yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel... she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

....it is big slap on you

yemi16:


My sister...i understand your thoughts...with a 6months old marriage.....you sometimes are beclouded with whether there is respect or not coz it all should be sweet lov for atleast first 1-2 yrs..

And therein lies the misconception!

trappatoni:
6 months is too early really, makes you wonder if the woman really loves you right? Let me be frank with you that woman is self centred and does not have any respect for you, why would she call your brother after you've made a decision.

@ why would she call your brother after you have made a decision. This realy got me angry. Hmmmm.. I think that is a danger sign.

The op has ignore the first sigh, now this is another sign. If something is not done now, hmmmm..

Borther your wife had a very bad mentality. Moreover, do u have to anounce to your wife what u want to do for your family? Pls if u know that such as become her attitute, stop informing her of your giving plan. It is nonsence
Your welness even in future depend on how many people u have succesfully helped, and this is what we called impact. Every single thing u do today weda good or bad is awaiting u tomoro.
You are bless not because u are smart or sharper than others but because u are engraced. Anyone wu want to deprive u of giving is going to deprive u further blessing in life, because where giving stops is where the flow of d grace stop.
Now, tell her openly, she is not d one wu send u to schl, afterall some of those brothers in one way or d other must have contributed one or 2 things into your own life in d past. So how will a woman wu comes into your life in d afternoon stops your people from enjoying u. Be careful bro and tell her to stop me and my husband only kind of attitude. If she truly love u, she will love people around and especially your people, it is God wu gave them to u and not u choosing them from heaven by yourself. Beside, there is no one in this world will ever pray to be concern to people in life, but wen d situatn of life sometimes push people to where they dont want.
Anything can happen to anyone at anytime, because life is always 2 sided. So u might need to fight( I dont mean u chase her away, she is still your but u need to correct that attitued) to put a stop to that nonsence , that might be d language she understand.
Stop begging for such a thing, u can beg her for other things but not on things that may ruin your future.
Let me tell u d way we handle things with family and friend in my family, most women do not like giving to your family but if u are doing it to her family, she will not talk, so simply keep mute on whatever you as d man want to give to your family, do what u want to do and that is all
See, u will notice that this argument of quarelling wilk not hapen wen u want to do it to her side.
Just be careful bro and God bless u

4C2215131:


The extreme naivety of the OP and nature of the post forced me to use the clichéd "my house, my money" comeback. I wanted to jolt him to his 'senses' (OP please don't be offended by my stabs at your person, just trying to provoke you to 'righteous anger').

I do realise that a marriage is a symbiosis. That said, the advice I see here tells me one thing; a lot of folks are suffering and dying in silence in supposed state of marital bliss, lying to the world that all is honky-dory while beating their head against a wall for the chaps and crying their pillows wet for the ladies. Such a shame!

I understand your point perfectly well, I mean when push comes to shove, then some things just need to be said.

You are right my brother, I can't believe the number of people saying he doesn't have to let her in on things, makes me wonder what type of marriage people really are in.

I know a woman like this some years ago,today her husband is dead and the table has turned. Her husband's younger brother and wife that she despised then are her bread winners today.@ Op Not your portion oooo. You will live to see your children children.

If not for anything,your wife should have been compassionate for the new born baby. I think you should seriously talk to her;maybe she had a bitter experience where her father abandoned his immediate family for the extended one(not making excuses for her ooo). She was selfish,self-centered,disrespectful(to your elder one) and uncaring. I despise selfish people. For me keeping secrets of your gifts to your family or anyone is out of it.

Princewell2012:


I think I need your account number for this comment you have said it all.

Can I PM you my account number sir?

yemi16:


Its really amazing how what is taught during pre-marriage classes quickly fast becoming almost irrelevant in the real world..
During the pre-marriage courses, the counsellors will advice that there should be togetherness, and that no one should hide anything from the other....no matter how little or insignificant.....and that there should be no secrets...
Nowadays, this theory is almost not application anymore especially....really a strange and changing world!!

No, actually the message is right. People are the issue.

I'm a gambling woman and I'm going to make a bet. I bet you N200 that she also acts jumpy when your relatives come around, like she's not comfy but dare not be rude and overdoes the fake smiles sometimes. Did I win my bet?

if that's true, she's suffering from I-Gats-Fight-Needless-Battles Disease. it's a nasty illness, ah tellya. There's a long cure for it and a short cure. Only take the short cure if you are a very calm and in-control person. ONLY IF YOU ARE CALM AND IN CONTROL AND HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.

if you do, reply this and I'll post the short cure here.

stonemasonn:
Ideally you are correct; but with women like this you have to develop some workable solutions. Honestly some women are not that easy to deal with. Believe me I've seen some things in this life.

Word! I've dated my fair share of difficult folks. Maybe they were sent my way for self development.

Remember dating one sent to me from the fiery pits itself. Men! What that individual that was spawned from the loins of Lucifer himself made me go through, lawdy!

The good thing is that the situation made me see where I had to work on myself also as I wasn't perfect either though I was far from being a hell spawn demonoid masquerading as a human.

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

Thank you, like the Igbo saying goes 'whatever a man gives to another man is just for safe keeping'; this implies you may need him to return the favour tomorrow.
Be the man of the home and tell her your red line, she will not like it at first but will later get used to it. Make sure you fulfill her own needs by not depriving her to satisfy your siblings, but be strong and let her know your definition of life.

Stop telling her everything about ur family and stop informing her anytime you want to help ur family member........ My big brother's wife was like that b4

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

To be honest with you, you married the wrong person. Marriage involves 2 families uniting via 2 people (husband and wife) in order to spend the rest of their lives together. The families' problems should be shared. As for a woman, she is supposed to "RESPECT" her husband as he is her head (the bible clearly says so). If anyone dares attempt to upturn things, then there is bound to be great problems. I'm sorry Bro but you just have to face the reality here. Stick with her as I would not encourage you to divorce her.
You even noticed this during courtship and you ignored it? Face it nah, you messed up.

By the way, I would have made same mistake you made but I thank God for Jesus.

Don't stop rendering help to ur brother n family OK. God will keep on blessing u for dat. But no matter how transparent u want to be to ur wife, don't let her know wenever u want to help ppl. With dat, there will b no more quarells.

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

Thank you, like the Igbo saying goes 'whatever a man gives to another man is just for safe keeping'; this implies you may need him to return the favour tomorrow.
Be the man of the home and tell her your red line, she will not like it at first but will later get used to it. Make sure you fulfill her own needs by not depriving her to satisfy your siblings, but be strong and let her know your definition of life.

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

Voted!

She is acting as if she is Oyibo wife.is only Oyibo women that behaves like that not we africans. Get a second wife to teach her a lesson.

u shouldn't even marry a woman dat gave u dat reason 4 lvn her x.yoruba would say "pasun ta fi lu iya le...."u should know she would do d same 2 u also.she I mean and wicked.she dosnt know 2mrw.she dst know when she would b needing ur brithers help 2.or u needing him.she just wicked.and don't beg.let her know she wrong.report her 2 her mum.she is not a good woman.

freecocoa:
I understand your point perfectly well, I mean when push comes to shove, then some things just need to be said.

You are right my brother, I can't believe the number of people saying he doesn't have to let her in on things, makes me wonder what type of marriage people really are in.

DOA most times. I've come to understand that cloaking everything debilitating about your character and that that of your potential significant other under the banner of love tends to backfire as when reality sets in the veneer of protection afforded by so called love appear to be very thin.

Full disclosure (to a reasonable extent, don't want him knowing you shagged three of his friends and two of his work colleagues before you met him) is the key. Let him/her see you at your most infernal and glorious moments. Be real! Stop the lies and pussy-footing!

If you're a wife beater, tear am better slap during courtship so she knows she's got an abuser for a fiancee thus making her decision of staying or leaving. If you're a nymph do tell him to go another six rounds after the fourth so he knows your sexual appetite being insatiable may find release in the loins of another man or two. Knowing this he makes his decision too.

Hiding all the above mentioned proclivities of a potential spouse under the guise of a misplaced sense of love bodes disaster...ask the OP, he can verify that.

Now this doesn't mean I do not advocate for love, hell, I'm a hopeless romantic as a perusal of my posts will show BUT I've learned how to balance the yearnings of my heart with the dictates of my head.

Learn it too, you'd be the better for it.

BLOODY IS THICKER DAN WATER. His ur brother nd he needs ur help, so I don't tink anything can stop u from helping him. Is GooD to be GooD. God reward good deeds.

My brother you did not marry the wrong lady but you are handling her the wrong way. You have been too open with your wife. Since you do not run a joint account, she does not have to know when you choose to assist anybody. Help by all means but keep it from her.

To be sincere with you, women like this kill their husband out of loosing power to control them.That her life style is simply witchcraft.Dont die for nothing. Anywoman that will not give u a good reason, i mean convincing reason not to do a particular thing is a secret witch, mark my word and find out.so many men have died or become poor caused by their wife. some suggested you hide a give your own blood brother, bro if she finds out, that means you have overpowered her and you might be injured for it(you know what i mean na) seat her down and discuss this issue weller with her but if she persist, FILE FOR DIVORCE SIMPLE.

I know one thing that can work- it worked for all the people it was recommended for. If you are chanced, I will like to invite you for a program in Miango Jos coming up on the 27th of April to 1st of May. Its called the Couples Fellowship Retreat, an annual event.

The Couples Fellowship Retreat takes place in Miango Rest Room Jos, with couples from different denomination coming together to have fun discuss marriage issues and get to rediscover each other. The talks are really, really good, there is time for discussion on real life issues, people openly speak about issues they have and they get response from matured couples of similar event and how they handled it. A marriage counselor is also employed to teach on marriage issues and do one on one with couples that need it. On the Saturday of the event, couples have a 'Renewal night'; an event where you give yourselves gifts and say your marriage vows again.

This program changed my marriage and many others. I know of couples who came to do their honey moon in this program. No one comes and want to ever miss it again. Most of the couples coming resides in Abuja, but that does not stop any one from coming. I was once's in Bonny Island River state and was attending the program in Jos - I cross air, land and sea to get there. My sister who introduced me to the program leaves in USA now but she is contemplating coming for this one- It is that important.

I can assure you your home will take a turn for the best and if you go this time, you will never want to miss it again no matter the location you reside.

You can call me on 09093478754 tomorrow for more details. I do hope you consider this.

asha01:


good point

What makes the point good Don't you think it is too early to start hiding things from her? And. Btwn what kind of love or relationship is that?

pureview:


I hardly ever comment on nl but I had to do this to stop you from making a mistake.

please,please ,please , do not invite a 3rd party into your marriage. It is the first step in bringing cracks into your marriage. Your pastor at this point is a 3rd party.

This issue isn't something you can't handle. I guarantee you that you would lose some respect from your wife if you invite a 3rd party on this issue just 6 months into your marriage.

In the early stages of any r/ship or marriage , women tend to push the boundaries to know the extent of what a man can take. I believe you have been too soft on her so she now throws tantrums and acts up.

Bro , this is the time to be firm without being harsh. The ground rules you lay now will most likely guide your family from now on. It seems you are the one that always go begging when you guys fight , STOP it, it's not healthy as it can be used as a tool to manipulate you.

Ignore her for now so she would know that this issue is very important to you and hence non negotiable. when she gets tired of sulking and eventually comes around , let her know how dissapointed you are about her attitude and warn her you wouldn't want that to happen again.

This is the time to be the man, husband and leader and not outsourcing your job to your pastor.
If she is truly a decent lady , she would eventually appreciate you the more for being the man and showing leadership.

You took the words out of my mouth! Pls no third party and learn to be a man. Be firm. She will fall in line. Sometimes, we women push our men to see how much they can take. Personally, I respect a strong man who is firm yet gentle. A man who allows himself to be a push over will lose his respect. Teach her to tolerate your family. Then you wont have to keep secrets. That can lead to worse outcomes in future as she may stop trusting you etc

4C2215131:


DOA most times. I've come to understand that cloaking everything debilitating about your character and that that of your potential significant other under the banner of love tends to backfire as when reality sets in the veneer of protection afforded by so called love appear to be very thin.

Full disclosure (to a reasonable extent, don't want him knowing you shagged three of his friends and two of his work colleagues before you met him) is the key. Let him/her see you at your most infernal and glorious moments. Be real! Stop the lies and pussy-footing!

If you're a wife beater, tear am better slap during courtship so she knows she's got an abuser for a fiancee thus making her decision of staying or leaving. If you're a nymph do tell him to go another six rounds after the fourth so he knows your sexual appetite being insatiable may find release in the loins of another man or two. Knowing this he makes his decision too.

Hiding all the above mentioned proclivities of a potential spouse under the guise of a misplaced sense of love bodes disaster...ask the OP, he can verify that.

Now this doesn't mean I do not advocate for love, hell, I'm a hopeless romantic as a perusal of my posts will show BUT I've learned how to balance the yearnings of my heart with the dictates of my head.

Learn it too, you'd be the better for it.

You are funny and make a lot of sense, such great quality in a person.

Btw, you are preaching to the choir love.

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

Kai...God bless you sister...OP Go with this and peace will reign.
Its wisdom

Acidosis:



Can I PM you my account number sir?

Ha bros na joke I dey o

My broda, marriage is quite tougher than courtship as u ve learnt. ur wife is just bn a woman ie holding on nd nt letting go of wat she perceive 2 b hers unless it is eventually falling on her lap (family).
I'm in dis biz nd I know she has more gud attributes dan nt so pleasant one. lovingly let her know d 2 families married nd nt just 2 individuals nd stop thinking or asking if u r married 2 d rong person bt taking ur marriage 2 d next level by passing dis test b4 u.(It is an institution u won't graduate from)
Avoid telling or making her know wat u tink/know would piss her, avoid quarrelling/fighting wit her especially wen she is ranting, continue helping ur family as she was never there from beginin bt nw (different relationship) b really patient & most especially "LUV HER" more nd more.
U r already married, enjoy it 4 dis wud pass wit tym maybe den na children palava. lol

find out the real reason why she acts that way.......then the problem is half solve

Her problem is selfishness, don't tell her anything about your brother again. As her husband you need to help to change for better

freecocoa:
You are funny and make a lot of sense, such great quality in a person.

Btw, you are preaching to the choir love.

Please hope you understand I was speaking in the third person perspective. The comments were not for you o!

foriz4u:

hmmm... my bro things like this only wisdom will help. I always tell ppl, human beings don't change in their natural xters despact change is constant. my bro be ready to live with ur wife's inbuilt xter for ever she will never change n no amount of prayer can help it only wisdom will.

I'm nor married bt in my mid 30s, count urself lucky n privilege for God's blessings but I need God's hands to come into ur family n extended family, ur wife is not born again(if she's a xtain) non have d fear of God. remb d virtuous n contentious woman's parable king Solomon talked about. so pray 1st for God's fear upon her lifw, every other thing will b made easy n u'll experience peace, joy, love n happiness in ur marriage.

lastly, while u do d above, keep every assistance u render to ur siblings, mother, dad, or friend's away from ur house. make them official, confidential/secrete n elliminate every trace ur wife can lay jher hands. even if she ask... 'honey, for some time I've not seen ur siblings or u sending money to ur bro.' tell her u stopped to please her because u love her genture will tell disclose if she has changed.

May God continue to give u wisdom n don't stop helping ppl o...even if they pay u back negatively because u never can tell how ur own uncomprehended blessings r coming. don't think its ur hard work. just try helping ppl n c how things goes with u for d next 1-2yrs.
so stay bless, remain positive n continue in what gives u joy even at d detriment of soneonce joy.

godbless u!

Bro...God bless u for the above...well on pioint...!!

Princewell2012:


What makes the point good Don't you think it is too early to start hiding things from her? And. Btwn what kind of love or relationship is that?

because what u don't know wont kill u