Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

My first thought?

Take her to general hospital for a blood test... She might be testing u

I WILL SUGGEST YOU FIRST GO TO A DOCTOR WITH HER TO CONFIRM HER STATUS.
IT COULD BE PART OF TESTING UR SERIOUSNESS PRANK.
I SEE NO REASON FOR HER TO KEEP SUCH INFO TILL WHEN U RE BOTH WAXING STRONG IN D RELATIONSHIP

Lets not play God here. Bros I will advise u to follow ur heart okay. Fine let's look at it this way, what about if u leave her all because she has that VIRUS(hiv) and get married to a health woman as health clean lady and after two month or a year into the marriage and she is diagnose with a more deadlier disease like cancer or kidney problem. Some of us are ignorant of so many things why. U come to NL and use all kind of arsh words on pple who are sick, poor, unlucky or av emotional isssue like u can see ur future or knows tomorrow. Becareful what u say to others cos it might come back to u.

anonymousreport:
she never lied. She is not just a straightforward person.

mr man, u just dnt quote somebody 4 quoting sake. U read and comprehend before quoting. Abi, wat will u call a situation wen dey were about to make love and she asked 4 protecion to be used for the sake of unwanted pregnancy instead of for him not to get infected. Hmm?

Adikam:
as e be say na woman get de virus tel me why love no go conquer it all?

Lwkmd

Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

If she had told you this before dating her would you have bothered dating her at all? If your answer is no then don't bother going further with the relationship. Anything you cannot handle now, don't bother pushing it into marriage.

Marriage itself has its own inbuilt challenges talk less of a huge challenge as this.

I know someone who indulged in such marriage because of love and ended up loosing his wife.

She's a kind person for telling you her situation early enough (I mean before the marriage proper).

You love her ba? Until you marry her and face the hard challenges you can't really say that. What you have for now is FEELINGS. MUSHY FEELINGS!

victorazy:


Ignorant you!

The chance of man contracting HIV is tinier than that of woman. it takes man frequent unprotected sexual intercourse with infected female to contract the virus, but for woman is one touch.

Well I've learnt today and I was wrong but please NA God I take beg you. If you can't pass across a message without having the itch of being abusive you should just jump and pass biko.

fadjnr:


Oga what are you saying nao. The chances of a male contracting the virus during unprotected sex is equal to that of the female because there's definitely going to be exchange of body fluids

It's not equal sir.

the virus is transmitted through mucous membranes which is why if hiv + blood spills on your arm nothing will happen. because the skin is not a mucuous membrane.

The reason women are particularly vulnerable is because the entire of the interior of the vagina is covered by mucous membrane whereas for a man, the exterior of the penis is not a mucous membrane and the fluid has to make contact with his urethra in order to infect him unless he has an external cut on his penis.

The penis is also naturally resistant to this because under normal circumstances and particularly during an erection, the blood pressure inside the penis (an erect penis is merely penal tissue swollen with blood) is very high and it is difficult for anything to enter. that is why a man can go swimming without water entering his penis. It is almost like a pumped football: if you try to pour water over the valve nothing would enter.

Kgdavid:


It's not equal sir.

the virus is transmitted through mucous membranes which is why if hiv + blood spills on your arm nothing will happen. because the skin is not a mucuous membrane.

The reason women are particularly vulnerable is because the entire of the interior of the vagina is covered by mucous membrane whereas for a man, the exterior of the penis is not a mucous membrane and the fluid has to make contact with his urethra in order to infect him unless he has an external cut on his penis.

The penis is also naturally resistant to this because under normal circumstances and particularly during an erection, the blood pressure inside the penis (an erect penis is merely penal tissue swollen with blood) is very high and it is difficult for anything to enter. that is why a man can go swimming without water entering his penis. It is almost like a pumped football: if you try to pour water over the valve nothing would enter.

Yes boss. Points taken and something learned

4reala:
mr man, u just dnt quote somebody 4 quoting sake. U read and comprehend before quoting. Abi, wat will u call a situation wen dey were about to make love and she asked 4 protecion to be used for the sake of unwanted pregnancy instead of for him not to get infected. Hmm?

Oga, you are the one who needs indepth understanding. Why did you think she doesn't want him infected. Is protection not also to protect against pregnancy? Adios

fadjnr:


Well I've learnt today and I was wrong but please NA God I take beg you. If you can't pass across a message without having the itch of being abusive you should just and pass biko.

bros! "Ignorant you" is not abusive word ok?
Check the meaning of ignorant in dictionary if its says "shut-up or an idiot" It means he who is short of a particular information, biko!

victorazy:


bros! "Ignorant you" is not abusive word ok?
Check the meaning of ignorant in dictionary if its says "shut-up or an idiot" It means he who is short of a particular information, biko!

We both know what it means in the dictionary but Bros lie say when u dey type that word you no think am for you mind say I be mumu. Just lie that lie

fadjnr:


Oga what are you saying nao. The chances of a male contracting the virus during unprotected sex is equal to that of the female because there's definitely going to be exchange of body fluids

The chances from male to female is about twice the chances from female to male. There is a WHO site that has all the statistics.

histemple:
For those of you asking if he had unprotected s3x with her, he could have unprotected s3x without contracting the virus.
A man contracting the HIV from a lady is very slim except there are cracks. But a lady contracts it immediately a male carrier ejaculates in her, no matter the quantity of fluid.

Back to your concern OP. You may have to be sure that she isn't pulling your legs to watch your reaction. She may possibly be trying to gauge how you will tolerate or discriminate against disability.

What do you mean pulling your legs?which kind rough play be that one

Sincere4u:

I'm also a medical practitioner and I can tell you that the guy was only advised from a professional point of view.
If any of them were in his shoes, I really think they would've walked away from the issue of marriage.

I'm a medical practitioner myself. I can understand the Op's confusion on this matter......such news can be devastating. But I don't think an open forum like Nairaland is the best place to seek advice on this matter. The Op should be talking to a doctor (preferably an ART physician or someone who is well experienced in PMTCT), a marriage counsellor/clergy (his choice) or his fiancée herself (though he might not be feeling up to that right now).

Cases of discordant couples exist, some as a result of very good adherence to ART resulting in undetectable viral loads and thus reducing the risk of transmission. Like I said earlier, this guy needs professional advice on his next move....

Although you can still get some good advice on Nairaland, the chances of getting misinformed by the uninformed are very HIGH in this forum.

Thanks for sharing your story.
If you love her and you're sure she has all you desire from a woman, if you're sure she can always make you happy, then go ahead and marry her. There are technologies to handle the issue if it's real but I still feel she might be trying to tempt you with such story

tearoses:
Its up to you (Your life at the end of the day) but if you are going ahead make sure you get as much information on what to expect as possible. Go in fully armed with info so you are fully prepared.

Next time when someone is telling you they wont tell you something until you are committed tell them to say it now or get lost

Something as serious and as life changing as this should have been mentioned much earlier on before emotions are involved. To me this reeks of deception. She knew what she was doing.

The truth is that HIV is not child's play and things like this should be disclosed much earlier on & not wait until long into the relationship.

I advise singles to follow the approach i used when i was single.... when i am asked out, before i agree, i insist on a mutual test of both HIV and genotype as i happen to be AS. A guy could apply same approach by suggesting it once she accepts his advance on the basis of so we know if we can have a future now rather than spend time and discover it impossible later. Most husband seeking girls will have no objection if put that mildly.

Gasout:
Yes! What's wrong with

dont mind his comment. many people propose then have introduction a week later. real introduction not the ones done now adays which is called engagement but is a camoflag for traditional wedding.real introduction is done months or even a year before traditional wedding in accordacance to customs.

Dear,

Please go for a text to confirm the status of both of you. Then be rightly guided before you make a decision.

donodion:
Wow!!! My countrymen and women,SMH.


For someone to become an HIV carrier judging by the responses here would be a life stigma even after death.

Perhaps its true from heartbroken carrier when she made this statement "Had i known i wouldnt have tell but keep using my medications".

People, you need up-to-date education on HIV.

Only u made sense in all I have read,Nigerians are so.behind in the tale of HIV thing,and it will go on for long,they honestly need an up to date info on this thing called HIV... My people die of lack of knowledge

fadjnr:


We both know what it means in the dictionary but Bros lie say when u dey type that word you no think am for you mind say I be mumu. Just lie that lie

Kai! this guy u too funny!

OK am sorry, forgive me brother!

victorazy:

Kai! this guy u too funny!
OK am sorry, forgive me brother!

LOL. You're forgiven. Go and sin no more

SAEJO:
my brother no mind women, when them shit for man head them go say "LOVE CAN CONQUER ALL" but if na a man make small mistake na that time you hear everybody go de call for him head, woman go use man clean yansh in the name of love when them no even believe in, them wan rule man by all cost, say gender equality abi institutionalized female chauvinism.

dats y i choose to be very wise were dem dey.even dere tears no dey shake me as i dey so i do my mind.

Don't u tink she maybe testing u? my wife did dt to me d night I proposed to her.... good luck.

It's a tough one.... if indeed she is positive it's ur decision. Just think deep

Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

[size=28pt]Op why don't you affirm first by conducting HIV test for yourself and spouse... Then be assured its either Positive or negative.. Then me.. Will know what to say.. because right now your write up is based on assumption..

The test result will guide you...

[/size]

tearoses:
Its up to you (Your life at the end of the day) but if you are going ahead make sure you get as much information on what to expect as possible. Go in fully armed with info so you are fully prepared.

Next time when someone is telling you they wont tell you something until you are committed tell them to say it now or get lost

Something as serious and as life changing as this should have been mentioned much earlier on before emotions are involved. To me this reeks of deception. She knew what she was doing.

The truth is that HIV is not child's play and things like this should be disclosed much earlier on & not wait until long into the relationship.

You have said it all. Thumbs up! Their relationship was built on deceit and manipulation. The guy should just walk away.

victorazy:

Kai! this guy u too funny!
OK am sorry, forgive me brother!

LOL. You are forgiven. Go and sin no more

Do nairalanders know that after using this ARV drug for dome time the person will be undetectable? And its very likely a blood test won't detect it,or is that everybody here is so ignorant ni?does it also mean that peeps here don't know there are drugs out there that inhibit the virus?u guys shld wakeup na

ajuwarhodes:



Only u made sense in all I have read,Nigerians are so.behind in the tale of HIV thing,and it will go on for long,they honestly need an up to date info on this thing called HIV... My people die of lack of knowledge

Eish my sister, im embarrased with the way many reason but perhaps,its a good thing to be outside our borders and see how outsiders handles the infection.
Maybe just maybe one might have remain in their spheres of thought as well.