I thought I knew the meaning of LOVE until recently, Love is wicked, love is deceitful, love is betrayal, love is foolish, love is stupid, the list is endless, guys u might be wondering why i choose to define love in dat way, well I used to know love as Kind, gently, honest, sincere, beautiful, 

I am dating a girl for Four years now and it has been a very lovely relationship. She is the girl of my dream, the first time we met , I told her I was going to marry her dat was way back then when I was at the school. I was in my final year and she was in 100 level. I has been the supportive and the caring type and has always been there. I had nothing but she was still with me.

As I write this my heart is still full of pains. I am presently working n doing fine. I do care for her, in fact, we are already taking about getting marry. So you see, she is not just my girlfriend but my FIANCEE. Last three weeks she told me that she will be going to her uncle's place for the weekend. My mind did not go down well so I told her no, but she eventually went. I was callling her but the she talked you will know something fishing is going on. So on Sunday i called her that I will be coming over to her uncle place, she told me that she is not there that she is in other house. I knew something was wrong, I could have that day but I had to go to office for an important work. Could believe that My fiancee told me that her battery is down and she off her phone when it was 10pm  i called her throughout the night but the phone was off . I could not sleep. Meanwhile she was already one and half month pregnant for me since her mother will not allow her to get marry with the pregnancy, we decided to terminate it. she came back on Monday to my house so dat she from there go to work.

That morning we went to the place we would terminate the pregnancy, her phone rang but the doctor was already to carry out the termination so i collect the phone from her but u put of some form of Resistance, in the process the call cut. I however collected it from her. so, i called the number and the first I heard was " BABY HOW ARE U". cut the phone and few mins later the guy sent a text saying " I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMING OVER FOR THE WEEKEND,  When I saw this heart was boiling, so I sent a text to the guy that wat was it that he enjoy, the guy sent a text back saying "I ENJOY THE FOOD YOU COOK THE THINGS YOU BROUGHT AND THE X.   Imeediately I saw this I was running temperature my heart starting beating faster and faster tear started falling down my eyes. This is someone that I wanted to marry, that I love with every beat of my heart, could be sleeping with another man wit my baby inside of her(after dis I wasn't even sure I was the owner of the baby) I cried and cried and cried i had to call my office that I can come that I was sick. When this happened I did not eat for three days, this is real because I wasn't just hungry. A lot of questions was running through my mind. When we got home she was crying, she told me she met the guy two month ago and all dat,  Could you believe that I called the guy, we talked and he said he dis not know that we have gone that far. He said they just met.

The issue now is that I still love her and I dont know what to do . She begged me said it will never happen again and that she does not want to loose me. I have forgiven her, honestly I have but I can't seem to forget easily even as much as I tried because a lot of questions keep coming.

The reason why am writing this on nairaland is that I can not tell anybody not even my best friends.

You're going to end up leavin' her because you wont trust her

Dont tell your best friends. Dont tell anyone but us here about this unless you are ready to have them look at your future wife in a bad light.

The r/s can be saved if this is the first time this has happened.

You have to really search your heart and know that you can truly forgive her and not throw this in her face at the first chance you get.

If you can truly forgive her I would let her know that you will forgive her but you must montior her and the r/s before you move forward with offical wedding plans. That this thing may delay you for at least a year or so.

I would give it 6 months before making a final decison to cut and run or to stay.

I would normally say cut and run the minute your partner cheats but in this case i can read how much you love her and how sorry I think she is. She was caught doing something wrong. And you have talked to the guy so you know by her actions and from the other dude that this was a one time thing. It may be because of the belly she done carry that her harmones are all over the place.

She may have learned her lesson, but only you can determine that.

I say try to work it out and if at the end of 6 months you cant work it out then leave.

Here is a website that might help you in reconsiling your r/s
http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp

There is alot of good information there on how to deal with being betrayed either in a marriage or in long term r/s. Visit the healing libary and read about the 180 approach.

I wish you and your future wife the best.

@ Topic
Like i told already you - you will eventually leave this girl

sistawoman:

Dont tell your best friends. Dont tell anyone but us here about this unless you are ready to have them look at your future wife in a bad light.

The r/s can be saved if this is the first time this has happened.

You have to really search your heart and know that you can truly forgive her and not throw this in her face at the first chance you get.

If you can truly forgive her I would let her know that you will forgive her but you must montior her and the r/s before you move forward with offical wedding plans. That this thing may delay you for at least a year or so.

I would give it 6 months before making a final decison to cut and run or to stay.

I would normally say cut and run the minute your partner cheats but in this case i can read how much you love her and how sorry I think she is. She was caught doing something wrong. And you have talked to the guy so you know by her actions and from the other dude that this was a one time thing. It may be because of the belly she done carry that her harmones are all over the place.

She may have learned her lesson, but only you can determine that.

I say try to work it out and if at the end of 6 months you cant work it out then leave.

Here is a website that might help you in reconsiling your r/s
http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp

There is alot of good information there on how to deal with being betrayed either in a marriage or in long term r/s. Visit the healing libary and read about the 180 approach.

I wish you and your future wife the best.

Now this is mature!

This is very pathetic. Give yourself more time to know what to do. I would have said you should leave her but for the termination of the pregnancy. Let her know that you will need more time to trust her again.

Treetop20:

but the thing is cheaters are never sorry until
they are caught!

That is not all together true.

Sometimes you are very very sorry but dont tell your partner because cheating is something you take to your grave.

@poster

Not trying to justify what she did but one question for you.

Have you ever cheated on her since you met her? Your answer will determine my response.

Yep,

I agree with sistawoman here, you both seems to have been trhough alot together already.

i fink u have 2 suspend d marriage formalities 4 now, n monitor ur gurl, c how sorry she is for wat had happend n watch to see if she will continue d act. atleast i like her 4 one tin she said d truth (she met d oda guy few months ago, n d guy confirmed dat).

Good luck

guy
thank God its you not me cos i for kill somebody
how can u survive this?

i cant help u oo. Leave the gurl cos you will never trust her again even if Pope Benedict intercedes on her behalf

Omo, this your story na something else oh. Never hope and pray to be in your shoes. I cannot stomach such. Never born to endure such anyways. Some girls are just outrightly not worth it at all!

God forbid.

Hmmm, for a woman to cheat without you doing anything before hand (like beating her, sleeping around etc) means she doesn't love you. That's the sad truth. Sorry.

@ poster

Dont be stupid you lucked out by her terminating the pregnancy.Now you are free so you can move on with your life. I mean just think she knew she was pregnant with your child and she was cooking and banging some other dude. just imagine if you get sick and you can't work anymore that woman would push you out on the side walk and move whom ever she is cheating with into your home.
count your self lucky that you will not be tied to her for life due to her having a kid for you run while you can and dont look back

@ Poster,

I am really sorry u had to experience this and i understsand your pain. Truth is that a Girl that truly loves you and cherises you will not cheat carrying ur baby.

Have you considered the fact that maybe she is tired of the relationship and wants to experience something new since you have been going out that long.

Also, the fact that she cooked and bought gifts for the other guy says that the relationship wasnt just a fling, it meant something to her.

I will advise that you have a serious Tete-a-Tete ( chat ) with her to understand her reason for cheating on you.

Do not use love and emotion becloud your reasoning and there are other better girls out there!

One heartbreak is like a thousand lessons.
Loving again is learning them.

Davidcares:

The issue now is that I still love her and I dont know what to do .

LOVE IS INDEED FOOOLISHH

~ no comment till further notice ~

tboy1:

@ Topic
Like i told already you - you will eventually leave this girl

Spot on. . .the best answer on this thread

Was that time you told her not to go to her uncle the first time you suspected her of anything?

When were you supposed to be getting married?

Why is her mum telling her to terminate the pregnancy for her fiance in this day and age?

Did she go through with the termination?

Treetop20:

don't marry her
you have forgiven her
but you will never FORGET

This is so true, and you are right, they are only ever sorry once caught red-handed.

sistawoman:


That is not all together true.

Sometimes you are very very sorry but dont tell your partner because cheating is something you take to your grave.

I beg to differ here. This is not a one night stand we are talking about here. She obviously did not think or care about the guy's feeling when she was hatching and plotting to spend time with the guy whom she had been seeing for two months What if the OP did not suspect a thing, what was her plan? To dump him She was only a month and half pregnant so whose pregnancy was that? Yes the OP has forgiven her, but he would never be able to forget and is going to be tormented by that for a very very long time.

It is only when the OP can get the answers to these questions that he would be able to move on, but that is one tall order because no one likes relieving such experiences, so its either he cuts his loss and move on now or revenge and cheat on her too, to even things out Like I said earlier, this was not a one-night stand, she had an affair, and could have been on the path to dumping him, the ultimate betrayal.


@ OP
Tell some people in your family too e.g her mother, your parents, etc Don't see why you have to keep this a secret from your fiancee's holier-than-thou mother who told her daughter to abort your child because . . .

So you terminated a pregnancy because her mum didnt want her married while pregnant. After 4 years with you? Does her mum take you seriously?.

Love is not blind this days.My advice is for you to just leave her.

The healing process take time but you will get over it.

I think you v been blindfolded all this while by the so called love.

A man is not suppose to give 100% of his hearth to a lady,they can

fail at any time.

Guys, I thank u all for ur numerous advices and comments. I will like to say here that her mum was not the one that asked us to terminate the pregnancy. We both decided to do that. Again, we had talked about why she did that but the only respond was that, devil work and all that and it will never happen again, I wish I could just end the relationship but I still truly love her.  I just hope I wont regret this later in future if I decided to carry on.

@ poster. The truth is she doesnt love you,may be you should just discus this with her parents

and give them reasons why you cannot continue with the relationship.

I had a friend who had a similar problem,his fiancee got pregnant for another guy,

she then aborted,my friend got to know about it(after fixing their introduction date)

and call it quit on the day of their introduction,he is now happily married with children.

You v got to move on and do something that will also hurt her if possible.

She is not meant for u.

Davidcares:

Guys, I thank u all for ur numerous advices and comments. I will like to say here that her mum was not the one that asked us to terminate the pregnancy. We both decided to do that. Again, we had talked about why she did that but the only respond was that, devil work and all that and it will never happen again, I wish I could just end the relationship but I still truly love her. I just hope I wont regret this later in future if I decided to carry on.

Im realy sorry for you oh, kpele, I must say that I have been in a near same situation like you,except no pregnancy involved, well let me tel you something man, you will have to leave this girl at some point, cos even though you are gonna forgive her, you gonna live in panic for a very long time, you will get paranoid when her phone goes off or when she got no network, when she stays out longer than she is meant to be, if there is a man's name on her phone all sorts,anytime she is out of ur site for too long, you will find yourself calling her all the time, checking up on her, always digging to find more skeleto, that will be self turture but god news is, one day you are gonna find healing to this pain this girl has caused you in the form of a girl that ttruly loves you with all her heart and you got to treat her right.Thats how mine worked out in my first year at Uni, hope you get the heart and motivation to furge ahead, there is a saying where I come from,

If you are tring to pull someone from the Mud and they are throwing Mud at you, what you do is leave them in the Mud.

Davidcares,

I went through your story and I must say it was a really sad and pathetic one. I really felt for you and I could feel your pain. Love indeed can be a bad thing atimes putting you in such a difficult position.

This is what I think,

1. This girl was unfaithful to you - I think that is not the first time she is doing it, she only got caught this time around.
2. The fact that you can now see this side of her, she will do it again
3. If a woman can descend so low to allow her emotion to rule her knoing fully well that she is pregnant and still went ahead to sleep with another guy, then she is not a good woman at all.
4. It may be very very very painful but my cyber friend, MOVE ON cos the memory will forever hunt you. You cannot trust her again.

I wish you well.

Time is a great healer, get yourself involved in extracurricular activities to ease your mind my friend. Look for a female friend (just friend), go for dates, drinks etc this will really help trust me.

once again thax for all ur advices n comments, i only tot this kind of thing happen in movies.

Davidcares:

once again thax for all ur advices n comments, i only tot this kind of thing happen in movies.

U will never trust her again as long as u still keep her. AND she will cheat AGAIN. she was not drunk and cheated on u, she was not raped, it was not one-night-stand.

Wake up!!! she lied up her arse!! went to his house? with gifts? cooked? switched off phone? and she blamed the devil?

U will regret keeping her.

thax