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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / The Ash Rose (28140 Views)
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Re: The Ash Rose by Missmossy(f): 6:42pm On Sep 10, 2015 |
Omole should try and be strong, she is a survivor. I really feel so much for her. Kudos. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 7:21pm On Sep 10, 2015 |
HisMajesty1:Hi, sir. It's Bukky, Jasper's bro. Kindly reach me on +2340922343684. I lost my phone. All efforts to get back your number has been futile. Thanks. |
Re: The Ash Rose by Panzerfaust(m): 8:32pm On Sep 10, 2015 |
Ni OluwabuqqyYOLO:Nice work..quite intense. You should give erot.ic literature a try. Your piece balances grammatical technicality with the raw depth of humanity of the characters. Impressive. |
Re: The Ash Rose by sleemoon(m): 6:25am On Sep 11, 2015 |
OluwabuqqyYOLO: Still d same thing bro... BLOCKED! buh neva mind... Thanks |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 7:27am On Sep 11, 2015 |
xender:I don't see Super Stories, much more, write what's been acted. I respect my writings and will always do anything to retain my cachet. If it's truly been acted, you should predict the story. 1 Like |
Re: The Ash Rose by RICKYMARIO(m): 8:29am On Sep 11, 2015 |
UjSizzle:You spoke my mind, nice story tho. |
Re: The Ash Rose by HelenBee(f): 9:40am On Sep 12, 2015 |
OluwabuqqyYOLO:wonder y dis mention ddnt show on my profile. Well...I'm here...following bumper to bumper 1 Like |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 7:26am On Sep 14, 2015 |
Howdy, guys? I'm sorry I've not been able to type something for days now. I really am. Updates resume today. I'll put something up by dusk. Cheers! 1 Like |
Re: The Ash Rose by blackmarya(f): 5:37pm On Sep 15, 2015 |
*peeping* |
Re: The Ash Rose by dakkylove(f): 2:23pm On Sep 16, 2015 |
@OP nice story, i think you are on to something here ... the story line is very strong, a deaf and dumb girl raped with a crippled mother but the only issue i have is that the first two parts of the story could have painted a better picture, i was a bit confused . I would have liked to feel more for the victim as she walked home, felt her vulnerability when that man guessed what had happened to her, sensed his empathy for the girl, visualized her mothers helplessness when she heard what happened to her daughter, listened to her final thoughts as she grew weak in despair and finally died ....This would have prepared me for the next phase of the character , you can take the direction of this story now to a lot of places, you can either continue to build the story of tragedy that follows this young girl until she catches a break, or you can transform the story to how this situation strengthened her resolve and built this young victim into a fearless heroine or you can build this first parts to a background to the story of the child who eventually becomes someone powerful and traces his/her father. Any which way it's a good story line as i said. Kudos to you. I especially like the part of the young girl feeling special because of her disability, that's a nice one. 1 Like |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 3:56pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
****Continued**** Omole brushed open the next page of the note it looked she was trying to construe. Her concentration hung on the page and her eyes snaked between lines with vivacity. She wasn't trying to go slowly. Special beings had to be delineated always. She was gala, too, though she must have felt she would have skimmed better if she wasn't. The chair she was on creaked - most probably to remind her weight would measure a cow. She was on the fat side, it must have been, then. The table she read on didn't mind it's compatriot and beamed at the image behind her text. Darkness was creeping through the city gutters and tunnels already. Mild breeze sailed in as the great green curtains danced wisely off and caressed her mild talcum skin. Clothes just didn't preclude gazes from piercing through. The fluorescent light she had on wavered a bit and shivered recklessly. The breeze made her beautiful. She was gazing through pages all on, yet. She got up and fetched her uniform from the hooks she placed them. The blue skirt had made a hue and appeared smothered. White shirts had no problem. It glittered. She resumed reading as fast as she could remember she needed to. Something must have been approaching. She hadn't fathom Constipation fully when she felt a touch. The touch smelt leaves and pork. She gasped. Aunt Isoka had prepared dinner again. When would she cook well if Aunt Isoka didn't touch to help when it was time? The look she had seemed to show she wouldn't have readily stopped reading. It showed the thirst for pork, though. Her aunt's face caressed a smile and tilted her head and she tugged silently at her feet. She didn't want the teasing. 'Prof.,' Aunt Isoka's hands moved. 'You're not sitting for WASSCE yet. It's just the normal exams.' It seemed she teased even with Efik signs. Omole's face was grinning as she prayed the teasing would fall back when they hit the brick she had mounted quickly. The bricks failed, simply. The teasing ran into her with gusto. She got up and ambled after Aunt Isoka's buttocks. A smile was bent on splitting her face that second. The older woman sure had a way of getting her ameliorated. She wondered how prettily annoying school was with gazes that slipped under her robes always. She dodged a tease and grabbed the plates. How she would survive without the gazes for months flummoxed her. She should not regret the pregnancy. The aroma of pork clouded her senses, then. ****To Be Continued**** |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:06pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Hi, guys. I'm sorry I''m just putting up something now. I experienced a block. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:07pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Shalomdee:I'll work on that, ma'am. God bless. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:08pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
this looks promising,Thanks, sir. Enjoy! |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:09pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Alixe:I'm glad. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:11pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Wendysmart:Thank you very much, ma'am. I'm very glad I'm doing well. God bless! |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:11pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Amusaopeyemi:I will, ma'am. Thanks. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:12pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
jayfolarin:Thank you, sir. Enjoy. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:13pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Smooth278:Thank you, sir. I'm very glad you flow. 1 Like |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:14pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
fairygeh:Thank you, ma'am. I think I've taken to all corrections. Is it not? |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:15pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
twinskenny:Thank you for your wish, sir. God bless! |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:15pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Swissheart:I'm glad you're in. I'll drive you safely. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:17pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Niwdog:I will, sir. Thanks very much. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:17pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
chukwueloka:I'm glad you are learning something from me, sir. God bless. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:18pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
hayurmidey:Thank you, sir. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:19pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Orikinla:Thank you, ma'am. Stay with me, please. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:19pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Richie0974:Thank you, sir. Enjoy. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:21pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
nathie007:I'm very glad, sir. This comment could grow my head a hundred times. Thanks very much. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:21pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
shankies215:Thanks, ma'am. I'm glad you're following. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:22pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
FameG:Kindly reads again, ma'am. It's been Omole all through. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:23pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Missmossy:You bet. Stay with me, Miss. |
Re: The Ash Rose by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 4:25pm On Sep 17, 2015 |
Panzerfaust:Thank you very much, sir. I'm glad. Regarding the Erötica piece, I'll cook up something very soon. I plan to, too. 1 Like |
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