maryray I am sorry to hear about you friend thats so sad. Yes, it is indeed time women stood up to men.

Being strong doesn't mean you have to be hard.

I'm indepedent but I am there for my loved ones and my partner. I'm sensitive to their needs but I also watch out for my own.

I think you have to be on guard in some ways because of how people are. They can mislead you, when you have all these walls built up around yourself, that's when it causes problems and you get the "angry, black woman".

I try my best to stay as far from that as I can.

I remember when I first came to England and met first black girl (my school mate at English class) I was amazed how proud, strong, independent she was. In my 20ies, I was still naïve, shy and introvert person. She was outspoken, laud, happy but sort of scary. Then I become close with our old Irish teacher and I remember what she told me on her account. ‘Black girls HAVE to be strong, there is loads of men in their life but not the ‘staying’ types so most of them will have to make the living, raise their children etc on their own’.
There is loads of articles in UK magazines/newspapers about broken families, absent fathers, teenage criminality, teenage pregnancies. It’s a tough world one one has to be tough to survive I guess. Or lucky.

My life is different, coming from white middle class working family, I feel privileged because I had everything I always needed. I am independed, since my 17 on my own, working, studying, travelling. Never had to depend on men to provide for me. I hate arguments, I do not fight with no reason. When I fight I fight properly! But I’m not afraid to show weakness. I’d never try to change my men, but to always support him and stand by him. I’m not demanding but providing. I believe in equality, we do share our properties, incomes, housework, feelings, everything. I’m always honest and open. I do not play games. I am good in organising, getting things done and I’m forward thinking. I respect myself and others (until they give me enough reasons for loosing that respect for them). I’m no angel and my husband has to be patient with my temper sometimes but I’m no witch either! ,)

Good Black Women are indeed all around us.

We pass them on the streets, in the malls, in captivity behind the walls, and in the hall at work. Most we can't see because we don't know what a good woman really looks like. She usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. She might not wear a fur coat or push a Lexus. She might not have a "body by Fisher" or a face for "Ebony." But as you mature, you realize it's better to find someone who's got your back than someone who turns your head.

A Good Black Woman doesn't agree whole-heartedly with everything you say. She doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. She doesn't have to declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, yada, yada, yada, she is (she won't have to, because it shows). She has her own opinions, and you may clash, but she doesn't have to degrade you to prove she's right. She even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A Good Black Woman is not going to meet every item on your checklist. She is human with frailties & faults mixed in with all of her wonderful, sensual attributes. She needs your love & respect. She needs to feel that you don't have to catch her doing something wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew all along!!!"

A Good Black Woman doesn't necessarily give you a huge Birthday or Valentine gift. She shows her love in the ways that are comfortable to her. Don't judge her by TV standards. No one is living that Fairy tale--for real.

BLACK WOMEN, we salute you, and thank you for who you are, and all you've done.

I am impressed by your courage to challenge your assumptions about being the so called 'strong black woman'. Pls bear in mind that kindness, intelligence, flexibility- like the beautiful bamboo, sweetness, love, understanding, integrity/dignity and laughter are also strengths not weakness. How many so called strong black women actually smile let alone engage in laughter and simple non 'heavy' conversation with their pals? The bamboo may look weak, very supple and compliant/flexible like our mothers, yet it's one of the most beautiful, strongest and certainly versatile plants in nature. Our mothers and grandmas were very strong matriachs but they did not have the need to shout about it or be haughty like our so called 'liberated career' "strong black women" of modern North America. strength and happiness comes from within. Nobody can fill the void of unhappiness or emptiness pervasive amongst so many "successful" "strong black women". The statistics on black relationships speaks volumes about our inability to adapt to changing social circumstances. It's as if black people have bought and swallowed the hype of success in the work place or career as the end in itself unlike other ethnic communities. You're first a human being or beautiful woman so your career cannot define your character nor happiness. I am happy for your courage indeed. Remain grounded and blessed

Inked_Nerd:

OP: I really liked your post

I agree, and I'm so impressed by the responses too, especially by RichyBlack and Seun. It will do us as Black women good to read and take all this in, because the whole 'strong black woman' thing is a detriment to us in the eyes of our men and the wider society, cos it usually means 'negative, argumentative woman.'

Strong, sweet, Black women do exist and we live in England