sistawoman:

exactly.

so where as a real r/s could have bloosmed from the meetings it is killed right away with the 9ja brotha saying i love you too soon and an american girl not understanding he means i like you.

sistawoman:

But if dealing with women in the Western world should not the brothas understand that the over use of the word is seen as fake and shady here? That coupled with the distrust that already is an underlying issue with Africans and Westerners should not the brothas be a little bit more sensitive when dating in our world?

gen2genius:

That's not "miscommunication" dear. It's misinterpretation. And that cannot be avoided. Men and women do not always reason/ interpret words the the same way. Nor do Westerners and Africans always view expressions from the same angle. That's a reality we must learn to cope with

Misinterpretation
to interpret, explain, or understand incorrectly.

Miscommunication
to communicate mistakenly, unclearly, or inadequately

gen2genius:

@ Theseeker

Try to be more practical. "Love" and "like" in whose language? Are we talking about LINGUISTICS here or FEELINGS? If in his native language, there is only one word for "love" and "like," how do you expect him to AUTOMATICALLY know that it's not the same in the English language? Do the westerners themselves learn so fast when they come here? This our "kolo" mentality sef. Haba!

ebila:

@Sisterwoman,
U shud know us by now.If we say we love a gurl we've not slept with,it's out **** talkin'.Love is love and like is like as in s western world,Nigerians miss it a whole lot doesn't mean d diff isn't defined.

It is not me that does not understand but the other sistas out there that the 9ja brothas are toasting here in the Western world.

Is it not the responsibility of the person that immigrating to a new country to understand their customs and ways of being and either disregard them and stick with "your own kind" or accept them and adjust your way of dealing with us.

That goes both ways. If a westerner wanted to come live in 9ja then it is their responsibility to learn the customs and follow them, not doing so can/will result in insult and possible injury.

That is for any person going to a different land.

As my dad would say"when in rome do as the romans would do"
Is it a pride thing that wont allow the men to acknowldege this and accept this?
Is this that egocentric thinking peeping it's little head up.
When taking english in school are these type of differences in lauguage usage discussed?

touchmeder:

you have spoken well and it is here i agree with you

Is it a pride thing that wont allow the men to acknowledge this and accept this?
Is this that egocentric thinking peeping it's little head up.
When taking English in school are these type of differences in language usage discussed?

sistawoman:


Is it a pride thing that wont allow the men to acknowldege this and accept this?
Is this that egocentric thinking peeping it's little head up.
When taking english in school are these type of differences in lauguage usage discussed?

No, it's far from pride. It's a profound wealth in ignorance.

Their egocentric thinking is directed somewhere else because ascertaining such a mix up is clueless rather it's used in trampling on a woman's emotions and make her feel like she's got no choice. But then, what do you say to people who equate jealousy with love?

Schools are different in Nigeria. Just like it is everywhere else, there's private and public schools. Private schools are way better and 100% effective than public schools. In public examinations, students from private schools perform exceptionally better than their public school counterpart, they also are confident in representing what they have been taught in school which includes moral education. Not to deviate from your question, proper use of English Language is extensively taught in private schools than it will ever be in public schools. So this depends on what academic world one has been exposed to. Private school, yes! Public school? No!

sistawoman:

But if dealing with women in the Western world should not the brothas understand that the over use of the word is seen as fake and shady here? That coupled with the distrust that already is an underlying issue with Africans and Westerners should not the brothas be a little bit more sensitive when dating in our world?

gen2genius:

I sometimes find it hard to understand what some men think they stand to gain when they say things like this. In the first place, are you trying to gain the approval of the womenfolk by making baseless generalisations about men? Some of us mistake being smarmy for being candid. Is it only men that "trample" on people's emotions? Even women that claim to know the real meaning of love, don't they use the word deceitfully? Don't they use it when they don't mean it? It appalls me when we jettison logic and allow sentiments to becloud our reasoning. So not knowing the difference between "love" and "like" makes men take women for granted. Are the women imbeciles? If a man tells a woman he loves her when they barely know each other and she believes him, who is the real slowpoke? Why do we fuss over frivolities and tussle over trivialities. We're making an issue out of nothing. If she feels he's not using the word properly, she's not compelled to respond. It's his right to express himself, however he thinks appropriate, and it's her right to react to the expression the way she interprets it. Simple! Why the much ado about nothing? Haba!

And the comment about private and public school is not totally correct. Some products of public schools are far better than those of private schools. I attended public primary and secondary schools in a real slum. But I performed better than most of my counterparts from private schools in the university. And there many other people like me. So, stop making questionable generalisations about Nigerian men and Nigerian schools.

American men don't come to African forums to say derogatory things about their people. And women don't go about saying nasty things about themselves to please any man. I wonder why ours has to be different - anything to make us look like "learned gentlemen"

Kunbee:

Thanks 2 gen2genius for clearing the public and private school statement, i cant believe Theseeker made such a statement

Kunbee:

In school dey teach these things its now up 2 d student 2 understand or not, i think those guys say love cos dey are trying to make the ladies excited not knowing its a stupid way 2 do so

TheSeeker:

But are you also aware of the possibility that some guys even though they can differentiate the two, still go ahead and tell a girl they love her when they clearly know it's not true? And do you these girls believe that because most of them are watching Nollywood blockbusters? That might sound overrated but it is true(that can be attributed to most girls who still can't put a distinction between both). Let's take you for instance, if a guy meets for you the first time and the next thing he starts saying is he loves you, what'd you say? That he's so right? That he truly loves you?


Of course he doesnt love cos he doesnt know me, and i will tell him na wa u dey waste ur love and besides no one can tell me dat my broda niggaz dey look face den dey find their level and class  , but there are some chics out there who believe that shit and i have enough gf in which dats how dere relationship started

Kunbee:

Of course he doesnt love cos he doesnt know me, and i will tell him na wa u dey waste ur love and besides no one can tell me dat my broda niggaz dey look face den dey find their level and class Tongue, but there are some chics out there who believe that shit and i have enough gf in which dats how dere relationship started

sistawoman:

What I am trying to help you see is the preception of deceit and shadiness that most Westerners feel towards our African brothas and that this is just one example of how that is further perpetrated.

I am trying to open a dialogue about causes the misuse of English words and how that can be corrected?

TheSeeker:

That is exactly what I'm saying. Now do we say that these girls are naive or were just swayed by what they wanted to hear? Believe me, every woman wants to be loved and none would take exception to that, nonetheless most girls always fall for the word "love" as you can deduce from how to go on with the gist among their friends and all. I'm still of the opinion that most native languages can't be directly translated to English Language otherwise it'll totally mean something else. Notably, I agree that most Nigerian ethnic languages don't put a yardstick between like and love but with the education we have on the prowl, we should be able to tell the difference and attach that to our feelings.

kok:

The truth is, Most of us use dont understand English language in its real sense and dont exactly speak it as it is, rather we "convert" our native language to english instead of translating. So in actual sense, when a guy meets a girl for the first time and tells her he loves her, he is actually trying emphasise his likeness.

for instance, like = like, like + like = 2like, but, like X like = love

Kunbee:

Anywayz sha i think the love these dudes talk about is more than like and less than love but dont know how 2 express themselves thereby say love cos if u say u like a girl is like saying well whateva i want u as a friend and not a gf its like asking a gal out without asking her out i hope i am making sense sha anywayz its all these uni boys dat make alot of that mistake

Kingsleyinfo:

Nigerians use words out o context,
imagine my aunty telling me yesterday that i'm self centered just because
i stayed on the computer a little bit too much, and forgot to do some chores
since when did love for something become self centeredness, anyway thats beside the point,
the truth remains that you cannot love what you don't know,
when i was growing up i found it difficult to use the word love for a lady,
i've not fallen in love with, but then i realised that i got turned down for,
telling the truth, so i joined the chorus,
most ladies would rather you tell them I LOVE YOU which could be a lie than, I LIKE YOU AND WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOU MORE.
SO therefore you simply give what belongs to ceaser to ceaser, if that's what they want to hear then they'll hear lots of it
after all i don't have to pay for it,
na me wan die as monk,