I am 26 and have been seeing my BF for 2.5yrs now. We have so much fun together, have a lot in common, love spending time together, very supportive of each other and I know he loves me. Although sometimes when we fight / have a disagreement; I feel that he hates me.

We have had our fair share of problems in the past; including issues of trust, communication etc but we have decided to continue working on them.

A bit about him: He is Ur typical stubborn alpha male, very assertive, vocal and set in his ways. He is also tall, handsome, focused & ambitious, caring, v family orientated and God fearing (not overly religious like me).

And myself: Am not as assertive (but when I feel strongly about something, I am known to get a bit psycho). I am very thoughtful, fun loving, beautiful (not being arrogant . I also have a very successful career, very domesticated and take a lot of pride in my home etc, …,
Might also help to let you know that I am the only child and mum raised me alone (so I have not experienced sibling rivalry or the wrath of a Biological father)

I have always been a confident person, and knew to always be strong and look after my self (learning from what happened to mum). But recently I have been loosing confidence in myself in this relationship. I feel that I love my BF more than he loves me. I feel like am trying too hard, and recently I have been getting very emotional (crying during confrontation… pathetic I know!!). Sometimes I don’t even put my point across, cos I know he will have something to counter act my view. It is affecting me so much, that I am beginning to do silly things in the relationship, which makes him madder. He is aware of this and says he hates it when I make him feel like he is bullying me or does not appreciate me, that he wants his woman to be strong and not as if I have to beg him, but that he should be the one running to me. (I was never like this in my previous relationships)

I know I really need to get a grip, but I don’t know how best to. Do I take the back seat more often? (but does that not mean I don’t care anymore?). What if we fight and he does not call, do I sit it out? Because I believe talking is best, rather than playing hard to get. Just because two people don’t agree on something, should that spell the end? What are the best ways to make compromises?

I don’t think relationships should be this hard and that one should be overtly tactful and premeditate all their actions, but I value this relationship a lot and I want to make improvements not necessarily change who I am. All suggestions and advise are wellcome, I really need ur help to pulll through, Cos ur girl aint coping no more 

Thanks.x

Life is a challenge
Nothing good comes that easy. i believe it is normal to face some hardship in relationship
At this point u sud knw wat u want, two diff. people coming together to be one is not a day job
If u think things are not working and u want to walk out, the same thing might repeat itself in another relationship
Try and relax, u need to understand urself and dnt let ur moms experience get to u
The only advice i will give u is to rely on God, it is well,

@ post.
show ur guy this post. . .
bet u. . .if he really loves u, he'll do everything to abridge the gap.

good luck.

i think you need to discuss this issue with your man,relationships are full of crisis,only God can help us and that is the more reason why every relationships should be guided by prayer because u are coming from different backgroung,u are bound to hold different views sometimes.my sister nothing is wrong with you,all you need do is to communicate with your man,let him realise you are not 'cheap'rather you loved him,and he should reciprocate it by taking the leading role which u are taking now.Best of luck.

Is this your first serious r/s?

Thanks for all your responses, Much appreciated!!

@Charminme
I agree with you, I don't want to just give up. But def, knowing exactly what I want is a good place to start.

@Spikedcylinder
Was Ur comment meant to help me out?

@Sistawoman
It is not my first serious relationship. But he is the first guy I have ever felt this strongly about. Usually I have guys being the one mad about me. So I guess that's why I feel more vulnerable with him.

I have not really had guys reply. I would really like to know Ur point of view on this matter. As we tend to think a bit different from you guys.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . . . . .Guess u shud let him know how u feel

If i get you correctly you are worried about taking the back seat or the passenger seat and letting him drive?

Are you used to being the driver in your other r/s?


Let me know if I am correct in my summery before I offer advice.

no matter what happens, the man should slow down his roll a little

Trying to act all intelligent and smart isnt going to help the relationship

reasonable and responsible men always give their lovers a chance to express themselves smtimes,voice their opinions, listen to them and allow them carry on the lead a little

dragging points with a woman shows that the guy might turn out to be someone dat will nag in the nearest future

Poster,
This is a turn around relationship for you. That's why you are finding it hard to face the challanges ahead. Its not going to be easy, you need to slow down with this guy. From you post,  it seems that you had a measured expectation of this guy. ie that he would be all over you and like other guys, but he isnt and he may not be. That's why you love him more cos he's shown other side of men. Also, I would like you  to ease your emotional  affection about this dude   just a little bit. For instance, if you had a premonition about this guy, its better you still trust your guts instead of feelings. Sometime  in a relationship, we let emotions cloud our sense of reasoning cos if you rated this guy as an  A+ candiate at the begining of this relationship, it would be emotionally crushing when he does things that  warrant  a C or B- cos you had your mind made up on A. I used to tell some females to  always create atleast 20-30% dislikeness percentage in their hearts so that any time a guy misbehaves, there will be a bad space to store negative behaviour. Also rating him from your previous expriences with other men would be counterproductive. This guy is different and needs to measured differently.

You also need to build a  table   ie positive and negative. his positives on right side and negatives on the left. cross them out and see what's left. Then you would take into account what's left of him and how much they (left  over values) mean  to you moving forward. You must also sit yourself down and looking at things that are causing frictions in your relationship. What does he complain about you? You dont need to change on your values, but a little bit of felixibility or compromise will do some wonders.

Remember there is an EXIT strategy to move on  dot com

//

@poster
Yeah, you really do need to get a grip. Welcome to the world of alpha males,lol.

Stand up to him during arguments and withhold your tears. . .you can cry later,lol. Don't see yourself as the ''weaker sex'' or ''weaker half'' or whatever, or as the one doing all the loving 'cos all of that will break you emotionally, resulting in tears.

With alpha males, you have to be able to match them when their inherent ''bullying'', arrogant side comes up. As in, don't get rude and insulting, but match them fire for fire, word for word, wit for wit. Make sure he sees reason. That part of them can't change, it's simply how they are, so you have to learn to deal with it, and that's the only way.

Refuse to be ridden over. You see, alpha males may love you to bits, but they don't like to lose at anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. So even when they are wrong, and they know it, they will rarely roll over and admit it.
So, toughen up. Like chess. . .make sure the clash ends in a stalemate. Don't let him outthink you, and he will respect you more for it. If he is wrong, make him see. If you are wrong, accept and make amends. If it's just something you two don't agree on, stand there and keep at it till you two agree on a middle ground. Don't go weeping over how he said ''no'', or how he said ''end of discussion''.

Now, don't get me wrong here, this line of action doesn't work on all guys. It will put some off, actually. But for an alpha male, with all their arrogance and headstrong tendencies and stuff, if you don't keep up, you will be left behind.

I dunno where you will get that grit from, but find it, else you will keep weeping every time you two have an argument, with him being even madder at you for being ''weak''.
Do not take the back seat more often. . .you are not a weak dummy. You are a confident, young woman who knows her mind. If you are right, don't go cower under the kitchen sink for the sake of peace. Doing that constantly will only make you miserable. . .like now.
If you fight and he doesn't call. . .what you do depends on who's at fault. If it's you, do what you're supposed to. If it's him, make sure you explain, let him know how he is at fault. . .and rest. If he loves you, he will call. He may not outrightly apologize (the alpha male syndrome), but you will be able to tell when he is trying to. When you do, accept it like that. Gradually ''i'm sorry'' will come easy for him.

And dearie, in all of this, do not get mad, as in, raging mad. Doesn't work. You'll need enough patience and grit. Make your points coolly without blowing your top.

It's when you know you cannot handle the tough streak required to deal with an alpha male that you should consider quitting. It's possible to love, and live happily with an alpha male, but work dey o. If it's too much emotional strain on you, if it makes you feel drained, then I will advise you to quit and go find yourself a gentler guy.
What's the point being in a relationship when it does you more harm than good?
And, like adconline said. . .don't let your emotions becloud your better judgment. In relationships, sometimes you just have to use your head! If it's obvious that you will only keep feeling down and out, move on. Unless you want to feel that way for life.

P.S . . .sorry about this being an epistle,lol. I like to type.

Chei! Bloody Hell!!!! See Essay Competition Here