Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? - Family (14)

Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,152,717 members, 7,816,951 topics. Date: Friday, 03 May 2024 at 09:00 PM

Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? - Family (14) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? (51545 Views)

I'm About Losing The Man I Love And Being Pressured To Marry The One I Never Did / Marry and Grow In Love Or Marry The Person You Love, Which One Is Better? / Should I Marry A Man With A Low Sperm Count? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) ... (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by dapsonlou(m): 1:51am On Feb 19, 2016

Bro let me tell you, it's not enough to leave your Wife over and yes you married a selfish wife. If a woman wants to control you the 1st thing they will do is get reed of your Family. Don't allow her to put her mouth in your family business.

4 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by scantee(m): 2:54am On Feb 19, 2016

ariyike23:

lol..stop cracking me up..aos u doing?

my dear i still de like that they left me o

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by elomepee: 8:12am On Feb 19, 2016

[quote author=zayhal post=43012363]Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her.
hat way, peace will reign. [/quote

Please, go this way for now.

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by jacy67(f): 9:12am On Feb 19, 2016

chekasforchekas:
It's a normal thing with women, once your married as a young man, and have other well to do brothers maybe your better than, they is always a look like, this guys are feeding on your flesh whenever those other once are around, the girl always wants to know who got this and who got that, trust me over look it and possible don't ever discuss your family with your wife. You don't even have a problem.

I don't think it's normal at all. I am in a serious relationship and my guy tell me a lot of things, including financial assistance to others. But that has never been a problem between us because I don't know who might help him tomorrow.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by chekasforchekas: 9:16am On Feb 19, 2016

jacy67:

I don't think it's normal at all. I am in a serious relationship and my guy tell me a lot of things, including financial assistance to others. But that has never been a problem between us because I don't know who might help him tomorrow.

because your exposed or maybe matured in your own little way, you don't know how childish your fellow women could be a times or how influenced too.

4 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by sunnyt1(m): 9:43am On Feb 19, 2016

Bro, i affirm that your wife is neither a bad nor a wrong person, she only has a defiant and variant outlook about life. Dont ever decide on keeping your activities from her as against what others have been advising you. Doing things your wife is against in secret will only aggravate the feud when she finds out and she will one day.

The best approach is to work on her mindset, let her know the concept of sowing and reaping, let her know the table might turn one day, let her know the myth of giving and recieving.

Let me open your mind to something, Keeping this from her could mean you have the tendency of keeping out deeper secrets, in fact it means there could be other secrets somewhere. Now imagine what this thought in her would do to your marriage.

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by yemi16: 11:18am On Feb 19, 2016

olushowunm:
Be more pragmatic in your giving. Make sure you help ur siblings without letting her know. Do that at work or request for Bank account information and do online transfer most times. Then about that attitude, you need to use reverse psychology on her. Make sure you make her dependent on your family by giving her cold war. Don't talk and make sure u act irrationally without talking. If u have been coming home 8am before. Starts coming late and also never apologize to her nor give her reasons for your actions. Also make sure you don't sleep on the matrimonial bed. Move with ur pillow to the living room. Without long she will have to call your family attention to your behavioral changes. And if luck will smile on u she will go to your eldest brother first.

So with this she will be more grateful you have someone you listen to.

THanks sir...very well noted and appreciated...

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Nobody: 11:30am On Feb 19, 2016

Lol...yong marriages sha

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by mutiply: 12:04pm On Feb 19, 2016

grandstar:

yemi16, no matter what you do, do not take this advice!

would love to know your reasons for the above.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Ochyglowsglows(f): 5:20pm On Feb 19, 2016

@ ayauche, thanks for pointing it out to gologolo. @ yemi16, some people think it's not proper for u not to tell ur wife before helping ur siblings. I d still say Do NOT tell her, but like I earlier said, she d eventually find out. When she does, let her know her reactions when u help ur siblings out pisses u off, talk to her, and tell her u d even keep more important things from her, if she won't change. I hate my man keeping things from me, and not eating my meals, infact it breaks me to pieces. So I tend to dance to the tune of his drums when the need arises. Above all, pray for her, pray o. Cos no matter how much u love her, if she has a particular attitude that provokes u and she's not willing to even try to change, omo iya, the love go fade o. It is well.

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by adedayoadeoye(f): 8:17pm On Feb 19, 2016

What I see in ur wife is dt her selfish interest wil ruin her marriage.blood brothers is nt easy to interven in their matters.I am a lady too n I no there are some vital issues wives shouldn't get involve wit when it involves in laws.she is gradually pushin u outside at dis early stage of ur marriage is a pity.if u start keepin screts from her it gives room to many tings to hapen btw u.pls sir dnt abandon ur brother I beg u in d name of God just keep helpin him n his family and for d rest of ur family cos she is just wife which can go at anytime.then keep prayin cos more are stil comIn.God is ur strength

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by wiloy2k8(m): 11:40am On Feb 20, 2016

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

you just married the wrong lady ...

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ebbyneza(m): 9:21am On Feb 21, 2016

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by scantee(m): 12:31pm On Feb 22, 2016

ariyike23:

lol..stop cracking me up..aos u doing?

pretty how ar u happy new wek

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ariyike23(f): 1:01pm On Feb 22, 2016

scantee:
pretty how ar u happy new wek

thanks dear,,im good ,at work now..

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by eyinjuege: 2:40pm On Feb 22, 2016

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

The earlier you do, the better.

You know your wife, and for peace to reign don't discuss such with her. Just do your thing and assist those you feel you should.

Provided you are meeting your responsibilities at home, I don't see why she should be so mean particularly to your siblings.
Please always remember your parents and take care of them well. For your siblings that need your support, pls render it as its just for a short while.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ariyike23(f): 11:40am On Feb 29, 2016

scantee:
pretty how ar u happy new wek

,,im jes seeing this.. watsup?

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by scantee(m): 4:57pm On Feb 29, 2016

ariyike23:

,,im jes seeing this.. watsup?

am cool ur Lordship! Ojection overule u may continue to enjoy ur day...

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by blesseddiddy10: 1:03am On Mar 01, 2016

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

to a strike a peaceful balance between your wife and your family, u need to keep salient on some of your help and deeds. Rule if thumb is never tell your wife how much u help your family members a d same should apply to the family towards your wife. I practically tried it and it worked for me. you are not hiding any secret but you are just managing the situation because of the overall result which is PEACE.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by loshybab(m): 10:50am On Mar 01, 2016

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

Is either u feel sad for keepin tinz frm her nd later have a peace of mind and a peaceful family or u feel more sad gettin her informed abt whateva u wnt to do for ur relatives,havin a troubled mind as a result of frequent quarrels and risk ur relatives detestin u nd ur family coz or ur wife's greed....im sure u can pick d'better choice!!!

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by misreal(m): 8:44pm On Mar 01, 2016

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

na patience uzorkwor u marry......seriously i dont think your wife is mad to behave as such.just try talking to her to get what she really wants..

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by misreal(m): 9:04pm On Mar 01, 2016

broswilli:
Most women are like that. Women are not naturally good with giving except you tell them that if they give their gift will bring back a reward in a certain amount of time. Women are always scared of their husband's wealth being consumed by outsiders leaving her children with nothing, and some of them take it too far. If you want to help someone help the person in her absence or else she would start imagining that she is suffering in your house while others are enjoying your money. Insecurity is what causes such mentality. If there is a way to make them to feel more secure then men will have peace. A woman will bug you until you spend your salary to the end. She will only be happy if you keep the salary with her then she will not want to buy unnecessary things. If she holds your money, tell her, darling send 10,000 naira to your siblings and give me 20,000 to give to my brother, you would be surprised how she would gladly give you the money without complaining because she has started feeling more secure.

op here is your answer..

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by scantee(m): 3:54pm On Mar 03, 2016

ariyike23:

,,im jes seeing this..

watsup?

check up ur whatsapp message

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ariyike23(f): 10:59am On Mar 04, 2016

scantee:

check up ur whatsapp message

That fone crashed but i'll be bk dere dis night ,i'll check...

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by bukatyne(f): 11:57am On Mar 04, 2016

yemi16:

Its really amazing how what is taught during pre-marriage classes quickly fast becoming almost irrelevant in the real world..
During the pre-marriage courses, the counsellors will advice that there should be togetherness, and that no one should hide anything from the other....no matter how little or insignificant.....and that there should be no secrets...
Nowadays, this theory is almost not application anymore especially....really a strange and changing world!!

The pre-marriage class is right.

However, it is quite 'unfortunate' you married a 'Nigerian' wife and such rules/classes might not necessarily apply.

Since you are buoyant enough to help your elder brother, then she should take a blast and never disgrace your elder brother that way again. Whatever it costs to ensure she gets her acts right, please do.

And remember not to have joint accounts with her.

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by bukatyne(f): 12:00pm On Mar 04, 2016

mrDennis:

If the woman can disrespect her husband by calling her in-law to return stuffs already given what happens when the husband hits a rough patch?

Forget what the bible says family is more important than a wife (a stranger who has known her hubby for most times less than 4 years).
Tomorrkw the woman can divorce him , but family is till and even after death .

This is what happens when guys refuse to "be open " when courting babes for serious relationship /marriage . You should create scenarios and events that create quarrels so u see the ladies reaction /actions .
Not coming to NL to ask if u married the wrong woman

Yet I can bet my left bum you will not forget where the Bible said a wife should submit to her husband.

Selective much?

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by bukatyne(f): 12:06pm On Mar 04, 2016

Recherche:
[color=#770077][/color]

Listen, am a woman and I would be honest with you.
The one person who needs to be more concern about the success of your marriage is your wife.

Obviously you are the only one carrying this marriage matter on your head.

I know you want a peaceful marriage, but you are too soft.

So a 'man' should not be more concerned about his marriage to show he is 'manly' ba?

There is nothing wrong with the husband, the problem is with the wife.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by CNN80: 3:22pm On Mar 04, 2016

Ok, everybody has finished insulting the wife. E don do.

Yemi, talk to you wife. Find out why she has issues about you helping your brother. Tell her that it will look irresponsible of you to leave your brother in his time of need. Then ask her how YOU TWO

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by CNN80: 3:39pm On Mar 04, 2016

Ok, everybody has finished insulting the wife. E don do.

Yemi, talk to your wife. Find out why she has issues about you helping your brother. Tell her that it will look irresponsible of you to leave your brother in his time of need. Then ask her how YOU TWO can assist your brother.

Let me tell you my own situation. My husband can be over generous with money. He is not the best money manager. Once a family member or friend says, my guy, I need help, he will jump in head first. I, on the other hand, am more cautious. I will happily give in church, orphanages, etc but if someone directly approaches me for aid, they will get the third degrees more so if they are family. It has nothing to do with stinginess and every thing to do with having experienced people leeching off my parents in the name of family.

When we were about to get married, I pointed out to my husband that he had almost no savings. We had worked for almost the same number of years and had almost the same salary yet he had no tangible investments. He had sponsored various things in his family, weddings, business ventures etc. I told him it had to stop. How can you help people when you have not yet helped yourself? You have to pay yourself before you help others. This is basic financial knowledge.

It has taken years but now he is much better. He still gives out more than I would like (he doesn't always let me know) but I know he has savings which we can depend on if something goes wrong. And he always consults me before give any large sum of money or household item. Giving away an old phone, iron, electric kettle....go for it. Giving away a fridge.... I better have a say in that.

Communication is a wonderful tool. It builds togetherness. Saying that you want to make all the decisions because you are the head of the family does not fly. Once you married her, she became the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. Talk to her, make her a partner in your endeavours and you will be pleasantly surprised at how your marriage will blossom. It will take time but you will get there.

I know a man whose family complains that the wife doesn't like the husband helping the family. But they forget that there are two things involved. One, the lady was orphaned at a early age and had to struggle for every thing she achieved. Two, the family members are actually doing okay for themselves. Of course who won't like some extra help but without it they are okay. The wife sees this so she is more concerned with saving for their children because she knows what she went through.

Everyone has a story. Find out what your wife's own is, allay her fears and show her that you are partners in your marriage.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by poik(m): 11:19pm On Mar 04, 2016

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

In things like this, it is always better for there to be agreement. the house and the things therein are for the both of you, not you alone. You two are not compatible when it comes to giving, apparently.
But make the woman calm down abeg. wetin?
i hope she has siblings and extended family, too.

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by scantee(m): 9:22am On Mar 05, 2016

ariyike23:

That fone crashed but i'll be bk dere dis night ,i'll check...

yes ur Lordship

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by naijagobetter(m): 11:09am On Mar 05, 2016

yemi16:

Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

(1) (2) (3) ... (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (Reply)

Why Do Women Shave Their Baby's First Hair. / 'I'm Childless! But, My Landlady Is Pregnant For My Husband!' / Homeless Man And Wife Get Help From Twitter As They Go Viral

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 80
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.