The girl in your story ended a possessive relationship, the guy committed suicide, yet you went ahead and recommended breaking up, is that not contradictory? I suggest gradual withdrawal with strong excuses until the guy emotionally detaches himself from you. I m dating a girl who took poison recently cos I said it was over, she uses everything to blackmail me and when she starts I always let her know she's doing that. The gradual withdrawal method is paying off as I speak.

Open Heavens Daily Devotional

Wednesday May 11th 2016

THEME : CONSISTENT CHRISTIAN?

Memorise:
And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man
according as his work shall be.
Revelation 22:12

Read:
Revelation 22:11-14,
11 He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still.

12 And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.

13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.


Bible in one year:
2nd Kings 10:18-12:21,
Proverbs 22:29-23:13

MESSAGE
At the beginning of his ministry, Paul took a ride in a basket as he escaped for his life in Damascus (2nd Corinthians 11:32-33). But the God who delivered him from the garrison at Damascus, allowed him to end up in jail at Philippi (Act 16). Because God answered a particular prayer yesterday does not mean that He would repeat another in exactly the same manner.
In Acts 16:25, Paul conducted a worship service in prison right in the midst of chains and bonds. He never complained. Paul learnt to praise God in whatever circumstance he found himself. Not many people can praise God when thrown into prison for the sake of the Gospel. He was prepared to undertake the worst of sufferings for the Kingdom of God (Philippians 1:20-21). He was not ashamed. Are you ashamed to suffer minor ridicule, persecutions,
denials, beatings for His Name today? Paul could say we should become a living sacrifice to God because he was one.

In African traditional religion, when a bird or animal is brought as a sacrifice to an idol, the giver forfeits his right to that animal; it becomes the property of the idol for the rest of its life. Whether it lives or dies or is given to someone is at the discretion of the idol. That living sacrifice may be fed so well in one moment and killed the next minute. This explains the term living sacrifice. You should be so yielded to God to the extent of delivering to Him the greatest pleasure in whatever you do. If dying for the Gospel will give Him the height of pleasure, you should be prepared to die like Stephen. The preparedness of Daniel to go into the lion’s den demonstrates that he was a living sacrifice. But in the end, instead of death, his faith compelled a decree for the whole world to fear Daniel’s God. If my death can produce a United Nations decree compelling all nations of the world to worship no other god other than my God – the true and living God, I will gladly be on my way to Heaven. Are you a living sacrifice? And to what extent?

Prayer Point
Father, please give me the grace to always look unto You for everything I need in life.

My guy is also in this state...he wants to breakup with a lady he sees no fault in her ...his parent forbids him marrying anybody from Ogun State due to their historical anti incident... we're both sure the girl is likely to commit suicide or hurt herself or my guy.....so sad

majorbravo:


I agree with the bolded, the classic b*tch type girls fall in this category. Prevention is better than cure, true. But you and I know taking a walk is easier said than done. Most men that become protective don't take a walk immediately things start to go sour because they hope they can correct the situation, these are men who made the ultimate sacrifice for love they thought was real, and wont quit at the slightest sense of provocation. Still no serious man enters into a relationship with the intention of walking off to the sunset if she turns out to be a b*tch-type. He tries to work it out because he has planned a future with her, that's what a real man would do, but b*tch type girls never get it, they wanna play all day and still expect him to stick around. You are right to walk away, but how many men in love find that easy to do in the twinkle of an eye? Its easier from the outside than from inside, i.e before commitment.

My real guy, I agree with what you just said. Indeed, very very I say unto you, walking away from a girl you love and respect but who you feel doesn't deserve your love because she doesn't respect you is harder than rocket science. But we men should learn to let ladies show their true colour before marriage by giving them much freedom and liberty so as to see what they are made of. That may lead to a break up but will save us from divorce and a troubled marriage.

I REST MY CASE!
THANK YOU!

2dugged:
this one didn't have much notes,just cute

So you went for a bad cute guy and there is one guy who wants to leave nairaland on romance section , have you seen him?

2dugged:
possessive guys have the tendency to become physically and verbally abusive like my ex,na so the guy land me slap one time,I see stars,i nor remember the last time wey my mama beat me,na from that day I begin dey withdraw till I finally see chance pull slippers from my leg whisk like usain bolt,I nor get body wet man go panel beat o

this got me laughing

This is all complicated. A guy just don't become possessive all of a sudden. And possessiveness doesn't all mean controlling or being violent, it could mean you just want the love and affection you have for your significant other should be reciprocated and it hurts when love is one sided and lopsided. Men need also need to be shown that they are loved and cared for too and that they are not just one in the number. You are in love with a lady and there's some other guy who calls A lady that deletes messages and chats with other guys, delete calls from her log. In fact, there are specific numbers that are the 1st to call her in the morning and the last to call her @ night everyday but she tells you they know you because you are the one she's into. If you complain about such calls, she says you are possessive. If sex is the only thing I want with you, I wouldn't complain even if a 100 guys are into you the same time but if I want a future with you, you don't expect me to keep mute when you are frolicking. What kind of guy calls you everyday if there's not more to it?

Spot on Op...... Reminds me of that 2015 movie titled 'The Perfect Guy'.... Where Carter Duncan (Michael Ealy) dated Leah and when she discovered the guy was too possessive broke up with him.. He kept stalking her, told her' if I cant have you, no man will'. He even killed Dave, the guy she ought to marry.. She eventually killed him sha.

people commenting here are just been unfair, making it seem as though men are the only ones who are been possessive. women too are so damn possessive too. I would not want to give any story here so I won't sound like some babes here who has never had any boyfriend claiming they got free from a possessive relationship, when they were the ones been dumped. we have all read stories everywhere even here on Nairaland where girls commits suicide or promise the guy hell on earth or even inflict serious injuries on their bf/husband, is that not possessiveness? let me ask you ladies here just one question, how many of u self righteous ladies will allow a guy break up with u easily without any drama or emotionally blackmailing him or cursing him that his life will be miserable if he ever leaves u? if you know u can't, then you have not earned the right to talk.

sweetcocoa:
OP, from what I know, paragraphs haven't hurt anyone before, maybe you should try them, will make your article easier to read.

[quote][/quote]


Are u telling us d article is not paragraphed ?

Very True.. Knowledge breeds Wisdom

NifemiOlu:
Possessive boyfriends are deadly. They can be deadly to themselves, the partner involved and as such the relationship is a ticking time bomb. Possessiveness in a relationship is tied to some psychological factors and most possessive relationships are like a master-slave relationship.

About three years ago, there was this guy who was dating a certain girl but the relationship was a possessive/controlling one. The guy controlled who she could talk to, who she could greet, what she could wear and so on. He always wanted her in his sight. It got so bad that this girl and the guy were walking down the street one day, they met a friend of mine. The girl had to make a signal to my friend to walk past them as if they didn’t know each other. At night, this girl would call my friend to lament she was fed up of the relationship. One day, she told him she was quitting the relationship. She did it face-to-face. That is what adults do. She then left his house that day. The guy, obviously distraught, started flooding her phone with text messages which she ignored. At this time, she was updating my friend with full details.

However, two text messages stood out. The first text indicated that he was going to commit suicide. She ignored it too. Later the second one came in which indicated that he was in pains and dying. With doubts and yet not leaving anything to chance, she rushed to his house only to find him bleeding and gushing out whitish stuff from his mouth. He had drunk the popular pesticide Sniper. She shouted for help and the neighbours came in to find his dying body. They pinned the incidence on her. This is the reason many people don’t help accident victims in Nigeria. Well, back to the story, she advocated for her innocence meanwhile he was being rushed to the hospital. The guy’s family came around and said if the guy dies, they would hold her responsible.

On the third day, he died. The family of the deceased made the arrest but in the process, she made a call to my friend, the narrator of this story. He met her at the police station and they starting discussing the cause of events to the police. The Nigerian police, as usual, don’t really care so much. They didn’t bother to make further enquiries since grieving family members had made an arrest, then they must be right. It was a lot of trouble getting around the case but the girl had told my friend she received a message from the deceased which he (my friend) had warned her not to delete. It was this time that the message was useful. She explained to the police that she had received a text from the deceased. They demanded to see it. In short, that was how the case was dropped. Presently, she still trying to pick up the pieces of her life because such experience is a traumatizing one.

This is a classic example of how a possessive/controlling relationship could end. What a tragedy! Many people are in these types of relationships. I don’t have a scientific data but I feel ladies are more victims of these types of relationship as men tend to be the controlling ones. How do you manage a break from a controlling/possessive relationship?

A revered policeman once said “you’re your first line of defence”. Your first line of defence in this type of relationship is that you make reliable people aware of the state of the relationship. I said “reliable”. It is not enough to have people told, it is when you inform reliable people. People who could comfort and stand by you through thick and thin. From the story, imagine if my friend had not been reliable or had not stepped up to support her, I’m sure she would be in jail by now—in Nigeria, it doesn’t take much time for that to happen. Also make sure your own family members know about the relationship. NEVER keep a controlling/possessive secret. When its tragedy happens, the police won’t care.
By the time you start noticing some tendencies of maniac controlling, start archiving messages, emails and record conversions during an argument. DO NOT DELETE ANY. If the lady had deleted those messages she received in the last moments probably due to anger, she would be behind bars. Keep a cool head at this time. On any day of an argument, keep record. If need be keep a diary with dates and locations.

Lastly, I believe most controlling relationships do involve being physical sometimes, report to the police. You decide not to make an arrest but let them be aware of what you are going through. Most importantly, quit the relationship early.
There may be no foolproof approach to managing a possessive relationship but I’m sure some of the above tips will help.

Saucepan: https://nifemiolu..com.ng/2016/05/how-to-safely-breakup-with.html

This situation aways occur when you decide to date someone below your class. The guy or lady will have low self-esteem..thereby resulting to possessiveness.

TonyeBarcanista:

My brother, indeed women are complicated!

If he doesn't give a damn, she will say he isn't into her.. When he gives a hoot, she calls him dangerously possessive.

She wants to talk with every dudes but when the guy caution her on the danger, she calls him controlling.

She wants absolute freedom and force it down the throat of the man in the name of liberalism. No wonder we have so many single old ladies in our society.


When will our sisters understand to respect the emotions and feelings of their men? What is worse than psycho-emotional torture? Where is the loyalty?


Finally, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

bla bla bla bla bla.....love ko love ni that ain't love.

Flickzvill:
When a guy is so possessive its bcz he loves you with all his heart he doesn't want to see u get hurt he bilivs staying close to him all the time will make u feel safe but u ladies over react acting all wild making him luk like his stalking wen he sees u with anoda guy u want him to he happy ? He will be so mad sometimes u women trigger this tinz but u don't notice he tells u wat to wear bcz he feels u will luk responsible in dat dress except u have one bobo u want to impress so u get mad and start nagging saying shits he tells u not to talk to a particular person bcz he feels dat person is a bad influence but not with your "family" that one is bad but d rest fvck dem see understand your partner most of u don't he loves you o u girls want freedom abi after u get this freedom u go Bleep other guys coming confessing mehn women r just complicated

you just said my mind

A Lot Of Guys Are Like That.Though There Are Ladies Too Who Are So Possesive In Relationship,but Whatever Be The Case Pls Run Away From Such,it Kills

schumastic:


this got me laughing

my brother, It was like a flash of light that sent me falling to the ground like a pack of cards,no man had ever hit me before, I wonder how some women bear kicks and punch from men,ordinary slap I saw darkness for 5 seconds, hopefully that was the first and last,I can't bear o

9ja4show:


So you went for a bad cute guy and there is one guy who wants to leave nairaland on romance section , have you seen him?

nope,not interested, was naive then,know better now after all nor be fine boy person go chop

mysticgal:
Thank you sweetie

Because u are contesting for Miss Nl, everyone is now swirry? Kwontinu

Flickzvill:
When a guy is so possessive its bcz he loves you with all his heart he doesn't want to see u get hurt he bilivs staying close to him all the time will make u feel safe but u ladies over react acting all wild making him luk like his stalking wen he sees u with anoda guy u want him to he happy ? He will be so mad sometimes u women trigger this tinz but u don't notice he tells u wat to wear bcz he feels u will luk responsible in dat dress except u have one bobo u want to impress so u get mad and start nagging saying shits he tells u not to talk to a particular person bcz he feels dat person is a bad influence but not with your "family" that one is bad but d rest fvck dem see understand your partner most of u don't he loves you o u girls want freedom abi after u get this freedom u go Bleep other guys coming confessing mehn women r just complicated

Errm, all I can say to your post is when you are young you act like a youngie and when you grow up you act grown. You don't have to be possessive to show love oga. Moreover this love thing can be created, transferred or destroyed. It's just a state of mind, don't go and be exhausting a lot of energy on another person's daughter when you should instead use the energy to better yourself.

sweetcocoa:
OP, from what I know, paragraphs haven't hurt anyone before, maybe you should try them, will make your article easier to read.

What are you even saying

Have you priced a paragraph lately?

The part of your post that I do not agree with,is the "never trust a lady" part. If you go on with that mentality,you'll end up being a bad person to yourself and when you eventually get married,you still won't trust your wife. Currently,I'm in love with someone far from me,and I've decided to trust her fully despite the fact that I know a lot of guys are asking her out. It's now her responsibility to ensure she stays loyal,and makes sure she doesn't make me regret trusting her. I do not stalk her to find out how she lives her life. People have spoken to me about what young girls in universities do these days but I've decided not to use that as a yardstick in assessing her. I've made it a point of duty not to cheat on her either. If she ever cheats,I'm walking away without looking back. My point is this,I won't allow myself to be turned into a psycho cos I'm dating someone and do not want to lose her. I also won't allow myself not to trust people. If I give you gold and you decide to turn it to dross,that's your headache. I'd simply move on with my life.

henryhemon:


Very much so. They always want to eat their cake and have it.

schumastic:

this got me laughing

what's up?
I want ur email

Flashh:
When you read this, have it in mind you just read nonsense.

oh really?

nonsense you say?

2dugged:
my brother, It was like a flash of light that sent me falling to the ground like a pack of cards,no man had ever hit me before, I wonder how some women bear kicks and punch from men,ordinary slap I saw darkness for 5 seconds, hopefully that was the first and last,I can't bear o

you self am sure you looked for his trouble or tried to test his patience

Dunexxx:



what's up?

I want ur email

that's my mail which i used in replying your pm's

schumastic:

that's my mail which i used in replying your pm's

I changed my mail, so I didn't get ur reply.
mail me with davidaaah@gmail.com

D lady in qustn sholud face tria because a lot has happen in d cos of dis reltnsp whc me nd u don't knw.#just speaking my mind#

I really suffered alot in that unproductive relationship... but I thank God it is all over, actually the storm is over lolz.

I feel free to live nw, I feel free to be who I want to be without someone constantly reminding me that I am a nobody.
for his mind nw he is a smart boy, but he actually took away all my pain and ill lucks when he stole from me and carried my gen.

gush I hate that pig

It is not love. They are sick. They need proper mental health care and support. And if they refused, they should be locked up till eternity

Flickzvill:
When a guy is so possessive its bcz he loves you with all his heart he doesn't want to see u get hurt he bilivs staying close to him all the time will make u feel safe but u ladies over react acting all wild making him luk like his stalking wen he sees u with anoda guy u want him to he happy ? He will be so mad sometimes u women trigger this tinz but u don't notice he tells u wat to wear bcz he feels u will luk responsible in dat dress except u have one bobo u want to impress so u get mad and start nagging saying shits he tells u not to talk to a particular person bcz he feels dat person is a bad influence but not with your "family" that one is bad but d rest fvck dem see understand your partner most of u don't he loves you o u girls want freedom abi after u get this freedom u go Bleep other guys coming confessing mehn women r just complicated

Being possessive means being controlling

If she is wayward, move on. However possessiveness in this context means men who are paranoid. A man can genuinely believe that his woman does not show him enough love her or is having an affair or the love is one-sided whereas it is all in his head. Good luck trying to deduce facts from paranoia



LANICKY FOR MISS NAIRALAND 2016

justitiaomnibus:
This is all complicated. A guy just don't become possessive all of a sudden. And possessiveness doesn't all mean controlling or being violent, it could mean you just want the love and affection you have for your significant other should be reciprocated and it hurts when love is one sided and lopsided. Men need also need to be shown that they are loved and cared for too and that they are not just one in the number. You are in love with a lady and there's some other guy who calls A lady that deletes messages and chats with other guys, delete calls from her log. In fact, there are specific numbers that are the 1st to call her in the morning and the last to call her @ night everyday but she tells you they know you because you are the one she's into. If you complain about such calls, she says you are possessive. If sex is the only thing I want with you, I wouldn't complain even if a 100 guys are into you the same time but if I want a future with you, you don't expect me to keep mute when you are frolicking. What kind of guy calls you everyday if there's not more to it?

majorbravo:


And end up like Tee-Billz abi? Keep developing all the girls you picked from scratch for other guys. Girls also need to earn their respect. if they want their man's respect, the b*tch-type girls should stop hopping from bed to bed.

Potential abuser spotted, ladies beware.