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Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine - Romance - Nairaland

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Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 10:08am On Oct 09, 2015
Hi there ladies, oh & gentlemen too. I was minding my business jejely on social media when I came across a post trending on Instagram, apparently written by a Victor Chigozie Ibeh. I’m assuming Victor is a man, so errm for a man to give this advice I would say we should probably listen. I didn’t say do o, I said listen.

So the post reads “Dear Lady, before you marry him, discuss sex. Don’t spiritualize it. Sex is important. Infact you can’t do without it. Be sure that he has a working joystick. You need his joystick more than you need his speaking in tongues. God created the joystick and Vagina for a purpose; and they have to be put to use. Remember that any tree that does not bear fruit will be uprooted. Don’t allow anyone to deceive you. Speaking in tongues will not stop you from being wet. After the tongues comes the rooster. –Victor Chigozie Ibeh.”

I swear I found it hard to keep a straight face while reading this, and I swear this is the problem with a lot of us Nigerian women. We cannot discuss bedroom matters with a straight face.

Back to Victor’s “words of wisdom”; I’ve always been a supporter of keeping your legs closed before marriage, and I applaud those who do it, but I do not judge those who don’t either. To each his own abeg. This was until my dear friend married a spiri-koko guy some 5/6 years back who would not even kiss her while dating and was even appalled at the mention of sex between non married folks. He believed sex was to be discussed by only married folks. This sounds like good advice abi? Well wouldn’t it be too late if you waited till you got married to discuss sex? Oh, by the way, bros spiri-koko could not get it up in bed and my friend who was dying to be a pastor Mrs. in future didn’t know until 2 weeks after they got married when she was more or less determined to rape her husband. The concluding part of their story is for another day.

When my friend told me what was going on, I swear my stance on “test driving” went from sitting on the fence to YOU MUST TEST, but DO NOT NECESSARILY DRIVE.  This is how I see it: Every time I’ve been to a mechanic, or a car dealership I’ve always seen either or both the mechanic and the car owner/buyer lifting the hood of the car up and taking a good look at the engine; and also leaning their ears in to hear the engine’s performance. I’m assuming by looking at and listening intently to the engine, the buyer/owner is making sure he/she does not take home a lemon. I think they believe if there’s a defect in the engine it could possibly be spotted by lifting the hood up and paying attention.

Now to be double sure that what they’ve seen matches the performance, some will take the car for a test drive before finally paying the mechanic or seller for the vehicle. Biko, what is wrong in applying this same methodology to your sex life? I leave the test drive part to each person (but please remember you don’t have to drive each car you come across) .Make sure you catch a glimpse of his “engine”, actually scratch glimpse, make sure you take a good look at the engine and make sure it can stand, there are no visible damages, and most importantly that it actually does exist BEFORE you sign the dotted line.

Some people will frown at what I just said but please don’t forget that the heart of man is desperately wicked (e.g. my friend’s husband who used Spiri-kokoness to cover the fact that his engine is defective and didn’t think it necessary to inform her before marriage). Once you take the “engine” home and everyone has associated you as the owner of the “engine” it is not easy to return it back for manufacturer defect or user defect; there is no 30 day warranty on these “engines” oo.

In essence, I agree with Victor. Bro, you have spoken well. Let she that has ears hear o. We don’t want to come and read stories that touch the heart on Aunty Bella.

Sex is not the end of the world – yes we know, but how would you handle it if you didn’t know your husband has a defective joystick, I mean he kept it a secret under the guise of no sex before marriage?  Also, when people say discuss sex before marriage, what exactly are you supposed to say to each other? “Babe, lift up you skirt, abi take down your trousers let me see what you working with? “How often a week are we looking at? Are you a Christian Grey or a Christian Missionary? Should we order a karma-sutra book? Are we praying before or not?

I know I would be reeling in laughter if  I had a conversation about it and I definitely will not keep a straight face.

People, how did your sex conversation go with your intended? Please come and share.

Love is a beautiful thing.

source: http://www.bellanaija.com/2015/05/15/seun-akinlosotu-test-drive-the-engine/
cc lalasticlala ishilove farano

85 Likes 12 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by braine(m): 10:09am On Oct 09, 2015
Abi na... na so. I totally disagree with the idea of no sex before marriage. I can imagine my future wife not liking sex. shocked . That one na die o. embarassed

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Cutehector(m): 10:24am On Oct 09, 2015
As d "good guy" people think I am, (may Dey not ne deceived) I was discussin sex wit a gurl, she is a frnd of mine sha, so she was like, so hector u knw all this things, I tot u wr a good guy, I come tell am, wait ooo, shey God no knw why him giv man dick and woman kitty?



Even pastors who u think are righteous do bad things in d bedroom.. Den na me, hector go dey form holier dan thou...

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by agarawu23(m): 10:32am On Oct 09, 2015
lipsrsealed
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by SenhorSean(m): 10:32am On Oct 09, 2015
whats up there?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Vinshu(f): 10:38am On Oct 09, 2015
It's OK to discuss sex before marriage. It's a good thing. But actually having sex before marriage is not needed. That is just lust.

109 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 10:40am On Oct 09, 2015
obum88:
Booked.

Brb let me read the passgae and answer the questions below



I am back....


Shii mehn!




I still have not read that!




Nairalanders too dey write biology note these days. I get time read I no make first class?

4 Likes

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by BlackrulesDworld(m): 10:45am On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:
It's OK to discuss sex before marriage. It's a good thing. But actually having sex before marriage is not needed. That is just lust.

Virginity for sale!!!

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 10:47am On Oct 09, 2015
Cutehector:
As d "good guy" people think I am, (may Dey not ne deceived) I was discussin sex wit a gurl, she is a frnd of mine sha, so she was like, so hector u knw all this things, I tot u wr a good guy, I come tell am, wait ooo, shey God no knw why him giv man dick and woman kitty?



Even pastors who u think are righteous do bad things in d bedroom.. Den na me, hector go dey form holier dan thou...
if u jt mention the word se* they will tag u as a fuckaolic" and create an automatic profile for you. There was this girl sef that I told: she said " I don't want to discuss sex until I am ready for it", so is it when u want to do it gan that you will now talk about it I said,na im she talk yes o.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by BlackrulesDworld(m): 10:47am On Oct 09, 2015
It depends on the relationship and the maturity of the partners, it's not compulsory but it's necessary not often but at least once in awhile and not lust fully but passionately to bring about body intimacy.

You have to check the content of what you are buying to avoid refurbish one. With the situation of our fake brother and sister in the lord and @#Teamvirgin trending on social network and off one need to be careful to avoid regrets.

It does more good than harm.

Sex before marriage will help you to avoid "had I know" of this nature check picture below.

21 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 10:50am On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:
It's OK to discuss sex before marriage. It's a good thing. But actually having sex before marriage is not needed. That is just lust.
so it's until honeymoon night then u discover that his kini cannot stand,.i dont think prayer can make kini stand sha". besides if the girl is genophobic nko? Wetin u go do if u be the guy?

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Cutehector(m): 10:52am On Oct 09, 2015
michaelou:
if u jt mention the word se* they will tag u as a fuckaolic" and create an automatic profile for you. There was this girl sef that I told: she said " I don't want to discuss sex until I am ready for it", so is it when u want to do it gan that you will now talk about it I said,na im she talk yes o.
d babe na weyrey... Na dem even do am pass sef
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 10:54am On Oct 09, 2015
Cutehector:
d babe na weyrey... Na dem even do am pass sef
just pray say make u no jam or meet genophobic babe"
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 10:55am On Oct 09, 2015
Dah was sooo long

1 Like

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 10:58am On Oct 09, 2015
Harbosede02:
Dah was sooo long
yeah, the main thing is to get the message.

1 Like

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Cutehector(m): 11:01am On Oct 09, 2015
michaelou:
just pray say make u no jam or meet genophobic babe"
Godforbid. Chei. Thunder wey go fire am eh.
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Cutehector(m): 11:02am On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:
It's OK to discuss sex before marriage. It's a good thing. But actually having sex before marriage is not needed. That is just lust.
chei wen u marry guy wey dey impotent, thank the op for this piece.

1 Like

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 11:03am On Oct 09, 2015
Cutehector:
Godforbid. Chei. Thunder wey go fire am eh.
lwkmh
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Vinshu(f): 11:14am On Oct 09, 2015
Cutehector:
chei wen u marry guy wey dey impotent, thank the op for this piece.

I'm already married. When you discuss sex then you would know if he is potent or not and there would be medical tests and screening that would detect all that. This is 2015

12 Likes

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by michaelou(m): 11:24am On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:


I'm already married. When you discuss sex then you would know if he is potent or not and there would be medical tests and screening that would detect all that. This is 2015
better. the last I checked infertility in women and impotency in men no dey show for face. And besides, impotency can be detected by laboratory tests but infertility can't be until the deed is done. And if it can be detected please enlighten me.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Vinshu(f): 11:44am On Oct 09, 2015
michaelou:
better. the last I checked infertility in women and impotency in men no dey show for face. And besides, impotency can be detected by laboratory tests but infertility can't be until the deed is done. And if it can be detected please enlighten me.

My point is, having sex before marriage is not needed. You can actually detect infertility medically. Unless you want to have sex and then get pregnant and wait for 9 months to give birth then get married.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by 400billionman: 12:16pm On Oct 09, 2015
I simply tell her, " I want to cheesy ".

And it works.

4 Likes

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:02pm On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:
It's OK to discuss sex before marriage. It's a good thing. But actually having sex before marriage is not needed. That is just lust.
You are looking at it from a religious perspective and it is medieval idea not 21st century. I think it is right to have steamy sex before marriage without guilty conscience for at least twice.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:06pm On Oct 09, 2015
#TeamConvent so grin

1 Like

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Vinshu(f): 1:14pm On Oct 09, 2015
all4naija:

You are looking at it from a religious perspective and it is medieval idea not 21st century. I think it is right to have steamy sex before marriage without guilty conscience for at least twice.

Of what benefit or value does that add to the marriage? It's only perverted men who desire this sex before marriage thing.

19 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:20pm On Oct 09, 2015
MrsPhyno:
#TeamConvent so grin

The engine has to be tested. .can you buy car without confiming if it's working or not grin

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:21pm On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:


Of what benefit or value does that add to the marriage? It's only perverted men who desire this sex before marriage thing.
It's part of human nature to do so and it is very interesting. I don't think it is perverted men who do that. I can see it like a connection without that guilty conscience. Religious people demonize it and make it looks like having sex before marriage is wrong. That is one of the major causes of guiltiness. If not it is fun, interesting and keep both genders connected before the symbolic ceremonial sh*t called marriage is done, most especially, those lavished ones which usually end in divorce.

I still believe in sex before marriage. Just twice not over indulging it though.

21 Likes 1 Share

Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Vinshu(f): 1:26pm On Oct 09, 2015
all4naija:

It's part of human nature to do so and it is very interesting. I don't think it is perverted men who do that. I can see it like a connection without that guilty conscience. Religious people demonize it and make it looks like having sex before marriage is wrong. That is one of the major causes of guiltiness. If not it is fun, interesting and keep both genders connected before the symbolic ceremonial sh*t called marriage is done, most especially, those lavished ones which usually end in divorce.

I still believe in sex before marriage. Just twice not over indulging it though.

Sex is fun indeed. But for the lady involved, it sparks a lot of risks. What if the guy changes his mind? Like he is no longer interested? It is no connection. Once two are married the connection is already there then the fun comes in as both are bound. Not bleeping like bf and gf which the bf can swith at any point to the next gf and leave the initial gf in the cold.

It's easier and fun for men but not recommended for ladies. Most ladies who indulge in it are pressurised by the men and some end up being dumped.

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Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:33pm On Oct 09, 2015
darkenedrebel:


The engine has to be tested. .can you buy car without confiming if it's working or not grin
Well I wouldn't know oga so if u say so grin
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:47pm On Oct 09, 2015
Vinshu:


Sex is fun indeed. But for the lady involved, it sparks a lot of risks. What if the guy changes his mind? Like he is no longer interested? It is no connection. Once two are married the connection is already there then the fun comes in as both are bound. Not bleeping like bf and gf which the bf can swith at any point to the next gf and leave the initial gf in the cold.

It's easier and fun for men but not recommended for ladies. Most ladies who indulge in it are pressurised by the men and some end up being dumped.
It still all boils down to this medieval idea that has become a societal thing. There is no risk if not this attachment of guiltiness and fear like the one you just mentioned in your post. A guy can still change his mind during or after marriage. We have seen that many times but using sex as an excuse to define how a marriage is going to last or judge a guy's mind is completely incorrect. I have seen boyfriends and girlfriends who are closer than many married people. There are many marriages with quarrels about many things including sex and cheats here and there yet people want to use this insignificant religious idea to define both sexes living together as one for life.

Well, marriage is a cultural scheme of deceit that is supposed not to be mandatory at all. It is being forced on everybody. We have found out that the diamond rings people spend fortune on have no value at all. It is a scheme by De Beer to deceive people to buy them for a symbolic reason which haven't been nothing more than triviality.

I recommend it for both genders without carrying that guiltiness. It is not a risk at all excepting for those who are religious and insecure about their relationship. That even proves they are trying to find trust where there is none because they don't have trust at the beginning but just getting along and the reason they are afraid to have fun before the overrated ceremony called marriage!

In your last statement. Are you saying people use marriage to tie others down? It is still the same man that will dump a woman after marriage.

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Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by pbs4real(m): 1:48pm On Oct 09, 2015
Oya ladivva come and confrim mine ooooh grin
Re: Before You Say "I Do" Test Drive The Engine by Nobody: 1:52pm On Oct 09, 2015
pbs4real:
Oya ladivva come and confrim mine ooooh grin
Lol
Naughty you, you're enjoying yourself here and forming busy for me on BBM abi?

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