I would love to hear from the 9ja women here.

If a guy told you he liked you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

If a guy told you he loved you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

@Theseeker

Dude dose r some nice lyrics _{i was blushing}, dats why its very important 2 hook up with some1 who understands grammar that way no confusion and peeps dont realize dat d word love shouldnt be used out of context cos it weighs a lot and rides on emotions

TheSeeker:

Exactly what I'm saying. Tell them you like them and they'll take you for a player out to hurt to them, say you love them and they will start smiling as the sun does to the earth.

Kingsleyinfo:

Nigerians use words out o context,
imagine my aunty telling me yesterday that i'm self centered just because
i stayed  on the computer a little bit too much, and forgot to do some chores
since when did love for something become self centeredness, anyway thats beside the point,
the truth remains that you cannot love what you don't know,
when i was growing up i found it difficult to use the word love for a lady,
i've not fallen in love with, but then i realised that i got turned down for,
telling the truth, so i joined the chorus,  
most ladies would rather you tell them I LOVE YOU which could be a lie than, I LIKE YOU AND WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOU MORE.
SO therefore you simply give what belongs to ceaser to ceaser, if that's what they want to hear then they'll hear lots of it
after all i don't have to pay for it,
na me wan die as monk,  

I see from your posts that you believe that works in 9ja.*

But when you travel out of the country like the USA then why continue to think like that.  Why would you toast the American girls the same as you toast the 9ja girls w/o doing your proper research to see how they should be toasted.  Is there a problem with 9ja men changing their ways?  Or is their way or the highway type of mentality?

*this is yet to be determined until I hear from the 9ja women.

Kunbee:

@Theseeker

Dude dose r some nice lyrics _{i was blushing}, dats why its very important 2 hook up with some1 who understands grammar that way no confusion and peeps dont realize dat d word love shouldnt be used out of context cos it weighs a lot and rides on emotions

that is exactly correct and that is why they get dissed so hard by American Women. Those that are not chickenheads dont fall for the hype and dismiss them as being shady when I know that most really are not.

sistawoman:


that is exactly correct and that is why they get dissed so hard by American Women. Those that are not chickenheads dont fall for the hype and dismiss them as being shady when I know that most really are not.

sistawoman:

I see from your posts that you believe that works in 9ja.*

But when you travel out of the country like the USA then why continue to think like that.  Why would you toast the American girls the same as you toast the 9ja girls w/o doing your proper research to see how they should be toasted.  Is there a problem with 9ja men changing their ways?  Or is their way or the highway type of mentality?

*this is yet to be determined until I hear from the 9ja women.

That is what I was trying to say when the other dude accused me of painting my country black. They have been so deep rooted in this acts that they think it's just norm. But the truth still is these girls won't take you serious if you tell them you like them, however, I'm not ruling out the possibility that guys may not have been presenting the "like" assertion in the rightful manner thus not making the girls get acquainted with that.

sistawoman:

I would love to hear from the 9ja women here.

If a guy told you he liked you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

If a guy told you he loved you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

1.Ok
2.Try explaining 2 him wat love is and no i wont date u until u get beta lyrics

Kunbee:

1.Ok
2.Try explaining 2 him wat love is and no i wont date u until u get beta lyrics

And what kind of lyrics might that be? "you're hotter than the sun" _{tales by the moonlight}

But seriously before a lady even agrees to have a relationship with a guy who professes to like her, he has to state beyond any shadow of doubts what he likes about her personality and why-- then the lady can start to give it consideration. I think that can revamp the value attached to ladies in Nigeria by guys. It's disheartening to know that when you tell Nigerian girls you love them, they feel a rush of hormones in them and the next thing, they start reciprocating the gesture. Ask me, a guy tells a girl he loves her and in the next 3 days she tells him the same is never humanly possible, not even by magic but by misunderstanding, misinformation and deceit, yes it is and that poses a problem to how Nigerian guys are seen by the westerners which the poster is trying to let us understand even if they mean it so differently from deceit.

Nawa ooooo! Love and Like for Naija = E get as e dey do me  

sistawoman:

I would love to hear from the 9ja women here.

If a guy told you he liked you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

If a guy told you he loved you and would like to date you then how would you respond?

taking into consideration how long we've been friends, if i was both physically and emotionally available,and his reasons for liking me made sense to me and i liked him also, illd answer in the affirmative.
this serves as a possible answer in both scenarios


i cant date someone i wasnt friends with to begin with,
where do we start?

bluespice:

taking into consideration how long we've been friends, if i was both physically and emotionally available,and his reasons for liking me made sense to me and i liked him also, illd answer in the affirmative.
this serves as a possible answer in both scenarios


i cant date someone i wasnt friends with to begin with,
where do we start?

so if you just met or he greated you on the street and said I have been observing you and I like you and would love to get to know you better can we exchange numbers and see where this can go. Would you say yes or no?

How long after that convo would you accept him wanting to go out with you if he is saying he [b]loves [/b]you? In other words would you believe this after a week? two? three? four?

bluespice:

taking into consideration how long we've been friends, if i was both physically and emotionally available,and his reasons for liking me made sense to me and i liked him also, illd answer in the affirmative.
this serves as a possible answer in both scenarios


i cant date someone i wasnt friends with to begin with,
where do we start?

I see someone who's not moved by Desmond Elliot's movies   . I agree with you. I was trying to state in one of my earlier posts that men take advantage of these women because of this trend then someone clearly objected. I'll explicate a little.

There's no denying that the respect men used to have for women have declined not because women outnumber the men but because of the way ladies fall for us guys. Say I love you and they crumble like a pack of cards -- the guy says in his mind "she's so weak, she fell to quickly". In such cases what do you expect of the guy? Respect the girl? Of course not. He ends up doing whatever he wants because he has a strong feeling that any other girl he tries to hit with the same hype will fall for it.

Has anyone noticed how guys find it interestingly challenging when they talk to a woman who plays hard to get? Real guys will ensure that he gets the girl no matter how hard she plays to get and that means a lot of maturity have to come from his part is presenting and conveying his feelings to her thereby making the girl feel a little comfortable when they enter the relationship.

sistawoman:

so if you just met or he greated you on the street and said I have been observing you and I like you and would love to get to know you better can we exchange numbers and see where this can go. Would you say yes or no?

How long after that convo would you accept him wanting to go out with you if he is saying he [b]loves [/b]you? In other words would you believe this after a week? two? three? four?

frankly that depends on my disposition that day,
for me to even grant him the audience to say all that means a lot on his part

9 out of 10 times, ill smile and thank him for the admiration but firmly decline the number exchange
best get his number and let him be


if i do exchange numbers with him and after a month he uses the L word,
ill drop his ass faster than a hot pan of apple pie
okay that's extreme but if i do like him and i feel there might be something,
illd advice him to put the L word on hold and focus on the friendship

that word scares me personally, used sooner than im beginning to feel comfy with the relationship,
i hit the door


lol ive never been a fan of desmon elliot, lawd knows if i see him walking the im-coming-to-'chat-u-up' walk, ill jump in the next bugatti veyron i see
_{who knows the driver could be boris kodjoe (i dont care that he's married with kids! )}

bluespice:

frankly that depends on my disposition that day,
for me to even grant him the audience to say all that means a lot on his part

9 out of 10 times, ill smile and thank him for the admiration but firmly decline the number exchange
best get his number and let him be


if i do exchange numbers with him and after a month he uses the L word,
ill drop his ass faster than a hot pan of apple pie
okay that's extreme but if i do like him and i feel there might be something,
illd advice him to put the L word on hold and focus on the friendship

that word scares me personally, used sooner than im beginning to feel comfy with the relationship,
i hit the door


lol ive never been a fan of desmon elliot, lawd knows if i see him walking the im-coming-to-'chat-u-up' walk, ill jump in the next bugatti veyron i see
_{who knows the driver could be boris kodjoe (i dont care that he's married with kids! )}

Now that's my 9JA girl! You're the bomb!

he he he he
sank u feli mush

bluespice:

he he he he
sank u feli mush

?

he he he
thank you very much

you cant love someone you just met. you might like them or be infatuated at best.

Be friends first.

when you meet someone the first time don't fall neck deep although it is hard to control. Just keep it on hello hi till the real person envelope itself

rubi how can u say its hard not to fall inlove at the first time,
dont get it twisted, there's nothing like love at first sight
its fascination, infatuation, like
whatever, just not love

bluespice:

rubi how can u say its hard not to fall inlove at the first time,
dont get it twisted, there's nothing like love at first sight
its fascination, infatuation, like
whatever, just not love

Re-read my post we are saying the same thing.

bluespice:

he he he
thank you very much

What language is that?

bluespice:

rubi how can u say its hard not to fall inlove at the first time,
dont get it twisted, there's nothing like love at first sight
its fascination, infatuation, like
whatever, just not love

There ya go again. Make way the real 9JA girl is coming through.

the 'he he he' in the post was just a way to show i was chuckling, the emoticon here makes one look retarded at times

bluespice:

the 'he he he' in the post was just a way to show i was chuckling, the emoticon here makes one look retarded at times

Do you think the trend of girls falling for guys at the confession of "i love you" will ever stop?

i think it will,
but not anytime soon

the sad situation is the lies being fed to them thru all avenues possible
media being the chief culprit
women are still very innocent and naive when it comes to matters of the heart
the traditions of society still place the utmost repect on a woman that hold the title of Mrs.

untill society begins to accept women irrespective of their marital status, as legit members of the society,
and indeed frown at women who fall for smooth tongued men too easily, maybe then the grim future might begin to clear up

bluespice:

i think it will,
but not anytime soon

the sad situation is the lies being fed to them thru all avenues possible
media being the chief culprit
women are still very innocent and naive when it comes to matters of the heart
the traditions of society still place the utmost repect on a woman that hold the title of Mrs.

untill society begins to accept women irrespective of their marital status, as legit members of the society,
and indeed frown at women who fall for smooth tongued men too easily, maybe then the grim future might begin to clear up

But a society where a woman that plays hard to get is giving common names ranging from pretentious to being proud, I don't expect such changes to come ever unless the ladies themselves start to say no regardless of whatever the media does.

@Theseeker not dose kinda lyrics lol

this here lady's saying no right?

rome wasnt built in a day

bluespice:

this here lady's saying no right?

rome wasnt built in a day

I believe that.

Kunbee:

@Theseeker not dose kinda lyrics lol

Just messing withcha. But what kind of lyrics really? Give me a hint. Wa, i, t, i, i, n, g,

Yes it is his right to express himself as he see fit but it causes much wahala where there could be none if he learned the proper use of the word.

What I am trying to help you see is the preception of deceit and shadiness that most Westerners feel towards our African brothas and that this is just one example of how that is further perpetrated.

Sistawoman, only a gullible dimwit would not see the duplicity of what you claim to be the motive for starting this topic. And sadly, your gimmick seems to working on some. You created the topic ostensibly to correct an anomaly that is causing "so much wahala" betwen Nigerian men and American women but a sensible person would want to know, how much wahala does this REALLY cause? Let's ask ourselves, (1) How many African immigrants are in America? (2) Of these immigrants, how many are Nigerians? (3) Of these Nigerians, how many are males? (4) Of these males, how many prefer to date Americans (5) Of those who date Americans, how many have this problem? or Is it ALL?

If we break it down this way, we'll see how much this issue is being blown out of proportion for whatever reasons. What sistawoman would have us believe is that ONLY Nigerian men have this problem (and some of us are shamelessly affirming this) and that the small percentage of Nigerian men that have this problem is enough to cause so "much wahala" in America  . No one bothers to ask if she conducted any survey to come to this conclusion. And no one cares to ask her, what sort of "wahala" it causes - that American women are so retarded that when a man suddenly walks up to them to tell them he loves them, they spontaneously believe him and start a relationship and the relationship eventually ends in disaster"? See me see FABLE!

@ TheSeeker

I didn't speak in generalization for all men and not to get applauds from the the women-fold for all reason -- I was only stating what is commonly true and what can be found based on 90 of every 100 instances. She asked if their egocentric thinking is peeping its heads up which I told her that some men don't care to know the difference and that tells when they mix up like for love and what happens next is that they, on a very funny belief that like means love, start to misbehave-- I know that was off topic but hey it was correct- better yet I can't start to generalize all men because for one reason or the other everything can't complete a 100% cycle.

You did generalise. You never mentioned "some" in the post I mentioned. And the 90 of every 100 instances you mentioned is mere speculation. Have you done any credible research on the issue? Must you exaggerate to show how "ignorant" and "egocentric" your fellow Nigerian men are? And I have my reasons for saying you seemed to be trying to win the approval of women with your comment. Apart from the things you said here, I've observed in most of your topics and posts that you're always looking for a way to impress the women by all means - even if it means going off-topic! There is an example here (in bold), and check your first post on the latest topic ElRazur started on a young girl plotting the death of her boyfriend. While everybody was talking about how evil her action was, you suddenly came up with the story of a man killing his wife and someone had to tell you that you were derailing the topic! Shortly before then, you had started a topic on domestic violence and all you were talking about was how women were being abused by their husbands and I had to remind you that both men and women could be abusive! Sure, this tendency to be servile could impress and attract some women  - but they are mostly needy, desperate and feckless women who always need a man's adulation and affirmations to boost their self-esteem. Not my type

There's no point trying to flying the "slowpoke" comment. We aren't up here for a hot disagreement but to share views.

That wasn't done impulsively; it was done DELIBERATELY because I still don't know what to call someone who believes and falls for every man/woman who comes up to them and say "I love you"

But are you also aware of the possibility that some guys even though they can differentiate the two, still go ahead and tell a girl they love her when they clearly know it's not true? And do you these girls believe that because most of them are watching Nollywood blockbusters?

Funny, you would say just about anything to defend a spurious argument. Are you insinuating that girls/ladies are so dull in reasoning that they'd believe anything they see in Nollywood? And if that affects their interpretation of words and motives, whose fault is it - guys? 

And the reason I mentioned Americans not saying nasty things about their countrymen to Africans is because Sistawoman is not a Nigerian. And it's wrong to support her spurious claims by affirming that the majority of Nigerian men are ignoramuses. She's not trying to correct anything because the issue is not causing any problem anywhere (as you can see from my first analysis above). And if it does, it should be among the dummies. If my sister came to tell me that she fell for a man who met her on the streets and said he loved her, I'd take her to psychiatrist. So if you have the same problem with American women, don't blame Nigerian men, blame their idiocy!

gen2genius:

Sistawoman, only a gullible dimwit would not see the duplicity of what you claim to be the motive for starting this topic. And sadly, your gimmick seems to working on some. You created the topic ostensibly to correct an anomaly that is causing "so much wahala" betwen Nigerian men and American women but a sensible person would want to know, how much wahala does this REALLY cause? Let's ask ourselves, (1) How many African immigrants are in America? (2) Of these immigrants, how many are Nigerians? (3) Of these Nigerians, how many are males? (4) Of these males, how many prefer to date Americans (5) Of those who date Americans, how many have this problem? or Is it ALL?

If we break it down this way, we'll see how much this issue is being blown out of proportion for whatever reasons. What sistawoman would have us believe is that ONLY Nigerian men have this problem (and some of us are shamelessly affirming this) and that the small percentage of Nigerian men that have this problem is enough to cause so "much wahala" in America  . No one bothers to ask if she conducted any survey to come to this conclusion. And no one cares to ask her, what sort of "wahala" it causes - that American women are so retarded that when a man suddenly walks up to them to tell them he loves them, they spontaneously believe him and start a relationship and the relationship eventually ends in disaster"? See me see FABLE!

@ TheSeeker

You did generalise. You never mentioned "some" in the post I mentioned. And the 90 of every 100 instances you mentioned is mere speculation. Have you done any credible research on the issue? Must you exaggerate to show how "ignorant" and "egocentric" your fellow Nigerian men are? And I have my reasons for saying you seemed to be trying to win the approval of women with your comment. Apart from the things you said here, I've observed in most of your topics and posts that you're always looking for a way to impress the women by all means - even if it means going off-topic! There is an example here (in bold), and check your first post on the latest topic ElRazur started on a young girl plotting the death of her boyfriend. While everybody was talking about how evil her action was, you suddenly came up with the story of a man killing his wife and someone had to tell you that you were derailing the topic! Shortly before then, you had started a topic on domestic violence and all you were talking about was how women were being abused by their husbands and I had to remind you that both men and women could be abusive! Sure, this tendency to be servile could impress and attract some women  - but they are mostly needy, desperate and feckless women who always need a man's adulation and affirmations to boost their self-esteem. Not my type
adulation
That wasn't done impulsively; it was done DELIBERATELY because I still don't know what to call someone who believes and falls for every man/woman who comes up to them and say "I love you"

Funny, you would say just about anything to defend a spurious argument. Are you insinuating that girls/ladies are so dull in reasoning that they'd believe anything they see in Nollywood? And if that affects their interpretation of words and motives, whose fault is it - guys? 

And the reason I mentioned Americans not saying nasty things about their countrymen to Africans is because Sistawoman is not a Nigerian. And it's wrong to support her spurious claims by affirming that the majority of Nigerian men are ignoramuses. She's not trying to correct anything because the issue is not causing any problem anywhere (as you can see from my first analysis above). And if it does, it should be among the dummies. If my sister came to tell me that she fell for a man who met her on the streets and said he loved her, I'd take her to psychiatrist. So if you have the same problem with American women, don't blame Nigerian men, blame their idiocy!

First of all, my post may have struck you as supporting women but no I am saying it how it is in my own world. I didn't generalize and never have. I give my opinions as it is and they cannot be unfounded. To clear the air about the thread ElRazur started, I didn't talk about the man who killed his wife to support the women but I did because that was the closest example I could recall at that moment to display how people kill better yet claim to love their victim-- it ain't like I have to google up whatever I have to make as an example. (Did you later see an example where I mentioned that Steve McNair was killed by his 20-year old girlfriend?) Then he said that wasn't the topic but did you see all my posts after all? Did you see how I blamed the girl? Did you see where I defended ElRazur when Bluespice and FL Gators accused him and NL respectively of being sexist because of the topic he used at first? Did you see Bluespice make an apology to ElRazur after I made her realize he never sounded sexist but she termed it out on her own? I guess not. Did you see where I examined that girls under 21 years are baggage of emotional trauma? No I don't you think you did-- if those that fall in that group were to see that, what do you think they'd say about that? Name another post where you think I have supported women and absolutely off line with the topic.

In as much as I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, I still am of the belief that it should be done with all sincerity at least from your world it should strike you as being entirely sincere and not out to impress or gain applauds from anyone which is entirely out of my aim of making my comments. We both have different comprehension of what sistawoman is trying to say. I still don't see it as if she's saying they have caused a lot of problems in the States --- from my understanding she's saying that 9JA men relationship wise get disregarded and less respected because of how 9JA guys go on wooing girls with the saying "I love you" topping their lines. She also went ahead to say the American woman looks down - in terms of relationships - on a Nigerian woman because of the way they believe to have been  falling for guys at the ranting of "I love you" --  This I know might be very true or at the least to some considerable extent. For instance and not meaning to steer off the topic, Nigerians are seen as, if not fraudsters, a bad and very negative influence or a drug peddler(but are all Nigerians that way?)-- even if you have a very fine job and trustworthy personality they see you a very questionable figure as long as you're a holder of the green passport -- most don't want to know if you're clean, have a good job or whatever. Just as almost every American thinks an Arab is a threat to wherever he is and that's because of what Bush imbibed them to believe about Arabs and the chaos Arabs have perpetrated themselves has in no way helped people think otherwise. Information and word go through everywhere because Americans like every other westerners like to pass on information and keep abreast of current happenings.

I have cause to believe that you didn't understand some parts of my post here earlier. I said in one of my arguments that girls should be blamed for that trend because when you try expressing yourself the right manner as much as your feelings allow you, they still turn you down thinking you're a player who's out to f**k them and leave them at the earliest available excuse to puncture the relationship -- now guys have to follow suit and do what will impress them even if they know it won't convey their exact feelings but long as it sways the women who cares. Still I blame it hard on the women because when you fall for anything, then guys will employ that tactics in getting them. No I still am not blaming the men neither am I exaggerating at all. I'm just saying it as it is from my end. The poster probably isn't happy with the way 9JA men are turned down  because they are used to the way they talk to Nigerian girls when in fact they have true feelings and the American women misconstrue that for shady and deceitful assertions.

@gen2genius,

I need you to go back and re-read my posts.

-I said African men but narrowed it to my 9ja brothers because that is whom I have the most contact with and this is a 9ja site.
-I also said that chickenheads fall for the "I love you" and that the sistas I roll with are not chickenheads and dont fall for it.
-I additionally said that because they dont fall for it, and because of the underlying preconceived notion that AFRICAN MEN are shady and deceitful that this further perpetuates this myth.

Are you only interested in ideas and thoughts that stroke your pride? Are you interested in things that make you think or grow?

My reason for createing this thread was that thru healthily dialogue I am hoping to improve the r/s between AFRICAN MEN and American women. And more specificly for 9ja men and American women. Secondarily to improve the r/s between 9ja women and American women. Only thru my growth, understanding and laying all myths on the table and having them debunked in a healthily manner can I obtain knowledge and one person at a time tear down the wall between my brothas and sistas here and there.

If you would rather we go on hating each other for no valid reason then I don’t/wont ever share your viewpoints. I am all about growth and refuse to stand frozen because of lies, innuendoes and misconceptions.

I am married to a wonderful, romantic, intelligent, strong Nigerian Man and I love him with ever molecule of my mind, body and soul. I am just hoping to prove that he is not the only 9ja man out there like that.

sistawoman:

@gen2genius,

I need you to go back and re-read my posts.

-I said African men but narrowed it to my 9ja brothers because that is whom I have the most contact with and this is a 9ja site.
-I also said that chickenheads fall for the "I love you" and that the sistas I roll with are not chickenheads and dont fall for it.
-I additionally said that because they dont fall for it, and because of the underlying preconceived notion that AFRICAN MEN are shady and deceitful that this further perpetuates this myth.

Are you only interested in ideas and thoughts that stroke your pride? Are you interested in things that make you think or grow?

My reason for createing this thread was that thru healthily dialogue I am hoping to improve the r/s between AFRICAN MEN and American women. And more specificly for 9ja men and American women. Secondarily to improve the r/s between 9ja women and American women. Only thru my growth, understanding and laying all myths on the table and having them debunked in a healthily manner can I obtain knowledge and one person at a time tear down the wall between my brothas and sistas here and there.

If you would rather we go on hating each other for no valid reason then I don’t/wont ever share your viewpoints. I am all about growth and refuse to stand frozen because of lies, innuendoes and misconceptions.

I am married to a wonderful, romantic, intelligent, strong Nigerian Man and I love him with ever molecule of my mind, body and soul. I am just hoping to prove that he is not the only 9ja man out there like that.

Blow the horn louder please