

naija wives have really gone mad! i don't think i'll try marriage again if i survive this,

ol boy- go do DNA test.

i didn't even read this part. your naija wife was prolly bonking away while in school.

i remeber bacjk in school one of my friends was having an affair with a gal with a us based fiance. it was so bad, as the fince actually thought my riend was the girls cousin. he was telling me once when they almost got caught.

it happens all the time when guys abroad come to look for 'good girls' at home. its usually sharp chicks with a checkered history they end up with

DO THAT DNA TEST

he has ALL the right to have another child AS LONG AS THE WIFE WANTS IT TOO!!!!!
so are you insinuating that nobody can change their mind?! is it against the law to learn from experiences?! maybe she had a hard time baring the first child and DO NOT want to go through with another pregnancy again,  who are we to DEMAND that this woman has another child if she doesn't want it. is a married woman just good for having children? the rate that 9ja men like to have mistresses, i can understand [b]why she wants to keep her figure to stay sexy and hopefully keep her man in check![/b]now the poor fella is pouring his soul on NL instead of having a great time with his family.

@poster WAS ALL THIS MULTIPLE PREGNANCY STUFF WORTH LOOSING YOUR FAMILY?

oh yes, this may be so, but the poster never mentioned this. You are only assuming, right?
Again, I repeat, subject to what the poster has said, there was no concrete reason for her actions, other than that she doesnt want another child because she wants to keep her shape.
shait! didnt she know she has to keep her shape when going into the marriage?
No one said, a married woman is only good for having children but you cannot deny the fact that, that is their primary role in life. They are the only vessel for reproduction as approved by The Most High.
How can she keep her man in check when she is not even in the same house with him anymore?
What other counter arguement do you have?

Women are all the same, everyone that has supported the poster's wife must be a woman, i am a nigerian and yoruba to the born, my wife must want what i want as the head of the house, i think this issue of western life we are trying to potray will kill our tradition , mr postal i need you need to remind her of her vows on your wedding day, she they meant anything to her she will change but if she still doesnt care about the vows, the Bleep her, you are a man and you need to handle it like a man from now before it get out of hand, but before then i think you should let her parent and your parent know about this,

I think you should chill. You guys should have discussed such issues before getting married.
And apiece of advice, if she's as fine as you say then you better get your wife back in the house (which is the only place where you can make those kids you say you want so badly).[size=8pt][/size][color=#990000][/color]

@poster
d mum obviously supports her action as she has refused to respond to invitations frm my family for a discussion. we are actually not in good terms due to an earlier incident (she was askin for too much stuff and i decided to ignore her). she insists i come and apologize to her first b4 she intervenes. btw she's a divorcee who raised her kids mostly alone.

That's the reason why I keep telling guys to be watchful of ladies from a broken home or polygamous family.

dontexe:

@poster
d mum obviously supports her action as she has refused to respond to invitations frm my family for a discussion. we are actually not in good terms due to an earlier incident (she was askin for too much stuff and i decided to ignore her). she insists i come and apologize to her first b4 she intervenes. btw she's a divorcee who raised her kids mostly alone.

That's the reason why I keep telling guys to be watchful of ladies from a broken home or polygamous family.

Nigerians will always be users of other people. there is more to this than not wanting to be a baby machine. where was her mum when the school fees was being paid?

leave her and enjoy your life. just open your eyes and get yourself a smart lawyer it will be money well spent.
i have seen this too many times in england here even amongst the religious ones who are generally the most evil and manipulative.

i cant remember the thread i told the story of a friend who nearly got cleaned out by another ugly sister. his only saving grace was she couldn't produce bank statements for the money she allegedly contributed to his business and properties.

That's the reason why I keep telling guys to be watchful of ladies from a broken home or polygamous family.

just keep saying it until they hear. there is something that dont sit comfortably with me about people from such homes. i know there are the occasional odd ones but the general story i have seen is history repeating itself. i believe we can all be new creature with old things passing away but i have seen too many not improving on their parents relationships.

I have this to add,She says she doesn't want to loose shape and want to focus on her carrier.OMOTOLA has 4 kids and yet she still keeps good shape and her carreer is on the high.
So what is all this nonesense about western life or African tradition.MR postor, I don't think you have any good sense of reason becos you are supppose to read the hand written on the wall.SHE DOES NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.SHE has only use what she has to get what she wants.THIS IS MOSTLY COMMON WITH THE EDO GIRLS.
You don't need anybody to tell u anything.She doesn't want you again and according to OYB go do a DNA test on the child.
You should leave your life to the fullest and worrying about UR ASHEWO wife will lead you to untimely death, since you say u still like her I want you to start going to church regularly so that the JUJU she and her mother are both using on you will desolve.We have this kind of story everywhere.
I don't think you have told your mother this full story becos she is suppose to fight on your behalf.
The girl mother is a very very big LovePeddler and we have them plenty in this Nigeria.
Mr Man becareful, you will die untimely.face church it is really important.
Your wife is more concern about your wealth since you guys did a court wedding.But Na Naija we dey, you still have your money, so use it against her and she will never get a penny and if the daughter is yours after the DNA test then take her by force.
She has never been interested in you.PREGNANCY DOES NOT STOP ONES CARREER.IF NOT OMOTOLA WOULD HAVE BEEN HISTORY BY NOW.SHE HAS 4 KIDS AND CAN STILL ACT A ROLE FOR SECONDARY SCHOOL GIRL.
if she is going out of shape, what is the work of the gym.
ABEG MY GUY SHARP YOUR EYES.YOU HAVE WORK TOO MUCH FOR YOUR MONEY AND NO ALLOW ALL THIS WICKED GIRLS IN NIGERIA TO DO YOU THE THING(turn you to house boy for ur house)[color=#990000][/color].I rest ma case

guy with this global meltdown u still want 3 shidren oo ga oo anyways just take it cool with your woman she'd come arond

To answer your question, Yes she can sue you for divorce, child support and alinmony, but you can get a lawyer and claim abandonment, that will greatly reduce her chances of alimony and child support. If your child is under seven years she automatically get custody, you could sue for joint / full custody after the child passes the age of seven meanwhile while the cild lives with her you will have to provide some support for your child.
Contrary to what people think, laws can be implemented in Nigeria, I am a Social worker and i have helped many divorced women receive child support, only women who dont know their rights will be thrown away without getting support for their kids. The Social welfare Departments and the courts have woken up to their responsibiltiesin the last five years and so women and children now have a good deal.
Anyway, to save your marriage, i will urge you to find a way to talk with yur wife, she is a human being who has a right to make her own choices, because you paid her way through school doesnt make her automatically answer to you. She may want to work because it will make her happy, and give her a sense of purpose.
Good luck

alfchye:

THIS IS MOSTLY COMMON WITH THE EDO GIRLS.

why dont you see beyond your tribal mind? must everything be reduced to tribalism in nigeria? i bet you dont know yorubas, ibos and other people from other tribes doing these things. what a shame

the main secret behind this is that your mother in law is ibehind the whole scene,she as collected another bride price from someone who is more richer than you are.and she wouldnt want her to have another baby for you so that the new husband will not complain.so expect your divorce letter any time from now, wish all the best

THIS IS MOSTLY COMMON WITH THE EDO GIRLS.

why dont you see beyond your tribal mind? must everything be reduced to tribalism in nigeria? i bet you dont know yorubas, ibos and other people from other tribes doing these things. what a shame

That's not tribalism, he said; MOSTLY COMMON, it's like saying, FRAUD is common among Nigerians than in Africa, that statement did not banish the entire Nigeria, rather said, it's common.

However, I think it's better to avoid such negative comments unless neccessary, cos every man is unique and we are all different, regardless of where we were born, however most likely can be influenced by our environment, only if we allow it, and a LARGER % always allow it.

damola1:

why dont you see beyond your tribal mind? must everything be reduced to tribalism in nigeria? i bet you dont know yorubas, ibos and other people from other tribes doing these things. what a shame


That's not tribalism, he said; MOSTLY COMMON, it's like saying, FRAUD is common among Nigerians than in Africa, that statement did not banish the entire Nigeria, rather said, it's common.

However, I think it's better to avoid such negative comments unless neccessary, cos every man is unique and we are all different, regardless of where we were born, however most likely can be influenced by our environment, only if we allow it, and a LARGER % always allow it.

using mostly doesnt mean anything here. almost everyone i have heard do this kind of things are mostly yorubas and ibos. do i get a credit for this?

JJYOU:

leave her and enjoy your life. just open your eyes and get yourself a smart lawyer it will be money well spent.

Since when have you started advocating divorce? abi it's cos this story involves a guy. When it's a woman, she's supposed to "forgive and be patient" abi?

All these slavemasters screaming "blah blah he paid tuition". so bloody what? They force his hand? He wanted to show off wealth abi? Now the girl wants to use this "tuition he paid for" to do some actual work and here you are all crying like market women.

The same people will then say Naija womann dont wanna work and rather rely on others. O bo lowo yin.

well bros, this babe don waka bi that so the earlier u get it, the beter it will be for you, i guess she has it all planned and maped out
- Date this dude@ poster
- marry him
- Have one baby for him
- Hit the DOOR
- thats leaves you as BABY DAD, paying child support( car, montly alowance and a house) , while she is waiting by the corner for her next GUY,
its sad you didnt see it coming, BUT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, sort out yourself NOW, peace

it can be very painful if this is REAL, and some of the people here probably are not married or do not know what it feels and what u are passing true but the bitter truth is that the fear of not loosing her(which u may eventually succumb to) is whats killing u.but just try and brave up, try all forms of resolving this but dont go out of ur way.
I am very certain u will laugh last in this situation and dat will be d best laughter of all time.just be prepared cos sooner or later she will come back begging after regretting her actions

DeReloaded:

Since when have you started advocating divorce?   abi it's cos this story involves a guy. When it's a woman, she's supposed to "forgive and be patient" abi? [size=18pt] i didn't know you hate me this much.[/size]

All these slavemasters screaming "blah blah he paid tuition". so bloody what? They force his hand? He wanted to show off wealth abi? Now the girl wants to use this "tuition he paid for" to do some actual work and here you are all crying like market women.

The same people will then say Naija womann dont wanna work and rather rely on others. O bo lowo yin.

you know me too well to say that. this relationship looks like it has past its sell by date. wisdom shows throwing some more good money after an already bad one is not good idea.

why do you need feel the need to call people slave masters?  how do u know he wanted to show off his wealth?

thanx NL 4 all ur responses even though some were more insultin than objective. please no insults - she's still my wife

i got thru to her @ 3am this morning and she really sounded happy (mus have caught her at a good time). I BEGGED her to come back (for d fifth time) and she refused again. she finally confessed she stopped lovin me 2months into d marriage and wuld've left but for preg and school. she said i was too serious minded. she had felt choked for the last 2yrs & 10months and really needed some space. i asked if she was willin to work on the marriage, and she said NO cause her feelings wuldn't change overnight. she's currently out of town wit some friends and left my baby wit her mum (this kills me). she has scheduled a meetin wit her lawyer for next week and when i asked if she will be willin to tell her lawyer d truth, she laughed at me and said (in her own words) - "don't worry, i know what i will tell my lawyer".

i am currently so depressed and feel like a failure (always been an achiever), not been to work today and already downed a bottle of wine. i really love her still and wuld give anythin to have her back (she's so fine).

maybe i shuld have given her momsy and siblings more money
maybe i shld have spent more time wit her instead of chasin money
maybe i shuld have been more sensitive (whtever dat means)
i guess i was tryin to be a straight and responsible naija husband instead of givin her enuf fun.

i jus dey confused and a bit tipsy,