Ok

A family was having guests to dinner. At the table, the
mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and says, Dear,
would you like to say the blessing?

I wouldn't know what to say," shyly replies the little girl.

Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie.

Her daughter
takes a deep breath, bows her head, and solemnly says, Dear
Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner?

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses
says, "You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean
again." He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the
ocean parts.

Jesus sees this and says, "I'm going to try to walk on
water again." He walks up to the water, takes a step on top
and sinks.

Moses says, "Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while." Jesus
tries again, and once more, he sinks.

Jesus comes out of the water and says, "I know what the
problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have
holes in my feet."

A hospital psychologist decided to take his mental patients
to a baseball game. He coached his patients with simple
cues to avoid unwanted anxiety and social awkwardness.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be
going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor
yelled, "Up, nuts!" The inmates stood up. After the anthem,
he yelled, "Down, nuts!" They all sat.

After a home run, he yelled, "Cheer, nuts!" They all broke
into applause. Since everything was going smoothly, he left
his assistant in charge while he ran to the restroom.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. "What
happened?" he asked his assistant.
Everything was fine until some guy showed up selling peanuts!

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.

What denomination? asks the clerk.

Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the
woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one
Methodist."

:d

After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets
the lawbreaker to pull over.

You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over
to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you
take off like that?

Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I
was afraid you were trying to give her back.

romsky:

still cant believe u copy pasted such

It might sound new to some folks. . .

D1KeleVra:

Ben ,you’re a persistent likkle boy, aincha?

WKP

A Japanese woman had put herself for sale because she knew she was dying the next day.

People were worried how someone who is going to die the next day would want to sale herself to somebody today, but the woman replied, I promise if you buy me I will not die.

Eventually one rich woman showed interest in buying her! But she wanted one question answered; she asked this dying woman, if I buy you and you die then my money is gone, correct?

The woman replied to her buyer, I promise if you buy me I will not die. If I fail my promise and do die, I will pay back all your money with interest, if not, please take me to court.

Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas.

The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!"

The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00pm because my mom says he has to!"

The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming! My grandpa
started swimming in this pond 20 years ago, and he hasn't
come out since!!!"

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned."Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and
shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

The Mayor fainted!

A young blonde woman went into a bank to withdraw some money.

For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself. She opened her handbag and took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me all right."

Too childish. . .right?

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!

Why Nigerians Can't Be Terrorists.

1.8:45 am is too early for us to be up.


2.We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.


3.Pretty people on the plane distract us.


4.We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.


5.With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.


6.We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.


7.We would ALL want to fly the plane.


8.We would argue and start a fight in the plane.


9.We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week
before doing it.


10. We'll get drunk and crash into the wrong building


11.We would have put our country's flag on the windshield,


12. Our ripped luggage (Ghanamosgo bags) would bring too much attention


13. The smell of stock fish would have people thinking,


14. Some of us wouldn't even make it past boarding (illegal aliens, expired VISAs, or expired passports)


15. The day of the attack would be on the same day as the Nigerian party at Newark Symphony Hall,

Ben-!0, '', wat a xter u r

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never
found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her s*xual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in
his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind.
Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?

Ben abeg give me the link to this jokes nah

LOL can you link to my desktop?  my desktop generates them.

Remember the son of who I am

Ben-10:

LOL can you link to my desktop? my desktop generates them.

Ben, your generator no go die o.

dani1luv:

Remember the son of who I am

and wat difference does it make. . . . no allow ya fellow neighbours for that face-me-i-slap-yu come hia open ur yansh o

Why u dey tell ya fellow man to open him krow krow yansh for u, u be gay?

stdio man! How body?