dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

I wil also advise u let ur wife know dat u r not happy wit d way she tells ur in law everything dat happens in ur both lives, but sha u condoned it during courtship dats it gained grounds. I politely told my in law I wil arrest her and she went off a very long time. lol but true

Scene 1 act 2 just unfolding. If na Mama G be the mother - in -law in question just forget that and carry your cross with humility because nothing go stop her unless na call of nature. Just develop a thick skin and go along with that. Every marriage has it's own cross and the vow is for better for worse. Some people say when you marry a woman you become the son of the mother. Na so e be.

It seems peeps missed this part where Op mentioned extra family members come along with MIL

dynamite11:

I can't even go to a beach with my wife alone, I have to go with the batalion God gave me( my MIL and maybe a guest she came with)

dynamite11:
... I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head.

Hi dynamite11, I recently had a similar experience with my younger brother. Apart from our seperate places we stay there is a place where the family stays. Unfortunately he ends up disturbing me (unintentionally though but my work requires full concentration which could hurt me financially if I miss opportunities). When last it happened I had a separate room setup. On day one of my moving in I got in to meet him in front of my PC. That was the last time he entered the room.

Given the space people would take on the free hand given and also try to stretch it. Am sure this attitude of trying not to offend others would be affecting other areas of your life and business as well especially when you can't say no (I was once like that till like a year ago). In your case let wifey know you had to relocate to avoid this situation quietly but considering the issue still persists let her just imagine what your next step to permanently put a stop to this would be. Her own imagination would do the rest and the right set of words to caution MIL would produce themselves.

Cococandy it is a nice thing standing up for your fellow sistas but in this case where the OP had to say "I'm losing my sanity", woman abuse is not playing out here. Advice him, he needs it.

Wishing you well - Teemy

P.S feighing leaving might end up being childish or backfires ezpecially if MIL decides to fully pack in under the guise of not wanting her daughter to be alone when you were not around.

Hehehe... I use my bad habit to chase all form of In-laws or wifey friends away from our home.. 1.make sure am always stack unclad when am home.. I tell her it's my home and that's how I feel comfortable so if her In-laws come no probs.. So she is like abeg oo make una no dey visit u know my husband no dey wear cloth.... Or when sister in laws cone see me moving around in only pant.. They be like 'am intruding here oo' next day pack their bag and leave.

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

Ur Mom will be angry at U if U wait till she find out on her own.

fexyrich:
Leave the house for them for 2 weeks...if ur wife starts to miss u tell her that she shld choose between u and her mothers frequent visits..Get a house help to stay with her mother and keep her company in her own house so that she can give u guys some space...Travel, leave the house for them..ur wife will come looking for you..If it were me I will start making my wife jealous by acting as though I av other female girlfriends and I wld start coming back very late and sleeping out somtimes.if she starts complaining tell her that since she cant give u DAT companionship by allowing u av ur privacy with her then u av to get it else were...my man she will be d one to do d needful,cos am sure she wldnt want to loose u..

Rubbish! !!

Op take it from me it all boils down to your wife there is nothing you can do from this point to ur MIL because anything you say or do might be used later against you if it does back fire immediately...my advise to you is to talk to your wife seriously about this issue n if nothing is done then give her the silent treatment (wifey) whenever the mother visits on weekends m sure this would work but if it doesn't then extend the silent treatment for the whole week if you can

Who are you?

Are you going to pay me for the advice?

teemy:
It seems peeps missed this part where Op mentioned extra family members come along with MIL





Hi dynamite11, I recently had a similar experience with my younger brother. Apart from our seperate places we stay there is a place where the family stays. Unfortunately he ends up disturbing me (unintentionally though but my work requires full concentration which could hurt me financially if I miss opportunities). When last it happened I had a separate room setup. On day one of my moving in I got in to meet him in front of my PC. That was the last time he entered the room.

Given the space people would take on the free hand given and also try to stretch it. Am sure this attitude of trying not to offend others would be affecting other areas of your life and business as well especially when you can't say no (I was once like that till like a year ago). In your case let wifey know you had to relocate to avoid this situation quietly but considering the issue still persists let her just imagine what your next step to permanently put a stop to this would be. Her own imagination would do the rest and the right set of words to caution MIL would produce themselves.

Cococandy it is a nice thing standing up for your fellow sistas but in this case where the OP had to say "I'm losing my sanity", woman abuse is not playing out here. Advice him, he needs it.

Wishing you well - Teemy

dynamite11:

According to my mother inlaw it's no longer my house it belongs to us both and she needs to see her daughter from time to time, I have told my wife over and over again during the week that I don't want to see her mother in my house this weekend only to see the gateman opening the gate for her mother, she calls that a surprise visit because my wife told her already that I don't want to see her, I'm becoming an evil husband to her already

You are yhe antidote to your problems...simply walk up to her and tell her.man up.its gonna portray you as a wicked somebody,but who cares.i jex dont know why som mums kant respect themselves.i blame your wifey tho.

Dude stop complaining and take action. U didnt marry ur mother inlaw. U married d daugther. Drive d woman outta ya home or she wld drive u crazy

Trina0936:

This guy your so crazy chai!
You must have watched too many cartoons and kiddies movies while growing up!
Or maybe you are a kid?
Kids have infiltrated Nairaland anyways!
Still......that number 3 is epicly hilarious!

at least the kid tried to give his own pieces of advice and you the Methuselah could not give any, what an irony

Prettiepearlz:

Dear Uncle, it's now obvious you didn't completely read my first post, you only read the first paragragh. I already gave him my piece of advice on how to be free. You can do well to go back to completely read my first comment on this thread.

Dear Aunty ....ok i will

I understand your pain. Personally, people always take me for granted because I am gentle. There's no way you can resolve this without a fight.

Since dialogue has fallen on deaf ears, Use any tactic possible. e.g. change the locks to all the bedrooms and keep the keys.

It wont happen immediately. Just keep being persistent till all parties decide they want to dialogue, then set and agree on the rules.

Till then , nothing ventured nothing gained.

Good luck bro

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

lolz, this will bring up another issue

OP, don't just make threats. Take action. Time for dialogue has passed, as all talk has fallen on deaf ears.

You can't solve this problem without a fight

Man I'm sorry to say but you are a weakling.That is what you are and they have seen it and are taking advantage of that!

You have passed the stage of DIALOGUE,now is the time to 'open eyes' for them both if not it will remain like this always.You are the man and that is your freakin house man! don't let them turn you to a 2nd class citizen in your own house! life is too short to let anyone make you uncomfortable.

fexyrich:
Leave the house for them for 2 weeks...if ur wife starts to miss u tell her that she shld choose between u and her mothers frequent visits..Get a house help to stay with her mother and keep her company in her own house so that she can give u guys some space...Travel, leave the house for them..ur wife will come looking for you..If it were me I will start making my wife jealous by acting as though I av other female girlfriends and I wld start coming back very late and sleeping out somtimes.if she starts complaining tell her that since she cant give u DAT companionship by allowing u av ur privacy with her then u av to get it else were...my man she will be d one to do d needful,cos am sure she wldnt want to loose u..

One million likes for this perfect contribution.

millhouse:
Hehehe... I use my bad habit to chase all form of In-laws or wifey friends away from our home.. 1.make sure am always stack unclad when am home.. I tell her it's my home and that's how I feel comfortable so if her In-laws come no probs.. So she is like abeg oo make una no dey visit u know my husband no dey wear cloth.... Or when sister in laws cone see me moving around in only pant.. They be like 'am intruding here oo' next day pack their bag and leave.

...funny

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

My brother, I am sorry for what you are passing through, what kind of business is your wife into ? Is she working, are you giving her money for upkeep, if yes meaning she is financing her mother coming to your house, then try to block all her financial income, if her mother visit and she ask you for money then pour your heart out to her, by starting with she didn't invite before coming. Then let her know that u are not comfortable with her mother coming to your house uninvited. Then start keeping secret of everything u do with reason that you don't understand her again. She will readjust. #Myidea

jesuspikinjp:


at least the kid tried to give his own pieces of advice and you the Methuselah could not give any, what an irony

Are you ok?? Did I quote you? If you mind your business will you die??
If you were wise you would have noticed, I was only being sarcastic but obviously you are dumb!

dynamite11:

According to my mother inlaw it's no longer my house it belongs to us both and she needs to see her daughter from time to time, I have told my wife over and over again during the week that I don't want to see her mother in my house this weekend only to see the gateman opening the gate for her mother, she calls that a surprise visit because my wife told her already that I don't want to see her, I'm becoming an evil husband to her already

Earlier the better for that woman to said that your house belong to us according to what you said, change your gate man, then instruct the new one not to open gate to anybody without confirming from you. They already know that you are not happly , fight for once and hold ur peace like making sure she is luck outside. But I have the feelings that ur mother inlaw is on a mission. Since ur wife don't want to respect ur feelings I think u have to make her uncomfortable too.

Trina0936:

Are you ok?? Did I quote you? If you mind your business will you die??

Did you mind your business when you quoted the guy you were referring to as a kid Mrs methuselah ? old woman don't you know that you should be looking after your grandkid, at this hour

jesuspikinjp:


Did you mind your business when you quoted the guy you were referring to as a kid Mrs methuselah ? old woman don't you know that you should be looking after your grandkid, at this hour

Please go and read your books kiddo!,Run along now I don't exchange words with kids who still depend on their parents

I think you have many extra rooms in your house thats why this is happening,
My suggestions are with alot of drama(a sisterly advice)
1. If the house you live in is yours(ur property), tell your wife the bank is taking possesion and u pple need to move out and go rent a room self contain.

2. If its a rented appartment tell ur wife ur salary gas been cut an u need to downsize , get a room self contain.

Dont try to talk to ur wife or MIL shes giving discomfort it has not worked and it will not.
Prayer also for peace and wisdom, in your home. I pray your wife dont push her man away.
And maybe you want to find a close elderly and young(truthful/honest souls) confidant of ur wife and let them talk senses into her

Tellemall:
Freeloaders!


But honestly, try to enjoy your extended family a bit. Some are downright unpleasant but try to like your mother in law since your spouse values get greatly.

Why are Nigerians always at war with the in laws? Why do in-laws try to be as difficult as possible?

And why do Nigerian men always complain about this? Your wife's mother and family are always intruders who invade your family, their mothers are always butting in, but yours are the saints that can come as they please. Is it only your mothers who sweated for you and deserve the best in life?

I guess you did not understand op, better go and read and correct yourself, how can somebody visit you without letting you know that she is coming because she is an inlaw. Which country are you from?

Trina0936:

Please go and read your books kiddo!,Run along now I don't exchange words with kids who still depend on their parents

mumu, go and wash your dirty underwears stinking old cargo

jesuspikinjp:


mumu, go and wash your dirty underwears stinking old cargo

Thanks a lot for making me laugh this morning! Lol

cococandy:
Who are you?

Are you going to pay me for the advice?

lolz

Trina0936:

Thanks a lot for making me laugh this morning! Lol

lol you can also have a hot tea from this kettle to cool your temper down, na menopause effect dey worry you

jesuspikinjp:


lol you can also have a hot tea from this kettle to cool your temper down, na menopause effect dey worry you

just another proof that your a kid!

Trina0936:

just another proof that your a kid!

yes, i am a kid and proud of it, what about you ? old meat with no brain. i am very sure you are now growing grey hair under due to old age

jesuspikinjp:


yes, i am a kid and proud of it, what about you ? old meat with no brain. i am very sure you are now growing grey hair under due to old age

But your mother must be older than I am. She would be so disappointed to find out you insult your elders,don't you think??
Like I said earlier go and read your books! How can you pass your exams if you are online 24/7??
Kiddo