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Hi guys I just thought I had to tell you guys what happened with my wife. Well I sat her down today and we talked. I asked her what was her reason for wanting to include our maid in our sex life and immediately she burst into tears. I knew something was wrong and I had to put every bad feeling I had for her aside and consoled her since afterall she's my wife and I love her still. Then she opened up to me that it was obvious I wanted a child badly and since we've been trying for a while now she thought she owed it to me to go for checkup and that's when she found out she couldn't have kids hence the maid issue. And she thought the only way to solve it was to pretend our sex was bad so we needed to include the maid to make it lively. I told her she shouldn't have done that if she knew me well she'll know that all I wanted was to have a family with her even if we had to adopt a child but sex with the maid is out of the question. I want to thank you all for your candid advice both y'day and today.

Congrats dear

Communication truly matters.

Great . Happy for you.

If she can successfully carry a baby she should get help from fertility clinic

Hey thanks we'll give it a shot.

delishpot:
If she can successfully carry a baby she should get help from fertility clinic

When did she became aware of her fertility issue? Was it before or after the marriage? She has to be forthcoming with every details and no misleading. If I were you I'd dig deeper to establish if I were played all along. Sha, good luck to you guys.

I find this hard to believe cuz it sound too Nollywood. Whatever the case, you both should go for a medical check up to ascertain what the problem are. As per the maid issue, every lady need security, she just wanted to be sure if you still love her inspite of your present challenges which she will always renew from time to time to determine your loyalty to her.

She did the fertility test few days before we got the maid that is like 2 months back.

ronald4lif:
When did she became aware of her fertility issue? Was it before or after the marriage? If I were you I'd dig deeper to establish if I were played all along. Sha, good luck to you guys.

SKAMM:
Hey thanks we'll give it a shot.

Welcome. I hear they can get eggs from an egg donor and fertilize with your sperm and then return it to her womb to be implanted. That way she carries the baby (your own baby) and after 9months, una Don become papa and mama. No side chick or side mom drama. It will be all yours. Wish you guys all the best

We'll give it a shot. Thanks

kinibigdeal:
[s]I find this hard to believe cuz it sound too Nollywood.[/s] Whatever the case, you both should go for a medical check up to ascertain what the problem are. As per the maid issue, every lady need security, she just wanted to be sure if you still love her inspite of your present challenges which she will always renew from time to time to determine your loyalty to her.

SKAMM:
She did the fertility test few days before we got the maid that is like 2 months back.

Why can't she have kids and is her womb damage? If yes, what led to the complications of her fertility? She should know and be able to tell what happened in the past. If she had attempted a D&C that didn't go well. It's only if she speak up than you can know how and where to seek for reprieve.

Again, if I were you I won't just swallow her words for it. She may be economical with the truth and she needs to open up more. Meanwhile, you both should go for more test to be clear what exactly the issue is, and not taking her words for it.

ronald4lif:


Why can't she have kids and is her womb damage? If yes, what led to the complications of her fertility? She should know and be able to tell what happened in the past. If she had attempted a D&C that didn't go well. It's only if she speak up than you can know how and where to seek for reprieve.

Again, if I were you I won't just swallow her words for it. She may be economical with the truth and she needs to open up more. Meanwhile, you both should go for more test to be clear what exactly the issue is, and not taking her words for it.

Hey bro, pls chill!

Stop sowing this seed of distrust!!!

Hmmmmm surrogate mom..

lecturerdabo:


Hey bro, pls chill!

Stop sowing this seed of distrust!!!

Embrace dissenting views, mate. Everyone won't share same opinion and tell him congrats, look unto God etc etc. Sorry, I think in isolation.

I'm not saying he should split with his wifey or kick her out. Only saying he needs to dig deeper to unravel the dubiety and any obscurity that may be surrounding the dithered situation he's facing. Kapisch?

some demented and cursed element here calling themselves lgbt wer shouting bisexual,this and that....mtchew ....the thot it was opptunity to decieve d op into their satanic religion...halleluiaaaaaaaa

please both of you should see a doctor

delishpot:


Welcome. I hear they can get eggs from an egg donor and fertilize with your sperm and then return it to her womb to be implanted. That way she carries the baby (your own baby) and after 9months, una Don become papa and mama. No side chick or side mom drama. It will be all yours. Wish you guys all the best

thank God u said u hear,cos it's far more complicated than u think,I can't even begin explaining the process,,as a layman,,u wld become scared,,and it's freaking expensive,, both the procedure and therapy involved,so before advising nxt time dig deep

ronald4lif:


Embrace dissenting views, mate. Everyone won't share same opinion and tell him congrats, look unto God etc etc. Sorry, I think in isolation.

I'm not saying he should split with his wifey or kick her out. Only saying he needs to dig deeper to unravel the dubiety and any obscurity that may be surrounding the dithered situation he's facing. Kapisch?

this guy sha.

You like plenty talk... E no go pass uk people.

I nearly break one head wen in call me mate. That word pisses me off mehn!

Cheers mate!

WTF?

hmmmm nawoooo what a life

@SKAMM, so she told you all that and you swallowed everything: hook, line and sinker. It's commendable that you still love but in this ur case, you've to FOLLOW UR BRAIN and NOT UR HEART.

If this ur situation is really true then one or a combination of scenarios might be playing out in marriage:

1. She has likely chosen career over raising a family. And as such, she has gone to do family planning without ur consent.

2. It might be that she really has an issue and wants to test out the extent you can go to have a child. Or

3. If her genotype Rh is negative, it is likely that she has had an illegal or spontaneous abortion in the past. But there is still hope.

My advice: stay calm. Identify a good hospital with well equipped lab. Then quietly go for a checkup urself to confirm u're sound.

After about 2 weeks when the tension has dosed down, allow her wake up. And without saying Good morning, suddenly tell her that they two of u will be going to the hospital and that she should call her office.

Watch her reaction closely. If she objects, calmly tell her u need to hear from the doctor with ur two ears. She might burst into tears again. And if that happens, act like a man this time: slam ur palm on the table (but don't lay a finger on her, never) and repeat what you said, this time as an order. Then turn and enter the bathroom to start preparing.

Remember, use ur head but not like Funny Bone in AY's comedy clip.

As for me, I would do anything to have my own baby especially with my wife's consent than to adopt, maid inclusive (like Father Abraham did pbuh). Or some unknown party that will disappear from the scene after delivery

edetty:

thank God u said u hear,cos it's far more complicated than u think,I can't even begin explaining the process,,as a layman,,u wld become scared,,and it's freaking expensive,, both the procedure and therapy involved,so before advising nxt time dig deep

Does that mean that it isn't available? Let them go and see for themselves it they can handle it. I do not know her case, women differ in their situation. One woman's case may be cleared by a simple procedure or some therapy while another woman's may need more invasive and aggressive treatment. Does that mean the latter should discourage the former from going to see a specialist?

lecturerdabo:


Hey bro, pls chill!

Stop sowing this seed of disturust!!!

Seriously, wondering what he'll gain from that.

delishpot:



Does that mean that it isn't available? Let them go and see for themselves it they can handle it. I do not know her case, women differ in their situation. One woman's case may be cleared by a simple procedure or some therapy while another woman's may need more invasive and aggressive treatment. Does that mean the latter should discourage the former from going to see a specialist?

that's not my point,all I am saying is stick to what u know,dere is no such thing as simple fertility treatment or therapy in male/female,,, all you shd have done is advice them to see a consultant wch she already did,that's how she knew what was wrong with her, and the consultant knows better what to do for them,so don't go further than that. she might not even have a womb capable of carrying a child even with IVF procedure (wch u suggested),, just as she already stated,,,,so she might require surrogacy,this is wen her egg is fertilised by her husband's sperms buh placed into her sister's womb or any other payed volunteer, wch carries the baby till full term and delivers,so like I said it's too complicated to explain to a layman,,and the procedure is freaking expensive and rigourous, thanks

edetty:

that's not my point,all I am saying is stick to what u know,dere is no such thing as simple fertility treatment or therapy in male/female,,, all you shd have done is advice them to see a consultant wch she already did,that's how she knew what was wrong with her, and the consultant knows better what to do for them,so don't go further than that. she might not even have a womb capable of carrying a child even with IVF procedure (wch u suggested),, just as she already stated,,,,so she might require surrogacy,this is wen her egg is fertilised by her husband's sperms buh placed into her sister's womb or any other payed volunteer, wch carries the baby till full term and delivers,so like I said it's too complicated to explain to a layman,,and the procedure is freaking expensive and rigourous, thanks

Why do human beings like problem like this? Did I force him to accept that she has womb? Did I say anything was simple and without it's risks? Even natural pregnancy is not without it's own risks and could be expensive in the end though maybe not as expensive as the fertility treatment. I know about surrogacy and it could be expensive and rigorous too. I know very well what I was talking about. And Like I said, I NEVER for once stated that her problem was an easy one. I only said if they visits a specialist doctor and it turns out to be possible,
Tbere is no harm in second oppinion and even a3rd. I know many cases where the 3rd time was the charm for such patients. Tbey landed on the laps of specialists who have handled such problems and were quickly diagnosed and treatment was given. Those options are possible.
Who doesn't know that fertility treatments are expensive and rigorous? Who doesnt know how expensive it is when TTC? All that without guarantee that it would work? But news flash, even natural pregnancies are not guaranteed to be carried through full gestation even if that happens there are no guarantees baby would be healthy. Just in her case since she has known complications, she may need assistance pregnancy and constant monitoring during pregnancy compared to those who got pregnant naturally and whose bodies are healthy to do so.
I see you just want to discredit my point and show the world that you know better.

delishpot:


Why do human beings like problem like this? Did I force him to accept that she has womb? Did I say anything was simple and without it's risks? Even natural pregnancy is not without it's own risks and could be expensive in the end though maybe not as expensive as the fertility treatment. I know about surrogacy and it could be expensive and rigorous too. I know very well what I was talking about. And Like I said, I NEVER for once stated that her problem was an easy one. I only said if they visits a specialist doctor and it turns out to be possible,
Tbere is no harm in second oppinion and even a3rd. I know many cases where the 3rd time was the charm for such patients. Tbey landed on the laps of specialists who have handled such problems and were quickly diagnosed and treatment was given. Those options are possible.
Who doesn't know that fertility treatments are expensive and rigorous? Who doesnt know how expensive it is when TTC? All that without guarantee that it would work? But news flash, even natural pregnancies are not guaranteed to be carried through full gestation even if that happens there are no guarantees baby would be healthy. Just in her case since she has known complications, she may need assistance pregnancy and constant monitoring during pregnancy compared to those who got pregnant naturally and whose bodies are healthy to do so.
I see you just want to discredit my point and show the world that you know better.

all I said is stick to what u know,,,I never said u said anything,, I was the one buttressing,,, give an advice and don't push technical suggestions,, cos that woman has already been to a consultants office,,dude. bye

Op you need to be objective.

I'm thinking you were conned into that marriage.




I may divorce her if I were you.



I would stay with her if only the reason for her infertility is natural

Trust me, u did great bro.

But trust women, some of them are selfless when they truly love u.

Dis woman's reason for bring in the maid is because, she really want a child that shares the same blood with the husband, she doesn't mind if she is the mother or not, all she wants is a child that is biologically fathered by the husband.


She will feel honoured and most happy to achieve that and train her than to adopt a child she knows nothing about the real parents.

But, she underestimated the consequences of her actions.

For your wife to bring in another woman to have sex and then bear kids for you means a lot. That is a lot of sacrifice for your happiness and fulfilment as a man. I feel very sorry for her situation to have pushed her to this extent. Just know that she loves you a lot.
But in my opinion she wouldn't have gone to the extent of making such arrangements without discussing it with you. Maybe she thought she would loose you and you will run away because of her predicament.
I love the way you have reacted to her revelation. But you both need to look for a very good and well recommended fertility hospital eg. Nordica etc so you can run some comprehensive tests and know if anything can be salvaged. Also try a second opinion too. Then you can both discuss the way forward. You have to assure her that you are both in this together. Goodluck!

edetty:

all I said is stick to what u know,,,I never said u said anything,, I was the one buttressing,,, give an advice and don't push technical suggestions,, cos that woman has already been to a consultants office,,dude. bye

You Don try. Sabi sabi abeg point where I pushed any suggestions abeg. Point where I said I know for sure what her problem is and that I know for sure that my suggestion was the exact remedy for her? You seem to be so confident in the doctor she went to see. It seems you have already decided she should not seek a second opinion. To you her fate is signed, sealed and thrown to the bottom of a box where there can never be any remedy.