long distance ruins my 4yearold relationship

Ibile Ife:

You are fortunate to see him at all and the fact that he is in Nigeria.

My friend is even in far away US and the last time he saw his woman was two years ago and she is still very devoted and faithful to him, because she truly loves him.

My own woman is far away in another state and we saw only twice last year and we are yet to see this year.
I miss her every second of every minute of every hour of every day by day. I make sure I call her daily and wake her up with [i]Good Morning beautiful. Arise and shine. I love you and send her chocolates and other sweet delicacies whenever I can do so.
I have not had anything with any other woman since I fell in love with her and it took me over 25 years to find my true love.
Distance is not a barrier to having a good relationship as long as you are truly in love with each other.[/i]

Hold on and don't let go as long as your love is true.
I hope to see my woman often later this year.

Ibile Ife has summed it all up,

I'm also in a long distance relationship (Abuja - Lagos), and we see like 3 or 4 times a year, coupled with daily calls and all that , but frankly speaking it ain't really easy, but true love, trust, understanding,devotion, faithfulness has brought us thus far.

like someone said you are sitting on a  LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG thing

Long distance relationships need serious work put into it, but as long as there is love and commitment, I think it could work out. I just got out of one because the distance between us put a whole lot of strain on the relationship. We couldn't even find what to talk about anymore on the phone or chat about. I t got so bad that I couldnt trust him anymore and I was beginning to lose the love I had for him. In my case, you could say the love wasnt strong enuf to withstand the distance problem, but who's to say that distance itself didn't kill our feelings for each other? I strongly believe in the out of sight, out of mind thingy, but I'm not saying it cant work out. It just depends on indidviduals and how much work is put into the relationship. It's difficult, sha, I must say.

I don't think most people realise that the only reason why long distance relationships are feasible at all is because modern communication tools like phones, internet and so on exists today! Thats why you can easily leave your gf/bf and say 'I'll call you'. @poster, it sucks!! If I were you I'll only try to sustain it if we've been dating before the 'distance' and that means you have to be prepared to let-go stuff like jealousy, suspicion, etc and learn to trust more. All these could be at your detriment if things don't work out but hey, no pain no gain. If you aint prepared to face pain then give your partner a 20km radius, once he/she steps out of the radar for too long then you give 'em the boot or you relegate yourselves to just friendship.
I've been there and it aint pretty.

And some people here are talking love. You'd be suprised how little love would mean in the face of suspicion and uncertainties!

i love it most, why? cheating

@poster, log out of it

I have had three relationship thats is distance none of them worked for me,

Why wasting your time nursing somebody who is in lagos enjoying life in full?


People say distance is not a problem in a relationship but I assure u,if you don't give up that relationship now,you will still post a topic here asking us how to gather a broken heart.

Long distance is unlikely to work out.
However, it could if the partners plan to marry in the not distant future.
That usually serves as motivation to both parties.

Anyway, the conclusion is,
What will be will be.
If it's destined to work it will.

Abi

My take on this is, one usually goes into a relationship for love and companionship. I think distance to a large extent negates the companionship aspect. that might create difficulties.

Sigh. . . i hate LDRs, but I keep poppin in one. .

My Bf is coming over in the spring, so hopefully it'll solve the LDR thing.

Its too hard!

Really

I am in one, It is tough but it is worth it!

I'm into one currently, i must confess its not easy @ all, but u just have to free up ur mind and allow tins take their turn.

i hope this helps!! i have been in a long distance relationship for almost four years and we have managed to keep the flame alive although at some point, it gets really tiring especially when i see my girlfriends around me trooping off to see their men after work and i''m hauling my tired ass home all alone, or when they get to hang out weekends and i go home to spend the weekend with my parents, it can be extremely challenging and several time i''ve broken up with him because of it but we always get back together because i know that i have a good thing in that man, when you get tired or challenged by what you see around you,remember what made you fall in love wiht him in the first place, take yourself to a point where you remind yourself why he is worth it, its like my mother always says, NO CONDITION IS PERMANENT!!, you may be apart today but the tides of fate have a way of turning in your favor when you hold on and persevere, Just be open with him about how u feel and don't allow pple around you influence u, defy the norm, dont follow it!! With God, all things are possible.! in the meantime, keep yourself busy, when youre not busy,the tendency for temptation increases, youre obviously single, so focus on becoming a better wife material who adds value to everyone around so that when you do get married,your man won't regret it and neither will you, cheers!!

estrella:

i hope this helps!! i have been in a long distance relationship for almost four years and we have managed to keep the flame alive although at some point, it gets really tiring especially when i see my girlfriends around me trooping off to see their men after work and i''m hauling my tired ass home all alone, or when they get to hang out weekends and i go home to spend the weekend with my parents, it can be extremely challenging and several time i''ve broken up with him because of it but we always get back together because i know that i have a good thing in that man, when you get tired or challenged by what you see around you,remember what made you fall in love wiht him in the first place, take yourself to a point where you remind yourself why he is worth it, its like my mother always says, NO CONDITION IS PERMANENT!!, you may be apart today but the tides of fate have a way of turning in your favor when you hold on and persevere, Just be open with him about how u feel and don't allow pple around you influence u, defy the norm, dont follow it!! [b]With God, all things are possible.! in the meantime, keep yourself busy, when youre not busy,the tendency for temptation increases, youre obviously single, so focus on becoming a better wife material who adds value to everyone around so that when you do get married,your man won't regret it and neither will you, cheers!![/b]

you are so true and right.

it's totally bad

@poster
I will say that it really depends on how much you believe in the man you are dating. If you are convinced deep down that he is your soul mate and the relationship will lead to a lasting and fulfilling marriage, and you are convinced that he believes the same, then definitely you have to stick with it, no matter how hard. Before I got married 4 yrs ago, I dated my wife long distance for almost 4 yrs. We were dating 2 yrs before I left for the US. I lived in the US, she lived in Nigeria. We saw each other once a year, but we spoke everyday on the phone. After we got married, things didn't move as quickly as we wanted in immigrating her to the US, so I returned to Nigeria to look for work. We spent 2 and 1\2 yrs in Nigeria on very minimal income before I returned to the US early this year. To be honest until today, I have never for once regretted going through that period of long distance relationship. And by the way, my wife is still not here with me yet in the US. She should get her papers early next year, which means we are going through a long distance marriage right now! We are both convinced deep down that we would not be this happy with someone else. She's been living in the same house as my parents for 8 months now, and my parents see her as a daughter and the best thing to happen to our family in a long time. In addition, we have a beautiful son that is almost 2 yrs old.

So my advice to you is this, if you are convinced that there is a bright future in a marriage, then go for it. What is 5 yrs of sacrifice for 35 yrs or more of fulfilment in marriage, instead of ending up with someone you are not meant for. It's better to never be married at all than to end up in the wrong marriage. From your posts, it sounds to me that you don't believe in the relationship you're in, neither do you trust your fiancee. Your posts show that you need some validation of your reasons to end the relationship. So go for it! Don't put yourself under unnecessary torture for a relationship that has no future. Find someone that you are truly meant for. Best wishes.

i was in this situation a while ago i realii liked the guy so didnt wanna end it but it gets to lonely n u miss out on alot because it is not a normal relationship, i dnt recommend long distance relationships now because of this, i ended up meetin sum1 else n am alot happier 4 it, i wud say dnt waste ur time because there will b sum1 jus as gd tht is close to u tht u can make a proper relationship wit

amyb:

i was in this situation a while ago i realii liked the guy so didnt wanna end it but it gets to lonely n u miss out on alot because it is not a normal relationship, i dnt recommend long distance relationships now because of this, i ended up meetin sum1 else n am alot happier 4 it, i wud say dnt waste ur time because there will b sum1 jus as gd tht is close to u tht u can make a proper relationship wit

While I dont think ur wrong, Im not sure I agree with u on this. What if he was the one for u? (Of cos in ur case, he wasnt, cos ur happier with this new guy.) But really, wot if he WAS the best person for u? I quite like to believe my bf is. Its been long disctance for almost a yr, but thats goin to change in 6wks. YAY!!!!!! I guess its been worth it even tho, mehn, na God oh, cos id be lying if I said it has been a walk in the park. Ive been home twice during this period. It really requires u to do some soul searchin and b honest with urself. Is it worth it? Do u see a future for both of u? And if the answer is yes, it doesnt get any easier but at least it all becomes worth it. But my! Is it sum work?!!!!!!

I wish u all the best poster. Be honest with urself, and at the end of the day, only u knows the whole truth, the answer lies with u. Do wot makes u happy n do it cos u deserve to be happy.

there are cases where long distance relationship works depending on the individual . ,

impish:

While I dont think ur wrong, Im not sure I agree with u on this. What if he was the one for u? (Of cos in ur case, he wasnt, cos ur happier with this new guy.) But really, wot if he WAS the best person for u? I quite like to believe my bf is. Its been long disctance for almost a yr, but thats goin to change in 6wks. YAY!!!!!! I guess its been worth it even tho, mehn, na God oh, cos id be lying if I said it has been a walk in the park. Ive been home twice during this period. It really requires u to do some soul searchin and b honest with urself. Is it worth it? Do u see a future for both of u? And if the answer is yes, it doesnt get any easier but at least it all becomes worth it. But my! Is it sum work?!!!!!!

I wish u all the best poster. Be honest with urself, and at the end of the day, only u knows the whole truth, the answer lies with u. Do wot makes u happy n do it cos u deserve to be happy.

at the time i fought it was worth it, in reality it cud never of happened, it took 2 long n neither of us cud handle the distance much, but gd 4 u tht, 6 weeks 2 go 4 u is worth it , my bf at the time he never knew wen he wud come bk to me, it got to much i was puttin my life on hold n so was he dats y i fink its not gd, but obvo sum cases it dus work lik urs

amy amber ashley, if he wasn't willing to come, why didn't you go to him?
maybe he found an easier paper victim

I wouldn't advice anybody to go into a long distance relationship!!
It works for some people and dosent for some others
This kind of relationship is what I call a ghost relationship.
Imagine after 3 years of being in a Ghost relationship and you guys break up!
If the guy is probably outside the country and you are in Nigeria and maybe he comes home once a year
So that means that you have seen yourselves just three times throughout the relationship
To me its like a waste of time.
Dont even think of going into it cos it is very difficult to come out of it!!

Tanx guys u've all helped greatly in one or the other. I really am greatful

TANX

Can i say i like LD relationship?
No i do not want it, i did not plan it but i am in it.  Its so expensive (financially, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually). Its possible if the occasion calls for it but its so risky.

- I met my wife in 1998 when i was running a program somewhere in Osun State
- I secured a job in Lagos, so we were both living in the same city.
- We didnt get married until after 6yrs and 1 yr after the wedding i got an opportunity to relocate to the US.
- Left my wife and a son behind but i made a promise to her that i will be coming home at least once yearly until both of them can join me. Till today, they havent joined me and we now have 2 kids together.

I visit lagos 2-3 times yearly, call everyday. My journey has been so blessed and fruitful and i really thank God, its all because i have kept my part of the deal - faithful and prayerful.

Perhaps it could work for MARRIED COUPLE,atleast they would always remember they made a vow to each other which is staying married no matter what.Again having kids together can be a Plus thus its a way of stenghtening a relationship too no matter the distance.However if its just an ordinary Friendship(BF/GF) stuff,Oh boy u dey hit hand for tipper-truck wey carry sand!!Gbalaga oso nwanne.

all relationships have their difficulties
if you have a plan i don't see why it can't work

Hard for most, okay for others.