Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

That's all you need to do.

jahrule:
Thank you Op for bringing this topic; i also have a lady i am currently dating that is exhibiting this trait. Ladies like that want to be controlling husband`s life, she would soon create a wall between you and everybody if you don`t fight it now.

I think i have to drop her sharp sharp before she destroys all my relationship with people.

My brother..before u take any quick decision..please be sure she is really doing this...
If Yes, ask yourself if u can cope with it....if u cant...my brother...RUN as fast as ur legs can carry uuu oo....

The solution to your problem is simple, first if you are reaching out to your family members , keep it to yourself.Get her involved in church activity,it should help refine her character.Deliberately develop a programme for reaching out to the extended family, so if 10k is going to her family , your family should also get 10k any other assistance to your family outside this should be kept secret. Gradually she will get used to it.Let her know that she crossed the line when she called your brother to return the items.God forbid something happens tomorrow and you have to depend on your brothers goodwill to survive.Your marriage is young and you can get things first time right by following Gods plan for marriage.It takes knowing Gods word to do this.I wish you the best bro.

Do not let your wife know much about your finances. You can always help your brothers without your wife's knowledge. Be the man of the house.

ojuolu:

Did you read the write up. " just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldn't or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quarrel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements... please note that this is not the first time. " each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i lavish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things..." OP, please do not apologies like i said earlier. you are doing the right thing. Be careful though. I don't want Ibadan lawyer story on any nLder oh. It is well.

Ojolu...thanks...i appreciate!!...and to be more specific...i stay in Ibadan..

ariyike23:


for now help yur brother wiout informing her and temporarily stop talking about your family to her. Try pretending wen u get home ,be cold wid her,if possible sef dnt eat her food for that night only(this method drives women crazy),we dnt like it wen our food is nt been eaten.if she asks u wat is wrong,say nothing,jes be quiet and do your own thing for like 2 days,den on the 3rd day cme home very happy,buy wat she likes best nd pamper her,den wen shez relaxed,tell her u both need to talk,just tell her how much you love her and all dose sweet things,den ask her y she flares up wen u help ur broda,listen to her reason and wen shez done,let her know that no mata wat u do for ur broda,dt it will never affect hers,if possible sef,cook up a story of ao ur broda paid ur fees in the uni. Do show emotions,let her know ao much her attitude is hurting you . we also like to see our men show dier pains,if shez a sensitive person with the heart of a human,she wuld stop afta dis...

Another very powerful advice...thanks so much...this one is sounds very matured and fair...

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

Thanks for your response, I once have a brother wit similar circumstance, but this man is bent on helping pple, so he will give and warn you not to go thank the wife or do same to him in d presence of d wife... My man apply wisdom, you have not married the wrong person, u married your perfect person, all u need is wisdom & it's natural to experience these at d early stage of marriage.... Learning Process, we all went thru that stage of life too...God bless your marriage.

I have a similar problem, as in money wahala between me and wify. There is no solution, but to know that U are in a big problem. You can see how 9ja economy is crumbling because of money.
But the truth is that in marriage, the first few steps must be right. Otherwise....

Truth be told, the woman has issues. 6months is too early. My parents are over 30 yrs in marriage, my mum always complains but has never taken drastic actions like ur wife has for peace sake. Just be rational, help ur brother as long as he doesn't demand for unnecessary things. Right nw ur wife is nt yet family and has invested nothing. Remind her of that if she doesn't want to calm down.

Bros, wen u r older n wealthier n of no sexual importance to dis ur wife, she is gonna kill u n claim everything u ever had. Pls save dis post.

if that is her only flaw, you should bear it since she informed you before marriage. Do not reveal your spending towards your relations to her and if possible curtail them because if you temporarily lack a means of income, you don suffer for her hand.

Princewell2012:

Hmmmm, let me add a little thing here.

Others have equally spoken well. You see your marriage is still very young, you must bend the hot iron before it is cold. I have married for about seven years now, I think I have a little experience about marriage. Woman is like a child, let her know where you stand at this earlier stage, so that she will get used to it.

It works for me perfectly. Alots of folks allow all these so called yeye love to destroyed their marriage, at the end of the day it is either she kill you or you kill her. When
You re heart get full of wrath you can do anything. How long will you continue to nurse it

I think you should correct it now, the better for you. One day she will stop you from helping your mother, until it will get to a stage where she will start fighting her, that is if your mother is still alive.

Infact my wife takes care of my parents more than I.

This very singular act of hers, has destroyed the good ones, that is if their any.
Enough said.

thank you sire for the piece of advice.

yemi16:


Ojolu...thanks...i appreciate!!...and to be more specific...i stay in Ibadan..

You are welcome my friend. Marriage is a school you won't graduate from unless you choose to divorce (God forbid) or through death. Hence you get the certificate as you matriculate. And no Marriage is perfect. We keep learning as we grow. There is no "one medicine cure all" in marriage because different strokes for different folks. As early as now, please have your value system set straight, well cut out and know what you want/ stand for in your relationship with your spouse and family. The two sides of the divide are equally very important to a man existence. I share a lot with my wife but only because i know her value system. A lot does not mean everything but like 85% of decisions are jointly taken. She know how my value system work and this really help in taking decisions most time. My family are very dear to me and i come in to help when and where required when i can. We have been through a lot together and i share the story with my wife who has never objected to such gestures.
Let your wife know this is your stand and nothing will change it. Also continue to pray for her. David would have killed Nabal in 1 Sam 25 if not for a wise spouse in Abigeal who was able to stand in the gap for him. Two have become one, God will continue to strengthen you even as you do the right thing always.
And i am ibadan based too but i work in abj.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

your wife is not only greedy but she's insane. Am sorry about my words but I don't see any normal person behaving that way. I would never be with any lady that won't accommodate my family(extended) I nor go let any woman come in between me and my brothers oOh

my brother women are almost same sincerely, mine almost similar married close to six months now. i was on a building project for my mum be fore we got married i told her i needed to complete the project before any marriage but she pleaded that we go ahead with the mariage and that she would give me all the necessary support i need after we are married mind you am not asking her for money although she works and i have mine too.But now she nags when ever i tell her am sending money home for the building project. funny enough my mum is a widow who laboured to see me through school and the likes of it, i explained all this to her but you can imagine what she has turned to. now i have decided to put her in the dark about my finances. my friend you have made the mistake already try to make her understand that life is not the way she sees it, you may be up today and down tomorrow. but if she does not change then let her be in the dark. when she realize she begining to be less useful to you, she will humble herself.Women are just like that they always want to be placed. yet they say they want to be loved.

Please, i d advice u do not stop giving to ur siblings. For heaven's sake, they were there even before she was, am sure they v been helpful to u too. That was d major reason I broke up with my ex, he d always complain about the way i buy gifts for nephews and nieces, saying they v got parents. Imagine me going to visit my elder sister and I decide to buy things to make lunch, not even cos she asked, but cos I felt like doing so and he d start complaining, this is my own money in question o, not his. Pls, i d advise u keep giving to ur siblings in secret, she may eventually find out, but don't stop still. Cheers.

100Cents:


Is that what the bible says ?

Acts 20:35B.plz mak sure to confirm.

Guy,you have really married a wrong lady and please at this point in time ,if you know what you can do ..you better act fast,she may end up killing you...Talking from experience though

Ochyglowsglows:
Please, i d advice u do not stop giving to ur siblings. For heaven's sake, they were there even before she was, am sure they v been helpful to u too. That was d major reason I broke up with my ex, he d always complain about the way i buy gifts for nephews and nieces, saying they v got parents. Imagine me going to visit my elder sister and I decide to buy things to make lunch, not even cos she asked, but cos I felt like doing so and he d start complaining, this is my own money in question o, not his. Pls, i d advise u keep giving to ur siblings in secret, she may eventually find out, but don't stop still. Cheers.

Why would you say he should stop giving to his siblings ...if he happens to be in hi siblings's shoes and what if things turn around for his siblings...what an advice is that?

God help you.

mizquote:



its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.

4 d mere fact that she had to call the brother to return those stuffs ,it has showed d kinda person she s,dere s no more excuse in tryin 2 understand her.am a lady and I would neva prevent ma fiance 4rm giving 2 his family,dey were dere long b4 I came in2 his life,my arrival shuld nt/neva stop him 4rm helping them wen need arrive.she s just selfish,datz all.

yemi16:


I might be soft but really i cant help it....its just 6months into our marriage, its not so easy to go real hard so early....
thanks anyway for the advice.

you're supposed to be a man. you better bring the FuckingI hammer down. before she stabs you or soup hot water on your head cos you're condoning her bad behaviour she will get worse

Dear Op; try bringing her into the decision making process. You are a man and call the shots but make her feel like it was her idea all along. for instance, she should be the one giving the household electronics to your brother instead. remember you both are one but like it or not, domestic issues is her territory. so find a way to entrust her with the money and let her be the face your inlaw sees as the giver. trust me, you get what you are still but with less stress to your marriage.

Make her understnd d need to help ur bro. U should also confide in her on hw u intend helpin ur bro too, so she wil kw befor hand nd she won't nag after u've helpd. But don't gv ha d full info! She s jst protectin ha home, some siblings cn turn on u. Ma dear u didn't marry d wrong woman, u jst need to think nd act as one.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

U better be lipsealed about what u do or about doing to help ur family members. And also I smell u are not man enough in your home, U will need to turn this around.u have to make ur wife respect ur opinion at all cost or else, u will just become a surrogate husband.

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

Bros, this is just the beginning.....there are still more things you would have to keep from her as the years roll by.

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

hmmmm. I would say this is a very wrong advice. to a ignore a woman who goes d extra mile to cal ur elder bro to return stuffs u willingly gave to him but b4 i continue,@OP, I would ask a simple question, did u buy dos stuffs urself, joint ownership, or she bought them herself? ??

Am a little boy but with the little experience hv had in live lemme chip in dz. When tins goes bad ur wife might loose u or even change her name. Buh one tin z sure ur brother and family will never do. They were there when u were growing up, they were dia when u failed in skul if u ever did. And they were still dia during d bad times. Talk to ur wife and mk her know u cherish ur family coz they r ur blood like she is. Nd if she won't change my brother pray. Peace

4C2215131:


The extreme naivety of the OP and nature of the post forced me to use the clichéd "my house, my money" comeback. I wanted to jolt him to his 'senses' (OP please don't be offended by my stabs at your person, just trying to provoke you to 'righteous anger').

I do realise that a marriage is a symbiosis. That said, the advice I see here tells me one thing; a lot of folks are suffering and dying in silence in supposed state of marital bliss, lying to the world that all is honky-dory while beating their head against a wall for the chaps and crying their pillows wet for the ladies. Such a shame!

no probs bro.. ...when u come public...u expect such....so no hard feelings...Just a question....u married?..and for how long...?...

itz so unfortunate dat d woman doesn't kw wat God has don 4 u guys.......wud she prefer u guys going to beg 4 food & orda forms of help or bin a blessing to ordaz?

If you care for her younger ones needs and she is comfortable with that and do not complain, but only complains when you help your own brother, then she must be wicked and greedy. I will not tell you to divorce her because you are married already, but let her know that you have every right to help your brother in as much as you can do that for her own family. Tell her not to interfere in anything you do to your brother, else you will stop catering for her own family.

Yemi16

You seem to be going the wrong direction? You seem to prefer hiding from her? That is the wrong way to approach it

Be upfront with her. Tell her you are going to help your family and no Jupiter can stop you

let me tell you something, to her friends now, she is probably bragging that her husband is a mumu who she can push any way she wants

This is the way to approach it.

1. Tell her the stunt she tried earlier calling your brother to return that. never in her life should she try it again

2 Rake for her madly. Surprise her. You have been too predictable. Show a side of you she has never seen before. And be clear to her, every option except physical violence is on the table. You can divorce her (you dont believe in the "divoce is not an option" mantra

Theres one thing in relationship, The best way a woman can describe a man is "He is loving, kind, gentle etc BUT he can be crazy when you do this ......" The part in bold is the most important thing. if a woman knows she can do anything and get away with it or you would come beg her as soon as she shed a few tears then you are in for a rough ride in marriage

Sorry to ask but did you have previous gf before marrying her? Women need a loving but FIRM hand. Not someone they can always walk over