My dear sista,

You will never get the closure you need from him. At this point he NEEDS to feel like the victim to make what he is doing to you seem right. He NEEDS to feel like the victim so that he can continue the r/s with the other woman.

You did nothing wrong, this was not about you. This falls squarely on his shoulders. This was all about him.

I am so happy that you found out what type of husband he will make in the future. You can count your lucky stars that you found out now and not after marriage or after he gave you an STD or had a baby outside. I am happy that you know now before he brought home another woman to introduce to you as your Jr.

He is angry because the gig is up. He is angry because you caught him. He is angry because despite his best efforts to keep the two worlds apart they still collided.

Take note people: Everything done in the dark will come to light. Just like the sun circles the earth so must it do for you.

I know you want your questions answered. I know you want to know how/why can a person who you have been there for so much could ever turn their backs on you. I know you feel like you're a great catch, a wonderful women, will be a fab. wife and mother but he traded that in.

Just know that karma is a bitch and she will bite him in the ass.

Dont fret because you gave 60% to the relationship then him. Just know that with every failed relationship you clearly define what type of man you want and what you will not tolerate.

People are put in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon
in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown

Please read and re-read this poem it is very very true.

He maybe the one that God sent to you to prepare you for the one that is meant for you.

W/O all the hurt that I have experience in life with regards to men not meeting my expectations, not loving me how I needed to be loved and breaking my heart; I would not appreciate the love that I have with and for my husband. I would not value what we have and I would have never known what true love feels, tastes, looks and acts like.

Take a man break. Focus on you, only you. Find yourself, your voice. Make a list of negotiables and non-negotiables and share that list with your next bf.

I am sorry that he did this to you. But know this for certain:

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!

If you have anything that belongs to him pack them send him on final text message letting him know the time and date they will be available for pick up. Let him know in that final text message that he should not contact you any further and if he is not able to pick up his items at the designated time and place that they will be put in the trash, send him this information via email as well, then block his email address, block his FB page. Delete his number from your phone, pack his things, clean your house then clean your mind.

Cut all contact. Send his calls str8 to voicemail.

Cry girl, let it out. 3 years is a long time to be with someone. Play the sad music, send your friends away, pull out your diary and get it all out and forgive him. Then close that chapter in your life and move on.

When he comes begging let him know that his wares can no longer be sold in your shop.

There will be a day that will come that you will not think about him at all. At that point you will know you're healed and ready for a new r/s. Dont rebound that is unfair to you and the other person. Heal completely and wholly. Look at this r/s and be completely honest about your faults as well; this is hard and can only be done with some distance; work on those things or acknowledge those faults and accept them.

If someone cant treat you right, love you back and see your worth LET IT GO.

You are clearly hurting and that is expected, dont wallow in it, use it to fuel your healing.

I wish you the best as you move past him and on to the one God has designed for you.

diva, one of the most respected and experienced women on here
has given u deep n candid advice
the ball is in ur court

Eish FB again!

@Diva1

Hope u not killing yoself with self-blame o. Take it easy sha. All has been said by the wiser,


@Sistawoman

Ja nheh, u said it all again. Wise words u used there, nothing do u jare

@sistawoma - it was as if u were talking to ME!!! Very insightful

@ Poster- sometimes when we want something so badly, we wont get it. He's a coward, period! Because of that, u'll not get the answers u need, so u'll have to heal and follow the wonderful advice given. I know i will, Cheers!

I feel that your 3year old relationship is too long to let go cause of such a trivial issue. you stated in your post that he has cheated on you before and you guys worked it out. i will suggest that you also work this out.
all those girls telling you to move on will run head over heels at your guy if he smiles at them, believe me.
so if you feel that the guy is yours then go get him.

praxx:

I feel that your 3year old relationship is too long to let go cause of such a trivial issue. you stated in your post that he has cheated on you before and you guys worked it out. i will suggest that you also work this out.
all those girls telling you to move on will run head over heels at your guy if he smiles at them, believe me.
so if you feel that the guy is yours then go get him.

Did he or is he thinking about that too? Isn;t meant to be a two way thing? What about him also trying to make it workif he is interested despite the fact i apologised?

@Sistawoman,
Thanks a lot for your advice. It was really deep and touching. I hope to use this to help myself heal faster. You are really a wonderful person.

Sister, he isn't serious about you.Cut him off.You didn't do nothing wrong.He wants to have you and have what's outside.Dont quarrel.Just give him a lot of space while breaking up with him silently (cant believe i said that, lol)

Gradually put him into the "friends" cabinet and discontinue all intimacy even if it means you have to scream at the top of your lungs to alert everyone.He'll get the message and do all he can to "earn" you back as a "trophy".Dont give in.He's worthless.(Cant believe i said that again, lol)

God

u have gotten more than enough advices what are u still replying and posting here for?

this thread never still end

Una still dey respond to this girl?

Tstark:

Una still dey respond to this girl?

Please don't derail this thread.


Thanks ya'll for your help and replies. Much love and For those that still want to give their opinions, Feel free.

diva1,u've done nuffin wrong okay?i know ow painful it wil b 4 u 2 accept dys bt ,free d guy 4 now.i bliv wat wil b wil surely b show him u can b without him he doesn't worth u dear.

Thanks a lot guys  . You really helped me move forward with the advices I got. Yeah like some presumed, He's been calling me, weeping on the phone, 'bout how much he still loves me and wants to be with me and wants to see me to talk but I'm taking my time so I don't rush into mistakes.

Thanks Ya'll once again!

@Diva1
am glad you are moving on girl and i wish you the best of luck

ah diva1 gud for yu

now you need to take yur time missy in handling dis situation now. yea dats wat yu've wanted all along cos i gess yu re used to it butyu gat to forget bout d fact dat he's beggin and professin all d luv in the world. i prescribe dat yu still take yur time a lil to be strong. depending on wat yu want is wat will determine wat yur next muv will be.But wateva it is yu must be be wise about it. dont let dis get to yur hed dat hes back and begging-remember dat all is not well until yu resolve some important stuff.

@sistawoman

your advice really made a lot of sense and meaning to me. . .very wonderful advice there.

He's still being sorry, but i didn't pay much attention. So after some days, I asked him about the money, I loaned him and he said he was sorry he doesn't have it and I should not be mad, then Next day, I texted him about us seeing that I wanted to talk to him in person and he said, Ok, he would come. I texted him about what time he was available and he then replied that he was somewhere else, that he had an appointment, he was sorry, that he will let me know.

I'm mad, that he didn't tell me earlier on and now the money issue is coming back to my head. I don't know if i should bring up the money issue again, then move on or what?

I never really wanted to comment on the subject matter but I must break my resolve.
sistawoman
You are Wonderful.
@Poster
Get on with your Life,Open the doors of your Heart and permanently chase the NitWit out.
One day,True Love will come your way and you will look back and from the bottom of your Heart you will say ^{I AM BLESSED.}

@toyen!! e be like say na ur great-grand papa own ooohh!!! i really no dey sure but e fit be

My sister, u never went wrong, but obviously, u r hurtin, u have every right to, u guy has gone off wit anoda woman and no matta how painful it is, u have to let go, am in a similar situation, my gurl has gone off wit anoda man too, and am trying to forget her while hurting as hell, he may come bak, wen his fling with his actress collapses, but once anoda actress comes, he'l be off again, move on, its difficult, but then wats easy in this life, d same advice am givin is the same am still struggling to implement in my own life, be brave

If ur story is fair, and he behaved like that, then it's unfair but then let go of him, he is not yours, a better man is on his way, i've seen him, take heart.

@diva1,
It's so sad u had to go thru these.I asked in one thread i posted if i could exchange u for my girlfriend and that cos u seem to have a very good heart.Listen,ur boyfriend is a real jackass! You did absolutely nothing wrong.Just move on cos u truly deserve something better.

ebila:

@diva1,
It's so sad u had to go thru these.I asked in one thread i posted if i could exchange u for my girlfriend and that cos u seem to have a very good heart.Listen,ur boyfriend is a real jackass! You did absolutely nothing wrong.Just move on cos u truly deserve something better.

you are right

@diva stay physicaly in and emotionaly out of d r/ship.u need 2 harden your heart a bit so u could tolerate any shit from dis our testestreone brodas.tak hart luv,belive u me is one of dose stages of life.

@Diva, dis story is a sad one n d guy is just plain pathetic bt U̶̲̥̅̊ need to stop doing this  urself! Wen I started readg dis post, I could feel ur pain bt after a whilt it bcam annoyg cz some "nt so gud posts" were makg U̶̲̥̅̊ talk crazy, he already cheated n U̶̲̥̅̊ saw d signs babe bt I gues U̶̲̥̅̊ were too in love to do somethg abt it, U̶̲̥̅̊ shouldn't av taken sorry as an answer wen U̶̲̥̅̊ asked him abt d initial distance. U̶̲̥̅̊ don't expect a relationship 2 move forward wen U̶̲̥̅̊ dnt discuss issues properly. As for d fake acct, U̶̲̥̅̊ went 2 far bt den, its d stupid guy's fault cz he pushed U̶̲̥̅̊ 2 dat level bt den again, its ur fault 4 allowg him. I jst want 2 tell U̶̲̥̅̊ dat u shd stop tryg 2 make sense of wat he did cz he is a loser n U̶̲̥̅̊ deserve better than dat n d last thg U̶̲̥̅̊ need nw is a guy makg u think unnecessarily, jst see dis as a blessing 4rm God(U̶̲̥̅̊ kud av bn married 2 him wc wud av bn worse), see this as gud riddance to bad rubbish n enjoy ur life, its part of d growg process! He taught U̶̲̥̅̊ sumthgs U̶̲̥̅̊ wnt ignore in ur future relationships. Takcre

Didn't knw dis post was ages ago!!!!!!!!! @ Diva, op U̶̲̥̅̊'ve healed now